IT'S TIME TO PAY FOR YOUR SINS.

I groaned in pain finding it difficult to get up on my feet.

Suzuki angrily smashed my head into the tombstone with a big boot to the face when I tried to get up.

"Ahhhhhh!"

I couldn't breathe properly. I lied on the ground like a lifeless creature.

I felt Suzuki's heavy hand around my neck. With great strength, he raised me up and made me look in his eyes.

"Take a good look at me Jayson? Are you happy now?"

In that moment, the only thing I felt was pain and guilt because… the Suzuki standing in front of me was just bones.

His flesh had decayed reducing him to nothing but bones.

All because of me!

The only thing that made him recognizable was his pink hair and deep voice. But at this stage, his hair was almost gone. He was like a zombie.

I shut my eyes trying to prevent tears from rolling down my cheeks.

"Don't look away, Jayson. Watch what you've done to me."

I ignored him and kept my eyes shut.

"I SAID LOOK AT ME!" He screamed as he choked me.

I was forced to open my eyes to see the horror I had made.

Behind him was Amaya who was floating in the air. She was now so pale that it was hard to recognize her. She was covered in a black wedding gown and wept blood continuously.

One thing that made Suzuki and Amaya unique was their hair color.

Amaya's hair was sea blue and Suzuki's was pink.

That was the only thing that made me recognize them.

I shouldn't have given up on these two; now I am paying the consequences.

"How do you feel now, Jayson? Are you happy?" Suzuki asked.

I turned mute. The words refused to come out.

"DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE A MUTE DOG, I ASKED A QUESTION!"

Just like that, I was smashed into a tombstone once again.

"ANSWER ME, JAYSON! ARE YOU HAPPY?"

Still, I couldn't answer. I sat with my back against the tombstone groaning in pain.

"Can't you speak?" Suzuki asked.

"I…am sorry…Suzuki."

That was all I managed to say.

"Sorry? Is that the best you can do?" Suzuki spoke.

"I…don't know what else to say." I said softly.

"How thoughtful of you. BUT HERE IS THE CATCH, SORRY ISN'T GOING TO BRING ME OR AMAYA BACK, IS IT?"

He was right. It never can.

Suzuki rushed forward and grabbed my neck once more.

"Now, you are going to pay for your sins."

He strangled me beyond compassion. I could barely speak but I managed to say this:

"Su…zuki…do…y…ou…rem…ember…the t…ime…we…m…a…de…a vow…to…ne…ver…"

I couldn't finish because I was out of breath. He had tightened his grip and squeezed my neck with all his strength.

This is the end for me.

"What vow?"

He asked curiously as he released his grip around my neck.

I inhaled deeply because I was nearly out of air.

My breathing turned heavy and I was sweaty and covered in blood.

"We made a vow as brothers…to always stand and protect the other." I said taking in deep breaths.

Suzuki froze; it was almost like he suddenly remembered it all.

Looking in his eyes, I saw it all over again-the memories we've shared.

Like the very first day we met.

["Hi. I'm Suzuki. I've been looking forward to meet you."]

The celebration of my 13th birthday at Amaya's house. When the three of us sat close to each other at the table. The words he spoke to me:

["I always wanted to meet you. Amaya talks about you all the time."]

The time we played Dragon ball.

[Suzuki: "Do you play games?"

Me: "Yeah."

Suzuki: "Come on then. Let's go to my room and play."

Me: "Sure."]

The very first time I dyed my hair pink.

[Me: "Hey Suzuki, look at my pink hair."

Suzuki: "Wow, it looks great on you but why did you dye it?"

Me: "Because we are brothers and this is my way of showing it."]

The day I stepped in to defend you from Thompson, your high school bully. He had you pinned against a locker. You were defenseless

[Thompson: "I thought I warned you about getting in my way."

Me: "Step away from him, scumbag."

Suzuki: "No, Jayson. Get out of here."

Me: "Too bad. We're brothers and we watch over each other."

Thompson: "Look what we got here. Are you, his boyfriend?"

Me: "More than that. I'm his brother."

Suzuki: "You really are an idiot. In fact, you are crazy."

Thompson: "Come and rescue him then, hero."

Suzuki: "You can't beat him. He's bigger than you and is well equipped in karate."

Me: "Doesn't matter, I got heart and I've a brother to fight for."

Thompson: "What are you waiting for? Let's finish this."

….

Suzuki: "You did it. You beat him."

Me: "Yeah I did but I think I hurt my rib."

Suzuki: "You really are an idiot. Thanks."

Me: "No need for that, bro."]

The day I sacrificed my life to save you from being runover.

[Me: "Suzuki, WATCH OUT!"

...

Suzuki: "Looks like you're getting better. I thank God you're alright.

Me: "I'm glad you're ok."

Suzuki: "You're still smiling about this. What if you died? Do you know what would have happened if we didn't arrive at the hospital in time?"

Me: "I would have been dead. I know."

Suzuki: "This is all my fault; I should have watched before crossing that goddamn road."

