Fifteen

Agari-san had come over. Terasaki-san and she were having a serious conversation in the kitchen while I was playing with Chiyo. She had brought her four stuffed toys out and all six of us were on the bed, pretending that I was the elder sister to the other five little ones, including Chiyo herself. We were trying to decide what to have for dinner. In between the play though, what really hit me was how the concept of parents did not even come into the role-play scene. Chiyo had her Kou-chan but he could never become an actual parent to her no matter how close they were. Chiyo knew that too. Basically, she did not know what it meant to have parents.

That thought reminded me of just how much I missed my own parents.

Throughout this time, I had focused on just Shibata-kun because of how the events had turned out and with how he had not completely forgotten me. I had not lost him.

In the case of my parents, however, things were different. They had lost me- their beloved five-year-old. I was dead to them. Given Terasaki-san's concern, I could never bring myself to express my will to see them. Playing as we were, though, I was painfully aware of how much I actually missed them.

A while later, Terasaki-san and Agari-san joined us in the bedroom.

"Chiyo." Agari-san smiled. "What do you say about going out for dinner tonight?"

"Go out? To a café?" Chiyo's face lit up.

"Well, to a restaurant but..." She shrugged. "Akane-chan can take a break from cooking too."

"Oh, no. Cooking isn't a problem for me at all." I said. "I do it because I enjoy it."

"It'll be a good change of pace too." She looked at me. "Come on. It'll be fun. I know the best places around here."

I looked at Terasaki-san who nodded. I had no reason to say otherwise. "Alright."

"Sweet! Get ready! Let's go!" She cheered and draped an arm around Terasaki-san who grunted and led him out of the room. I chuckled at the sight. Agari-san is probably the only one who could do that to him.

Once we were ready, the four of us went to a rooftop restaurant that Agari-san had recommended. It did surprise me that they would even suggest something like eating dinner out but it was true that all of us could use the change. With Agari-san around too, Terasaki-san could be a bit more at ease.

It was a pleasant night and dinner was actually very calming. I had a good cheesy pasta and Agari-san was indeed very entertaining. Terasaki-san was the one who suffered as a result though. However, he seemed to be enjoying it in his own way. I couldn't help but wonder about what I could do to see him like that around me too. He was always watching over me, protecting me, on alert and serious, save for the times when he was trying to comfort me or that one time when he panicked. I felt like I was work to him and nothing more. From the way he gives his all to look after me... I felt like a burden. I wanted to do something for him too.

"What do you want?" Agari-san asked Chiyo who was sitting beside me. "Dessert?"

"Can we?" She asked, swinging her legs in her happiness.

"We can." Agari-san nodded and looked at me. "What about you?"

"Oh. No, thank you." I smiled. "I'm not much of a desserts person given the chance to eat more of the main course over the dessert."

"You worked at a café though. You went there for desserts."

"Only desserts." I pointed out. "At a café like that, only desserts. At restaurants, chicken over sweets."

"Seriously?" She shook her head with an amused smile. "Chicken over sweets."

"She's been like that since she was small." Terasaki-san commented.

Of course, he would know. I smiled sheepishly. Agari-san finally gave in and took Chiyo with her to pick desserts from the dessert counter in the restaurant.

I looked back at Terasaki-san. "That's kinda creepy, you know?" I chuckled. "That you know so much about me."

"Is it?" He sat back and folded his arms across his chest.

"Yes, but it's not a bad sot of creepy." I clarified.

"Mhm." He hummed, watching me as though expecting me to say something more. I recoiled.

"W-What?"

"Since I know you so well, it's easy for me to tell when you've been overthinking something, Akane." He stated. "What is it?"

Ugh... "I-It's nothing." I ended up looking away.

"Really now?" He asked.

Damn it. "I-It's just that... you seemed to unwind just now and... you're enjoying yourself."

My saying that seemed to have surprised him. "So, what if I am?"

"Uh..." It was a little weird for me to say it somehow. "It's... rare..."

"Oh?" He seemed amused now. That made it all the more awkward.

"I was just wondering... if there's something I could... you know..." I shrugged, then flustered to cover up. "See? It's really nothing."

"You're a good kid." He chuckled. He really did seem to be in a good mood.

I pouted. "I'm 20."

"Still a kid to me."

Right. How old were you anyway?

He sat forward and held out a hand to me. Confused, I gave him my hand. He held it in both of his own and soon enough, I felt the warmth flowing from my palm to his. "This is..." He'd done the same thing before.

"I'm doing this but do you know what's different?" He asked and took away the hand that was on top. The flowing warmth disappeared. I looked at my hand, then at him.

"I feel fine."

He nodded. "You're almost there. That hurts less too, right?" He motioned to his neck, looking at mine.

I smiled. It didn't hurt at all.

"Right now, that's all I need from you." He gripped my hand with the one still holding mine. "So, don't go thinking unnecessary things."

T-Terasaki-san?

"O-Oh." I recoiled. Somehow, the way he was looking at me, made my heart leap.

He let go. "I can't train you now but you're almost there."

That meant that, soon, I'd be able to protect us on my own.

"Terasaki-san." I took a moment to consider asking him. When he looked at me, waiting for me to speak, I decided to just go for it. "Would it be okay if... I could see mom and dad?"

"Akane..." His expression changed to one of disapproval almost immediately.

"I just want to see them from afar." I clarified. "No interactions. I just... miss them."

"It won't do you any good. You'll end up missing them all the more. They've moved on in life, Akane."

"I understand that. I'm prepared. I just want to see them."

He stared at me and then let out a sigh. "If that's what you want."

