Therapy

I had just finished my session with the therapist, whose name I found out was Dr. Robinson. He had given me like 500 different pills to take for the problems I had and he gave me a sheet that told me when to take them. He didn't ask as many difficult questions though, which was relieving for me.

I spent most of the day today with Steve, going through the pictures he gave me a while back, and just talking about all kinds of stuff. It almost made me feel sad to see how excited he was when he talked, he talked to me like I was his best friend.

But I wasn't. I wasn't his childhood friend from 1945. Sure I would be friends with him but it pained me that he saw me as someone I'm not.

"Do you remember the time we spent all our train money to buy hot dogs?" Steve laughed to himself. "We had to run around and try to ask people if they could lend us money and we came home late." He smiled. "Your mom was so mad at us. She grounded you for two weeks." He chuckled, he seemed happier than I ever remembered.

I don't remember, I wanted to say. I don't remember at all..

"Yeah.." I gave a fake smile and tried to remember but it was just blank. I sighed, wishing I could remember something so simple but of course my mind didn't want to cooperate.

"So anything new with you and Natasha?" Steve asked, a smug look on his face.

"No not really.." I said, slightly confused by the sly grin on his face. "Do you have a special someone I don't know about?" I teased.

Steve rolled his eyes playfully. "No. Not at the moment..." his words became quieter as he spoke, he seemed to be deep in thought. "There was one girl though.." he began. "Back then, before I went into the ice. She worked for the army, her name was Peggy. She was the love of my life, no one could ever replace her.." he smiled softly.

"I'm sorry." I gave him a look of sympathy. "Have you seen her at all? Since you came back?"

"Yeah. I've visited her a few times." He sighed. "She eventually moved on, got married. She lived her life to the fullest..." he shrugged. "I guess I've had a harder time moving on."

"We both have." I put my hand on his shoulder, reassuringly. "But that's part of life I guess...you gotta learn how to move on."

"Yup." Steve looked up quickly upon hearing the door open, watching Natasha as she entered the apartment. "Hey Nat." He waved.

Natasha waved back and smiled at me.

I returned her smile and heard a buzz, I took out my phone from my back pocket.

Natasha had bought me a phone a few days ago and she installed an alarm to remind me when to take my medicine.

The only problem was I didn't know how the damn thing worked.

I looked at the lit up screen, seeing an orange button that said 'Stop.' I clicked it, using my metal hand, but it wouldn't stop. I rolled my eyes, annoyed with this tiny little box thing. I looked at Steve. "Can you help me with this stupid phone?"

He smiled and took it from me, and with no effort at all, pressed the stop button, silencing the phone. "It's not that hard Buck.." he said with a laugh.

I glared at him and took the phone back, putting it in my back pocket before walking to the kitchen to take the medicine.

And that was my routine for the next few days..

Me and Natasha went on our second date, which was us going to eat breakfast at this cafe, watching a movie that came out, and hanging out at home.

I would see Dr. Robinson for the next few days.

Thursday came, I only had three more days until I was going to decide whether I still wanted to see Dr. Robinson.

"The pills have somewhat been working...but it hasn't helped a whole lot." I said with a sigh, looking at Dr. Robinson. "How long is this going to take until I'm fixed?"

"Based on your circumstances I have no idea. It will most likely take longer but don't worry. I will help you." He gave me a reassuring smile. "Anymore thoughts about...hurting yourself and such?"

I shook my head. "No...I mean I am upset with myself of course. I don't think there's ever been a time where I was happy with myself besides...me and Natasha. That's the only good thing in my life and I can't lose it."

"Having someone like that is a very good thing. You're lucky to have her." He paused. "Just keep doing your treatments and if you want to talk you can always call me whenever you like. Anytime of the day." He stood up and shook my hand. "It's good to see you again James."

"Thank you." I gave a small smile and watched as he left.

Steve was out doing god knows what and Natasha was at the store, so I was alone for most of the day.

Well, alone with my thoughts..

They weren't as harsh and as stressful as before but more like:

What would happen if I get fixed? Me and Natasha could build a future. We could maybe even..

Get married?

Oh my god Barnes you've only been dating for a month and a half and now your thinking of getting married?

But it could happen..

Just imagining her walking down the aisle with a white dress made my cheeks flush.

Man I had problems..

I walked to the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror, I didn't have bags under my eyes like I did a week ago. I looked so much like my past self that it brought back some of the few memories I had of the past. I quickly walked back to my room and looked under my bed as I remembered..

I took out the box with all the pictures and looked for the small box that held my old army uniform.

I found it and took it out. I wondered if it would still fit..

After a few minutes I was wearing the uniform, with the hat and dog tag to complete it. I walked back to the bathroom, looking at my reflection.

I looked like Bucky Barnes.

I smiled, raising my hand and saluting.

"Not bad Sargent."

I turned around and saw Natasha, studying me.

I grinned. "Hey beautiful." I said before pressing my lips to hers.

She pulled away, smiling. "You look..amazing."

I could feel my face heat up like crazy as she looked at me up and down. "T-thank you."

She gave an amused grin. "Your cute when your flustered."

"Shut up." I muttered, rolling my eyes playfully as I walked out of the bathroom.

"You know you love me." She said with a wink.

"Can't argue that." I smiled and walked back into my room. Looking at the clock, it read: 10:00pm. I changed back into my regular clothes and laid down on my bed. The thought never left my mind:

What if me and Natasha do get married?

Natasha soon walked in, laying down next to me, her head on my chest.

And that's when suddenly the world felt right. I ran my hand through her hair, and smiled at her. "What would I do without you?"

"You'd be more of a mess than you already are.." she joked, though it was probably true.

I sighed. "How was your day?"

"It was okay I guess. It was nice to have some time to myself.." she paused. "What about you?"

"I saw Dr. Robinson..he told me that the medicine would probably take a while to start affecting me. After that it was just...normal I guess? Though my life is never really normal."

"At least our lives are interesting right?" Natasha smiled.

I shrugged, and bit my lip. "Do you ever think - and I'm just thinking out loud here - that we would ever get married?"

Natasha looked up at me, an unreadable expression on her face. "It's definitely a possibility." She gave a small smile. "One day.." she kissed my cheek. "I would like for it to work. But of course we need to take our time."

"Right. Of course.." I smiled back. "I love you so much."

"I know." She yawned, snuggling against me even more. "Let's go to sleep." She whispered before closing her eyes.

"Okay." I whispered back, reaching over to turn off the lamp. I wrapped my arms around her and we soon drifted off to sleep.

Three weeks later...

I agreed to have more sessions with Dr. Robinson. The pills actually helped to my surprise and my nightmares and hallucinations slowly went away. Not completely of course, but to the point where I could relax.

And that was something I was not going to take for granted.