The air I need to live

POV

Millie

I'm driving to the hotel from work feeling on cloud nine. I'm getting my own office? Already? I'm so excited and a bit nervous at the same time to take on such a big role already. Nick is a good teacher so if I keep my mind straight, I'll be fine. I felt a touch disappointed and relieved at the same time when he told me about his transfer. There's a definite connection between him and me, but one I don't want to pursue.

I pull into the hotel parking lot and walk through the lobby and into the elevator, when I make it up to my floor I get out ready to just become a vegetable for the rest of the night.

Oh… but how wrong I could be about that when I approach my room. My heart constricts at the sight of him.

X is sitting against the hotel door with his head leaning against it and his knees brought up. He's wearing the famous black hoodie with the hood up over his head and black cargo shorts. Why does he have to look so attractive without any effort? His green eyes make contact with me and I want to run away but that'd be a little silly.

"What do you want X?" I ask with attitude as if he has no effect on me.

He looks up at me as I stand over him.

"I can't do this anymore Millie, I can't go another day without you. I tried to give you space but I'm just dying here." He says desperately.

"That's not my problem X," I say in a too bitchy tone but I need to stay strong here.

He puts his head down, "I know," he whispers, "I just miss you."

I want to scream out I miss you too and run into his arms and forget everything he's done, but I can't.

I close my eyes trying to erase him from my presence, from the sadness on his beautiful face to the sadness on mine.

I open my eyes back up and his clearly infected hands are over his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he says with obvious meaning behind the words.

"Please, please tell me what I can do to make this right, I want you back, I want you more than the air I need to live Millie," he begs.

"I don't think there's anything that can be done X, I'm sorry," I say while breaking both of our hearts further.

He mournfully nods his head and stands up, he walks over to me moving my straightened hair away from my face, his touch makes my whole body ignite, betraying my mind in the process. He kisses my cheek while his hand gently cradles the back of my head and neck.

"I love you, Millie, please don't ever forget that." He says notably holding back tears and with that, he releases his lips from my cheek and his hand from my head and releases me in entirety, he turns his back to me without another word and walks away from me. I watch him take step after step, each one hurting more than the last until he can no longer be seen.

That's it, that's that.

The end, the end of Millie and X, and although I should feel freed and relieved, I don't. I feel significantly worse than ever before.

I slide my key card into the hotel door and wait for what feels like an eternity for the green light to come on, when it finally does I rush inside and get onto my hands and knees with previous held-back tears falling from my eyes and onto the dark wood floor. I can hardly catch my breath with the amount of heartache coursing through every inch of my body it's physically hurting.

Why did this have to happen, why?!

I loved him, I still do love him and I wish with everything in me that I didn't. I hate him, I hate that he did this to us, and I hate the inner battle I feel with myself every second of every day. I'm denying myself what I really want, I'm denying myself him. If I give in to him, I will be giving away my pride, and my self-worth for being a stupid girl but I'd be in denial if I didn't admit I want him more than anything, that I too, want him more than the air I need to live.

I pick myself off the floor needing nearly every muscle in my body to do so. I take a deep breath in and a hard exhale out and wipe the tears from my face as I sniffle.

I get into the shower washing away the pain of the day and when I get out Steph is on the couch scrolling through her phone. I wrap myself in a blanket and cuddle up to her.

"Another rough day, baby girl?" She asks sympathetically.

I nod my head into her arm.

"He came here," I say with depression in my words.

"X?" She asks surprised.

"Mhm," I hum out.

"Ugh" Steph grunts, "he needs to stop."

"He will, it's over." I cry again into Steph's arm.

She rubs my back, "I'm sorry Millie."

"Would a girls night tomorrow help out a bit? The girls are dying to see you but I've been telling them you need time." She explains.

"Yeah, I think that'd help," I say, grateful that my best friend knows what's best for me even when I don't.

My phone dings under the warm blanket.

It's an unknown number

Hey Em, it's Nick.

Oh no….