The Past

Am I looking at this right? The three of us were in front of a mall.

Strangers walked by. Some cabs were arriving and were dropping off some passengers. 

Lou removed both of the arms of Cedric and mine that held each of his shoulders.

We both looked at Lou while Lou looked astonished at what he had done.

"Why did the two of you—never mind. It does not matter if you went with me in the past. Just stay away from me!"

He tried walking away. But Cedric held his shoulder again.

"Are you crazy? We cannot stay here for long. It will affect you more than us."

"I no longer care!" he said while he distanced himself from his cousin.

"Will you calm down for a minute?!" Cedric yelled back while holding and forcing Lou to stay in one place.

Lou was determined to get away. I do not know what to do.

Lou pushed Cedric hard enough for him to lose his balance. He let go of him even if he did not want to. When a man walked near him, Cedric got distracted. He almost bumps the stranger. But the man only walked through him as if he were a ghost.

We were both shocked. And Lou took that opportunity to run away.

We tried our best to follow him. But he was gone in an instant. We were also bothered by what was happening around us. It was odd that other people could not see or even touch us. 

When we wave in front of some random stranger, we prove that we are invisible and somehow translucent to those in the past.

"Are we… dead?" I asked.

"No. I told you, Lou can only travel back through time. But he could not change any events in the past because, as we noticed, no one can see or even hear us. We could not even touch anything here."

"So why does he bother going back to the past—" I instantly knew the answer to my question. "Right. Lou does it whenever he wants to know some answers. Like finding you, for example."

"Yes. But it was not the only reason. This place is the new mall that opened four years ago," Cedric answered.

"Don't you find it odd that to know where you are, Lou decided to look into where you were?" 

"There's a lot of clues in our past actions that give away what we're about to do in the future. But not everything is accurate," Cedric said as we began to walk.

"Precisely. If you manage to run away from the house, Lou's visit to the past will only make him see that you ran away. Why would he waste his time for that?"

"He needed to see it for himself. It would also help if he could find some proof."

"So he really did work as a young Sherlock Holmes."

Cedric stopped walking and looked at me.

"Lou told you that?"

"Yeah."

"Did he also tell you about their recent case?"

"No. I think I made Lou upset before we got to that part."

"What were you two talking anyway before I came back?"

"Let's just say I scolded him too much."

I expected Cedric to ask me more questions regarding Lou, but we quietly resumed walking as we looked at the people who walked by. Cedric seemed to be studying the venue.

"This place and time is memorable for Lou."

"Why? What made you say that?"

He looks at me seriously.

"Because this is the year that his parents died. Or should I say murder?"

"What?" I asked while being shocked by his statement. "Murdered?"

"Yes. As far as I know, both are good lawyers. They met when they were both law students. Eventually, they became rivals as they handled similar cases. In the end, they ended up marrying each other."

It sounded like a perfect match. But what went wrong?

"Did they handle a tough case?"

"Yes. It even got the attention of the media. And it leads to their death. Have you heard of the Adams Murder Case?"

"No," I responded while shaking my head sideways. I was never interested in the news. No matter how good or bad it is.

"Well, that was the case his parents are trying to close. But they were found dead in their house. And Lou survived."

"Was he there when they were…?"

"I was not sure. Lou never talked to me about it. He only told me that the last day he and his parents were together was when this mall opened. They were excited to see it."

"So, he often comes back here when he misses them?"

"Yes. So we must find Lou."

"Where?"

"I have no idea. I only remembered random things about my cousin."

I was curious about his statement.

"Cedric, were you not close with Lou?" 

He looked guilty. And he looked away before he responded to my question.

"No. I am not close to Lou. I…"

I waited until Cedric said to me what I needed to hear.

"I only met him after his parents died. I am already living with Zyren then. My parents freaked out when they found out about my reading skills. My mom and dad are having a hard time keeping their marriage. I guess letting them know my ability did not help. So, they sent me to the nearest relative they could find. When we heard about Lou, Zyren also handled the situation."

"He seemed like a nice guy. Yet both of you wanted to run away from him."

