Chapter 1

Xuesong curled up into a ball on the ground, his breathing heavy. His eyes blurred. His room was dark and lonely, the only light coming from tiny cracks between the curtains. Xuesong's stomach growled, reminding him of his hunger.

He closed his eyes.

Two bright lights flashed in his head. A boy he couldn't remember looked up to him in a small hospital room.

"Xuesong... I don't want to die." The boy had started to tear up. There was another boy, the two of them were identical, both with black hair, brown eyes, and matching beauty marks on the corner of their mouths. They were holding hands. One lay on the bed, the one with tears in his eyes. The other one looked at him blankly.

"Baixiang, do you think I'll die?" The boy with tears asked the other boy. Baixiang said nothing. The room was silent for a while until Xuesong opened his eyes, hearing his coarse breathing on his arms.

Baixiang was the boy with blank eyes. The boy on the bed was his twin brother, Baihua. There was also another one, with bleached yellow hair.

He picked up his phone. He hadn't called, or even talked to or seen, Hehuan in a long time.

He pressed the call button, wondering if Hehuan would pick up. If Hehuan did pick up, would he be mad? or would he break down crying, like the way Baihua did in Xuesong's memory?

Hehuan picked up the phone.

"Xuesong?"

"Hello." Xuesong didn't know why he called Hehuan. Perhaps just to hear his voice. Somebody else's voice, before his eyes blurred into darkness.

Hehuan laughed into the phone. "Wow, the man himself. I thought this was some police guy calling, reporting your death from starvation." Hehuan realized after he said that sentence. "Wait, Xuesong, are you okay? What have you been do-"

"Where are you?" Xuesong cut him off.

"Ah- I'm at the... the usual place." The call was silent for a few seconds. Xuesong sat up from his position on the ground, putting his phone to his ear. He didn't have a reason to call Hehuan. He thought he would have one if he called, but he didn't.

"Okay. Goodbye."

Before he hung up, Hehuan suddenly shouted, "Wait!"

More silence.

"What is it, Hehuan?"

"Uhm... Xuesong, how have you been these days?"

"Normal. Nothing worth noting."

"Ah.. well..." Xuesong wished Hehuan would stop talking and hang up. The more he listened to the other boy's voice, the more memories filled his brain. "Xuesong, why did you call me?"

It was Xuesong's turn to be silent. Instead of answering, he asked another question.

"Why do you live, Hehuan?"

"Well, I hold onto the tiny hope that you'll show up here with your picnic blanket."

"Pff, are you just sitting in the grass, waiting for me?" Hehuan chuckled a little through the phone. Xuesong's vision started to blur again. "Next question. Why should I live?"

There was a slight panic in Hehuan's voice as he spoke, this time. "Xuesong, if you can't find a reason to live, you should live for me, your friend!" Xuesong felt a faint beeping in his ears. "If you live, I'll be happy. B-but, then again, you should live for yourself. It sounds cliche, but if you don't have a reason now, live to find a reason to live."

Xuesong slumped over. He couldn't really hear Hehuan's words anymore.

"W-well... love... nobody else... live...

...

Xuesong closed his eyes and breathed out slowly. His phone clattered on the ground silently.

-

(A few years ago)

Xuesong laid down his picnic blanket on the rain-soaked grass. The sun was setting, around six in the evening. He brought a basket with him, with two sandwiches inside. He had seen these scenes in movies, where the character seemed to enjoy sitting outside very much. He couldn't understand why.

He ate the first sandwich. It tasted the same. Not of the hard work it took for him to make it, not of the satisfaction when he finished, or the eagerness of going picnicking. He never felt any of those, and haven't now either.

The sunset didn't look out of the ordinary. The river he was sitting beside had still but murky waters. He found no joy in it.

There was nobody here today. The town was usually quiet, but today it felt lonely. The wind brushing his hair felt cold and unwelcoming.

There was no such thing as happiness in the still water or dry sunset. Or the now wet blanket, or the sandwich he ate in indifference.

The next day, he tried again. The grass was dry that day, so his blanket wasn't wet when he sat on it. He held the same sandwich he had made in his hand. And ate it while watching the sun set.

Days turned into weeks. Once, a family came to the lake to play. A few times, actually. A woman running with her dog. An old lady. A man running alone.

Then, another boy came. Around his age, eleven or twelve. He had black hair and brown eyes, like everybody else in the town. Although, he looked sad when he smiled at Xuesong.

"What's a little boy like you doing out here?" Xuesong looked up.

"Aren't you the same age?" The boy laughed, then asked if he could sit on the blanket, to which Xuesong nodded.

They sat there in silence, watching the sunset. At one point, the boy spoke.

"I'm Hehuan. What's your name?"

"Xuesong."

At another point,

"I see you here every day. You come here so often."

"I watched it from a movie about a girl enjoying the sunset. I thought, if I stayed here long enough, I would understand her joy." Hehuan laughed.

"Do you not have anything else to do?"

"No, my parents are never home, and I finished my schoolwork."

"Man, lucky. My parents always force me to study. Since I got a 100 on my test, they let me out today."

"Hehuan, are you smart?"

"Eh, I'd say so. My parents are just really pushy. Even if I get one question wrong, they start beating me up." He laughed again, unconsciously rubbing his right arm. After that, they were silent.

The next day, he didn't show up. But, Xuesong had brought a first aid kit- although he didn't know how to use one.

He came back the next week. His eyes looked sadder, but his smile was still the same. Xuesong offered him the kit, and Hehuan was taken aback.

"Why'd you bring that, Xuesong? I'm not hurt."

"You said your parents beat you up."

They stayed silent.

Then, at some point, Hehuan rolled up his sleeves and hesitantly took out a band-aid. There were bruises and cuts on his arm. Xuesong looked at his arm, eyeing the injuries, then quickly took the band-aid from Hehuan. Hehuan flinched, relaxing more when Xuesong just silently put on the band-aid.

When they were done, Hehuan's arms were covered in band-aids. Xuesong offered him a sandwich.

The next week, Hehuan didn't show up. Or the next. Xuesong stared at the sunset silently, alone. With two sandwiches and a first aid kit.

A month passed. Two months. Hehuan reappeared. They sat there silently, the two of them. Hehuan hugged his knees and put his head in his arms. Xuesong saw his shoulders shake silently. He treated Hehuan again, without asking questions. This time, there was no conversation.

After those three encounters, two years passed without Xuesong seeing Hehuan. Xuesong waited for him every day, sometimes when it rained, he waited under a tree. Sometimes, he fell asleep and woke up to the sunrise, but no boy with bruises and sad smiles.

He thought, perhaps Hehuan and him were only meant to briefly cross paths before moving on. Despite that, he stayed there. Maybe waiting for Hehuan. Maybe waiting for somebody else, to come talk to him.

In summer, a man smiled at him. Patted him on the head. Whispered, "I love you." Then disappeared.

When fall just arrived, two twin boys arrived with it to his picnic blanket.