Me: "What matters is that you're ok. Stop whinning."

Suzuki: "Why did you do it?"

Me: "Do what?"

Suzuki: "Why did you push me out of the way to risk your life like that?"

Me: "Because we are brothers and brothers look after each other."

Suzuki: "What if you died?"

Me: "Then I would have died an honorable death. Risking your life to protect someone you love; isn't that an honorable thing to die for?"

Suzuki: "You really are an idiot. Thanks, I owe you. Seriously, you could have died."

Me: "Yes but I am alive and kicking; how is that?]

I could see all these memories flash before his eyes.

His eyes were filled with tears. Mine too.

"Jayson…" He whispered softly.

"Suzuki…I am really sorry."

Suddenly, he frowned.

He was no longer sad but vengeful.

"I still haven't forgotten what you did to us. You are going to pay no matter what."

He was right, I had to pay. It's time I got what I deserved.

A WEEK AFTER MY BREAK-UP WITH AMAYA.

I stayed indoors after the break-up. As much as I will hate to admit, I was in a whole lot of pain. But I did what had to be done.

As I moved up and down in my house, I was forced to remember the memories I and Amaya shared.

There were pictures of us all over the walls. We were planning our marriage.

The pictures all together brought memories that made me miss her greatly.

I was forced to ask myself about the decision I took because it was hard.

Just 2 years ago, I had to attend my dad's funeral.

Apparently, most believed he committed suicide.

Although he was never the best father in the world, he was always there for me. Maybe he never got over the pain of my mom leaving him.

It pains my heart and now, I have no one left. I took a long look at the only picture I had of him and wept bitterly.

I miss you dad.

I was reminded of a conversation we had 3 days prior to his death.

[I was having dinner at Amaya's house when I received a phone call.

Me: "Hello Dad, how are you doing?"

Dad: "Jayson, please come home, there is something I must tell you before it's too late."

There was something about his voice that scared me. It was almost like he was already dying.

Me: "Dad, is everything alright?"

He didn't speak, he just ended the call.

I was so afraid that I got up in a hurry to leave.

"Jayson, where are you going?" A voice spoke behind me-Amaya's voice.

"I have to get to my dad's house, it's urgent."

"Then let me go with you." Amaya said with a smile.

We drove to my dad's house in a black Ferrari given to Amaya as a birthday present from her dad.

When we arrived, I ran as fast as I could to the house.

When I entered, my dad was lying lifeless in the hall. He was lying on the floor hardly breathing.

"DAD! ARE YOU OK!"

I rushed and attended to him.

"Jayson?" He whispered softly.

"Yes dad, it's me."

He smiled for a few seconds and began to cry.

I was moved to tears too.

"I am sorry son." He said with pain in his voice.

"Dad, there's nothing to be sorry about."

"I was never the best father in the world. Although I provided you with the best I could, I was never able to make you feel loved. Maybe because I was broken too. Now, its too late for that. I can tell my hour will soon come and it's too late to make amends." My dad said almost crying.

Suddenly, Amaya entered the room.

My dad stopped and starred at her.

"Beautiful, just like your mother."

He burst in to tears. I cried too.

"Have I ever told you, how I met your mom?" My dad asked softly.

"Dad please stop this. Why are you bringing this up?"

"Because death lurks in the corner, it awaits me. I can't escape it, no one can. It's now that I am slowly dying, have I realized all that I missed on. Which is and will always be you."

He then turned towards Amaya and asked her to draw closer.

When she did, he took her hand and placed it in mine.

"You too have my blessing. Daughter, please watch over him and give him all the love I was never able to offer him. Do you promise?"

Amaya nodded and said: "Yes, I promise I will always love your son with everything I have."

To me also, he said:

"Son, promise me, you will always love and protect her."

"Dad, I promise you, I'll never leave her."

He smiled and breathed in heavily.

"Promises can always be broken but the real reason we make promises is to learn to honor our words. Only fools have no honor. Do not fail me, son."]

Remembering all this, forced me to break down and weep because…

I had failed my father.

I remembered my dad's narration about how she met my mom. It was almost like I was living in that moment again.

I could see my dad telling the story with a smile on his face.

["I met your mom at a bar, she was so broken that she kept drinking and drinking.

She was so stunning that I couldn't take my eyes off her.

I drew closer and sat by her.

"Why do you keep drinking, missy? What could be bothering you so much?"

She turned towards me and shook her blonde hair.

"All men are the same. You also want to take advantage of me because I'm drunk. You see me as a defenseless woman."

"No, it's just that I can see that beyond that veil of despair and anger, you just want someone to talk to."

She froze and looked at me like she had seen Jesus.

She opened up to me and we talked for a long time.

I was 28 by then and she was 20. She had endured a whole lot.

She became an orphan at the age of 12.

She was adopted 2 years later by a rich couple. Every night was like torture because her new father always had sex with her. She couldn't take it any longer.

