126. Chapter 126

AN: If you want someone to blame for this crazy delay, blame the guy that wasn't paying attention to the traffic lights and slammed my car... No serious injuries, but I haven't exactly been able to sit in front of a computer for hours at a time. Just remember; RED light means STOP. lol. I'm hoping to get back to updating more regularly again. Thanks for your patience and continuing support!

000

Derek sighed softly as his sleep deprived brain was forced to find consciousness by some unknown external force. He gradually became aware of his surroundings; he was lying in his bed, mostly on his stomach, with his face pressed into his pillow. It was warm and soft. And something was touching his back. A warm, comforting pressure ran up and down the length of his spine. He sighed again, prepared to drift back to sleep. Unfortunately, the pressure on his back stopped its movement, pressed into him and shook him gently.

"Derek?" His wife's quiet voice found his ears.

"Mmm?" He managed to mumble back without lifting his head.

"I'm sorry, but you have to get up now."

"Nnnn," he responded, pressing his face deeper into the pillow. He heard her laugh in response.

"Unfortunately, yes," she said. "I know you got home late, but I let you sleep as long as I could."

Derek vaguely remembered stumbling into their darkened condo very early that morning. He wasn't sure what time it had been. He hadn't wasted any time in climbing the stairs to their bedroom, stripping down to his boxers and crawling into bed. He'd slung an arm over his sleeping wife and had fallen asleep himself. He didn't remember the alarm going off that morning or her getting up before him.

"It's seven-thirty," Meredith prompted. "And you have surgery at nine."

With an unhappy groan, he rolled onto his back and stared up at his wife, blinking hard at the onslaught of bright light.

She winced for him. "Sorry. I know it's bright, but I made coffee." She lifted a steaming mug off the nightstand and held it out to him enticingly.

"How does coffee help it be less bright?" He asked with a scratchy voice.

She smiled that playful smile that always made his heart swell. "Coffee makes everything better."

"Is that so?"

"If you get up, I'll give you the coffee so you can find out."

"You're bribing me with coffee?"

"Yes."

He chuckled.

"You do it to me all the time," she pointed out.

He slowly sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed to sit on the edge. She passed him the coffee and then sat beside him. "I can't believe it's morning already," he complained.

She leaned her head against his shoulder. "I know. But we're supposed to be off relatively early tonight. We can have an early dinner and then you can sleep."

He turned his head and planted a kiss on the top of her head. "Sounds like a plan." He took a sip of the coffee and then sighed. "Do you know what time I got home last night?"

She lifted her head. "No. I didn't hear you come in at all. I just woke up this morning and you were here." She reached to run her fingers through his hair. "You could have just crashed in an on-call room. You would have gotten more sleep."

He closed his eyes and savoured the feeling of her fingernails running along his scalp with just the right amount of pressure. He couldn't even bring himself to care that his hair must look a horrible sight.

He had considered finding an on-call room the night before, but the pull to spend the night in the same bed as his wife had been too strong. It had been pitch black outside through the windows as he had spoken to the family of his third patient – the first happy news he had given that evening – but he hadn't sought the knowledge of just how late it was. He was exhausted, both mentally and physically, after several back-to-back marathon shifts and losing two patients in the last twelve hours alone.

"We hadn't slept in the same bed in three days," he eventually responded. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too." She leaned in to kiss him softly. "It's been a hectic week." Apparently their reward for a quiet New Years week was a very hectic one-week-after-New Year's week.

He yawned. "That it has."

She laughed, and he leaned in to kiss her again, but she simply pecked the corner of his lips quickly and pulled away. "No more kissing until you brush your teeth."

"That bad?"

She made a face.

"Sorry." This time he leaned in to kiss her cheek. "I'll go brush my teeth and shower." He took another sip of coffee before passing the mug back to her and standing.

She stood as well. "I'll make sure your travel mug is full to the brim with coffee when you're ready to go."

He laughed, but offered a very sincere, "Thank you."

By eight, Derek was somewhat more awake. The shower had definitely woken him, but the demands of the last week, where he'd been working at least twice as much as he'd slept, had drained his reserves of energy. Coffee would help him to get through the day, but he knew he wouldn't feel truly alert until he had gotten a full night's sleep.

