This is the first time I have ever seen the shadow of death_Part 1

A long time ago, when I was in elementary school, I was at a park near Grandpa's house, which I would always run straight to on my way home after school. I darted my eyes around at the entrance, and I saw her sitting on a plastic dome with a few tunnels going through it.

"<Hey,-! >"

When I called out her name and rushed over, she looked at me with stars in her eyes and instantly cracked a smile as she waved.

"<Mashachika! >"

"<For the last time, my name is Ma-sa-chika!>"

I corrected her with a smirk like I always did, but she merrily laughed as if she didn't care. Seeing her smile like that made me not care anymore, either.

"<Masaaachika,come up here with me!>"

"<Seriously? >"

"<Come on! Hurry!>"

"<Fine. >"

The plastic dome had a ladder bolted into its side, so I placed my backpack on the ground and climbed on top of the dome with my tiny arms and legs,struggling all the way.

"<Ta-daa! I'm here!>"

She welcomed me with a smile as her long, golden hair glittered in the evening sun. I can still remember the look in her mirthfully creased blue eyes.

"<Look,look! The sunset is beautiful!>"

"<Yeah,it really is.>"

We sat and watched the sun set together while talking about nothing in particular. I technically did most of the talking, though.

"<And this Seiren Academy is actually the school that my parents went to.< p>

It's apparently really, really hard to get into, but they said it'd be a breeze for someone with grades like mine.>"

"<Wow,Masaaachika! You can do anything!>"

"<Heh.I wish.>"

She gave me genuine praise and even seemed like she enjoyed listening to my constant bragging. I felt so happy and proud whenever she complimented me. I would have done anything for her, no matter how difficult, whether it be studying, sports, or even music.

"<Ah,we should start heading home...>"

It was a rule between us that we'd say our good-byes once it got dark.

"<Good night, Masaaachika. See you tomorrow.>"

"<Yeah,see you tomorrow,-.>"

She then gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. I was too embarrassed to hug and kiss her back, but it honestly made me really happy. After letting me go,she affectionately smiled and-

"Wham!"

"Oof?!"

My upper body was suddenly crushed, forcing my brain to awaken.

"Cough!Hack! Hff!"

"GOOD MORNING, MY DEAR BROTHER!"

"Ngh... It was good until you showed up!"

After finally catching my breath, I glared up at Yuki,who was grinning down from on top of me, raising an eyebrow as if she was confused.

"Hmm? What are ya mad about? Pretty sure it's every high school boy's dream to get body-pressed by their cute little sister. You should be smiling,punk."

"Don't give me any of that it was just a prank, bro crap. Ever heard of DV?"

"Are you calling me your darling Venus?! Oh my gosh! You're such a siscon!"

"Domestic violence! And I don't have a sister complex! You really had to do some mental gymnastics for that one, huh?!"

"Hmm...What exactly is bothering you this morning, Masachika?"

"Everything."

Yuki pouted while furrowing her brow, seemingly in thought, then suddenly snapped her fingers as if she had an epiphany. "Now I get it! You didn't want me to wake you up with a body press. You wanted me to slip under the covers with you so you could wake up to me by your side."

"It would actually be pretty terrifying if you did something like that for real."

"Wait. Does that mean...you'd rather me hide under the bed? You're such a freak."

"That'd be extremely terrifying!"

"Fine... I'll hide under the bed next time so the moment you step out ofbed,I can grab your ankles."

"Are you trying to kill me?"

"A little sister who scares her brother awake every morning...It's a pretty original concept. Don't you think?"

"It's a little too original for my taste... Now get off me."

Yuki, who was still on top of me while kicking her legs up and down,smirked and curiously tilted her head.

"Why? Is this making you feel something?"

"Go kill yourself."

I sent my sister a piercing subzero gaze at point-blank range for soiling my ears with such filth this early in the morning, causing her to cackle as she got off me and left the room.

"Sigh..."

I was finally able to sit up in my own bed.

"..."

I'd had a dream that took me way back. It was a memory of my first love. It was a memory of the most brilliant period of my life. I met her at that park. We used to play all the time. I even started seriously learning Russian because I wanted to talk to her so badly. Even though my parents were always fighting and I was staying at my grandfather's place, I wasn't lonely because she was there for me. Yeah... I'd been in love with her. And yet...I still couldn't remember her name or what she looked like.

"...Tsk."

I really was my mother's son. I was a heartless person. I so easily forgot someone I once claimed to love so much. Something cold began to fill my chest.The burning love and motivation I felt back then was now buried so far down that it wasn't even visible anymore. There was a reason I lost all my motivation to do anything. There was someone I could blame. But no matter the excuse or who I blamed, the truth of the matter was that I was simply a lazy sack of garbage. I romanticized notions of hard work yet loathed it. I was the kind of human filth who was satisfied knowing that he was trash, since some never figured it out. That's the kind of person I was.

"And someone like that isn't fit for the student council..."

Let alone being the vice president. And I already knew it wouldn't work because I had half-heartedly taken Yuki up on her offer to become the vice president of the student council in middle school. A position like that was not something anyone should do without passion and resolution. When Yuki was elected president, I saw the other candidate weeping behind the auditorium.Her eyes were swollen. She was sobbing to her friends that she had let her parents down, and she had no idea how she was going to face them when she got home.We worked together in the student council during our first year of middle school and really got to know each other, so when I saw her like that, I was overcome with an incredible sense of guilt and shock. This was how she realy felt, despite acting courageous in front of the others and wishing Yuki good luck earlier.

Yuki was no different. Her parents expected a lot from her. But me? The guy who only became the vice president because of his love for his sister and a sense of obligation? Did I have any right to kick that girl down like this? For the following year, I worked my ass off so I could overcome that guilt, but it never went away. I never want to feel that way aga-

"Wham! Whaddaya think you're doin', goin' back to sleep?!...Oh,you're awake?"

"Can you stop kicking my door open like that? You've already put a dent in it after kicking it so many times."

I knew I was wasting my breath, but there was a small dent in my door slightly under the doorknob, which was strangely smoother than the surrounding wood. Yuki glanced at the dent, then smiled with evident satisfaction for some bizarre reason.

"I bet I can turn it into a hole with a few more years."

"Stop training for karate matches using my door."

"There are countless heroines who have kicked doors off the hinges around the world, but I'm going to be the first who slowly drills a hole through one over the years."

"I'm pretty sure there really aren't that many women who have kicked doors off their hinges."

It wasn't like Yuki was actually kicking the door wide-open,either;she always turned the doorknob a little first. Why she did this was a mystery.

"Anyway,hurry u and get out of bed. Your adorable little sister made you breakfast."

"Yeah,yeah."

When I walked into the living room, I actually was welcomed with breakfast,but...

"What is it, my dear brother?"

"...What's this?"

I pointed at the semisolid, mushy egg dish on the plate in the very middle,which was in layers here and there. Yuki blinked a few times, then innocently replied:

"Huh? Those are scrambled eggs."

"Just admit you were trying to make a Japanese omelet, and then this happened."

"...I have no clue what you're talking about."

I buried my reproachful gaze in the back of her head as she looked away,making it obvious I was right. To be honest, though, it actually wasn't that bad.Once you added a little ketchup, it had a sort of East meets West taste to it...