635. Chapter 635

After 3XK

Episode 3.06

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I'm the 3X I don't own Castle. Rating: M Time: See above.

"I know that feeling."

"I know you do." He replied. But not like I do. How could I have been so damned stupid as to have let the Triple Killer get away? He noticed that Beckett was holding his hand. We're holding hands. I ought to feel good about that, but all I feel is sick. Why the hell didn't I just think?

"I really screwed this up, Beckett. I really did."

"No you didn't. You're the only person who figured out that Tyson was really 3XK. In spite of me allegedly being extraordinary and remarkable, I never figured it out until too late. You did good, Castle. You're the only one who did."

"Thanks." He felt her squeeze his hand and he squeezed back, although he didn't feel he deserved it. "But I screwed up. He's out there because of me. He'll kill again because of me. Women will die because of me."

"Castle, that's bullshit and you know it. If you feel bad, how do you think I feel? I never had a clue that he was 3XK."

"No, it's what I did when I figured out he was 3XK. I just couldn't keep my mouth closed. As soon as I figured it out, I shot my mouth off and accused him. If I'd given it one damned minute of thought, I'd have called Ryan over and told him. Then he could have gotten the drop on Tyson. If I had just thought."

"You did more to solve this case than anyone and you did ID Tyson as 3XK. You should be proud of what you did."

He laughed bitterly. "Proud? For screwing up?" He slowly shook his head. "No, you've been right all along. I have no business shadowing you. I'm done. This is it."

Kate froze. This can't be happening. Not after I just got my partner back after a long miserable summer. He can't leave, not after what I discovered tonight. He just can't. "You're upset. That's understandable. Get a good night's sleep and we'll talk about it tomorrow. You'll feel better and you'll see I'm right."

He shook his head. "No, I'm going to tell Montgomery I'm done. Beckett, thank you so much for all you've done for me. I'm just sorry I screwed up the 3XK case."

Before Beckett could reply, Esposito came over. "CSU is done. We already had Tyson's prints and DNA so there's nothing here we need. Ready?"

Castle started to get up, but was pulled back down by Beckett. "Espo, I need to talk to Castle a bit more, okay? We'll see you back at the precinct."

Espo nodded, noticing they were holding hands, and left.

"Beckett, there's nothing to talk about. I screwed up on a dangerous serial killer's case and let him get away. He said he's done this before, he's changed his name and he's changed his face. Hell, he's been doing this for years. I need to go and tell Montgomery I'm leaving." He tried to get up, but Beckett wouldn't let go of his hand.

I am so not ready for this. She thought. I need time to think this through. Time to figure out exactly how to tell Castle what happened tonight. Well, dammit, thanks to Castle's over developed sense of responsibility, I don't have that time. But I am not going to let him leave me. Not now. "I started to get a bit worried when you and Ryan didn't call in. But when Martha called me, I really got worried. When neither you nor Ryan answered your phones, I went into full panic made. All the way over here all I could think about was you and what had happened to you. I was terrified that I'd find you dead. When I got here, I raced up the stairs, knowing, absolutely knowing, I'd find you dead. But there you were, alive. I can't tell you how relieved I was that you were okay."

Castle wasn't sure that he understood what Beckett was talking about. "Okay, it's natural that you'd be worried. We're partners, friends, sort of."

Kate smiled and slowly shook her head. "You're not listening to the story, Castle. All the way over here, I was terrified you were dead. I never gave a thought to Ryan until I was cutting you loose from the ties."

"Why would you….?"

"As someone once told me, the heart wants what the heart wants. It terrifies me, but my heart wants you. It's wanted you for a while, but I was so afraid of getting my heart broken I pushed you away. I did decide to go with you to the Hamptons, but I was too late. God knows, I'm not the kind of a person to make a move on another woman's man, but I'm going to call Gina tomorrow and tell her she has competition for Rick Castle. I was terrified I'd lost you forever tonight. I'm not taking that chance again."

"Don't bother talking to Gina, Beckett, there's no…"

Kate pulled her hand away from Castle's. "Oh, shit. I'm so sorry. I just wasn't thinking. Of course, just because I want something so badly…"

He reached over and took her hand. "I'll talk to Gina and tell her it's over. It never should have started again in the first place. She couldn't possibly be any competition for you."

Kate breathed a sigh of relief. She leaned over to kiss Castle, but he pulled away.

"Castle?" She asked, the hurt plain in her voice.

"I caught Meredith, my first wife, in bed with some producer. I just can't kiss you while I'm still officially with Gina and you're with Josh. Okay?"

She smiled. "I understand. So, how long before I can kiss you, Mr. Castle?"

"I'll call Gina tomorrow. When will you call Doctor Motorcycle Boy?"

"First thing tomorrow."

"I'll come in as soon as I'm done with Gina."

"Then, can I give you a ride back to the precinct? And then home?"

"Okay, but keep your hands to yourself, Detective Beckett." He said with a smile.

"For now."

Castle came in the next day with two cups of coffee, a bear claw and a nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach. Suppose she changed her mind? Suppose she decided she was right about me all along? Suppose she decided Doctor….?

"Is that coffee for me, or were you just going to stand there and hold it?"

"What?" He realized she was staring at him as he stood there. "Of course. I mean…It's yours…The coffee…Well, the coffee and…The coffee for now…"

She smiled. "You're so cute when you get flustered."

Castle sat down, feeling somewhat deflated, but relieved.

"Josh took it well." She said. "Apparently he's used to women who realize they can't compete with medicine for his attention. I decided it would be easier not to disabuse him of that idea. How was Gina?"