Having pulled on a pair of jeans, a slightly crumpled white button down and a sweater, he padded down the stairs. As promised, his travel mug was sitting on the front hall table, right beside hers. The sight of the two of them made him smile.

He picked his wallet and keys off of the table and shoved them into his pockets with his cell phone and pager, before turning around to make sure he wasn't missing anything. Something tugged on the back of his mind, something he was forgetting to do or prepare for or...remember, but he couldn't bring forth the thought. With a shrug, he dismissed it. If he couldn't remember, it clearly wasn't that important.

His eyes drifted through the quiet living room. The sun had risen enough in the sky to lighten the room and allow him to make out the new picture now hanging on the far wall. Recently having taken its place with the pictures of their wedding and their New York family was the picture of their Seattle family. Shortly after New Year's Eve, Derek had managed to find a frame similar to the frame his family had given them for their wedding present. Meredith, after the post-New Year's hangover wore off, had argued against using that specific picture, but he had insisted. And now smiling out from the new frame stood Meredith, Derek, Cristina, Izzie, George, Alex, Lexie and Mark, fireworks lighting up the sky behind them and most – Meredith included – wearing very bright celebratory hats. After seeing the photo the next morning on the camera, she had cursed Izzie and hats and cameras and alcohol.

"Ready?" Meredith called from the kitchen.

"As I'll ever be," he called back as he slipped his feet into a pair of shoes.

She hurried towards him and set a small napkin wrapped package onto the table next to their travel mugs. "I made you breakfast. I'll drive and you can eat in the car."

"What is it?"

"A bagel."

Despite his exhaustion and lack of interest in being awake, he couldn't help but banter with his wife about her kitchen skills. "You made it? So, you got up early to bake bagels?"

She rolled her eyes. "What would you do if I said yes?"

"Maybe be a bit concerned about eating it," he bantered back.

She glared at him. "Fine. I prepared you breakfast. Is that better?" Without waiting for him to respond, she huffed and added, "Seriously. You do something nice for some people and this is what you get in exchange."

He laughed and stepped in close to her. "Thank you for breakfast," he whispered, his hands finding her hips. "I brushed my teeth. Can I kiss you now?" He didn't wait for her to respond before ducking his head and brushing his lips against hers. He felt her hands slide up his chest to rest on his shoulders. He deepened the kiss and pressed closer to her.

When he broke the kiss he didn't make any move to step away from her. He hadn't been lying when he'd told her he'd missed her. Their schedules just hadn't matched up and the odd pass in the hallway was pretty much the only interaction they'd had for days. And now that she was here in front of him, warm and gorgeous and smelling of the conditioner he loved, he wanted nothing more than to drag her up the stairs to their bed.

"You're going to be late," she whispered.

He shrugged. "This is worth it."

She smiled for a moment, before catching her lower lip with her upper incisors, almost as if she was suddenly self-conscious before him. Her gaze drifted downward from his eyes. "You're all lumpy," she said.

"Lumpy?"

She nodded as her deft fingers made easy work of pulling the collar of his shirt out from under his sweater.

"I guess I got dressed in a bit of a hurry."

She smoothed out the collar with her palms. "That's because you probably spent all of your getting-ready-to-go time on your hair."

He chuckled at the jibe, knowing he deserved it for his taunt about her cooking. He would have tossed a retort back at her, but she just looked so perfect smirking at him like that that he had to be even closer. His hands slid from her hips to the small of her back as he pulled her into a hug and buried his face into the crook of her neck. He closed his eyes and inhaled. "You smell good," he murmured.

"I got the good conditioner," she whispered back, wrapping her arms just as tightly around him. "It was finally in stock."

He inhaled again. "I'm glad."

"Do you just love me for my conditioner?"

"Yes," he deadpanned.

She laughed in his arms, and his heart swelled in his chest at the knowledge that he could create that sound in her. That no matter what she had been through and was still dealing with, they had remained fully intact and able to make these jokes. They were still the couple they had been before.

"Well, then I just love you for your hair," she retorted easily.

He pulled back far enough to meet her eyes, which were sparkling. "Well, who wouldn't?"

She laughed again, and he found himself grinning, all tiredness momentarily forgotten just at the pleasure of making her laugh again. She ran her fingers through his hair. "It is nice hair."

He kissed her one more time before releasing her. Quietly, they both donned their coats. Derek passed Meredith her travel mug before picking up his own and his breakfast. They hurried out of their condo, and then down the elevator to the parking garage.

