Review Detail of AsuraMonarch in The Multiverse Traveller
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My own personal opinion proceed with caution and an open mind. (FUCK I LOST A REALLY DETAILED REVIEW SINCE I ACCIDENTALLY CLICKED OFF.) This is the TL;DR - Good writing it is readable unlike some of the stories in the fanfiction section. It has quite the fast update rate with a decent word count for each chapter. Story development is interesting and fresh, it breaks free from unnecessary cruel characters./ indifferent cruel guys that only want girls and their bodies. or drama and angst. I'm not saying it is the best plot but it is certainly interesting. Character Design is kinda meh, it is ok but it could be better, not to mention some characters feel OOC (Out of Character) World Background A weakness in all fics and yeah since this is Multiversal it may need to invest in this for each different world, it doesn't need to be a big info dump but bits and pieces for when we need it would be nice. After all maybe Jin will go to a world where some readers aren't familiar with. These are more wordy reviews if you want to read them so go ahead if you want. Writing Quality - Good writing, you won't get headaches with this unlike other fics where it is like MTL. Format is also good and not obnoxious to read. Stability of updates - a relatively new fic with 24 chapters with decent word counts, you guess. Story Development - Interesting story, has some points where you may be a little confused over the plot or decisions but in the end it is an interesting read. And as you might see in the comment section I voice some of my thoughts. But over all a good story, technically at this point it is just about to kick into gear since BNHA is like the starter world. Character Design - Lacking in this area, yeah BNHA was supposed to be a starter world, let me list what I know about Jin and his companions (so far) Jin - a supposedly normal Otaku with somehow god-level acting or All Might is just super gullible. Is laid back and somewhat carefree but does deeply care for those he considers loved ones. Imagine Killua but not as cunning or smart. Izuku - Basically what I know via Canon. Really good friends with Jin, because of the USJ attack Jin basically killed off the League of Villains. Kai Chisaki 'Overhaul' - Asshole of a guy, think typical rival-friend, Gokudera before Tsuna saved him just not as aggressive. Criminal and ruthless killer that allowed and encourage for the torture of a child to abuse her quirk. Somehow gave up his dream to follow Jin, doesn't show why and instead acts like kind of a tsundere. Their first meeting left me scratching. Over all think of Kai as an OOC. Eri - Somehow despite still regularly seeing Kai has somehow gotten over her past and seeing him doesn't trigger panic attacks, opened up really quickly for no reason and is now a cute high and mighty princess against Jin. Yes children especially should have never have opened up or gotten rid of their trauma to what happened to them so quickly, while I don't expect PTSD attacks the change is way too quick to be natural. While I let this past before I am voicing my opinion now. So yeah, needs some more developing. World Background - the weakness numero uno of fics. Yes you made a fanfic of a world, you will think the reader has at least some basic knowledge so you don't think it is needed. But tell me straight up do you know the entire plot of a franchise by heart? and all the details accurately? Even stuff I've re-read a dozen times and I still can't confidently say yes. So while it doesn't need to be a whole lot occasional world building needs to be made. Think if I made a GoW or Worm fic, author has expressed their confusion over the franchise for GoW and doesn't seem to know of Worm. So why am I bringing this up? It is the context of the story. Multiversal Travel, I'll admit I sometimes read crossovers or multiverse stories of worlds that don't involve worlds I am familiar with, while some don't care about world building I do enjoy it when the Author does some to let me understand the world better. This also applies to Character Development, because if I don't know the personality of characters they feel one dimensional.
The Multiverse Traveller
Dragonic_Dao
ถูกใจ 4 คน
ถูกใจตอบ6
Firstly thank you for your review I appreciate it, apart from that this is just what I'll say about your points. To be honest all your points are pretty much accurate, the thing with Eri is more like, I think at least, that it had just began, or was barely about to begin. (the quirk destroying drug experiments) So I don't think it should be that traumatising although Eri hates Kai quite a bit. (I never really show this really but to be honest they've never really interacted after Jin took her away, I'll probably focus more on this in later chapter) Also I don't know if I was clear but Eri had lived with Jin for about a month or two by the time chapter 23 is around so she's pretty used to him, that along with Jin spending a lot of time with her and her not being as traumatized as she was in the original allowed her to get used to Jin quicker. (to be fair I am not a psychologist nor do I know for a fact how long the experiments had been going on by that time, so I may be wrong, very wrong, then again this a fan fiction as you've said so it's to be taken with a grain of a salt) Kai then followed Jin because Jin promised him a world without quirks, as Kai despises quirks which got him to join in. Also its implied that Jin would take him to a place where he could rebuild the Yakuza as that's Kai's dream. Apart from that thank you for your tips and your review.
