67. Chapter 67

AN: I'm finally finding some time to write. For those of you also reading Here We Are, I have started posting again as of this week (and am almost finished the next chapter!). Anyway, after I posted the site started doing strange things and I wasn't receiving alerts or even able to sign in...

Finding himself in an empty exam room with only ten or so minutes to spare before his meeting with the board, Derek muttered to himself as he struggled to make his tie lie straight. He was still exhausted, but the lunch his girlfriend had brought him helped in making him feel a little more human.

He swallowed uncomfortably before swearing as his fingers came up to his tie once more. He hated wearing ties; they reminded him of a life he never wanted to be leading again. They reminded him of a stuffy and monotonous private practice, weekly society dinners and a slew of people he wouldn't miss if he never saw again.

He used to wear ties every day. Now he only wore them on occasion. And today, the fabric around his neck felt much more like a noose than a piece of clothing.

When the door swung open behind him, he sucked in a breath and prepared to turn to meet the intruder and act as if everything was perfectly okay. But the scent of lavender hit his nostrils and he breathed easier.

Meredith's small hands snaked around his lower torso as she hugged him from behind. "Are you ready?"

"I wish I didn't have to wear a tie," he muttered, his fingers returning to the offending material once more. "I hate ties."

She released her grip around him and moved around him to push his hands away from his neck, replacing them with her own. Silently, she untied the knot and readjusted the tie around his neck before retying it.

He couldn't help but smile at her actions, especially at the way her upper incisors were pressed firmly down on her lower lip as she concentrated on the task.

"There," she finally announced when she had finished, "How's that?"

"Much better," he responded, leaning down to kiss her. "Thank-you."

"You're very welcome," she breathed, resting her now free hands open-palmed against his chest. "And I know you hate ties, but I can't say I share your feelings. You look very handsome, and they're good for things..."

He narrowed his eyes. "What kind of things?"

She smirked and shifted one hand over, grasping the tie and tugging, pulling him down to her level to kiss him. "See? Look how easy that is," she explained when they had pulled away. "I don't have to stand on my tip toes at all."

He chuckled. "I think I'm going to need a second demonstration..."

With a giggle, Meredith repeated the action, this time the kiss lasting several moments longer.

"Ah, yes, now I really understand."

She sidled even closer to him. "And I'm sure ties can be put to other uses too...more private uses..."

He felt like he had taken a punch to the gut; not necessarily a bad one, just bad for right now. "You can make it dirty," he chastised, pushing her fingers away from his tie, "Not when I have to wear it to a very important meeting."

She giggled. "Okay, you go to your meeting, and then we'll make it dirty later..."

"Meredith..." He whined, his body beginning to think of things that had nothing to do with board meetings.

She smiled before standing up on her tip-toes and pecking his lips. "Okay, I'll be good."

He smiled down at her, wondering how he had gotten so lucky when he realized how calm he felt. She had done this on purpose. She had baited him and joked with him and brought up certain things because she had known it would relax him. God, he was lucky.

"I should go," he found himself whispering, despite the fact that there was no where he would rather be but with her.

"You should," she agreed. "And you're going to do awesome. I know it."

He ducked his head to kiss her one last time. "I love you so much, Mer."

She smiled as he leaned his forehead against his. "I love you too. Now, go," she ordered, pressing against his chest. "Or you're going to be late."

After pecking her lips one last time, he turned and left, quickly heading for the board room.

The interview started with relatively easy questions. How was he enjoying Seattle, working at Grace? How was he interacting with the staff and how did he feel about the equipment. Gradually, the questions moved forward. What changes did he think needed to be made? How could things be improved? Were there any major issues that needed to be addressed?

He answered everything easily. He had answers prepared.

They asked him what he would do if he were made Chief. What would he do differently? What would he do the same? Did he have any specific goals in mind for the hospital or the surgical department?

Everything had gone smoothly, and he thought they had exhausted all possible questions. He was wrong.

"Dr. Shepherd," one of the members began, an elderly, balding man who hadn't performed surgery in a decade, and had the personality of a rusted nail, asked. "We're in a rather...unique situation here. It has come to our attention," he glanced at Richard, "That there are some, how can I put this, fraternizing going on between more than one of our Chief candidates and some of our...'newer' staff members."

Derek resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"Now, nothing that we are aware of is against any rules. And we certainly are not going to put your candidacy at risk-"

Thankfully, a younger member of the board, who was actually still somewhat involved in what went on at the hospital, interrupted. "All we're doing, Dr. Shepherd, is giving you an opportunity to make a statement if you choose to do so. If not, there is no problem. I will say that we are inviting all of our Chief candidates to make a statement if they choose."

Derek sighed, all eyes on him. The most recent board member to speak put him a little more at ease. It felt less like he was about to be interrogated or denied the job. "What kind of statement are you looking for?" He asked evenly. This definitely hadn't been expected.

"Anything you would like us to know."

"Okay." He took a breath, making a decision. "I am involved with another member of the staff," he admitted, not that he suspected it was a surprise to anyone in the room. "It is a very serious and committed relationship. We met before either of us began working here, and I feel we've been nothing but professional while in the hospital." Except for that time in the exam room at prom, he thought to himself. But there was no way they could know about that, right?