"Where's your car?" She asked as they reached her jeep, parked beside his empty spot.

"Hospital. I didn't trust myself not to fall asleep on the way home, so I took a cab."

"Oh, Derek," she murmured as they both let themselves into her jeep. "You need to be able to get more sleep."

He shrugged. "I keep telling Richard he needs to hire another neurosurgeon, but he keeps putting me off. Says he's putting out feelers, but there hasn't been any interest."

"I bet he's not even trying," she said harshly as she shoved the key into the ignition.

He frowned at her tone. It wasn't the first time he'd heard her overreact to something relating to their Chief of Surgery recently. "It's okay, Mer. I'll get more staff eventually."

"You've worked here for a year and a half, Derek," she said as she backed the car out of the space. "And you've been understaffed the entire time. He's taking advantage of you."

He wanted to push the issue, but knew this wasn't the right time. Whatever was bothering her deserved more time than their short commute to work. Instead, he took a bite of the bagel she had prepared for him. "Good job on the bagel, Mer. Perfectly toasted."

She didn't respond, but he saw her lips curl upwards.

"Seriously," he continued, "You're a natural."

"A natural bagel toaster?"

"Yep."

She laughed, and he joined her, happy simply to be happy. They filled the rest of the drive with playful banter, and when they arrived at work, they walked across the parking lot together, going over their day.

"Are you scheduled in the OR this morning?" Derek asked.

"Nope."

"Want to join me in my craniotomy?"

"I'd love to, but Bailey's got me rounding on pre-ops and post-ops. With any luck I'll catch something this afternoon."

"My craniotomy shouldn't take more than ninety minutes. Want to join me for a coffee break?"

"Sure. Page me when you're free."

"I will."

They reached the front doors and then quickly made their way across the lobby to the elevators. When the doors opened, the elevator car was empty. They rode up to Meredith's floor, and he caught her arm before she could step off.

She shot him a questioning look, but said nothing.

He pecked her lips. "I love you," he told her, wanting her to know how much he appreciated everything she had done for him that morning. He was exhausted, but somehow still in a good mood, and that was all due to her.

"I love you, too," she told him before offering him a bright smile and disappearing down the hall.

He sighed as the elevator doors closed and the elevator continued to rise to his floor. It would be a challenging day, but he'd make it. He always did. Although, Meredith – despite her sudden overt dislike of the Chief – did have a valid point. It had been a year and a half. And there was still no new neurosurgeon. He couldn't carry this schedule on forever. As Meredith progressed in her training and wasn't required to put in as many hours, he wouldn't be so apt to put so many extra voluntary hours and shifts in himself. It wasn't something to deal with today, but it was something to think about. He'd have to make it clear to Richard that things would have to change.

When he reached his office, he quickly changed into his scrubs and hurried to meet his patient for a pre-op visit. He was only a few minutes later than he had planned to be there, but he still hated to be late. He wouldn't, however, have traded a moment spent with his wife that morning to have been there any earlier.

He wasn't sure exactly what – if anything – had changed recently, but he found himself more and more appreciative of his life. Maybe it was the fact that after two months they'd really settled into their new home or after six months they'd really settled into their not-so-new-anymore marriage, or maybe it was the fact that they were getting through Meredith's concerns and therapy together, but he found himself suddenly more cognisant than before of the permanency of their life together. He'd been certain of her for some time, and of their future together, but there'd been accidents and roommates and a house with memories. And family problems and drama and trips and moving plans. They'd not gotten much chance to simply be.

And now they were. They'd settled into a life together. And he found he had everything he had wanted and hoped for and not been sure existed for so long. There was no doubt she loved him as much as he loved her, no doubt she would be there for him, just like he would be for her. And they were living a life they both wanted, and were living towards their dream. One day there would be a house on the cliff and kids and a dog.

And what sometimes still surprised him; he could be himself. There was no restricting or limiting himself, no trying to fit into a niche he just wasn't right for. He felt not only loved for who he was, but accepted for it, and that was damn significant to him. Meredith didn't care that he worked a hundred hours a week, or that he had bad breath and really bad bed head in the morning. She didn't question that he wore jeans in to work almost every day and hated wearing ties. And she didn't judge that he didn't want to change. He had everything he wanted; he was a surgeon who got to save lives, he was in love with an extraordinary woman who loved him back, he had a wonderful family, and he had a future that included parenthood.

