ᴛᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ

prompt 59 - in which y/n is jay's wife

yes by anonymous

 880

angsty af, mentions of miscarriage/death (no actual miscarriage/death)

You silently walk through the door into the apartment, feet shuffling along the floor as you are too tired to even lift your heels. Setting your bag on the counter, you continue your way through the living room. You can hear your husband following you, the air thick with tension as neither of you know what to say. There hasn't been a word exchanged since leaving the doctor's office. Not during the walk through the parking lot, the drive home, the excruciatingly long elevator ride up to your floor.

"Do you want anything to eat?" Jay asks softly, not wanting to startle you.

You stand in the middle of the room, staring blankly at the book on the coffee table that you'd barely begun to flip through, and now there may not even be a point to it. Realizing you haven't answered the question that lingers in the air, you shake your head without a word.

"Okay," Jay nods and glances around, not knowing what to do. Given how horrible he feels right now, he can't imagine what you're going through. And what kills him the most is that there's nothing he can do to help you, to make your pain go away. "Do you want to watch something? Or we can lay down, take a nap."

Considering it, you simply nod in answer before trudging towards the bedroom. The room is warm, and all you want to do is bury yourself under the covers, so you slowly start to undress. Taking off your sweater, you step out of your flats and leggings, leaving you in just a tank top and underwear. After a few seconds of simply standing there, Jay places his hand on your lower back, and you flinch. You hate the fact that you flinch.

Jay suppresses his sigh, trying not to take your reaction to heart—he knows it has nothing to do with him. He knows that. "C'mon," he whispers, guiding you along towards the bed like a rag doll. Pulling back the covers, Jay waits until you shuffle all the way in before toeing out of his shoes and settling in beside you. He lays on his side, propped up on his elbow, and watches as you stare at the ceiling. "Are you okay?" he asks quietly, knowing it is a stupid question but not knowing what else to say.

You blink. And stare. Blink. Stare.

"I talked to Will while you were changing back into your clothes," he offers, shuffling closer when you suck in a sharp breath, finally giving an indication that you can hear him. "He said that placenta praevia only appears in 0.5 percent of pregnancies. It's random, Y/N. It's not your fault."

"Don't," you croak out, voice hoarse from disuse and the emotion you've been holding back. You close your eyes, and a tear leaks from the corner, "Don't try to make me feel better. It's my body, Jay. It's supposed to be safe for her, and instead, it could kill her."

"Baby," he palms your cheek, turning your head towards him, but you keep your eyes closed. "Look at me, please."

After a few moments and a deep breath, you open your y/e/c eyes, bottom lip trembling as you really look at him for the first time since those dreadful words came from the doctor's mouth. "I don't... I don't know, Jay. I don't know how to feel, I don't know what to do," you gasp out the words, heart rate picking up as you find it harder and harder not to cry, "I don't know what you want from me."

Jay pleads, You're so strong.And no matter what happens, you should be so proud of yourself for creating this life. No matter what happens, you are this baby's mother, Y/N."

Closing your eyes, you let out a sob, and Jay immediately wraps both arms around you to pull you against his chest. He lets you cry for who knows how long, lets you bury your head in the crook of his neck until there are no more tears left. You sniffle against him, pulling back just enough to meet his eyes. You don't know what to do, so you say nothing, instead offering a small but thankful smile. Jay trails his fingers through your hair, brushing the y/h/c strands out of your face and behind your ear. Tracing his hand down your body, he lifts up your shirt just enough to flatten his palm across your stomach.

"I love you," Jay says with so much passion, so much hope, so much love. "I love our daughter, and everything is going to be okay. And if it's not... We'll get through it together."

"And if we can't?" you ask, voice barely above a whisper. He knows what you're trying to say, and it makes a harsh lump settle deep within his chest.

Tilting his head, Jay forces you to meet his eyes, dark with determination, "We will get through this. Whatever happens, we'll get through it.