Chapter 47

We are in the Supermarket just to have a grocery together with my son, Ellios. When he started to speak.

"Mom, can I meet my Daddy and Uncle now?" Napatigil ako sa pag tingin ng section meats dahil sa tanong niya.

I looked at him and smiled before messing his hair. "Soon, baby." I answered him the same when he's face turned into serious.

He sighed heavily before looking at me. "How old can I know what's the reason why you hated Dad?"

Hindi ko sya sinagot. Kahit gusto ko. Mahirap pa rin para sa akin ang nangyari noon. Nangyari na parang kahapon lang at isang panaginip, na kapag nagising ka ay doon na matatapos iyon. I still can't accept without knowing a reason why he need to shot me when he knows I am pregnant before.

Kahit kailan, hindi pa rin matanggal ang bigat sa puso ko mula ngayon. I declined a Psychiatrist because of work. Simple work but not in the organization anymore. Still, Hans is everywhere and he is with me in my 7 years of suffering because of my love for him.

Ellios felt my actions so he didn't speak. I liked the attitude about him since Hans starts to teach him how to read the people's mind or reactions when he is 5 year old. He hold my hands like he is comforting me so I hold it back and smiled at him.

"I still don't understand but I'm always be there for you, Mom." He said with a last words before heading our home and he is quite a long time now. Maybe, he missed so much his Dad, the true Dad.

Nakita ko na si Hans nang maka uwi kami sa bahay. Agad na tumakbo si Ren sa kanya at sinalubong naman nito ng yakap. I smiled when I saw my son laughter becausr of happiness.

"Ako na dyan, magpahinga na muna kayo." Kinuha nya ang mga pinamili ko bago kunin si Ellios at binuhat sa akin.

"I want a Sinigang, Tito! Teach me how." Binaba ko agad sya ng gusto nyang sumunod kay Hans at tumakbo papuntang kusina.

"Sure my baby, watch and learn."

I am happy. But happier when he did not betrayed me. My heart aches when I remember him since the first day we met. It still hurts and I'm still broken inside.

Akala ko, kapag nakita ko sya ay buo na ako. Akala ko, kapag nakita ko ulit sya ay wala nang sakit pa na mararamdaman. Malalaman ko na lang, iyong pilit kong binuo ang sarili ko, para magmahal ulit ng iba ay masisira lang dahil sa pagkakita ko sa kanya.

Masakit isipin, alam kong may umaasa pa rin. Umaasa na matatanggap ko ang lahat matapos nyang magpaliwanag sa ginawa nya sa amin ng anak ko. I'm not the only one. I am with my son that time when he choose to betrayed us. I am still hoping, that there's a chance, I can fixed my broken heart itself and a hundred percent of trust on him.

When he decided to make a secret than telling me what's his plan. And now, my brother still missing. Marmaing nag aakalang wala na sya, but I did not to choose to believe. My heart is telling me, he is still alive. Watching us from afar and end this war from another organization.

Tumayo ako at nagsimulang mag ayos. I don't know what I'm thinking right now. Maybe, hide my son to him. There's always have a consequence and I am his consequence. I smirked by myself before wearing a Red croptop with a black jacket. Black high waisted short and long boots. I curled my natural brown hair before looking at my blue eyes on reflection.

"You've changed." Sabi ko sa sarili ko nang makita muli ang sarili mula sa repleksyon.

Nagbukas ang pinto mula sa aking kwarto kaya tinignan ko mula sa salamin si Hans na agad nagtaka sa suot ko.

"Where are you going?"

I avoid his gaze and fixed my long hair, I have no plans to tell him. Maybe, I need to escape to him. That's I only want and take my son away for him.

"If you think of escaping, stop doing that sh**t." He commented before looking at me.

I scoffed in disbelief. "Don't involved yourself. This is the only way I know and want. It's too much for me to handle the pain from him."

"Still, he is the father of your child. Forgave him after explanation. I know there's a reason why he choose to side of the enemy. His parents and your father involved about the incident. Stop being selfish, Chloe. You're not the only one who's suffering here." He added before looking at me in front of the mirror.

"I am not selfish!" I looked at him. "I just wanted to take this pain away from my heart because it hurts me too much. Hindi ganoon kadali ang magpatawad kung umalis sya noon ng walang rason. And he promised me that he waited Ellios to grew up." Tumulo ang luha ko nang maalala lahat habang sinasabi ko ang nararamdaman ko kay Hans.