The changes in his life over the past year and a half still sometimes astounded him. In comparison to nearly four decades, just one and a half years seemed like such a short period of time to be so significant. Even shorter still when he questioned exactly when his life had changed. When he'd moved to Seattle? When he'd decided to skip the meet-and-greet the night before his first day of work and instead drown his sorrows in the bar across the street? When he'd lost himself in her eyes while she oozed enthusiasm after their first surgery together and he'd decided he always wanted to feel that high? When he'd finally convinced her to go out with him and had been so expecting another no that she'd had to repeat her yes? When he'd listened to his heart and picked her? When she'd beat all odds and come back to life? When she'd said yes to spending the rest of her life with him without a hint of hesitation? When she'd shown up at midnight at his mother's house in New York to fix things? When she'd said I do?

He shook his head to clear his thoughts, knowing he'd never be able to pick out an exact moment. He'd never know when his life had changed, but he'd always know who changed his life.

And that was the only truly important thing to know.

000

After his surgery, Derek spoke briefly with his patient's concerned family in the surgical waiting room, grateful that he could continue to offer good news after his previous shift. He headed back towards the surgical department, planning on paging his wife once he got there, but familiar dirty blond hair caught his attention once he reached the atrium.

"I was just about to page you," he said as he sidled up beside Meredith as she waited for the elevator.

She turned her head towards him and smiled. "We have good timing today."

He smiled back.

"How was your surgery?"

"Routine."

She made a face. "Boring."

He laughed. "Hey, today I'll take it. I lost two patients last night. I needed the win."

"I'm sorry," she said sympathetically, reaching out to squeeze his arm.

"Me too." He sighed, taking comfort from the warmth of her hand on his arm. "One; there wasn't much I could do for. But the other one; I thought he had a chance."

"You were his best shot, Derek," she told him. "If you couldn't save him, no one could."

He smiled. "You have a lot of faith in me."

"You've given me reason to have a lot of faith in you." She ran her hand down his arm to his hand and threaded their fingers together. The elevator came and went, but neither made any move to recall it. "What can I do?"

He squeezed her hand. "Just be you." He paused. "And always wear a seatbelt," he added, thinking of his patients from the night before and the damage caused by their windshield.

Meredith laughed at the slight tangent of his request. "Always," she assured him.

He tugged her closer and wrapped his arms around her. She didn't resist at all as she allowed him to meld her body to his. He pressed his nose into her hair and sighed.

"Derek, seriously, are you okay?" She whispered. "You're worrying me."

"I'm okay," he assured her. "I'm just..." Exhausted. Discouraged. Having one of those days where I question my profession.

When he didn't finish his sentence, she pulled back far enough to meet his eyes, and for a moment he held his breath as she studied him carefully. Then her eyes softened and her expression changed from searching to empathetic. He released the breath he had been holding, relieved at the expression in her eyes, knowing she understood.

She understood everything he was feeling. And he didn't have to say a word to explain. She accepted his open ended explanation without question, and without pushing him to say anything further.

He inhaled and exhaled as he stared into his wife's eyes, so close he could smell her conditioner. Tension ebbed away from his shoulders and neck. His next full breath in and out was even easier.

Meredith offered him a soft smile. He felt the corners of his lips tug upwards in response without any conscious thought. It was like an automated response; if she smiled, he smiled.

Are you really okay? Her eyes seemed to ask.

He smiled back at her. I really am.

Her eyes narrowed playfully as she expertly steered their focus to something lighter. "Well, I do believe someone promised me a cup of coffee."

He met her tone and raised an eyebrow. "Is that a hint?"

"It is if you promised me a cup of coffee."

He chuckled as he released her. "Well, I wouldn't want to keep you away from your favourite thing in the world."

She rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't say it's my favourite thing."

"And what would your favourite thing be?" He prompted as they turned away from the elevator and began to walk together towards the closest coffee cart.

"Surgery."

"Ouch."

She laughed. "And you."

"Hmm," he mused playfully, "Tied with coffee and surgery. Don't know if I should be flattered or offended..."

She laughed out loud and nudged him affectionately with her hip. "Definitely flattered."

