2. The Convent Girl

After a night of very broken sleep, I woke up and stretched my sore back in this terrible, dirty room. I tidied myself up the best I could in the same clothes I'd been wearing for two days and headed to the door. I took a deep breath and slowly opened it. I peaked my head out and looked down the hall. It was dark except for two lamps lit at the opposite end.

"Oh! Miss!" I heard someone yell and then the pitter patter of feet coming swiftly down the hall towards me. I backed back into my room and closed the door, hoping the voice would forget they saw me and just go away.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Miss!" I heard the voice call from the other side of the door, they did not forget they saw me.

"Oh come now, I already saw you. Father Lindy asked me not to let you out of my sight, and I've got chores to do, which means you've got chores to do." She said. I cracked the door open and saw Sister Delilah from the night before.

She looked at me and crossed her arms. "Open." She said firmly. I exited the door and closed the room.

"Why am I not allowed out of your sight?" I asked. Sister Delilah ignored my question and turned down the hall.

"Follow me, we have nursery duty this morning." She said and grabbed a lit lantern off the wall.

I stopped walking.

"No. Not until you answer my question." I said.

She sucked her teeth and turned to look at me. "And what was your question?" She asked, pretending not to have heard me the first time. This was the first time I had actually seen Sister Delilah, and she was quite beautiful. She must have been around my age, if not slightly older. She had large brown eyes and long eyelashes. Her plump cheeks helped frame her heart shaped face. Her lips were full and very red... unnaturally red.

"Do you rouge your lips?" I blurted out.

"Excuse me?" She said shocked. "Do I what my what?" She asked as if I had used profane language.

"I-nevermind" I said, shaking my head. "I'm sorry, but I asked why Father Lindy doesn't want me out of your sight."

"Well Miss...What was your name?" She started.

"Cassandra." I said.

"Well Miss Cassandra, this may come as a surprise to you, but Father Lindy doesn't owe anyone an explanation for his acts or his words. He's a member of the priesthood. His word is law." She said proudly. My gaze dropped to my feet and I nodded.

"Now hurry before the babies start crying." She turned away from me and headed down the hall. "And yes, as a matter of fact, I do rouge my lips."

Sister Delilah and I worked to feed and clean the orphaned babies in silence for about an hour before Father Lindy entered the nursery. He looked tired this morning, he must have had a long, sleepless night.

Delilah beamed when he came in.

"Father Lindy!" She said excitedly and bowed her head to him in respect.

"Good morning, Sister Delilah," He smiled at her, "I thank you for starting your day early this morning to do the Lord's work." Sister Delilah's smile widened.

"Miss Cassandra," He turned to me and his smile faded, "Come with me please, we have a lot to catch up on." He motioned for me to follow him and we left the nursery.

We walked together down the hill back towards the church. As we entered the courtyard, we saw a few older nuns reading their scriptures on a bench. It was peaceful here, but something still seemed off about the atmosphere.

"Father Lindy," I started, "What will happen to those babies in the nursery?"

"The same thing that happened to you, child. They will be raised here under the eye of the church until they're able to head off safely to an orphanage," He said.

"How do you decide what orphanage?" I asked.

"Why are you so curious, Cassandra?" He countered.

"I just want to know if you ever wonder what happens to them." I said softly.

He turned to me and put his hands on my shoulders.

"Cassandra," He looked over at an empty bench nearby in the grass, "Sit with me." He sat down and patted the bench. I sat down next to him and played with the ends of my blonde hair.

"Are you asking about where the children go because of your experiences with where you went?" He asked me.

I nodded.

"What happened to you there, Cassandra?"

"They were terrible to me. They were terrible to all the children. They started talking about my future before I left. They just wanted to profit more off of the children, they didn't care what that meant. They're all a business investment to Mrs. and Ms. Patrice."

"And what did they send you here to become?" He asked.

I stopped and panicked for a moment. I hadn't thought this part of my lie through yet.

"Wh-Why did you send me to that place?" I hoped my question would distract him.

"Cassandra, I did not choose. That choice was your mother's. If I had been able to convince her otherwise you would have stayed here at the convent with us and become a nun. It was your mother who thought you'd be safer somewhere further away."

"Safer?" I was now confused on what exactly he meant. "What do you mean safer?"

"Nevermind all that now. Come, let's head inside. There are things I want to show you."