"Yeah. Zyren is nice enough to offer his roof and money to keep us alive. But Lou will only wait a few more years before he can be free. His inheritance is enough for him to live on her own. Lou only needed to be on his legal age to claim it. Then, he no longer needs any guardian. On the other hand, I only have enough money to survive. My parents were artists. My dad is a painter, while my mom is a pianist. When my dad died, my mom abandoned me when she figured out I could hear her thoughts about me. So asking for her support is out of the question."

"So, why do you want to stay away from your other cousin then?"

"Zyren is just there to command us what to do and what not to do. It was understandable since he was not a father figure. He only helped us out because he was like us. He also has a special skill that should be a secret. So, you see, we are just stuck in that house. And we are just trying our best not to piss each other off."

"But Lou seemed to care about you," I commented.

"Yeah, he did. But I did not ask him to."

"We do not have any control over how other people feel or think, Cedric."

He laughed bitterly at himself.

"I know. Still, I do not want Lou to see me as his older brother. I do not want him to rely on me when I cannot even rely on myself."

Ah, I see. Cedric is protecting Lou from expecting too much from him. He is right. How can someone feel confident that he can help someone when he has unresolved issues with himself?

Having a family is not just about living with relatives or those that are blood-related. Family means being with someone as a friend, confidant, parent, mentor, or rival. Often, it gives a person roles all rolled into one. People need to juggle responsibilities and tasks assigned to them that they sometimes did not ask for in the first place.

"Am I that terrible?"

"Huh? What?" I asked Cedric.

I was unaware that I got lost in my thoughts.

"Do you see me as a terrible person now?"

"No."

"Is that your real answer? Or were you just afraid to hurt my feelings?"

"It was my real answer," I told him as I stared into his eyes. "I should not judge you or Lou. It was bold of me to assume that I understood him earlier. I guess that made him mad. I gave him my unsolicited advice. I forgot it might have this effect."

"You offered Lou some advice?"

"Yes. I told Lou to focus on the present and move on from the past. But the past will always be at the back of our minds. And it does not matter how light or heavy the memory was. How did I forget that it would pop up no matter what? And even if we want to forget it, some memories will sneak up at unexpected times and places."

"Was there something you like to forget in your past?" he asked while curiously looking at me.

I smiled at him.

"Are you asking me if I had any regrets?

"Do you?"

"I do not have one. There were sad moments. But I could never wish for it to change or disappear. As I said, I was stupid to pacify Lou earlier. I only saw him as a brat. I am also just thinking about myself. I only wanted to make sure he was okay before I left. Now, you tell me, am I a horrible person?"

He laughed.

"Yes. Yes, you are. You are as horrible as I am. And Lou."

It was my turn to laugh.

"It's sad when we get too focused on our goals and only want to do everything we can to achieve them. That sometimes we forget to care and listen well." 

"Yeah. I understand what you are saying. But right now, we must find Lou and not get stuck here."

"Okay. Should we split up and come back here after thirty minutes?"

"Ahm, no. That is not a good idea," Cedric said.

"Why not?"

"See, this place will freeze as the day ends. Then, it will begin again as if every movement here did not happen. Everything here is in a loop. But I have no idea what would happen to us who are not part of it as the loop repeats."

"What do you mean?"

"Remember, this is just part of the past. It will never move towards another day. How long Lou can control this part of his past is unknown. Even to me."

"So, we could get lost in here? How?"

"For one, if we could never find him, and Lou decided to leave us, we would be stuck here like ghosts. Two, if he decided to hide, it would keep draining his energy. And again, we will all be stuck here."

"Is there a way out?"

"There is. But only Lou can see it. So we need to find—"

"Let's go!" I yelled as soon as I grabbed his hand.

There is no time to waste.

We had no other choice. The task is simple yet complicated.

I held tightly to his hand so Cedric would never be separated as we walked through a crowd.

I am unsure if my action made Cedric speechless or because we are now both focused on the same goal.

I hope it was the latter because there is no way we could get out of here if we did not find his cousin Lou.