"I'm sorry for being selfish. I really am nothing but trouble, am I not?" I chuckled. He didn't say anything to that though. By then, Agari-san and Chiyo had come back to us with desserts.

"Look! Doughmut!" Chiyo said cheerfully on taking her seat beside me.

"Doughnut." Agari-san corrected her.

"Doughnut." She repeated. "That's nice." I smiled and pulled her chair closer to the table for her. "Tell me how it tastes."

She vigorously nodded, then took a bite, proceeding to bounce where she sat. "It's really good! You should try it too, Akane-chan!" She held it out to me. I indulged in a small bite. "Mm! This is really good."

She beamed. "Kou-chan! Can we come here more often?"

"Oh? I'm not so sure. I like Akane's cooking better." He sat back and said Agari-san giggled.

"Oh. I... I like Akane-chan's cooking too." She lapsed into thought. "How about... How about we... eat Akane-chan's cooking first and then come here for dessert?"

I couldn't help smiling at that. Agari-san did too. Terasaki-san shook his head.

"That won't be good for your health, Chiyo."

She looked a bit dejected, so I spoke up. "I could learn to make doughnuts too."

"You can?" Her face lit up again.

"I can try." I nodded.

She seemed satisfied with that. "Kou-chan, then we won't have to come here!"

"That's great." He looked at me, the smile still on his face. "I'll leave it to you then."

"Yup." I said.

With that settled and after finishing up and making payment which Agari-san so generously covered, we left the restaurant. Outside, Terasaki-san turned to Agari-san.

"Take Chiyo home and be there till we get back."

"What? Where are you going? And, hey! You don't get to order me around like that." She frowned.

"There's somewhere this one wants to go." He placed a hand atop my head. "We won't be long."

"What? You want to go peep in on your lover?" She asked me mockingly.

"What? N-No!" I flushed. I don't think I'll ever get used to her way of teasing me.

She laughed, then took Chiyo by the hand. "Don't make me keep my husband waiting up for me."

Nothing more was said. Terasaki-san and I walked in the direction of home- my old home. Neither of us spoke for a while. As we neared the neighbourhood I had grown up in, however, I felt this nagging ache in my chest that made me walk closer to Terasaki-san. I also became aware of the dull ache at my neck. As I walked by the places of my childhood which were filled with all sorts of memories, the nostalgia made me waver a bit.

Terasaki-san stopped walking and faced me. "Are you sure about this?"

Not really but... I smiled and nodded. "I'll feel a lot less like I abandoned them."

He seemed surprised by that sentiment. Although I hadn't said so out loud before, the thought had crossed my mind. To them, I died. In reality, I was right here and I... had not even turned back to look at them. "Just how does that brain of yours work really?"

I chuckled. "I don't understand it myself at times. Anyway, I'm good. Let's go."

"Alright." He nodded and soon, we were near my house. I suddenly felt terribly homesick.

Mama... Papa...

Terasaki-san led me to the back of the house and helped me over the compound wall. The trees at the back gave us good cover and a good view of the dining room through the open window. This seemed like one of Terasaki-san's main spots in the past. Just thinking about the mysterious man sitting amidst the trees and watching my every move gave me chills. If I'd know no better, Terasaki-san might just have come across as a stalker and a pervert. I couldn't help but let out a small laugh at that thought.

"What?" He gave me a serious look.

"Oh. It's nothing." I waved it off, then turned my eyes to the window.

A few minutes passed before I finally saw movement. My father walked past the window in the direction of the kitchen. Seeing him made me involuntarily hold my breath.

Terasaki-san quietly leaned back against a tree and watched me. He was probably looking out for any change in expression that called for him to pull me away.

That wasn't going to happen, though. I had steeled my resolve and prepared myself.

My father walked by the window again, returning from the kitchen. My mother followed him. They looked like they always did. It was as though the past 15 years had not even happened.

"Among them," I spoke up, smiling as I watched them leave the dining room, my father casting a glance towards the other end of the hallway before turning towards the stairs. "Mama was the strong one. Is. She is the strong one. Papa's surprisingly very sentimental. I remember how he was always by my bedside if I fell ill as he nursed me back to health, telling me stories and singing me songs. Mama was there too but she was more like this ever-present warmth who never let me out of her sight. She wasn't one for many words but... she had her own ways of showing her love." I paused. I was met by silence. "You know so much about me. Did you know that my parents met in High School and fell in love? I was their love child- their precious little princess."

"Akane."

"Down that hall," I said. I was talking about the direction in which my father looked earlier. "That's where the altar is. That used to be where Grandpa's picture used to hang but now... I'm pretty sure there's one more picture there now."

"We should-"

"Terasaki-san." I turned to him, the sorrow filling up my very being. Despite the immense grief that attacked me though, I felt at ease. Nevertheless, I didn't belong there anymore. "Let's go home."

He continued to watch me. He was always searching for the things that I kept hidden behind my smile. He was always, always watching.

"Don't do that." I finally said and looked away, fighting back the tears and ignoring the pain in my neck. "Of course, it hurts but... I'm still glad I came. They haven't forgotten about me and... they're living just fine. Like you said, they've moved on. That's all I needed to see."

A moment of silence passed before he stepped towards me. "They have moved on."

"Thank God." I nodded and slowly leaned my forehead against his shoulder. "Thank God..."

We stayed like that for a bit and he pat my back as if to console me.

He was always watching.

I wanted to see Shibata-kun.

Terasaki-san was right there but I wanted to see Shibata-kun. I wanted him to hold me and tell me that it would be okay. He was all that I had left of my previous life too. As long as I had him...

I looked back at the house and then began walking away.

... I could try to move on too.