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WritingforXP

WritingforXP

Lv3

“Ah, go boil yer heads, both of yeh,” said Hagrid. “Harry — yer a wizard.”

2022-09-18 เข้าร่วมแล้วGlobal
-d

การเขียน

23h

ของการอ่าน

115

อ่านหนังสือ

ป้าย

6

โมเมนต์

40
  • WritingforXP
    WritingforXP1yr
    แปะแล้ว

    I read the first 6 chapters (all that's available at the moment) in one sitting. Not a dull moment. So it's fast paced and action-packed. The author's narration is impressive. And I'm curious as to whether English is just a second language to him. Ayaan's character has his motivations well-stated. I know why he puts up with the hellish training, so that's great. My only complaint is that I don't know him well enough as a person yet. Who is he, really? He seems to know little of the world considering he grew up in the slums. I imagine someone like that would be a lot less polite. And maybe even curse a lot more. The side characters feel real enough. The dialogue really sets the tone. It's India. Though it'd have been great to explore the coach's character a lot more. I feel he's got quite the backstory. I recommend reading this if you're looking to take a break from LitRPG or Progression-type novels found here. Think Hajime no Ippo. A hard worker's tale.

    Octagon
    กีฬา · Mahaksh
    detail
  • WritingforXP
    WritingforXP1yr
    เพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว

    Idea: A rival his age to spur the fight in him.

    Ch 5 Combo
    Octagon
    กีฬา · Mahaksh
    detail
  • WritingforXP
    WritingforXP1yr
    เพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว

    Oh, I love a good backstory... He sees someone in Ayaan... Another student, from years past, gone rogue perhaps? 👀

    The old man sank into the sofa and reached for the glass of water his wife offered him. With a single gulp, he emptied it and spoke, "I thought that I left my old life behind and was not ready to teach anyone after that incident."
    Octagon
    กีฬา · Mahaksh
    detail
  • WritingforXP
    WritingforXP1yr
    เพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว

    Good. There are no freebies in life. I'm glad the old man's not some Samaritan.

    "Good. I will see whether you are working hard and seriously for it. If you don't show me the results, kids, you can pack your bags and go back to the slums where you came from.
    Octagon
    กีฬา · Mahaksh
    detail
  • WritingforXP
    WritingforXP1yr
    เพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว

    Man, he's observant... Good question.

    "Why didn't they use their legs, elbows, or knees? This was different from what I watched."
    Octagon
    กีฬา · Mahaksh
    detail
  • WritingforXP
    WritingforXP1yr
    เพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว

    Ayaan's a hard worker. You can't hate a guy like that. 💯

    Ch 3 Skipping
    Octagon
    กีฬา · Mahaksh
    detail
  • WritingforXP
    WritingforXP1yr
    เพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว

    Great set up there. But I feel we could have had a bit more exposition. How bad was Ayaan's life on the streets? Did he make any friends, enemies? What were his fears? knowing some of that would make me want to root for him more. Not that I don't already.

    Ch 2 I Want To Be That Guy
    Octagon
    กีฬา · Mahaksh
    detail
  • WritingforXP
    WritingforXP1yr
    เพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว

    "... and if you're going to try, go all the way." — CHARLES BUKOWSKI

    "I... I will do anything here; I will clean toilets and floors. I can even run errands for everyone, but please don't kick me out.
    Octagon
    กีฬา · Mahaksh
    detail
  • WritingforXP
    WritingforXP1yr
    เพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว

    Ayaan's glow up will be quite the read... ✨

    The balding old man approached him, his gaze sweeping over his entire being. He couldn't help but notice the child's frail frame, disheveled black hair, filthy nails, and rugged clothes. Despite this, the child was nearly six feet tall.
    Octagon
    กีฬา · Mahaksh
    detail
  • WritingforXP
    WritingforXP1yr
    เพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว

    How did Ayaan learn to read? 😅

    The board read, "The Boxing Land."
    Octagon
    กีฬา · Mahaksh
    detail
  • WritingforXP
    WritingforXP1yr
    เพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว

    Oh, that was his first time watching a match? A bit surprising... You'd think he'd have seen a few matches working on the streets for so long... Assuming he's been polishing shoes for a while...

    Ayaan's mind raced as he walked through the narrow alleys, recalling the match he watched on the phone. The experience had left an indelible impression on him. He had never imagined that people could achieve fame and fortune by fighting each other until that day.
    Octagon
    กีฬา · Mahaksh
    detail
  • WritingforXP
    WritingforXP1yr
    เพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว

    Great first chapter. The narration's great. I could see the character's actions vividly. It really sets the tone for what's to come. And Donall's sassy confidence is just 🔥 And that line in the end... He knows someone's out there... 👀

    Ch 1 The Destroyer
    Octagon
    กีฬา · Mahaksh
    detail
  • WritingforXP
    WritingforXP1yr
    เพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว

    Is this right?

    "Bhenchod!"
    Octagon
    กีฬา · Mahaksh
    detail
  • WritingforXP
    WritingforXP1yr
    เพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว

    What does this mean? 🤔

    "Bhenchod!"
    Octagon
    กีฬา · Mahaksh
    detail
  • WritingforXP
    WritingforXP1yr
    เพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว

    Captured his character in a single line... I have a face for him now. 🔥

    "It's Fucking easssy... They are all not on my level, mate."
    Octagon
    กีฬา · Mahaksh
    detail
  • WritingforXP
    WritingforXP1yr
    ตอบกลับถึง Pb0514

    Perfect! 😂

    Donal O'Connor emerged and walked like a duck in the middle of the octagon, his muscles bulging beneath his skin. He exuded a quiet confidence that spoke volumes about his skill in the octagon. The crowd was roaring and waving Irish flags everywhere.
    Octagon
    กีฬา · Mahaksh
    detail
  • WritingforXP
    WritingforXP1yr
    เพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว

    I see what you did here, author... I like it. 😌

    "FROMMM THE IRELANDDD….. THE IRISH DESTROYERRRRR... DONALLLLLLLL... O' CONOOORRRR…..
    Octagon
    กีฬา · Mahaksh
    detail
  • WritingforXP
    WritingforXP1yr
    เพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว

    You put a lot of effort into this. Thank you.

    Ch -1 The Nightmare Spell
    Shadow Slave
    แฟนตาซี · Guiltythree
    detail
  • WritingforXP
    WritingforXP1yr
    ตอบกลับถึง MenacePigeon

    I shouldn't have laughed at this... but man... 😂😂

    About one and a half billion years ago he finished setting up the foundation of the treasure, which meant that his remaining work although important did not require as much attention from him. As long as he was within a certain range he could continue manufacturing using only his spiritual senses. This left him relatively free to do as he wished, but being alone he got bored quickly. He had devised many ways to entertain himself.
    The Innkeeper
    แฟนตาซี · lifesketcher
    detail
  • WritingforXP
    WritingforXP1yr
    เพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว

    Thank you for this. I rarely read about my own continent in many of these.

    A.D.F: African Defense Front: : :
    The Innkeeper
    แฟนตาซี · lifesketcher
    detail