Cold, Wet, Stone

It has been 6 years since I ran away from the Norfield Orphanage. Not a day has passed that I've regretted leaving those cold, wet, stone walls. Norfield was a small, shabby fishing village that sat on the Emerald Bay. It was full of people who never left the place where they were born, and were perfectly okay with knowing what their future was going to be because nothing ever changed. Between the fisherman not coming home from their voyages out on the harsh seas or the miserable cold weather, the orphanage provided shelter for plenty of children of all ages, myself included. The children would then grow up, become fisherman and orphan more children. I hated this place. I never belonged here and I never wanted to. The orphanage was run by a ghastly woman and her equally ghastly daughter, Mrs. Patrice.

Mrs. Patrice was in her early 60's, missing most of her teeth and an eye. She was not the first thing any scared child wanted to see when they discovered they were being shipped off to the Norfield Orphanage. I still remember the day I arrived at that Godforsaken place.

"Well, at least she has all her teeth, might be worth something". Mrs. Patrice's warm welcome will always ring through my ears. I remember her also commenting on "how attractive" she found my escort, Father Lindy. Father Lindy was always a kind man. When my mother fell ill, he came over every other day to make sure we had everything we needed. He would escort me to and from church and he even taught me how to read. When my mother passed, he not only helped me arrange everything for her, but he also gave me the secret money she had been saving for me. A few months after my mother died, he told me the safest place for me would be in Norfield until I was old enough to be on my own. He had assured me that they would care for me and teach me how to do things so I could someday take my place in society. He could not have been more wrong. I remember the last thing Father Lindy said to me was, "Fear not young Cassandra, I know this place looks dark, but there is always a light. Find that light and cast the dark demons from the shadows. Make this place a home, it is what your mother wanted. She loves you still, even though she walks with wings now."

It's what your mother wanted.

I repeat these words to myself every day as a reminder that my mother had bigger plans for me. Oh, how I missed my mother. I missed her beautiful golden hair that smelled like the lilies that grew in her garden.

My mother, Zinnia, who was as beautiful as the summer flower she was named after, was always kind and patient. She taught me the basics of how to be a lady and made sure I knew how to do things like sing and embroider. My mother was a very sophisticated woman even though we were very poor. I remember this beautiful powder blue colored silk dress she kept in an ornate chest under the bed that we shared. I knew it must have cost her a fortune but I never asked how she actually came upon it. We had no other family, only each other. I had a father, but I knew nothing about him. All I knew was that I was a bastard and he could not care less if I lived or died.

I lived at the Norfield Orphanage for 6 years. When I was 17 Mrs. and Ms. Patrice started to have conversations about what would become of me once I was finally 18 and ready to be kicked onto the streets. So far the options were: She's pretty enough to sell off to a brothel, and she can always just shuck oysters down at the docks, both of which I could not be more against. I knew I had to leave. I knew I could not stay in this terrible place and end up a whore or worse, an oyster shucker. I knew what I had to do.

I waited for a particularly rainy night because I knew there would be no way Mrs. or Ms. Patrice would bother chasing after me if it was wet outside. I packed up my three old brown dresses and headed down to the kitchen. Once I got to the kitchen, I had packed up the few good apples and stale bread that was left and headed out into the night. I considered stealing the only skinny old horse Mrs. Patrice owned but I would rather have to come back here to live than be hanged for horse thievery, so walking it was. I grabbed a blanket, bundled up and climbed the hills out of town.

After walking for a day and a half, I finally found the most beautiful sight I had ever seen; the welcome sign leading into Brynsbrooke. I was so excited to finally be back home in the village that I had known and loved. I had a list of stops I needed to make on my way to finding a place to stay.

First, I stopped by the market place and saw that all of my favorite merchants were still in business. I wanted to see if my old friends still lived here but I knew now wasn't the time. Before I went to the church to look for Father Lindy, I wanted to see what became of my mother's old home.

I felt my heart drop into the pit of my stomach as I turned the corner down the street our home was on. I couldn't help but smile when I saw the door frame that my mother had carved our initials into, the window panes she had painted now had weathered and chipped, the wooden gate attached to the short brick wall was cracked open and the house looked vacant. I needed to know that the garden she had worked so hard on was still alive. I went around the back of the house as my chest started pounding. There it was, tucked away in the same little corner, but it was completely destroyed. I couldn't control myself, I bent down next to it and just began to sob. All of her flowers except a few hyacinths were dead and crushed. I plucked the remaining flowers, wiped my face and stood. I gave the garden one last look over and turned to leave the home. As soon as I turned, I stopped and gasped. There was a bent over old man with a short brim black hat looking at me.

"Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my yard?" He asked in a barely intelligible thick accent.

"I-I'm sorry sir. My name is- well that doesn't really matter. I used to live here, you see, and- well this was once my mothers garden and I-" I choked up as I began to cry again. "I'm sorry" I said and ran past him, back through the gate and down the street away from my mother's house.

I wiped my eyes on my sleeve and started towards the church. The sun was setting in the sky and the temperature was beginning to drop. I wrapped myself in my damp blanket and walked up the steps to the church narthex.

I opened the door and took in the sights of the lit candelabras, the scent of the frankincense burning, the small group and individual townsfolk praying in the pews, and then I saw him standing at the offering table cleaning up a dish. I had never felt so much excitement to see someone, someone who really reminded me of home. I didn't know if I should run to him or dance down the church aisle.

"Um, excuse me, Father Lindy?" I started.

"We will be closing up for the evening soon, child. If you would like to schedule a confession, please see Sister Fischer in the morning." He didn't even look at me as he spoke and his voice was cold. This didn't seem to be the same man I remembered.

"I-I'm sorry, but I came here to see you, Father Lindy." I said.

"I cannot offer my services this evening, I am very busy. If it's an emergency please see the Private at the back of the house." He said and motioned towards the vestibule. He still didn't look at me.

"Father Lindy, please. I came a very long way and I need to speak with you. Just you, please!" I said as my voice cracked. Father Lindy shook his head.

"Well then, get on with it." He said and turned his head to look at me. He studied my face for a moment before he asked, "Who are you? Where are you from?" He gave my attire and damp blanket a once over.

"Father Lindy, It's me, Cassandra." I said in a whisper. Father Lindy's mouth dropped open and the color faded from his face. After a moment he stumbled backwards over himself.

"...Cass..ssandra..." He said looking at me again as if I were a ghost.

I nodded.

"Cassandra. What in God's name-" He looked up at the cross that hung on the wall and made the sign of the cross over his chest. "What in holy Christmas are you doing here? Goodness, you're not pregnant are you?" I didn't really like the idea that he thought I would come back needing help because I had found myself with child, but I suppose that's just what men assume.

I took a breath and tried to stand up straight.

"They released me from the orphanage." I lied.

He looked around to see if anyone was watching before he pushed me through the door into the sacristy.

"Why did you come here? Who knows you're here? Has anyone seen you?" He asked me, suddenly very concerned.

"What do you mean?" I asked, quite confused. "Are you happy to see me?"

He put his hands on my shoulders and gave me a very forced smile.

"Cassandra, did anyone see you?"

I felt dejected and shook my head, "...No."

He sighed as if he were relieved.

"Well actually..." I sucked my teeth. "Yes, an old man that I did not recognize."

He wiped his brow.

"Where?"

"At my house- well my old house-my...mothers house..?" I said.

"You went to your mothers house?" He asked blankly.

I nodded.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked.

"Wait here." He said. He shook his head and left me alone in the sacristy.

I stood there by myself for quite a few moments before the door opened again and Father Lindy entered with a novitiate.

"Timothy, where are we going?" She asked playfully and informally.

"Cassandra, this is Sister Delilah." He said and motioned toward the woman.

She was very surprised to see me. She nodded in acknowledgement that this scene was not the scene she was expecting.

"Sister Delilah, please escort Ms. Cassandra to the convent dormitories and prepare a bedroll for her for the evening. See that she is washed and fed." He opened the door and motioned for the woman to exit. "Cassandra, you and I will speak in the morning. Please see Sister Delilah for all of your needs tonight." he said as he stepped out. "Oh yes, and Sister Delilah," He looked at me, "Do not let Ms. Cassandra out of your sight. Make sure she stays inside and does not leave the dormitory. Good night, God bless you." He said and gave each of us a short nod and disappeared.

I followed Sister Delilah in silence out the back and up the hill to the convent. She led me all the way to a shabby looking door in the back.

"You'll stay here tonight, Miss. I'll be back shortly with things for your bath." She motioned me in and closed the door. I looked around the dark room with a dirty bedroll and one table. It reminded me of the place I had just run away from except this one may just be worse. At least in Norfield I didn't feel completely alone. I had hope to keep me company. Here I just had dark, cold, wet, stone walls.