What did he mean when he said it was safer? Safer than a convent in the town I wanted to be in? It seemed like Father Lindy was keeping secrets from me and I needed to get to the bottom of it. We walked in silence together down the Nave of the church until Father Lindy found an aisle away from church goers.

"Cassandra, you've seen almost all of the grounds of the church in the short time you've been here. What do you think of this place? These halls?" He asked.

"The church is beautiful and it reminds me of when I was the happiest. This place reminds me of home. You remind me of home. I wanted to be here. I wanted to come back. I want to start something here." I said.

"You want to find yourself?" He asked.

"I suppose." I hadn't considered that being how I actually felt.

"Cassandra, I don't know why Mrs. Patrice sent you back here but I think this place," He motioned to the church hall, "Might be where you belong. God might be calling you here to find yourself."

"I have never thought of a God or what he might want for me. I felt as if I left God behind when my mother died."

"I think he brought you back to me for a reason." He laid a hand on my lap. "Stay here, Cassandra. Join the convent. Become a fellow Sister and learn where you belong."

"I don't know how to respond, Father Lindy. I've never been offered anything."

"Pray on it, my child. He will guide you." Father Lindy stood and patted my shoulder. "I'll send Sister Delilah to find you in a few moments." He left the aisle and headed towards the front of the lady chapel.

I sat there for a few moments looking around and observing the people in the pews and the nuns lighting the candles. It was peaceful, it was quiet. This was a place that people used as their sanctuary and who knows, maybe it could be mine too. I had never thought of becoming a nun before. There were so many benefits to being a nun that were gifted by the church, but you give up so much in return. I would have to be prepared to accept an impoverished lifestyle which wouldn't be terrible. I would have to take a vow of obedience, though. I don't particularly like being told what to do. Then there was the vow of chastity. I would never be able to marry, have children or be with a man. How can I give up something I've never even experienced? I would definitely like to experience a man at some point. I'm only 17 after all, what if I fell in love? Just as I started thinking about the idea of men and being someone's wife I heard Sister Delilah call my name from behind me.

"Miss Cassandra?" She made herself known. "Or should I call you Sister Cassandra now?"

I looked over at her. She looked irritated. Her eyes were narrow and her brow was furrowed. She had her arms folded over her chest. She had also rouged her lips again.

"I believe so, Sister Delilah."

She stood and grabbed my arm aggressively.

"Well then come, Father Lindy says you'll be sharing my cell."

"Your cell?" I asked.

She turned back towards me so fast, "You'll soon find out how this place is nothing more than a righteous prison."

She dragged me all the way to her room. When we got there she tossed the door open and almost threw me in.

"Why are you acting like this?" I asked he, rubbing my wrist from where she pulled me.

"Because!" She shouted. "Because you're an idiot!" She took her habit off her head and tossed it on the floor. Her habit covered up beautiful, thick brown curly hair that fell down past her shoulders.

"Why would you say that? You know nothing about me."

"I know enough!" She shouted again. "I know you showed up and for some reason Father Lindy is taken to you. Who are you to him? To this place? Who are you, Cassandra? No one knows anything about you!"

"Father Lindy took me in after my mother died." I said, "Before he sent me off to an orphanage."

"Are you his child?" She asked.

"Excuse me?"

She grabbed my arms tight, "Are you Father Lindy's child? Is HE your father?"

"No, of course not!" I shook her off. "I don't know who my father is."

She dropped her arms as if she was exhausted.

"So you don't know who your father is? How do you know it's not him?" She asked. She had made a good point.

"It's not. He's a man of the church, a good man. I'm sure he has no children." I said softer.

She cupped her mouth like she was suppressing laughter.

"So you are an idiot." She said.

"You're being rude." I said.

"Well if you have no connection to him, stay away from him. He doesn't need some penniless, dirty, whore looking for-"

SMACK.

I slapped her. I couldn't believe I actually slapped someone.

"You. Do. Not. Know. Me!" I said. I resituated my dress and stood up a little more straight. Sister Delilah cupped her cheek where I made contact.

"You do not know me. I am a bastard, I don't know who my father is. My mother was all I had and she died. She left me alone. Father Lindy took me in for a short time until he sent me to some damn orphanage in some damn fishing shit hole!" Tears started to well in my eyes. I don't know what possessed me to do so but I ran over and threw my arms around Sister Delilah.

"I am so sorry I hit you." I whispered as I began to cry.

"No one has ever hit me before..." She said.

For a long moment we stood there with my arms around her, holding her tight until finally I felt her arms wrap around my body and she too began to cry.