"Is there anything else you care to say?" The first man asked again.

Derek furrowed his brow. "Is there something specific you want to know?"

"All we want to know is anything you want to tell us," he returned snidely.

Derek took a breath, trying to expel the anger he was feeling towards his current Chief of Surgery. He was certain this wasn't entirely legal. Interviewers were not allowed to discriminate against you regarding your home life. And yet, somehow they knew about his relationship. He could only hope Richard had also informed the board about Burke's relationship with an intern, Mark's propensity to sleep with anything female that moved, and Addison's tendency towards infidelity. "Are you looking for me to say I would end my relationship should I be given Chief?" He asked carefully.

Two of the members sat up a little straighter; maybe surprised by his boldness. "We aren't looking for anything specific," the second member said again. "Just anything you'd like for us to know."

Yeah, sure you aren't, Derek muttered silently. "I am involved in a very committed relationship," he repeated, treading carefully. Not only would a bad answer affect him, but would affect Meredith. Should she choose to run for Chief Resident, a job he knew would be perfect for her, or should she apply for a fellowship, something that had a good chance of happening, she would need the board on her side. And knowing that Richard had divulged the fact that he was in a relationship with an intern told him that Richard more than likely named the intern. He made a decision. "Dr. Grey and I have been together for a year." Well, almost. Just a couple weeks left now. And with the extra crap they've have to deal with, it should count as five. "We are planning on getting married." When; he wasn't sure. But they would be engaged soon; he was just working on the when and the where of the proposal. "And if you're looking for me to say I would end our relationship if I was made Chief, I can't do that. I won't do that." It may be harsh, but it was the truth.

"Is there anything else you would like to add?"

He shook his head. "No."

"Thank-you, Dr. Shepherd." And, after shaking everyone's hands, Derek was dismissed

Derek was still seething when he took a front row seat in the gallery right in time to watch his girlfriend perform part of a facial reconstruction on the pregnant Jane Doe Alex had pulled out from underneath a pylon at the ferry crash. Although he had been apprehensive about Mark's reasoning behind picking Meredith for the procedure, he couldn't help but smile at the fact that his girlfriend was kicking ass.

Someone took a seat beside him, and he sucked in a breath, not needing to turn his head to know who was now next to him.

"The board was impressed with you," Richard said after Derek stayed silent for several minutes.

"Hmm," was his only response, his eyes still trained on Meredith.

"Derek?" Richard pressed when Derek didn't so much as turn towards him.

With a sigh, Derek sat up and glanced at his boss. "You had no right to inform them about my relationship."

"Derek..."

"No. You had no right. Again and again you put your nose where it doesn't belong. The board didn't need to know about Meredith and I."

"They can't discriminate against you because of it, Derek."

"Not officially. But you and I both know it can affect their views about me, and about Meredith."

"They just wanted to see how you would address the question."

"Somehow I'm finding it harder and harder to take you at your word, Richard."

"What was I supposed to do?" He asked. "What if one of the board members found out about your relationship, but not Burke's? I was trying to level the playing field so no one was unfairly punished; like I did to you when I first found out about you and Meredith." Richard had overlooked Derek as a candidate for temporary Chief of Surgery and had appointed Burke back when he had had surgery. He had known about Derek and Meredith, but not about Burke and Cristina. "I'm trying to change, Derek."

Derek stayed silent, slowly releasing a breath through his nose. Maybe Richard had a point, but he was tired of the man's meddling.

"I know you're not happy with me right now, Derek," Richard conceded after a long moment. "But the way you handled the question...well, I'm proud of you. I trust you with her."

"But that's the problem," he retorted, turning to his boss once more. "It's not your place to decide who can be trusted with her."

Richard fell silent, sitting back on his chair and forgoing any further conversation.

Derek's attention returned to his girlfriend in time for her to glance up at the gallery. He smiled down at her, urging her on. She was going to make a hell of a surgeon one day.

**

After the facial reconstruction had finished, Derek slipped out of the gallery to check on his patients. When he had assured himself that everyone would be fine until rounds the next morning, he made sure he had his wallet and keys, and went in search of his girlfriend.

He found her in the locker room, and seeing that she was alone, quietly snuck in behind her.

Meredith jumped as his arms found their way around her waist from behind. "Derek! You scared the crap out of me."

He pressed his face into the space between her shoulder blades. "How do you know it's me?"

She giggled and leaned back into him, her fingers weaving their way through his. "Two reasons. One; you're the only person in the hospital who would sneak up and hug me. And two; do you really think I can't tell it's you? You feel like you."

"Mmm," he mumbled into her back. "Good to know."

"How was your interview?"

"Fine."

"Fine, huh? That's my word."

He chuckled and released her, choosing to collapse onto the bench across from her locker. "Most of it was good. And then..." He sighed. "The Chief is still driving me crazy."

She collapsed beside him, resting her head on his shoulder. "Did they ask you about me?"

Something in the tone of her voice made him know she knew something. "What makes you ask that?"

She sighed. "Cristina...she told me that Burke was really angry after his interview. The Chief told the Board about his relationship with her. And, of course, about the tremor."

