16 years of online relationship
16 years and counting, online friendship.
They said that friendship that lasts more than 7yrs could as well last forever?
I have a male friend who i knew online in october 27, 2003. He is from ghana an exchanged scholar in london and im a filipina working in the church then. During those times I knew i love him and i feel he loves me, but there was no relationship beyond friendship.we talk everyday online and i was developing. But we are civil and agreed to be just friends. He is miles away distant but i could feel powerless when im with him online. I am too overwhelmed with emotion and care for him. But we are freinds and not more than that. Until I got married in 2009. I remember we had an important chat before my wedding, he asked me several times over and over if i love the one i will get married. My answer wasnt a yes and it was not a no. Because even at that point i knew i love him but we cant. If he only told me he loves me at that time i wouldnt have married my husband. I told emml to call me after my wedding rites but he didnt. That was where our communication stopped. We didnt have a conversational chat for 5 yrs. Although he would call me when he heard news aboit calamity hit our country to know i am fine. There once a time that he called me to come online just to catch up the years we stopped chatting. When me and my husband quarrel, i would come to him and he would tell me to understand ny husband. He didnt ever took advantage of me even he knew that im on the right side and my husband is wrong, but he helped me fix my marriage. We are 16 years being friend, he has not ever disrespected me or said any lusty words knowing love is in the air behind pretentions. He has not hurt me but i cried a lot for him even when im just on travel and if i remember about him, a tear would just shed off. I felt i love him so much but we cant. I had never felt stronger love than this. Not even to my husband. But i had never been unfaithful to my husvand. It was a sacrifice for me, to stop chatting him and focus on my husband.we stopped chatting for 4 yrs. During our first years with my husband i confessed to him that theres someone i love online, and after i said his name, i cried. My husband didnt mind coz maybe he thinks its just online, and i dont come online anymore. In 2014 my husband left me for another woman and i tried to communicate with emml again. But things become different. We seem like a stranger when we talk. We run out of words. I was too careful not to offend him, and he to me. One time we blamed each other saying i didnt gave him chance, and me saying, he didnt even courted me. Things become awkward with me and him. But we still consider ourselves friends. One day i saw a movie and it encouraged me to do the same. Confess your feelings or tommorow might be too late. So that night i sent a text message to him saying i love him. Instantly i got a reply, But before i could read his reply, i erased the chatbox. So i didnt knew what was the reply. On that same night i got sick that i cannot rise up from bed for 3 days. I got so ill that i cant stand or walk. I felt inside my body was sore vexed. I didnt chat him again for many days. Then after a month we got on again but didnt want to open the topic what had happend to me. We havent met ever for 14 years. Last year he told me he plans to meet me in hk. This had been my lifelong dream. I felt if i only see him, then i can move on and be free. I waited for so long for this. but after days of thinking over i decided not to. Suddenly i was thinking that he might be married. I asked advices and thought over it for many nights. If perhaps i meet him in hk, i might feel weak and fall for him and give everything. He said he is not married, but how about if he is. I realize that i value my self worth then him. I realize that i love my future man, whoever he is, one day it would be unfair to him that i gave in to emml. So i ignored the plan and thanks God he didnt pursued. This 2018 i come to a point that i got fed up on men. I dont believe on online dating anymore. I cant fall inlove anymore. I also lost hope about emml. Few days ago he just acted so strange. Like hes so interested of me all of a sudden. Wanting my pic and wanting to call and wanting to videocall. This year also he plans again to come and meet me. Now i dont know what to do. Wat about if i fall. Is this friendship or is this love. I dont know.
Our theme song .. Somewherr down the road.
https://youtu.be/AYEgisIhcCI