Invincible Man.

"It's rather hot today, Sparky. Seems like summer is coming to the northern lands." - Alan said while maneuvering on his black horse through the narrow trail in the typical pine forest.

Light danced on his visage, sometimes entering the eyes, forcing pupils to turn to vertical slits. It was a rather uneventful day, that was already nearing noon and nothing pointed at the incoming headache of his most powerful enemy.

His true nemesis in this mortal world.

Alan pulled on his reins and took out a flask with water, making several gulps. His hearing caught even and relaxing noise of a shallow river nearby with birds chirping here and there. Breathing in the fresh fragrance of the trees and flowers, Alan can't help but let a slight smile appear on his face.

"This is relaxing." - he told Sparky and disembarked it while leading the way in silence.

But soon he heard something that shouldn't be there in the deep parts of the forest and again collected himself in a matter of seconds.

It was the sound of a musical instrument that played a sad, but very touching tune.

"Stay." - he said to the horse, reinforcing the command with thought image and moved seamlessly through the woods. Not even a slight noise could be heard from his ghostly countenance, shifting through among pines and bushes.

He walked through a creek and came out to have an unobstructed view on a little valley covered by cliff and trees. On the fallen trees in the middle sat a very controversial pair of... friends? Lovers?

Alan looked at it flabbergasted, but as soon as he noticed one person, he immediately wanted to retreat.

That was an invincible existence, who can easily defeat him even without a fight.

Sound of the music stopped with a snap of a string, and after it sounded a hissing whisper.

"Alan! Alan! My friend! My savior! Child of Geralt and Yennefer! Oh, the light of hope in this sinful world full of negligence of the wealthy and ignorance of the poor! Save me..." - Jaskier, the Nemesis of every person who loved silence, order, and steadiness. Chaos incarnate in his usual purple shine, an incoherent mess of a face full of pleading despair and same stockings that meant to be trousers.

His face was full of terror about what to transpire soon with the best bard of the world. And the expression told stories similar to a pure maiden losing everything to a thug.

But a moment later he continued to play, looking fearfully at the creature opposite of him.

"Well... I don't know about anything, but the audience you choose is really... outstanding." - Alan shifted his gaze to the side and sent a vibe, while examining a rock troll. It was smaller than a normal one with a slightly smoother hide. And it had real tits. - "My God, Jaskier, I believe I have no say in the matter. You captured yourself a very outstanding lover indeed. Congratulations, when is the wedding?"

"N-No... what wedding?" - meanwhile, the creature was so engrossed in the musical melody that seemed to be drowsy and half asleep. - "I didn't visit Jane and Mila enough! And the baron's daughter still waiting for my private lesson on art! N-No... wait... Alan, this is a troll! A troll! What wedding?"

"This is a female troll who seemed very impressed with your talents. She is in love, Jaskier, don't break her tender heart." - smirked Alan.

"Please, help me... that... she kidnapped me and forced to play. She wants to monopolize the most outstanding and bright mind of humanity! How can my art be appreciated by a troll?! I tell you, this is a huge troll conspiracy against all mankind! If you don't help me, this will be a tremendous loss to the entire society of artists! You can't do this! How many maidens will be left unattended by pure love for the art? How many mature women will miss the enlightenment of my peerless craft?! That stone block can't understand higher matters involved in my prose of flame, can't see the underlying meaning behind the ballads about Geralt! Also, she weighs a ton!" - Jaskier panicked, but to cover their conversation said everything while playing as if it was part of the song.

'In return what really matters is the last sentence.' - thought Alan while enjoying the show. Jaskier really can liven the mood sometimes.

"Oh, I can turn you into a troll. What is a minor sacrifice on the road of genuine love? Don't worry, I'll make you the most handsome troll in the universe! Every female troll will be yours to the taking. You will fulfill a mission of enlightenment inside troll society! This is God's will, I tell you." - Alan leaned to the tree and continued to observe a comical scene that brought him a more lighthearted feeling inside.