"I'll keep that in mind," he said, smiling. It amazed him that she could change his demeanour so quickly and so easily.

He was smiling at the thought when he caught sight of the woman walking towards them. His smile fell away and he sucked in a breath as he realized that the niggling feeling he'd had earlier had been for a good reason. He had forgotten something. Richard has given him warning this time that he had invited her out to help with a case, but with the stress of the last week, he'd forgotten.

Or maybe he hadn't forgotten exactly. Maybe he'd just wanted to forget because he wanted to avoid the conversation he knew he'd have to have. He'd meant to call months ago, but he'd put it off because he hadn't wanted to sound like he was throwing anything in her face. And then time had gone by and it had gotten easier to just do nothing. But then Cristina Yang had diagnosed a pregnant patient's unborn child with ectopia cordis, meaning the child's heart was growing outside its body, and a condition so rare and life threatening called for the best.

And now the best the surgical neonatal world had to offer was only feet away from him as they all came to a stop.

"Addison," he greeted, and then struggled for a moment for something else to say. "Richard said you were coming." It wasn't quite what he'd had in mind, but it was a start.

Addison said nothing for a moment and then smiled a little too widely. "Hi! It's great to see you guys!" She stepped forward and before Derek knew it, she was hugging him. He hugged her back, but she quickly released him and then hugged Meredith.

"How's LA?" Meredith asked, not seeming to have been caught by surprise at Addison's appearance. What with her best friend having diagnosed the case that called for Addison's expertise, she wouldn't have been allowed to forget that the corrective surgery was today.

"Oh, it's great. There's the sun, and the sand, and surfing."

"You surf?" The Addison he had known didn't do things like surf. The Addison he had known sunbathed on the beach and didn't go into the water past her ankles.

She met his eyes and frowned slightly. "Well, no. I don't. But people do."

"Oh."

Silence fell and tension rose.

Derek struggled to come up with something to say. He had been married to this woman for eleven years; he should be able to come up with something to say without any trouble. The conversation he needed to initiate had to happen soon, but not with Meredith there. That wouldn't be fair to Meredith or Addison.

The silence was broken by Meredith's pager going off. "I have to take this," she said.

He nodded and added, "Sorry about the coffee," feeling bad that he'd kept her from her coffee break.

She shot him a smile. "It's okay. It's not actually my favourite thing," she said as she hurried off to answer her page.

Derek watched her go and then turned his gaze back to Addison.

"So, this is weird," she said.

"A little," he agreed.

"It shouldn't be. We should be able to talk. We planned to be friends."

"We will be. It's just..."

"The first time we've seen each other since I moved away, and we've been living our own completely separate lives for more than half a year now."

"Exactly."

She smiled. "Look at this, we're already making progress."

"We are. We're very mature people."

"I even hugged your girlfriend."

He sighed at the term. This was definitely his opening. "She's not my girlfriend anymore."

Her smile took on a forced quality. "Right. Right, I know. She's your fiancée. Sorry, I knew that. I just... You got engaged right before I left. I knew that."

"She's not my fiancée anymore either," he said gently.

Addison's smile fell away. She looked confused for a moment before she glanced down at his left hand and understanding flooded her features. "Oh," she said quietly, "She's your..."

"Wife," he completed for her when she didn't. Or couldn't. Which, he wasn't sure. He didn't want to hurt her, but he also didn't want to belittle his marriage. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I was going to, but I..." He'd planned to call and let her know. It had felt like the right thing to do, but the right thing and the easy thing didn't always coincide.

"Didn't want to have a conversation like this?"

"Pretty much."

Addison closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I shouldn't be surprised at this. I mean, you were engaged when I left. Six months is plenty of time to have a wedding." She nodded, as if agreeing with herself. "How long?"

"Six months," he said softly. "We got married right after you left, when we were on vacation."

She stared at him, unblinking for several moments, and he still knew her well enough to know she was having trouble processing that information.

"Right after I left," she echoed. "So, this whole time..."

"Yes," he replied, even though she hadn't exactly asked a question.

She took a deep, steadying breath and met his eyes evenly. "Are you happy?"

He nodded. "I am."

She offered him a small smile, and even though there was a hint of something akin to sadness or regret in the expression, it was a genuine smile. "I'm glad you're happy, Derek. Really, I am. I want you to be happy."