Castle grimaced. "Angry, upset. But not about her and me. She's worried that I'll spend all of my time here with you and won't get any writing done. Once a publisher, always a publisher, I guess."

"So were both free to…?" She left the rest of the sentence unsaid.

"We could start right now." Castle said, leaning in.

"No." She whispered sharply. "Not in the precinct."

Castle checked his watch, "We could go to lunch? Remy's?"

"We can go in an hour when it's lunchtime. And Remy's is full of cops, so no funny business."

Castle sighed, but waited an hour and then took her to lunch.

"Um, you said something last night."

"That I did, Mr. Castle." She winked at him.

"You said you were terrified that your heart wanted me. Why? I don't consider myself to be at all terrifying."

She looked away from him for a second. "You are. Since my mom died, I've avoided having…feelings for anyone for fear that I'd lose them and my world would be crushed, just like it was when she died. I did feel something for Will Sorenson and he left me because of his job. Then you left for the Hamptons with Gina."

"That was a mistake. A terrible mistake that I'll never make again." He said sincerely.

She shrugged. "We don't make much sense as a couple, do we? You're Rick Castle, millionaire author, playboy, twice married and who am I? Some cop who's afraid of giving her heart away."

"How about we look at it another way. You're the remarkable and extraordinary Detective Kate Beckett and I'm just unofficial homicide investigator Rick Castle."

She smiled at him. "You are so much more than that. But, I've always been afraid that we'd go to bed and eventually get tired of me and move on."

"I haven't gotten anywhere near tired of you when we aren't sleeping together." He said reasonably.

"Sex changes things."

Castle smiled. "So we won't have sex. Solves that problem."

Kate glared at him. "Really? Would you care to re-think that one?"'

"We'll have sex." He said quickly.

"That would probably be the best. That way if you get bored…."

"I'll never get bored with you." He said quickly.

"…And we break up…."

"We won't break up because I'm bored with you."

Kate laughed. "This is odd. We've never had a real date, we haven't even kissed and we're talking about sleeping together. Weird."

"Can we consider this a date then?"

"I suppose."

"And as soon as I can, I'm going to kiss you."

"Why don't you come to my place tonight and bring an overnight bag. I'm off for two days."

"Then why don't you come to the loft? Alexis is on a class field trip and I can get rid of Martha easily enough. I'll make you the best dinner you've ever had and then we can….fool around."

"I'd like to make sure Martha approves of me before we let her know."

Castle laughed. "Approve of you. She thinks I'm crazy for not marrying you yet."

That night Kate got off the elevator at Castle's loft and stood outside his door. This is it. I'm going to take a huge risk. Castle already has my heart, all I need to do now if let him know and hope I have his someday. I can do this. I can…

Castle's door opened. "I saw you get out of the cab. I was wondering why you weren't here already. Everything okay?"

"Just a case of cold feet." She said, blushing slightly.

"Come in and let me warm you up." As soon as the door closed, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her: A long, slow, deep kiss.

"Much better than the one this afternoon in the breakroom." He said.

She nodded.

"But I'll do better after dinner."

And after dinner she led him to his bedroom, closing the door behind them. She began to take off her blouse.

"Let me undress you, please?"

She nodded, and he undid the buttons on her blouse and lifted it off of her. Then he slowly took of her bra. He leaned down and kissed first her right breast, then her left. "Gorgeous. They're perfect."

"Castle, you don't have to…"

"Perfect." He said, before kissing her lips again.

He gently sat her on the bed, then knelt to take off her shoes and knee high stockings. He undid her belt and zipper and she raised her ass off the bed so he could pull her pants down. Her panties quickly followed. He put his hands under her knees and her shoulders and put her in the middle of the bed, quickly undressing and joined her on the bed.

"Is there anything you want or don't want?"

"I want you. But, no anal and for tonight at least, I'd like to go nice and slow."

He nodded and kissed her, sliding his tongue into her already open mouth and exploring it gently. At the same time, he carefully stroked her boobs, causing her nipples to stand up on her chest. Then he moved his head downwards and took one boob into his mouth, sucking in as much of it as he could get. He repeated the action on her other boob. He moved from one to the other with his mouth, while softly rolling the other nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

He began kissing down her stomach, finally resting his head on her stomach. He ran one hand over the tops of her thighs, being careful to avoid her slit. Finally, as she moaned, he ran one finger from the bottom to her clit and up into the small tangle of hair she had left above her clit.

"Castle "she moaned, "there's such a thing as too slow and gentle."

He slid one finger slowly inside of her while stroking her clit with his thumb. "You think so?"

"Yes. Please, lover. Now. Please."

"Are you ready?"

"God, Castle stop it. Now."

He rolled over onto her, being careful to prop himself up on his elbows. She reached between them and grasped his erection. "Oh, is this for me?" She teased.

"If you want it."

"I do."

He allowed her to pull him into her wet, hot cavern. She moaned loudly as he slid all the way in and remained there for long seconds. Just as she was about to urge him to keep going, he began moving in and out of her, wrapping his arms around her neck as she did the same to his neck and then locked her ankles behind his legs, pulling him as far inside of her as he could get. He maintained a steady rhythm until she began moaning his name, then he sped up slightly.

"Castle! Yes, yes, yes. Oh God that is good." She arched her back and raised her ass completely off the bed and then collapsed. Moments later, he climaxed as well.

He rolled off of her and pulled her into a hug. "I'm not at all bored." He whispered.

"Me either. Who knows? This may work."