"Stop being a friend here. I know you suspected him a year ago. Stop pretending and I know you still hated him every now and then." Magsasalita na sana sya nang pinili kong buksan ang bintana at dooon lumabas gamit ang tali na ginawa ko noong isang araw.

I cried in pain when I remember those moments. The moment I wanted to erase. "Escaping is not a solusyon, face him and talked casual."

Bakit ba kung makapag salita sila ay ganoon lang kadali? Palibhasa ay wala sila sa sitwasyon ko. I wiped my tears away before standing up and walked silently so my son won't notice the noise or footsteps in the garden.

I drive my car fastly and wanted to breathe. I felt suffocated. I am still not happy. Ni kahit kailan, hindi ako sumaya dahil may ganoong tao pa pala ang makakagawa nang ganoong kasakit na paraan para lamang sa ano?

My tears started to blur when I noticed some car went into my direction. I hold my steering wheel to turn on the right direction before stepping a break because of my nervousness.

Nagsimula akong manginig dahil sa lungkot na naramdaman ko. I noticed the car opened the door with a shocked on my face when I saw him. Kumatok sya sa pinto ng driver seat but I choose to ignore him. Why should I face him? when I knew I was about to escape just to breathe some fresh air.

He knocked. "Miss, can you hear me? I'm sorry I was on my phone call so I didn't immediately noticed your car."

I was starting to have a trouble breathing. Hearing his voices makes me sick. My hand starting to shake because of fear and my tears was non-stop. Ni hindi ako maka galaw sa pwesto ko. Maybe, now he noticed my reaction because my car is not tinted.

I noticed that he started to panicked. Of course, he knew me well. I heard him calling my name. I decided to unlocked all the doors. Dali dali nyang binuksan ang lintuan sa Driver Seat at inalalayan ako.

"Shushh Chloe, start to breathe slowly and deeply. Look into my eyes and focus. I hold you hand, and listen to me okay? I am here, just to help you. You are safe with me. Now, follow my words. Inhale.. Exhale." Sabi nya na agad ko namang sinunod habang nanginginig ang mga kamay ko na hawak nya.

I feel safe and comfortable when I started to breathe slowly and deeply. He moved my hands upward and downeard before he asked some question.

"Can you tell me your specific thoughts?" He asked me a first question which I nodded. "What is it, can you tell me about it?" He added.

I looked at him when my breathe is normal. "You shouldn't doing this." The words escape from my mouth when I looked at him.

I bit my lower lip when I saw his eyes on pain. I wanted to hurt him some more. More words that can stabbed him repeatedly because of my too much frustration in him. I wanted to hurt him and suffer like this. I wanted to blame him and asked him why he choose to left me without knowing the reasons.

He smiled at me sincerely. "Of course, you didn't want to see my face after 7 years. I am so sorry for what I've done. I still don't accept and why I choose to team-"

"-With the enemy." Dugtong ko sa kanya. "But now, you regret your decisions based on your expression. Should I be happy with that?"

"No, I did not regret my plans, but I regret some parts when I didn't noticed your brother." Napatingin ako sa kanya at nakita ko ang tumakas na luha sa mata nya. "I was a failure. And still don't accept my consequence and that is my both parents died in the enemy's hand. Because of betrayal in the team. I still don't accept that, Chloe. I was blind with anger and wanted to finished those mission so I can be with you all the time. I can be with you with a peaceful life, not receiving a threat.

So I am so sorry, for making you worrying and waiting for me. I am so sorry because of the broken promises and broke your heart with our son. For every thing. If I can go back in time. I am still sorry but I always choose the wrong choice just to protect you and our son."

My heart shuttered because of what he said. Unexpectedly confessed his reason in the middle of the high ways. Still, I am scared with one reasons. I am tired of him and his lies. But now, I can feel his sincerity with his hoping eyes and wanted to accept him again from his life and with our sons. I am still in processing and didn't know what to say than..

"Prove it, so I can give you a chance after all. We lost my brother and my sister, you lost your parents together with your sister. All those things we lost can't go back in time just to saved them. So prove it. Prove me that I am wrong and choose to hate you instead of trusting you more. Prove me wrong, all my thoughts are wrong. Prove me all the true reasons and make a memorable moment once I decided to show my sons to you."

I didn't know what to say, I felt betrayed for the second time but for myself now. I am still in pain but I know there's no reason to not talk to him. Dahil kahit anong iwas ko, alam ko na susundan pa din nya ako at walang mangyayari sa akin dahil patuloy lang din akong masasaktan sa pag iwas sa kanya.