"You just wish it had been you first," he said lightly.

She released a laughing breath and the tension between them fell. "A little bit, yes."

"Are you happy?" He asked.

She shrugged. "I'm getting there, I think. I'm trying."

"Good." He offered her a warm smile. "I want you to be happy, too."

She nodded.

Silence fell again, but the tension level wasn't nearly as high as before. He glanced at his watch to see how much time he had until he wasn't expected back on the floor. "Do you have time for a coffee?" He asked.

She hesitated, and he knew immediately that it wasn't due to time constraints.

"Ten minutes," he urged. "Let's take that first step towards being friends."

"Okay," she relented, cracking a smile.

They started towards the coffee cart together.

"So," she began, "what did your mother think of you eloping?"

"She's happy as long as I'm happy. And she got to meet Mer first and give her seal of approval. Plus, I think we lucked out, because she was helping Lauren plan her wedding, so she was a little distracted. There's one good thing about having so many sisters."

"Lauren got married?"

"She did."

"Good for her," Addison said honestly. "Good guy?"

"Yes, good guy. Named Nathan. I tried not to like him, but she picked well."

"And he's good with Emily?"

He smiled at Addison's concern. Lauren and Emily had lived with them when Emily was very young. "He's great with Emily."

"And how's Emily with him?"

"She loves him. She's a really great kid, Addy. You should see how grown up she's become. In fact..." He trailed off as he pulled his cell out of his pocket and pulled up a picture of his sister, niece and newest brother-in-law.

Addison took the phone and smiled at the picture. "I'm so happy for her, after everything."

Derek smiled, grateful that Addison could be so enthusiastic about his family, and also reminding him that it hadn't always been as bad as it had been in the last years leading to their divorce. She hadn't exactly been thrilled when he'd brought his sister and niece into their home without asking her, but she'd made sure Lauren and Emily had felt welcome and safe. She'd done her best and he'd been grateful. It was easy for him to look back at his first marriage and only see the bad, but there'd been a lot of good as well. He'd never loved or needed Addison the same was as Meredith, but he'd still loved her the best he could. And she'd been one of his best friends for a long time.

They reached the coffee cart and joined the short line. She passed him back his phone, which he pocketed with a smile, confident that with a short conversation and the sharing of a single picture they'd taken the first step towards friendship.

000

Towards the end of his day, Derek was pulled into the OR to help a neuro fellow when a craniotomy had gone south. An hour of damage control proved to be successful, and he scrubbed out feeling much more positive about his shift than he had the day before.

After changing out of his scrubs, he found a text on his phone from his wife, saying she'd gone to Joe's and to call her when he was out of surgery and she'd meet him at the car. He toyed with calling her, but instead returned his phone to his pocket and donned his coat, choosing instead to meet her at the bar. After several days of stress at work and very little time together, it would be nice to spend an hour together before going home.

The January air was chilly as he hurried across the road, but the bar was warm and welcome once he stepped inside. His eyes immediately found his wife, sitting in the same place she'd been when he's first laid eyes on her. And the same place she'd been when she'd agreed to spend the rest of her life with him.

He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her middle without hesitating.

She tensed at the contact, but almost immediately relaxed as she released a laugh. "You scared me."

He buried his nose into her hair and released his own laugh. "Sorry."

She squeezed his hand where it lay against her abdomen. "How was your surgery?" She asked carefully, clearly hoping it had ended well, but prepared to be sympathetic had it not.

He pressed a kiss to the side of her head before releasing her. "We saved the patient. His pressure skyrocketed. I thought he was going to stroke out, but he rallied."

She smiled at him as he sat on the empty stool next to her. "I'm glad."

"Me, too."

"You feeling better than this morning?"

He sighed. "You always make me feel better."

She allowed him to lean in and kiss her, but then cocked her head and met his eyes. "You still didn't answer my question."

"You don't let me get away with anything, do you?"

She laughed. "You have a history."

"Of avoiding questions?"

"Of ignoring how you're feeling."

He felt the breath leave his chest at her simple accusal. Not only was she right, but she was better attuned to his behaviour than he was, apparently. He leaned in to kiss her again, before sitting back on his stool and sighing. "I'm okay," he told her. "I just feel like...the bad days are worse than they used to be."