He couldn't say it didn't make him feel better that he wasn't the only candidate who had been taken by surprise. "Yeah, they asked me if I wanted to make a statement..."

"A statement? That sounds..."

"Pathetic?"

"A little. What did you say?"

He hooked an arm around her. "I told them the truth. I think they were looking for me to say I would choose," he admitted.

She stiffened. "Oh."

"Hey," he murmured, pressing his lips into the side of her head. "I told them I wouldn't give you up for Chief."

"Derek..."

"No," he cut her off. "I told them the truth, Meredith. And to be honest, everything that has happened in the last few weeks..." He sighed. "It makes me wonder if I even want the job."

"But it's your dream."

"Yeah," he agreed, "It was. But now I wonder why..."

"You can't say that," she whispered.

"Why not?"

She pulled away far enough to meet his eyes. "Derek, if you hadn't wanted Chief, you would never have come here."

He smiled and kissed her. "And I would never have met you?"

"Yeah."

"But maybe that's the point. My personal life was in shambles. Richard called and asked me to come here with the promise of being Chief..." He shrugged. "I guess it was a good temporary dream because it brought me to you."

"It doesn't mean it can't be your permanent dream."

He smiled and kissed her again. "I have a better permanent dream now."

She sniffed. "You could have two..."

Derek chuckled. "I think you're all I can handle."

"I can't just let you give up on Chief."

"I need to take some time to think about it. I don't think wanting to be Chief to prove that I can win, or because I can't stand the thought of working for Addison or Mark is a good reason to want to be Chief myself."

She giggled. "Good point."

With a laughing breath, he withdrew his arm and stood, ready to move on from the stress of the day. "Are you hungry? I was thinking we could go out for dinner? It's been a while."

She stared up at him for several moments before slowly standing. "Is there a special occasion?"

He smiled. "Of course."

Her lips curled upwards, and then flattened quickly as she released a shaky breath. "Okay. Should I, uh, are we going home to change first?"

Derek shrugged. "If you really want, but I was thinking the little Italian place by the water. I think anything that isn't scrubs is fine."

"If you're sure..."

He furrowed his brow. It had been a while since they had gone out to a restaurant, but it shouldn't be this big of a deal. "You look beautiful in anything, Mer. I'm sure."

With her lower lip captured beneath her teeth, she nodded and proceeded to strip off her scrubs and pull on the jeans and long-sleeved tee she had worn in that morning. "Are you sure this is okay?" She asked, turning to him, her fingers playing with the hem of the opposite sleeve.

He stepped forward to run his fingers through her hair. "Mer, what's the matter?"

"Nothing. I just...it's not that I want to be dressed up or whatever, but I...I've been wearing the same clothes for three days. I haven't washed my hair since yesterday morning. I've got huge bags under my eyes. I probably smell. I-"

"Hey," he cut her off. "You definitely don't smell. What's this all about?"

"I get that I'm not...and we're not...but I...I still want...something. You know?"

Derek blinked, trying to make sense of Meredith's rambling. He was usually pretty good at it, but right now he was completely lost. "I'm sorry, Mer. I need a little more to go on here. What are we 'not'?"

"We're not the type to get dressed up and go out and make a big deal out of things."

"Okay..." She was right, although he had no idea why this had come up. "Mer, if you want to go home and change first, that's fine. Tonight is for you. Hell, we can go somewhere fancy if that's what you want."

"No, the Italian place is fine."

"You just want to get dressed up." He still had no idea what was going on.

"Not dressed up, just more dressed up than jeans."

"Mer, you look fine. I don't see why this is such a big deal to you."

"I don't see why it isn't to you."

He sighed. "Look, Mer, I love you. We can go anywhere you want. And you can wear anything you want. But it's already getting late, so if we're going to go home first, we need to do it now."

"Oh," she said. "I didn't realize there was a time thing..."

"There isn't a time thing," he responded, still lost in the conversation. "It's just-"

She cut him off. "No, it's fine. I get it."

Well, that makes one of us, he said silently in his head.

"Just...give me a minute," she muttered, digging through her locker for a small make-up bag.

With a sigh, he wrapped his arms around her from behind once more, resting his chin on her shoulder while she applied her make-up. She was beautiful without it, but he wasn't about to say anything and restart the conversation.

"It really isn't easy to do this with you this close," she mumbled as she struggled to apply her mascara.

He chuckled, but made no move to release her.

"Derek, seriously..."

"I think we should just stay like this all evening instead," he murmured. "I don't think I've been this calm all day."

She grumbled something under her breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

He reluctantly released her as she finished with her make-up and tossed the small bag back into her locker. "I know it's something. It's always something."

She sighed and offered him a soft smile. "I just wish I could be as calm as you. I mean I'm calm, just not...calm calm."

They were encroaching on that unknown topic again; the one where she seemed to know exactly what they were talking about, and he was clueless. Although she seemed to think he knew what was going on.

Derek sighed and weaved his fingers through hers. Maybe he was just tired and this would all make sense with some time to process how wanting to take his girlfriend out for dinner to celebrate her successful bone harvest turned into this; whatever this was.