I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN WRONG!

I always believed my mom abandoned me because she never really cared about me.

However, gazing at her weeping over my photo made me realize how wrong I was.

I was always wrong and no matter how hard I try to convince myself, the truth must be told.

I have always been wrong.

"Mom." I whispered softly.

"Jayson?" She inquired.

I wasn't expecting a reply because the whisper was faint. It surprised me even more when she responded.

"Jayson, is that you?" My mom asked.

Her eyes brightened with hope, and she wiped the tears off her eyes.

I was deeply moved so, I responded:

"Yes, it's me."

She got up from her bed and hugged me tightly.

It was so warm, and it made me felt at ease.

"I am so sorry for what I did to you son. You deserved better. I am a poor excuse for a mother." She said breaking down in uncontrollable tears.

I felt tensed and speechless. I wanted to put comfort her, but I couldn't find the words.

My breathing turned heavy, and I began to sweat profusely.

It didn't take long until I also broke down and wept.

I felt reminded of all my childhood moments with my mom.

I remembered how she used to give me a warm hug whenever I returned from school.

Whenever I was sad, she always knew how to cheer me up by hugging and playfully teasing me.

I will do anything to relive those moments again and again. I greatly missed these moments.

We both cried on each other shoulders for a long time. We cried to the point of exhaustion.

After some time, we broke off the hug and stared at each other.

"Forgive me, son." My mom said with a ton of guilt in her voice.

I slowly drew away from her and walked about not knowing what to say.

"It's best not to bring this up." I said with a fake smile.

"Yes, we have to talk about it. I can tell you are keeping all the pain inside you. It's eating you up." My mom said.

I looked at her and smiled:

"Yeah, it is eating me up, that's why I don't want us to talk about it."

"Why don't you want us to talk about this? I need your forgiveness." My mom pleaded.

"I was so young, mom. Why couldn't you've at least have said something to me?" I asked angrily.

"No, it's not like that, you were too young to understand."

"But you should have told me. Do you know how painful life was for me after you abandoned me?" I asked her with a look of bitterness.

"Jayson, I never meant to abandon you. I am so sorry."

"Well, sorry isn't going to fix everything, is it?" I asked crying at this point.

"But your forgiveness can fix everything. Sometimes, the unexpected happens and certain choices have to be made, one that accidentally inflict pain on the other. Everything breaks down beyond repair when such things happen. The only way to fix it is by forgiveness. Forgiveness is the one true thing that frees a soul from pain and the darkness that seeks to consume it."

I was touched by her words; however, I wasn't willing to accept it.

"FORGIVENESS? YOU WANT MY FORGIVENESS? You truly believe that forgiveness will fix everything and will make up for all the pain you've cost me? You believe that forgiveness is going to bring everything back and move us to a new chapter?"

"Yes. Even if you can't forgive me then at least do it for your soul. It needs to be free from the pain."

She spoke in a passionate tone causing my heart to melt.

I had lived with this pain for years. I always thought my mom left because she never cared about me. I believed she left because I was the problem and the only thing, I truly was and will always be is insignificant.

This made me isolate myself from everyone. It blinded me from recognizing those who really cared for me. It made me gave up on my dreams. It created a sense of emptiness and self-limiting beliefs.

I always thought that there was no place left for me out there in the world. So, I gave up on everything including myself. That was why I committed suicide. That was why I broke up with Amaya. THAT WAS WHY SUZUKI DIED. IT WAS ALL BECAUSE OF ME!

THAT IS THE EXACT REASON I GAVE UP ON WRITING AND LIVING MY DREAMS!

All these was because of the pain my mother inflicted on me by choosing to abandon me. After all that, she expects me to forgive her?

Well, that is never going to happen because there is no forgiveness.

I looked at her with a cold stare and screamed at her:

"IT'S NOT THAT I CAN'T FORGIVE YOU. EVEN IF I WANTED TO I WON'T BECAUSE YOU'VE MADE MY LIFE A LIVING HELL! WHY DID YOU CHOOSE TO ABANDON ME LIKE THAT? I WAS JUST SIX YEARS OLD!"

"I know and I can't say what I did to you was right, that's why I seek your forgiveness."

I looked into her eyes for some time before I mustered the courage to speak.

"I...C...can't. I can't forgive you."

"But you have to in order to save your soul from the darkness that seeks to consume you."

"What darkness?" I inquired from her.

She stared at me coldly and said: "The darkness within yourself."

I felt the truth in her words however my soul is unsavable so I screamed at her:

"I DON'T CARE EVEN IF I WILL BE CONSUMED BY MY OWN DARKNESS, I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! NEVER!"

Her eyes popped out and tears welled in her eyes. She gazed at me as if I was a monster ready to rip out her heart.

"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" She barked at me.

She looked so tense and frightened and suddenly got up and ran.

I didn't know where she was running off to but I didn't care.

I sat on the bed and picked up the photo that she was carrying in her bosom.

