863. Chapter 863

After Scared to Death

Episode 5.17

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: If I did own Castle, I'd bring it back from cancellation. Rating: K Time: See above.

Author's note: As some of you know, since I retired, I live half the year in the San Francisco Bay Area and half in Arizona. Tomorrow I leave for AZ. I'll be stopping to see relatives is Southern California, so I won't be in place in AZ until next week some time. But I have stories written up through After Need to Know, so I'll be able to post as soon as I get there.

See you soon.

The large, luxurious carriage drew up in front of 221A Baker Street just as the lamplighters were lighting the gas lamps on London's streets. A burly figure was helped from the carriage by a footman. He squared his shoulders and marched resolutely to the front door.

There was a knock on the door to the rooms of Kate Holmes, the world's best female consulting detective and her husband Dr. Rick Watson, who also wrote books describing his lovely wife's adventures. Kate rose as their landlady, Mrs. Victoria Hudson peeked in. "There's a gentleman here to see you, ma'am."

"Please, show Sir Marmaduke in." Kate replied.

The man walked in glaring at Kate. Admittedly, his glare was nothing like the famous glare of Kate Holmes, but he did his best. "Dash it all, Holmes. How did you know it was me?"

Kate rolled her eyes at such a simple question. "You were gored in the right hip by a Cape Buffalo in Africa almost two months ago. That injury give you a most peculiar and distinctive gait. Further, you use a cologne manufactured in Italy which is quite rare here, which I was able scent as you walked up the stairs. Then, there is your carriage which has been fitted with new pneumatic tires, thus…."

Sir Marmaduke nodded. "I see. Yes, you are as good as everyone says you are."

"No she isn't." Said Rick. "She's much, much better." He winked at his gorgeous wife, remembering the trick with the ice cubes she had taught to him the night before. "Infinitely better." He said, under his breath.

"How may I help the intrepid Sir Marmaduke Poppin-Jaye?" Kate asked. "I do hope there's no problem with the succession of the late Maharajah of Boringpore?"

Sir Marmaduke's eyes bulged out of his head. "How do you know about that? That has been classified as most secret and limited only to the highest circles of the government."

Kate smiled demurely. "I have my ways. I do hope that Sir Ranjit was selected in lieu of Sir Kalil, as Sir Kalil has been in contact with the Russians."

Suddenly Sir Marmaduke knew how that piece of evidence had reached Number Ten Downing Street. "It was Sir Ranjit who was chosen, but that's not why I'm here. There have been two deaths, murders, I'm afraid at my country estate in Kent."

"Dear me." Said Rick. "Who died and how?"

"The first was one of the maids, A Mrs. Jan Andean. Next was Dr. Carruthers, my personal physician. And both had received a letter filled with odd cabalistic markings saying they would die in three days."

"What!" Cried Rick. "Old Carruthers has died? Why we knew each other in Afghanistan. He was a terrible whist player. I almost doubled my pay playing with him."

"How did they die?" Asked Kate, getting to the heart of the matter.

"That's the odd thing. There wasn't a mark on them and the local doctor couldn't find a cause of death."

"Who is the local doctor?" Rick asked.

"Herr Doktor von Perlmutter. A Prussian fellow. Too clever by half those German Johnnies are, but he's a cracking good doctor."

"Rick and I shall take the morning train to Kent and solve your murders, Sir Marmaduke. "

Actually, their night with ice cubes should have resulted in the intrepid duo arriving in the afternoon, but Kate took control of the engine and shattering speed records, arrived at Sir Marmaduke's just after breakfast. They found the stately country home in turmoil.

"Thank God you've arrived, Holmes." Sir Marmaduke said, "My niece, Miss Jacinda, has received a death threat like the others. It says she has three days to live."

It didn't take Kate Holmes long to discover that the term "niece" was a euphemism for a kept woman. Although the sign around her neck reading, "Five Pounds, Come and Get It", was sufficient for even Dr. Watson to grasp the concept. However, Sir Marmaduke was obviously blinded by love.

"May I see the death threat?" She sat and carefully looked over the document. After a few seconds, she nodded to herself. "It's an odd amalgam of American thieves' cant, ancient Samnite, and Cretan Linear B pictographs."

There was a commotion at the door and Herr Doktor von Perlmutter came in. "Was ist los? Dere has been anudder death treat, ja?"