She nodded in understanding. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. It's part of the job. Sometimes it'll be you comforting me, and sometimes it'll be me comforting you."

"Is that what we signed up for?"

"Do you mean when we got married or when we chose to become surgeons?"

She smiled and shrugged. "Both, I guess."

He mirrored her shrug. "We did," he said, answering her question. "There are good days and bad days. I just feel like I used to tolerate the bad days better than this."

"I'll be here for all the bad days, Derek," she assured him.

"I will, too," he promised.

She smiled before downing the last sip of her drink. "You must be exhausted, let's go home." She went to stand.

He stopped her before she stood. "No, let's stay for a bit. If we go home, I'm just going to crash, and I feel like we've barely spent any time together this week."

"It's okay to crash tonight, Derek. You're exhausted."

"I'd rather spend some time with my wife. I'm more than prepared to give up an hour of sleep for this."

She smiled at his statement. "Really? You're sure?"

He could hear in her tone how careful she was being to not make him feel guilty if he simply had to go home and sleep, despite how much she wanted to spend some away-from-the-hospital time with him.

"Absolutely." He slid his stool closer so their shoulders touched. "Let's have a drink and order something to eat."

She leaned into him. "I'd really like that."

He signalled Joe for two drinks and a menu.

"So, did you catch a surgery this afternoon?"

"No." She made a face. "It was a pretty boring day. The most excitement was Cristina trying to steal my sparkle pager to get in on Hahn's surgery."

"That's the surgery Addison was here for?"

She nodded.

"Didn't she diagnose the patient?"

Again, Meredith nodded. "Yeah, but Hahn's...being Hahn. I understand why she was doing this in the first place, but now..." She sighed. "I think Cristina's really starting to freak out."

He felt his brow furrow. "She has been here for a while now. She shouldn't feel the need to put Cristina in her place anymore." He glanced around before lowering his voice. "And it's not as if Cristina is a hindrance in surgery. She's very good."

Meredith nodded. "I just don't know how to help her."

Derek shrugged. "I don't have any suggestions."

She leaned against him and fell silent. She didn't say a word when Joe presented them with drinks and a menu.

Derek opened the menu before them, and though her gaze was pointed down, he wasn't sure she was actually reading the menu.

"You okay?"

She nodded.

He hooked his arm around her middle. "You sure?"

"Yeah. I just feel..." She shook her head. "I don't know...guilty?"

"Is that a question? Because you have nothing to feel guilty for. It's not your fault Hahn is treating Cristina like she is."

Meredith pulled away and for a moment he cringed, thinking he'd upset her, but she stopped when she was just far enough away to turn her head and meet his eyes. "She likes me, and I don't get it."

"Hahn?"

She nodded. "After knowing how she treated Cristina, I thought she'd hate me, too, for being with you, but didn't. Every time I work with her, she's a good teacher. And she knows I'm married to you, but yet she punishes Cristina for Burke. And it's been months."

"I don't know why she's singled out Cristina. At first I thought she was trying to make Cristina work for it, to make sure she hadn't just gotten along on Burke's position, but you're right; it's been months."

Meredith sighed and lifted a hand to cup his cheek and then run down to rest on his shoulder. "I guess sometimes I feel guilty that I have you and I have surgery. Burke left and Cristina's being blacklisted for no reason. Somehow I ended up with both things and she ended up with nothing."

"Oh, Mer," he murmured, leaning in close to press a kiss to her cheek. When he pulled back, she offered him a soft smile, her hand still a welcome presence on his shoulder. "None of this is your fault. You're a good friend to Cristina."

"I know. It's just...a year ago we were the same. And now..."

"What do you mean 'the same?'"

She shrugged. "We were both interns dating attendings. But then her attending left and mine-"

He cut her off the moment he realized what was happening. "You're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Comparing yourself to someone else."

She made a face and huffed. He couldn't help but smirk at her reaction.

"Crap. You're right." She closed her eyes and took a long, slow breath in, held it, and then slowly released it. When she opened her eyes, she cocked her head and offered him a wry smile. "Thanks."

He reached for the hand that wasn't resting on his shoulder and squeezed it.

"At least I'm not doing the whole role model thing and thinking you're going to leave me because Burke left Cristina," she added.

He chuckled at her attempt to lighten the mood and leaned in to kiss her softly. "I appreciate that."