Hmm your points are also valid, I didn't take into account the possibility that Eri hasn't been captured for long, but to be honest I am probably thinking with more traditional science, it would probably take at least a few years to develop, but this is a world of quirks and Eri is a young girl so of course it couldn't have been that long possibly. And I really do think 1 month isn't enough, though I did enjoy there was no unnecessary chapters over helping Eri over her angst. And with Kai's character to be honest I took him as a guy with a lot of resolve, he hated what has become of the world, so while I do think he'd like to see a world without Quirks, btw if you know Katekyo hitman then I HOPE to dear god you put Kai there lmao. Anyways I honestly think of Kai as the type that would rather destroy the society of BNHA to satisfy what he wants, to rebuild the yakuza from the ground up. isn't his reason for his mask or gloves because he didn't want to get infected with the craze of heroes? So yeah while I do agree with you at some points it all digresses to the fact we have different interpretations of Kai. Now, while I don't give much of a **** over Jin not being prissy over killing I don't see him as the type to enjoy indiscriminate slaughter. So to give Kai more of a role than a glorified medic why don't you let him absorb something, or give him power and he can become some sort of right hand man of Jin. Hell, tell Kai that they can become the Yakuza of a potential GOD and make an empire that spans over multiverses? I think some iteration of him would get an Yakuza-gasm (doesn't quite roll of the tongue.) So far your story is really interesting I just hope you're not getting burned out with the quick updates. Btw I'm curious on the traffic your fic gets, I'd think quite a bit of clicks and reads but the comment count is quite low. I only honestly see that happen very rarely, mostly in fics where a ton of chapters are uploaded a lot and the reader is just too immersed Yeah a bit of a tangent there but curiosity struck. (Read The Arcane Emperor here on webnovel if you haven't already it is a good as **** read. I remember binging that for the whole day and I do mean whole.) but for real though a lot of the times fanfics gets a ton of guys commenting a whole lot of **** like do this do this, and while I may have sounded like that in some parts of my comments I'm surprised that it is mostly just a few scarce thank you for the chap. Honestly I feel pretentious for already having commented like 5 or 6 fucking essays. Though the warning you put where there is no R-18 and Harem might have scared them away xd G'day author-san and hope you address the minor issues soon.
Dragonic_Dao:Firstly thank you for your review I appreciate it, apart from that this is just what I'll say about your points. To be honest all your points are pretty much accurate, the thing with Eri is more like, I think at least, that it had just began, or was barely about to begin. (the quirk destroying drug experiments) So I don't think it should be that traumatising although Eri hates Kai quite a bit. (I never really show this really but to be honest they've never really interacted after Jin took her away, I'll probably focus more on this in later chapter) Also I don't know if I was clear but Eri had lived with Jin for about a month or two by the time chapter 23 is around so she's pretty used to him, that along with Jin spending a lot of time with her and her not being as traumatized as she was in the original allowed her to get used to Jin quicker. (to be fair I am not a psychologist nor do I know for a fact how long the experiments had been going on by that time, so I may be wrong, very wrong, then again this a fan fiction as you've said so it's to be taken with a grain of a salt) Kai then followed Jin because Jin promised him a world without quirks, as Kai despises quirks which got him to join in. Also its implied that Jin would take him to a place where he could rebuild the Yakuza as that's Kai's dream. Apart from that thank you for your tips and your review.
