val_the_mysterious

If you want any help/advice you’re welcome to message me on discord, I’m also in a writing group on discord if you’d be interested. Discord: val_the_mysterious#1956

Yes

Love this! The imagery, the way your heart is racing along with her. There is depth to the characters, a life to them that the author has managed to capture. The world-building is on great and easy to follow. Writing is good and easily draws in the reader. I’ve had this one sitting in my library for a while and I’m glad I started reading it.

It's still early in the story, but I'm already in love. Two chapters in and the world-building have been shown at a nice, easy to follow, flow. The first chapter did a good job of capturing Oda the human and the pressures he was dealing with. It will be interesting to see how Oda the yokai develops. Love the Japanese myths in the story, I'm always a sucker for myths. Keep up the good work! Can't wait to read what comes next in his journey.

All of those suppressed emotions and opinions were too much and killed him.

I'm five chapters in and am enjoying the story so far. I wouldn't mind a little more information on what the team is/does up to this point we only have the team name to go by and that just brings the movies, by the same name, to mind. There are some gaps in world-building. The best by far is the first chapter and the funeral, beautiful imagery. Characters are interesting and slowly coming together. The interactions with the team members really bring out each individual. The writing could use an edit, some spots are rougher than other's, but the author made it clear that English isn't their first language. Because of this, I say that you're doing a great job with the writing. Keep up the good work.

It could be put off that he picked a more ‘American’ name. I know that they’re in Canada and not America, but I imagine the same happens there. Too many people not willing to learn how to pronounce someone’s name. This would make it less suspicious.

For a smoother read move ‘*smile*.’ - excited about it,” one of the girls said with a smile while looking at the camera.

With the dialogue here, when it ends with a punctuation you dont need a comma. “Are you guys ready?” the husky voive of a middle-aged man sounded.

The part ‘white aged guy’ is confusing. Maybe ‘a white, older man’ or ‘a white, middle aged man?’ Just a suggestion .