I smiled a bit when I saw how happy and bright, I looked as a child. I was so young in the photo maybe around 5 years. I couldn't remember clearly.

I started to reflect on everything and began to question myself:

"Did I make the right choice? Should I have forgiven her?"

I felt so lost and confused. Out of nowhere, a huge crack developed on the floor.

"How could this be?" I asked myself as I moved out of the bed to examine it.

Unexpectedly, the ground started cracking. Soon, it began shaking. It shook so violently that I lost balance and fell.

Slowly every where was turning dark and the house started to break down. I could hear a loud roar with the darkness causing my heart to quake in fear.

"Why is this happening?" I asked myself.

The roof was torn down and I had no option but to run as fast as possible.

As I ran out of the house, I noticed that everything behind me was slowly turning dark. Gazing inside the darkness, I heard a thunderous roar. I couldn't tell what it was or why everything I ran past turned completely dark. But I felt like I was the target.

When I looked behind, the darkness had taken over every thing. The only place light and life existed was ahead. I couldn't comprehend how and why the darkness came about. I had no choice but to keep running.

Suddenly I heard a voice, a coarse and bitter one crying out of the darkness:

"FORGIVENESS? YOU WANT MY FORGIVENESS?"

It was almost like I was the reason why the darkness was roaming free. That was when I understood how the darkness came about.

It reflected me of my mom's words:

["But your forgiveness can fix everything. Sometimes, the unexpected happens and certain choices have to be made, one that inflict pain on the other. Everything breaks down beyond repair when such things happen. The only way to fix it is by forgiveness. Forgiveness is the one true thing that frees a soul from pain and the darkness that seeks to consume it."]

I found myself back in the city (Western Avenue) which brought a little smile on my face. Yet, the darkness was still after me.

I ran as fast as I could but I had to stop when I came across a very busy road. Cars were speeding like crazy and I had no time to look to my left or right. The darkness was after me and I had to move quicky. As I dashed to cross the road, I could hear most of the drivers blowing their horn and shouting at me: "Get off the road, you creep." I crossed the road to the other side and sped quickly past everyone in my way.

There was a shortcut route to a supermarket on my right so I immediately took the route hoping to outrun the darkness.

The sky became cloudy the wind started to blow violently. My movements became heavy because of the wind. It was almost like the wind was pushing me back. When I looked back, most of the people behind me were blown into the darkness by the strong wind. "This can't be." I said to myself. I continued to push through. Slowly the wind died out and allowed me to pace myself once again. I desperately ran through the market searching for a way to outrun the darkness.

I went through the supermarket colliding into people which made it hard from me to outrun the darkness.

"Watch it." A young dude said to after pushing me out of his way. I fell down hard. When I finally got up…the darkness was a few meters behind me.

"NO, NO, NO! GET AWAY FROM ME." I yelled and continued running.

All hope was lost since I didn't know how I was going to outrun the darkness. As I was running and pushing people out of my way, I heard something. It was a faint whisper:

"Jayson?"

I was scared because I thought it was coming out of the darkness.

But it continued calling again and again until I had no choice but to answer.

"It's Jayson. Who are you?" I responded.

"Eren."

When I heard that I was overjoyed because I thought Eren was going to burst me out.

"Is everything alright?" He asked.

"Nothing is alright, I am being hunted down by darkness. I don't know how to escape it. Please get me out of here."

"That's impossible."

"Well…it is happening and I need your help."

"Can you tell me what led to this?"

"Err…I met my mom and she begged for my forgiveness but I couldn't offer the forgiveness she was seeking."

"Where is your mom?" Eren asked.

"She ran off, I don't know where to find her."

"Jayson, listen carefully to what I am about to tell you."

"I AM LISTENING!"

"You are in grave danger."

"You think I DON'T REALIZE THAT? I NEED A SOLUTION NOW, EREN!"

"You have to keep running as I figure this out."

"Okay but hurry. I may not make it." I said desperately.

The wind blew violently from the north and raised me off my feet. It was dragging me into the darkness. I felt desperate hoping to grab anything to prevent the darkness from having me. But I got nothing. I looked back and stared into the darkness with no hope of salvation. I heard that monstrous roar again and there was nothing I could do except accepting my fate. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath as I was dragged into the darkness.

"Hold on." I heard a voice say to me.

When I opened my eyes, there was someone holding my hand. It was Eren. He had thrust his sword into the ground with his left hand and held my hand with the left. "O boy, I am so happy to see you." I said with a huge smile.

"Well, I am happy you are still alive." He said as he launched me into the air.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed and braced myself for the fall. Luckily a portal was opened in front of me and I fell in. I fell stomach first and groaned in pain. I weakly got up and looked back into the portal. That was when I realized that the portal was created by Eren.

He smiled and said: "It's crazy the things you can do inside someone's mind."

I laughed at his joke.

"Now go find your mom, she might be the key to this. I am waiting for you at the bridge. You have to make things right with her. GO NOW!" Eren yelled.

