Chapter One
The day shimmered with the familiar brilliance of a Lagos afternoon, bustling and lively. Like clockwork, everyone around went about their daily routines, lost in the rhythm of the city's pulse.
Lawisa's car pulled up at the school gate with haste, and she swiftly disembarked. Anxiety gnawed at her as she weaved her way toward her daughter's classroom. She despised the feeling of tardiness when it came to picking up Zarah. However, with the streets gridlocked by traffic, her options were limited.
"Good afternoon, Teacher Elsa," Lawisa greeted, accompanied by a warm smile.
"Good afternoon, Mrs. Lawisa," replied the teacher, her smile mirroring Lawisa's.
"I'm sorry for being late again," Lawisa expressed her apologies.
"No worries, your little girl is a delight. She's such a lovely child," the teacher commented, casting an appreciative gaze toward Zarah, who, upon noticing her mother, immediately assumed a disgruntled expression.
"Assalamu alaikum, sweetheart!" Lawisa greeted her daughter with affection. However, Zarah seemed to wear a cloud of discontent. Zarah had been in lively conversation with her teacher before catching sight of her mother through the window. Now, she sat quietly at her desk, ready to showcase her displeasure.
"Love, I understand you're upset because I arrived late, but could you at least acknowledge my greeting?" Lawisa implored.
"Wa alaiki salam," Zarah tersely responded, her attention appearing to be elsewhere.
"Why aren't you smiling, my love? Mommy brought you something from MieBie Bakery, your favorite pastry." A slow grin crept onto her daughter's face. However, Zarah, true to her nature, desired a bit more coaxing. She contorted her little face, pushing her lips outward.
"Well, since my little girl doesn't seem to want to talk to me, I noticed some children in the other class. I was considering sharing the pastries with them," Lawisa feigned sadness and began to turn away when Zarah finally called out.
"Mommy, please don't leave me," Zarah whispered, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.
"Okay, love, but don't cry. I'll never leave you, alright?" her mother assured her.
"I'm your only daughter, so they won't eat my pastry, right, Mommy?"
"Yes, princess," she reassured the little girl, who now smiled and hugged her. Lawisa wanted to lift her up, but she was too tired.
They arrived home, both exhausted. After freshening up, the mother and daughter got ready for lunch. Lawisa might have been an "introvert" to the outside world, but with Zarah, everything was different. Cooking for Zarah always brought joy to her, and the feeling that someone needed her kept her moving forward.
"Come on, princess. Lunch is ready," Lawisa called out to Zarah as she arranged the food on their four-chair dining table.
"I'm coming, Mommy," Zarah ran out of her room in her pink shorts and a white floral vest, grinning from ear to ear.
"Pasta and meatballs!" She exclaimed in excitement at the sight of her favorite meal. "Thank you, Mommy, you're the best," Zarah said with a wide smile and then kissed her mom on both cheeks. She sat down on the chair she had been standing on earlier to match her mother's height.
Lawisa smiled at her daughter as she took her second bite. She wondered why it was so pleasant to watch Zarah eat, and that satisfaction on Zarah's face was worth all the sweat. Lawisa would give anything to see it stay permanently. What a beautiful gift Allah had given her, she thought to herself.
"Mommy, why aren't you eating? Don't you like the food, did you only cook it because I wanted it?" Lawisa only smiled and started eating from her own plate.
After lunch, Zarah would always sit and watch her mother as she washed the dishes and arranged them back in the cabinet. Today wasn't an exception either.
"Mommy, Hanna's milk is almost finished."
"Well, your cat really needs to start dieting," said Lawisa in a serious tone, but Zarah burst into a fit of laughter.
"Cats don't go on diets, Momma. Besides, you also said that she's our family member, so she needs to eat as much as she wants to."
"Clever, hmm? I thought my girl was silly enough to believe that cats go on diets like humans do."
"I'm a big girl now, I can even sleep in my room."