"Alan... Alan... listen to me. What can a handsome man like me do as a troll? I will bring disaster to the world! Just imagine how many little trolls will be made because of too much love for me! They will force me to work tirelessly for years and make their population skyrocket! No, I'm very positive that cursing me to be a troll is a colossal mistake!"

Alan thought about it seriously at once. His imagination portrayed a crowd of little trolls wearing stockings and purple jackets while having dandelion growing on their heads. Also, they sang and composed ballads.

Man, this is a disaster on a scale of White Chill. One needs to treat carefully the matters involving Jaskier. This man is invincible.

Alan sighed and constructed a circuit of complex magic within a fraction of a second. Runes of unique language light up with an influx of mana and created a mental net over the female troll. As she was drowsy and relaxed already, the spell worked with no retaliation from the target.

The poor maiden in love burped, leaned to the side, and with a huge bang slammed on the ground.

"Y-You... didn't kill her, right? Although a troll, she was very kind and even admired my songs." - Jaskier stood up after a minute of waiting and ran up to Alan with a snotty face and terrified expression.

"I can wake her up and even play a mediator for your wedding. Just say a word." - snorted Alan with bored glint inside his lilac eyes.

"No-no... this is good, good." - Jaskier said as he was packing his things in a small bag with haste. - "Let's go, my friend, my savior! You need to know that I'm ready to write ballads about you! Let me follow you, Alan! You are as much of an inspiration to me as Geralt is! You both are unique!"

"Please, no." - Alan facepalmed, fully understanding that the only way to get rid of Jaskier is to kill him right here, right now.

'Crap... I got myself in trouble with the entertainment industry of the witcher world.'

"Don't fret, my young friend. I only compose the truth! There was never falsehood in my stories and they all are regarded highly among critics and noble community." - firmly reassured Jaskier his new inspiration in Alan's face. In return, the later just exhaled. - "By the way, where are you going? Won't you mind traveling with me? I have an appointment in Oxenfurt and don't mind the company."

"I planned to go to Novigrad and then Velen." - said Alan, while walking in the direction where he left Sparky.

"Oh, Novigrad! Such a marvelous place! A cultural pearl with a breeze of freedom! Oh, but when you are there, don't cross temple guards. If you do just say you are my friend. I have quite an influence on high society there. My name can protect you!" - nodded Jaskier and lifted his nose to the sky. He was very proud of something, perhaps a position a certain doppler got during his last stay there. - "Ah, but Velen... what so good in Velen? Just your random land with a random baron who can't even appreciate literature! All he knows is how to cut heads off. But for a witcher this place can be full of work indeed."

"Jaskier." - said Alan with an irritated voice.

"Yes? Anything for my savior!" - eagerly answered the man in purple clothing.

"Less talk, more action. Where is your horse?"

"My horse you say... Oh, Alan, it is a tragic story of noble sacrifice. A true heartrending tale of an animal martyr. It shows the upright nature of knighthood and the utmost benevolence of righteous character. It portrays..."

"Jaskier. Get to the point."

"Troll ate it." - said bard with downtrodden expression.

"Your things?"

"My things? Right! My things! Alan, you need to help me! Do your magic thingy again! I know you can retrieve my precious possessions, my kids, my life work!" - nearly cried a mess of a man while clinging like an abandoned maiden to his coattails.

"Too troublesome. Write new ones." - dismissed Alan the man.

"I was wronged and robbed!"

"Jaskier, are you even a man?" - sighed the witcher with exasperation. - "First you were robbed, then kidnapped by a troll... how are you even alive if every time you go out there is always a heap of trouble following?"

"I'm innocent!" - pleaded the bard.

"Fine." - sighed Alan deeply. - "Fuck... you are invincible. Get on my horse. And no, Jaskier, don't you dare to scream. Be silent while you are ridding with me."

"Of course, of course. Whatever my savior might want of me. I'm a man of culture, how can I refuse. I'm not a dwarf who knows only port songs and scummy poetry. Neither am I an elf with their girly looks. I will heed to you every..."

"Jaskier. Shut up, be a dear."

"Are you sure you are not Yen's child? She always says the same to me..." - mumbled the bard.

Alan sighed. It was a very deep and long sigh.