Ya man I've been around the block a bit. As I've said before I had a few other fan-fics (which I dropped don't bother checking them out) and it seems to be that a lot of people don't tend to comment on my stories. My assumption is that most of them are the harem lovers so I tend to scare them away with my *No R-18 or Harem* warnings. As well it seems those who don't like harems generally don't comment as much or only comment when something really goes bad, and I may not be the best, I may not even be decent, but I am not terrible at writing, so generally, I don't get much hate. Oh and also I like your comments, it makes me do a bit of thinking, and it also doesn't make my novel feel like a lonely apocalyptic wasteland. Well till next time, which will either be today or tomorrow. (I really took a long research/break period, sorry)
AsuraMonarch:Hmm your points are also valid, I didn't take into account the possibility that Eri hasn't been captured for long, but to be honest I am probably thinking with more traditional science, it would probably take at least a few years to develop, but this is a world of quirks and Eri is a young girl so of course it couldn't have been that long possibly. And I really do think 1 month isn't enough, though I did enjoy there was no unnecessary chapters over helping Eri over her angst. And with Kai's character to be honest I took him as a guy with a lot of resolve, he hated what has become of the world, so while I do think he'd like to see a world without Quirks, btw if you know Katekyo hitman then I HOPE to dear god you put Kai there lmao. Anyways I honestly think of Kai as the type that would rather destroy the society of BNHA to satisfy what he wants, to rebuild the yakuza from the ground up. isn't his reason for his mask or gloves because he didn't want to get infected with the craze of heroes? So yeah while I do agree with you at some points it all digresses to the fact we have different interpretations of Kai. Now, while I don't give much of a **** over Jin not being prissy over killing I don't see him as the type to enjoy indiscriminate slaughter. So to give Kai more of a role than a glorified medic why don't you let him absorb something, or give him power and he can become some sort of right hand man of Jin. Hell, tell Kai that they can become the Yakuza of a potential GOD and make an empire that spans over multiverses? I think some iteration of him would get an Yakuza-gasm (doesn't quite roll of the tongue.) So far your story is really interesting I just hope you're not getting burned out with the quick updates. Btw I'm curious on the traffic your fic gets, I'd think quite a bit of clicks and reads but the comment count is quite low. I only honestly see that happen very rarely, mostly in fics where a ton of chapters are uploaded a lot and the reader is just too immersed Yeah a bit of a tangent there but curiosity struck. (Read The Arcane Emperor here on webnovel if you haven't already it is a good as **** read. I remember binging that for the whole day and I do mean whole.) but for real though a lot of the times fanfics gets a ton of guys commenting a whole lot of **** like do this do this, and while I may have sounded like that in some parts of my comments I'm surprised that it is mostly just a few scarce thank you for the chap. Honestly I feel pretentious for already having commented like 5 or 6 fucking essays. Though the warning you put where there is no R-18 and Harem might have scared them away xd G'day author-san and hope you address the minor issues soon.
Well, if it's about the no Harem tag scaring readers away, just add a romance tag(if there is any romance). Romance requires neither r-18 nor Harem, so it's a good tag to add if you are planning for romance with one female char. And when it comes to a point where the mc will have séx with the girl, just join the -ahem- sect. If you have no clue what the -ahem- sect is, it is something like this: "(A) pulled (B) onto the bed as they embraced each other..." -ahem- (A) woke up as the sun peaked through the window. If you are still lost, basically the séx scene was omitted with "-ahem-"
Dragonic_Dao:Ya man I've been around the block a bit. As I've said before I had a few other fan-fics (which I dropped don't bother checking them out) and it seems to be that a lot of people don't tend to comment on my stories. My assumption is that most of them are the harem lovers so I tend to scare them away with my *No R-18 or Harem* warnings. As well it seems those who don't like harems generally don't comment as much or only comment when something really goes bad, and I may not be the best, I may not even be decent, but I am not terrible at writing, so generally, I don't get much hate. Oh and also I like your comments, it makes me do a bit of thinking, and it also doesn't make my novel feel like a lonely apocalyptic wasteland. Well till next time, which will either be today or tomorrow. (I really took a long research/break period, sorry)
BTW, I haven't actually read it yet, I usually look at reviews first to see the opinions of other readers.
Dragonic_Dao:Ya man I've been around the block a bit. As I've said before I had a few other fan-fics (which I dropped don't bother checking them out) and it seems to be that a lot of people don't tend to comment on my stories. My assumption is that most of them are the harem lovers so I tend to scare them away with my *No R-18 or Harem* warnings. As well it seems those who don't like harems generally don't comment as much or only comment when something really goes bad, and I may not be the best, I may not even be decent, but I am not terrible at writing, so generally, I don't get much hate. Oh and also I like your comments, it makes me do a bit of thinking, and it also doesn't make my novel feel like a lonely apocalyptic wasteland. Well till next time, which will either be today or tomorrow. (I really took a long research/break period, sorry)
DaoOfCulture:BTW, I haven't actually read it yet, I usually look at reviews first to see the opinions of other readers.