"Of course, you are. We're going shopping tomorrow, and we'll start preparing for your 6th birthday," Lawisa announced. Zarah's excitement was palpable; she began jumping on the kitchen counter where she had been sitting earlier. However, she settled down quietly, hinting at something on her mind.
"Zarah, what's wrong? We're going to celebrate your 6th birthday, even though you already behave like an eight-year-old," Lawisa said, gently stroking Zarah's braided hair.
"Is my daddy coming for my birthday?" Zarah's question caught Lawisa off guard. She knew such questions would keep coming up. "I've been praying so that he can attend my 6th birthday. Is he coming?"
"No, love. Why did you ask me that all of a sudden?"
"Noorie celebrates all her birthdays with her mom and dad. My daddy doesn't love me, right, Mommy?"
"Who said that? Of course, your dad loves you. You know we're still in that game where dad has to find us first. But don't ask me why he's taking so long, okay?" Zarah nodded in agreement, and Lawisa couldn't help but feel a slight twinge of guilt.
"But what kind of game is this, Mommy? Because it's not fun anymore."
"So you mean to say that you 'Yes day' is not fun at all?" That instantly lit her spirit, a yes day means, she's allowed to ask for anything.
"No, that's fun to do, I like it." Lawisa nodded as she dried another plate with a small kitchen towel and placed it in the cabinet. "If we find my dad first, we will be out of the game, right?" Lawisa nodded again. "My dad is not that smart to find us, I think," Zarah mumbled to more to herself.
"And my baby girl, you are not Noorie; you are Zarah, the star, the one next to the moon. You should only listen to what Mommy says. We don't need your daddy as of now; we are fine and happy, yeah?" Zarah nodded in agreement once more.
"Mumma, did my daddy hurt you?" Lawisa just smiled and brushed it away before Zarah could dig deeper into that question. But she knew Zarah would ask again.
With her cuddling partner sleeping on their king-size bed in the bedroom they practically shared (since Zarah always ended up there), Lawisa was left alone in the small living room to ponder her thoughts in the quiet night. She knew she couldn't escape her daughter's questions forever and felt a growing unease about how to explain everything to Zarah in the near future.
In the dimly lit living room, Lawisa sat on the couch, an old photograph clutched in her trembling hands. The room was hushed, save for the occasional hum of the ceiling fan and the soft breathing of her sleeping daughter in the nearby bedroom. Moonlight filtered through the curtains, casting a gentle glow on the photos scattered across the coffee table.
"Hajiya," she began in a voice barely above a whisper, her gaze fixed on the image of her grandmother, "I don't know if I've forgiven them or if they've forgiven me." Her fingers traced the faded edges of the photograph, worn from countless caresses over the years. "But I know it still hurts somewhere in my heart."
As she spoke, a lone tear slipped from her eye, silently tracking down her cheek. Lawisa's voice quivered with emotion as she continued, "How can I explain to them who my daughter is?" She glanced towards the bedroom where her daughter slept, her innocence a stark contrast to the complexities of the world. "My child is oblivious to the harsh reality of this life."
Lawisa sighed, her gaze returning to the photograph. "I know you're older than you were before," she murmured, her fingers trembling as she stroked the image of her grandmother's gentle smile. "But I just hope you can remember me in a good way."
The room felt heavy with the weight of unspoken emotions, and Lawisa's shoulders slumped as she confessed, "I miss you a lot." She hesitated, tears gathering in her eyes once more. "And I've learned to live without you all." She let out a shuddering breath, her voice barely a whisper now, "What is my life if I hurt you all so much?"
With great care, Lawisa set her grandmother's photograph aside. Her trembling hand reached for another photo, this one of a vibrant young lady, captured in the bloom of youth.
She held the photograph close to her heart, her tears falling freely now. "You must be so disappointed in me like your son, right, Grandma?" In the quiet of the night, the room bore witness to her silent lament, her unspoken regrets, and the enduring love she held for those who were forever etched in her heart.