"I'm going to die!" Wailed Jacinda and threw herself into Sir Marmaduke's arms. Unthinkingly, he began to unbutton the back of her dress before he remembered he had company.

While Sir Marmaduke comforted Miss Jacinda, Kate went to Dr. von Perlmutter. "You performed an autopsy on the deceased?"

"Ja, I haff der reports wid me." Von Perlmutter handed Kate two large reports of some two hundred pages apiece. "Howeffer, dey are in Cherman! Dot is der best language fur science. English cannot compare?" He said with a proud Teutonic air.

"No problem." Kate said. "While I was working for Chancellor von Bismarck I learned German. Old Otto said I spoke it better than he did."

Kate spread out autopsy reports on a table and began reading them as her husband made coffee to keep her properly caffeinated. Several hours later, Kate finished the last of the reports. "This is very odd."

"How is that?" Asked Rick.

"People don't just die without some cause of death and that cause can be found by a proper autopsy conducted by a proper doctor. According to all reports, von Perlmutter is a brilliant doctor, a graduate of the University of Heidelberg."

Rick nodded." Ah, yes, the dreaded Heidelberg Huns. We played them in football back when I was a medical student. They would have been unbeatable except that they kept trying to take over all the other football pitches. With so many teams against them, they lost a lot of games."

"There's just something wrong with these reports. Perhaps I'll think of something tonight."

"I know I'll be thinking of something tonight." Rick said, waggling his eyebrows.

"Luckily I can multi task." Kate said saucily.

"Does that mean you'll be playing your violin while we make love?"

"Of course not." Kate waited a second and then added. "I'll be playing the bagpipes."

Seeing Rick's look of horror, she laughed. "Just teasing, babe."

Just then, Sir Marmaduke came in, holding Miss Jacinda's hand. "I have wonderful news. Jacinda has consented to be my wife. We shall be married tomorrow. You're invited, of course. After all, someone has to defend the soon to be Lady Jacinda."

Jacinda simpered and smiled.

That night, after regretfully putting her bagpipes away at Richard's insistence, Kate stared at the ceiling until a thought came to her. "Rick! I've got it."

"Not the bagpipes." He wailed.

"No, I know who the killer is."

"Of course you do. Is there any ice left?"

"Lots."

The parson arrived just after breakfast and the guests were shown into the small ballroom of the estate where the wedding would take place. Kate kept an eye on the guests, and when one guest slipped away in the middle of the ceremony, Kate smiled and left her seat. Rick followed her of course.

She saw the killer standing on a balcony overlooking the small ballroom, holding a long tube.

"Don't Dr. von Perlmutter, or whatever your name is. I have a pistol and if you inhale, I'll shoot you."

Perlmutter, feeling he had nothing to lose, whirled and inhaled, ready to send a deadly curare tipped dart from his blowgun into Kate. Alas for Perlmutter, Kate had been trained in gunplay by some of the finest shots in the world: American gunfighters, African big game hunters and soldiers from all parts of the world. She shot the blowgun from his lip without the bullet touching him.

Once the excitement had died down, Sir Marmaduke was shocked to find the killer was Dr. von Perlmutter. "But why would he want to kill the maid and Dr. Carruthers?"

"So he wouldn't be a suspect in the murder of Jacinda and then you. I couldn't help but notice the similarity between his hands and yours. It was so similar I thought he must be related to you."

Sir Marmaduke shook his head. "I have no relatives in Germany."

"What about in America? He used American thieves cant in his death threats and he does speak German with a slight American accent."

"My God! My sister Louisa. She fell pregnant to a footman years ago and was sent to America. It was such a scandal."

"Von Perlmutter, or Vaughn as he is, is a doctor but not the real, brilliant Dr. von Perlmutter. He stole that doctor's identity. He used his skills in America to treat outlaws in the American West. When he learned who he was, he formed a plot to kill you and then, after a bit, reveal himself as your only heir. But when you decided to marry Jacinda, he had to kill her, otherwise she would have been your sole heir."

That night, Rick and Kate went to bed at Sir Marmaduke's estate.

"Kate, do you have any ice?" He asked.

"Ice?" She replied, in a low, sultry voice.

"Yes, ice."

"I'm afraid not. Jacinda took it all for her wedding night."

"Really?"

"Yes, and the odd thing is that she also borrowed my bagpipes."

And so Rick and Kate made love with cotton stuffed in their ears but they could still hear the faint sounds of Hey, Johnnie Cope coming from the master bedroom.