She smiled. "Sorry. I'm working on it, but sometimes I don't realize..."

"Which is why I'm here to point it out if I notice it." He offered her a warm smile. "And don't apologize." He squeezed her hand again. "None of this is your fault, and I'm so proud of you for the progress you've made. You're so strong, Mer. I love you so much."

She sat up a little straighter in her chair. "Thank you," she said softly.

He felt his heart swell in his chest. Just the fact that she could accept his praise without argument was proof of the progress she'd made. She could see herself as strong now, and her actions as important.

Before either of them could say another word, Joe returned to take their orders. He ordered a chicken salad and chuckled when he wife ordered a burger without even glancing at the menu.

"Without comparing myself to Cristina in any kind of role model way," Meredith began when Joe left, shooting Derek a smirk to let him know she was making light of her small slip, "I still feel bad that I'm so happy and she's...not. Is that okay?"

"She's your best friend. It's normal to feel bad that she's not happy. As long as you don't feel guilty, because none of what's happened to Cristina is your fault."

She nodded. "Is there anything I can do to help her?"

"All you can do is be her friend. You can't fix this for her, as much as I know you want to."

"You're annoyingly reasonable, have I ever told you that?"

He laughed. "Many times."

She laughed as well.

"It'll work out eventually," he reassured.

She nodded and reached for her glass. After taking a sip, she placed the glass down and offered him a smile. "Okay, tell me about your day."

He had to chuckle at her abrupt change of subject, but went along with it. He told her about his patients and his surgeries, and he told her about his conversation with Addison and hope to one day be friends.

"Are you okay with us being friends?" He asked when he had finished.

"I'm not the kind of wife who wants to control your life, Derek," she said dryly.

He laughed. "Trust me, I know you're not. But we're not talking about a female co-worker or something. We're talking about my ex-wife. That means you get an opinion without coming off as in any way as controlling. You even get veto rights."

"I get veto rights?" She asked with an amused smirk.

He nodded.

She laughed. "That's nice of you to point out. And it's nice of you to make sure I'm okay with this, Derek, really, but I'm not going to influence your decision on whether or not you and Addison should be friends."

"But you are okay with it, right?"

She nodded. "Yes. She was a big part of your life for a long time, Derek. I think it's good if you two can be friends."

"I think it would be good if we could all be friends," said a familiar voice.

Derek jumped at the sudden intrusion into their conversation and turned quickly on his seat to find Addison standing just feet away, dressed fashionably as usual and towering over them in her high heels. Beside him, Meredith also turned.

The red head cringed, as if regretting cutting into their conversation. "I'm sorry. I wasn't eavesdropping. I just saw you two here and came to say goodbye and heard my name..."

"It's okay," Derek offered.

Addison nodded and took a step closer, but said nothing as tension rose between them.

"Uh, leaving already?" Meredith spoke up.

Addison nodded. "I have to catch my plane."

"Short trip," Derek said.

Again, Addison nodded. "Yeah, it was. But maybe that was good for the first visit."

"How's your patient?"

She smiled. "They're both fine."

"That's good."

"Yeah, it is." She offered them both a smile. "Well, I just wanted to say goodbye."

"Have a good flight. It was nice to see you."

She nodded and almost turned before taking a deep breath. "I meant what I said," she said, looking away from Derek and addressing Meredith. I'd like it if we could all be friends. You know, eventually."

Meredith nodded. "I'd like that, too," she said, before smiling and adding, "you know, eventually."

Addison smiled back and shifted her attention to Derek and said, "You picked well."

Before he could get over his surprise at her statement to say a word, she had turned on her heel and left the bar, leaving him staring after her as he processed what she had said.

"You okay?" Meredith asked as the clicking of Addison's heels on the bar floor faded.

He turned to her and for a moment didn't say a word as he took in the sight of the woman sitting next to him, dressed in jeans and sneakers, her hair pulled back from her face and an expression of support and concern on her face. God, she was perfect. And so was his new life. Regardless of how many hours he had worked that week and how exhausted he was, he loved his job. And he loved his and Meredith's homey condo more than any fancy brownstone he'd lived in before. And he'd pick the simplicity of Joe's over any of the ritzy restaurants he'd frequented in New York. And, most of all, he loved his wife more than anything else in the world.

He smiled and reached to cup her face. "It's like she said, I picked well."