I turned and ran through the woods. It was almost like I was a race car; I just ran and ran. Whiles running, I suddenly felt the ground shaking. It shook so violently that it started to subside. I continued running hoping to save myself. Soon magma started erupting and my only option was to get out of the woods urgently.

Suddenly, I heard a familiar and monstrous roar. My heartbeat ceased after I looked back to find what it was. It was the darkness.

Adrenaline fueled through me as I dashed at full pace. "Eren, I NEED YOUR HELP." I screamed.

I continued running to save myself from the ground that was collapsing and magma spilling everywhere. I was so scared and I needed help.

I forced myself to brake when I came upon a dead end. My brake wasn't timed properly which caused me to slide down into the dead end. I searched around hoping for something to grab but it was too late. I was falling and with great speed. It reminded me of the time I jumped off a building. Just that this time, I wasn't prepared to jump.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed. "Eren please hurry up and save me." I closed my eyes when I sensed how close I was to the ground. I couldn't watch my fate.

I fell down with a thud. I opened my eyes and found myself on a bed. Looking up, I saw a portal slightly above me. I smiled and said: "Eren, you son of a bitch." I laid on the bed and relaxed. I scanned around only to realize that I was back in my room. The door was suddenly opened and my mom came in. She was holding a bedtime story in her hand.

I was finally saved. She walked up to me and gave me a kiss on the forehead. Then, she sat on the bed and even before she said anything, I said to her:

"Mom, I forgive you from the bottom of my heart." Then I hugged her with strong passion.

It reminded me of how special my mom always made me feel whenever she hugged me.

"Jayson, there is something you need to know." My mom said to me after we broke off the hug.

"What is it?" I asked with a cheerful smile. I thought everything was over.

"The darkness isn't after you because you didn't forgive me." She said with tears in her eyes.

"Then why is it after me?"

"It's after you because you simply can't forgive yourself. You already forgave me a long time ago."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You already forgave me after learning the truth. The truth to why I had to leave you."

My mom inched closer and caressed my cheeks. "I am so sorry that I abandoned you but it was the only way."

I watched the tears slowly fall down her cheeks whiles she continued to caress my cheeks.

"You simply have to learn to forgive yourself. That is the only way of defeating the darkness."

I looked at her perplexed and lost. Everything felt so confusing.

"But how? How can I forgive myself?"

My mom wiped her tears with the back of her hand, then she gave me a kiss on the forehead and walked towards the door.

"It's simple. Whatever wrong that you've done, you just have to let it go. No matter how big it is. Stop judging yourself by your mistakes. Everyone makes mistake, none is perfect."

"How is this going to help?" I asked.

"Sometimes in order to forgive yourself, you just have to face your own darkness and accept the mistakes you made." Then she walked out of the room. I sat on the bed confused.

What am I supposed to do now? This was a question I had no answer to. My breathing turned heavy and I began to sweat profusely. I was out of options. My eyes caught sight of the portal above me. It seems there is no way I can escape the darkness now.

I looked up to the portal and awaited my fate. The darkness was coming after me and there was nothing I could do. I sat on the bed and reflected on my mistakes:

The pain my love ones had to endure because of me.

Suzuki died because of me.

Amaya killed herself because of me.

My life wasn't worth living because of me.

All my life I've lived as a beggar. I begged people for their attention, time and love. I just wanted to be recognized. I just wanted to be loved. I didn't want to feel abandon no more. I stopped making my own decisions and revolved around other people's opinion. When things didn't go right for me, I always placed the blame on others and never myself. Now, I've truly realized the hidden truth:

I have always been wrong.

There were times I asked myself: "For what purpose do we live?" Life is so unfair and no matter what I do I can't change that. So why keep living?

But now I have found the untold truth.

Life is about and will always be about me. It's my life not someone else' life. That is why I have to learn to love and care for myself. I wish I learnt this earlier but it's too late.

The darkness broke through the portal. Alas, the end has come.

I smiled and said to my soul: "I forgive you. I should've learnt to love and care for you more. I'm sorry."

I have finally realized all the things I have been doing wrong. Alas, my soul can be put to rest.

Out of nowhere, a great light broke through the darkness. I instinctively covered my eyes.

When I opened them, I was in front of a bar. It seemed old judging by the cobwebs and dirt all over the place.

There was this strong urge pushing me to open the door. However, I felt hesitant.

Where did the darkness go and why am I here?

["Sometimes in order to forgive yourself, you just have to face your own darkness and accept the mistakes you made."] I suddenly remembered my mom's final words to me.

I guess she was absolute right. I held onto the door and opened it.

When I entered the bar was empty and there was only one person left drinking beer. I walked up to the person, tapped him on the shoulder and said to him: "Hello."

He turned around and I couldn't believe who it was-my dad.

"Dad?"

"Hello Jayson. It's has been a long time, hasn't it?"

I hugged him so tight that he started to gasp for air.

"That's enough, son. I can't breathe."

"Sorry." I said after I broke off the hug.

"Come on, sit with me and let's have a drink. We have a lot of things to talk about."