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HANA_4345

HANA_4345

Lv3

Amateur writer. Please leave your review! IG Account: @thebookwormpotato Discord: HANA #5052

2019-07-17 เข้าร่วมแล้วGlobal
-d

การเขียน

20.8h

ของการอ่าน

307

อ่านหนังสือ

ป้าย

14

โมเมนต์

152
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    ตอบกลับถึง Insaf_Imthiyas

    I won't say it's my best writing since it's my first story, but I do hope you could give it a chance. You can be honest commenting if there's anything not of your liking. It will help me to improve my writing style.😄

    altalt
    The Trials of Love
    แฟนตาซี · HANA_4345
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    แปะแล้ว

    So... not exactly a review, but a post to give you some sort of an idea of what the characters in the story looks like... by the way have fun reading you all!!!! (btw, not giving myself a 5 star rating since I know there is room for improvement)

    altalt
    I Can Only Summon Cannon Fodders to Survive the Apocalypse!
    แฟนตาซี · HANA_4345
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    ตอบกลับถึง Thicc_Lil_Unit
    "Sam, I think that would be possible," Tyson interrupted, "What if we are in reality characters from a story. You know like in those superhero comics! Where there are alternate universes, variants of us! Oh… that would suddenly explain the zombies, Viviane's ice powers. We are the side characters of this story! I'm the comic relief, you are the female sidekick who is more powerful than the MC, Viviane is the mentor of the MC, and Lynn he is the MC!" Tyson was excited. He looked like a five-year-old kid very proud of his deduction.
    altalt
    I Can Only Summon Cannon Fodders to Survive the Apocalypse!
    แฟนตาซี · HANA_4345
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    ตอบกลับถึง Wishful_thinker1
    altalt
    A Thousand Petals to Heaven
    สมัยใหม่ · HANA_4345
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    ตอบกลับถึง caligarcia87

    Poor Lynn is so average that maybe if he commits a crime no one would be able to describe his features because of how average he is.😆

    ย่อหน้านี้ถูกลบแล้ว
    altalt
    I Can Only Summon Cannon Fodders to Survive the Apocalypse!
    แฟนตาซี · HANA_4345
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    ตอบกลับถึง Brian_Hanes_117

    Not saying that people won't read it, but like you said, as what happens with all sequels, people will compare. That's what I meant with a big shoe to fill.

    altalt
    Avatar: Macai's Journey
    อะนิเมะ&มังงะ · Brian_Hanes_117
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    แปะแล้ว

    So the writing is overall great. What are my worries for the author though... Everyone knows a bit of what Avatar is about (even those who are not fan knows the main idea of the story). So you do have a big pair of shoes to fill. As for how the story is going, the pace is good. There are no unnecessary info. I don't really read fan-fic, but from the chapters I read, I can do a good bet that this is a very well-written fan-fic, it's on par to the OG stories here.

    altalt
    Avatar: Macai's Journey
    อะนิเมะ&มังงะ · Brian_Hanes_117
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    ตอบกลับถึง Sin_KG08

    hahaha... you've got a good eye. I'm still experimenting with writing style... thank you for giving it a read even though is not your cup of tea :) have a great day/night!

    altalt
    A Thousand Petals to Heaven
    สมัยใหม่ · HANA_4345
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    ตอบกลับถึง LucienNg
    altalt
    A Thousand Petals to Heaven
    สมัยใหม่ · HANA_4345
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    ตอบกลับถึง LucienNg

    She really do have all the reasons to burn those people alive! Not one ounce of remorse.

    altalt
    Young Master Adrian Of Winford
    แฟนตาซี · LucienNg
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    แปะแล้ว

    So....so far we've got an MC who loves martial arts, gods in mythology and fairies. This could go wrong in so many ways (since there are so many things added to the story) if the author isn't careful in the storytelling. For the time being though, it sounds itneresting enought to captivate the audience. Keep up the work[img=recommend]

    altalt
    Sanctuary God
    แฟนตาซี · Sin_KG08
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    เพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว

    is he a kid or a monkey... I'm starting to think about the latter... or... maybe a mutant kid-monkey

    The kid said to himself before letting go of the tree as he pushed himself forward with his feet reaching higher into the air, doing small flips and spins in the air before landing with force against the ground.
    altalt
    Sanctuary God
    แฟนตาซี · Sin_KG08
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    เพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว

    kimono*

    ย่อหน้านี้ถูกลบแล้ว
    altalt
    Sanctuary God
    แฟนตาซี · Sin_KG08
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    ตอบกลับถึง Arkbrave
    altalt
    A Thousand Petals to Heaven
    สมัยใหม่ · HANA_4345
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    แปะแล้ว

    Nice!!! So the story begins with our character being betrayed, which is a good way to captivate your readers' attention (it definitely grabbed mine). This story may be a total hit if the author keeps updating it. [img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend] Definitely nothing to rant about.

    altalt
    Rise Of Steele
    ไซไฟ · Arkbrave
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    แปะแล้ว

    Good grammar. Good character design. For the time being I don't think that you could call Adelaide an anti-hero (for now she looks more like the victim, maybe I'm wrong though). There's a good pacing for the story and it's a page turner. Great job author![img=recommend]

    altalt
    Young Master Adrian Of Winford
    แฟนตาซี · LucienNg
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    เพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว

    Action*

    ย่อหน้านี้ถูกลบแล้ว
    altalt
    VRMMORPG: The Other World Online
    เกม · Anji_King
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    เพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว

    hehehehe... that "subtle" reference.

    ย่อหน้านี้ถูกลบแล้ว
    altalt
    VRMMORPG: The Other World Online
    เกม · Anji_King
    detail
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    ตอบกลับถึง Subtorren

    Great! Maybe you should put a small note on one of your chapters to clear that. Just so that your readers know its not like you forgot about it, but that it's all planned.

    หนังสือเล่มนี้ถูกลบแล้ว
  • HANA_4345
    HANA_43452yr
    แปะแล้ว

    So... as I always do in my reviews I like to pinpoint the strong parts of it first. There's definitely good character design and story development. Just a small suggestion, not really something that you need to follow through if you don't want to. You should develop a bit more your world background. Is our MC on Earth? How come there are 9 worlds? Is this an AU? Why did our MC's father fought monsters? There are a lot of questions with no answers. A bit of detail about all this will make the story better. Also as a bonus point, it will make your reader have a better idea of what to imagine when reading your story. So, what you must improve so your story can be a success. 1. Capital letters. I saw that proper names lacked capital letters. The beginning of paragraphs lacked capital letters. Even your title lacked capital letters (don't know if that last one is intentional though). Just by editing that, your story will look more polished. 2. If you are unsure of your grammar you may use a writing software like Microsoft Word, or just download Grammarly and use it on Chrome. Both work well for writers who are just starting. Hope this review was helpful, and I hope that I didn't sound too harsh.

    หนังสือเล่มนี้ถูกลบแล้ว