She ran away a year later. She was offered refuge at a small restaurant. She became a cleaner and washed the dishes. After three years, she grew up to become a fine woman.

The owner of the restaurant wanted to take advantage of her but she refused.

She was kicked out and abandoned once again.

It seemed that everyone she's met just want to take advantage of her.

She became a sex worker to fend for herself.

I felt her pain and took her in. I took care of her like a baby.

8 years later, we gave birth to you-Jayson. I never thought she will ever leave me until you turned 6.

Unfortunately, my whole world died that day. I'm sorry Jayson, I should have been there for you.

I should've been there for you every night to read you a bed time story.

I should've told you that you are and will always be special.]

I have failed to honor my dad and I've failed to honor my promise.

Suddenly, I heard the door ring.

Someone had come for a visit.

I cleared away my tears and attended to the door.

To my surprise, it was Suzuki. I figured he was here on behalf of Amaya.

"Hey, Jayson."

"Hi." I said with a fake smile.

"Sorry I came without informing. I can tell you are not all that happy to see me."

"Quite the opposite. Come in."

I welcomed him inside and offered him a drink.

"I will go straight to the point because you already know why I am here."

"Sure." I handed him a joystick and we got ready for a match.

"Amaya said you broke up with her, why?"

I pretended not to hear as we played dragon ball.

"You heard me so don't pretend."

I signed and replied: "Yes, I did. Do you have a problem?"

"Yes, I do."

I didn't want to look at him lest he finds out that it pained me so much.

"Amaya loves you with all her heart. Ever since we were kids, she always talked about you. Every night she told me stories about you like you were a hero to her. If you leave her, I swear she might hurt herself. Whatever wrong she had done, let it go and return to her, please."

I was speechless.

Suzuki grabbed my shirt and turned me towards him.

That was when he saw my tear.

"It pains you as well, doesn't it? If so, why break up with her?"

I took a deep breath and explained.

"I broke up with her because I feel I don't deserve her. In fact, it's the truth. I'm a nobody so why should she bother herself with me?"

"That's it?"

"Yeah, or were you expecting a grand speech?"

"You are an idiot. There's a saying that whatever you think you are is what you are. You are not a nobody. You never were so cut the silly drama and make amends."

I looked at him and smiled yet I couldn't do what he was demanding.

"I just want what's best for her. I want her to be truly happy."

"And who will make her so much happy other than you?"

"Richard." I said as I looked down. I was ashamed of myself.

"Richard? What makes you think he can make her happy more than you?"

"Because he is nice, gentle and rich. Look at me, ever since I lost my job, I have been struggling to make ends meet. My book is not selling and I can't keep depending on Amaya to pay the bills. That's my responsibility. I'm a failure."

"If you choose to look at it that way." Suzuki said with a look of disappointment.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"It's true Richard hails from a rich family. His dad and Amaya's dad are partners in the *********** company. But that doesn't make him better than you. You can even come and work with us at the company.

After all, Amaya loves you and you make her happy."

"Still…there's nothing I can do."

"What do you mean?"

"She will soon get over the break-up. It's going to be, okay?"

"Do you even listen to yourself? She has barely left her room for 4 days now. She refuses to eat all because of you. I fear she might hurt herself. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" Suzuki's eyes were red as blood.

"Cool down Suzuki. Trust me when I say she'll get over it."

Suzuki looked at me with a look of disdain.

"What happened to you?"

"Nothing."

"You talk as if you have no conscience. Do you want her to die before you realize your stupidity?"

Suzuki grabbed my shirt tightly paying close attention to my final words.

"That isn't my problem." I spoke.

He pulled me up and dragged me.

"YOU COMING WITH ME AND YOU ARE GOING TO RECONCILE WITH HER."

I punched him to the ground.

He looked at me surprised and hurt.

"I'm sorry Suzuki but I won't go anywhere with you. This is what is best for her. She needs to find true happiness."

"You punched me?" Suzuki said with pain.

"I didn't mean to."

"What happened to you? You have become cold and heartless. What happened with brothers forever?"

"That's a long time ago."

He got up and held his jaw.

I guess, I punched him too hard.

"I see. I pray you stop this foolishness before it's too late. It's alright to not care about people. But, turning your back to the people you love causes pain and regret that can never be erased. MAY YOUR SINS BE FORGIVEN."

He angrily stomped out of the room and drove away in his Mercedes Benz. I watched him leave unable to say a word.

3 hours later, I received a phone call that Suzuki had died in an accident. I was told he was driving recklessly, as if he was angry at something or someone.

That was when I figured, it was all my fault. I am the cause of his death.

I was so scared and felt guilty. I couldn't even show up at his funeral.

Then a month later, I was told Amaya had poisoned herself. She was also dead. All because of me.

What do I have to offer in life? Is there a purpose for which I was born?

At the age of 6, my mom abandoned me.

At 25, my dad died and at 27 I lost 2 incredible people in my life. Then finally at 28, I lost my own life.

Funny…huh…

I think, IT'S TIME I PAID FOR MY SINS.