Wake-up Call – Chapter 28

"Absolutely not," Colin says, trying to set reasonable boundaries, discouraging me from taking unnecessary risks, and overall being on the verge of screaming in sheer frustration.

Sometimes, I think he takes the parenting stuff a smidge too far.

[Lisa Wilbourn's feeling of acceptance—]

Let me snark in peace for once, will you?

[Motorcycle rides said to induce relaxation—]

You leave my baby out of this!

"We weren't asking for permission," Taylor says. Because, as smart as she is, she doesn't have this whole 'talking with authority figures' thing quite mastered yet.

Hannah, facepalming isn't a valuable contribution to the conversation.

Neither is trying to mask hysterical laughter with a fake coughing fit, Dragon.

Remaining frozen in time [may] be a sensible reaction. Thank you, Noelle.

"Look, before we all start drawing lines in the sand and deciding the other party has crossed the proverbial Rubicon, burned the bridges, and whatever mixed metaphor you care to add into this whole mess, how about we just calm down and expose our viewpoints in objective statements that don't cast judgment on the other part of the conversation?"

Everybody is staring at me.

Except for Noelle. Noelle is nice and polite.

You know, when she's not about to eat me and everything I hold dear.

"And I guess the Thinker would like to have the first turn?" Colin, a tone as dry as that may be hazardous for your throat. Try to stay hydrated.

Hannah can help.

"Well, it would be the more efficient way to go about this," I say, dropping the 'e' word like an inept parent may drop a ba—nah. Too dark.

"How so?" Colin, your first mistake was to engage the Thinker seven. Your second was to underestimate her.

Seven. Starts with an 's,' ends with an 'n.'

[Lisa Wilbourn's resentment—]

Don't pretend [you] aren't as invested in this as I am.

[Anthropomorphizing of parahuman abilities interfaces—]

That isn't fooling anyone, you know?

"Well, sooner or later I'm going to have a turn, and then I'll analyze everything that's been said, address it, and you'll want another turn to modify your arguments with the new information. If I go first, I'll anticipate what you are more likely to say and therefore avoid a full round of the recursive argument."

It's not that convoluted, Hannah. No need to look at me like that.

Yes, I've just tricked Colin into letting me frame the conversation and allow me to essentially state what his stance and initial arguments would be, Dragon. You can keep looking at me like that. My ego is pleased.

"That [sounds] like it would save some time…"

"Would I ever lie to you?" I bat my eyelashes and don't say 'daddy.' Because, ugh, [gross].

[Sexualization of—]

Right! Precisely! Why do people do that?! It's basically fetishizing incest, which for a great deal of the population is a gigantic squick button, so why the Hell is that something so essentially embedded as a sexualized form of address?!

[16th century way for prostitutes to address older clients—]

Ugh. That doesn't make it any less gross…

"I [do] have a lie detector—" he starts.

"Precisely my point." No, this isn't my smug grin; it's just a nervous tic. Or force of habit.

Yup. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

"You two make it really hard for anybody else to intrude on… whatever [this] is," Taylor complains. Because she's Taylor, mostly.

"Right? It almost feels like a spectator sport, at times," Hannah says, solidifying their alliance.

"I find it very endearing," Dragon continues with a hint of a giggle, proving, once again, why she's my favorite.

Colin, meanwhile, scratches his chin while trying not to—he's being [bashful?!] Oh God, this is [adorable]. I really, really hope Dragon is taking pictures—

[Likelihood of Dragon's memory being accessible to—]

Oh. Right. Wasn't thinking about that.

Damn, that kinda makes this awkward. Ah, well, back to pretending there isn't any actual problem.

[Lisa Wilbourn's stress—]

Business as usual, dear.

"Very well! You're concerned Taylor and I running around without supervision will end up with us getting in far too over our heads, especially if we plan to engage threats such as Hookwolf. You also think this may jeopardize our future public debut and our official relation with the Protectorate and PRT, and do not like, at all, the possibility that we could use mercenary assets such as the Undersiders to attack the Empire. You're still willing to lend us your support, though, and wouldn't be averse to participating in arrests as long as you could keep plausible deniability with the local director. Everything right so far?" I ask, more for courtesy's sake (and to make Colin feel like he actually has some kind of control over the conversation) than anything else.

"I… I do suppose those are my foremost concerns…" Colin says. And Dragon winks at me from the monitor over his shoulder while keeping a placid smile on the one her oblivious not-quite boyfriend can see.

Hannah is, very clearly, trying not to giggle.

"Right. So, to address your concerns: both Taylor and I are perfectly suited for long-range engagement. And by 'long-range' I mean 'they won't even know we are watching until it's far too late-range.'"

"The Unwritten Rules—"

"We'll pretend to adhere to them as long as the Empire doesn't pull a Bakuda out of its pocket."

"Pretend?" There's no hostility in that question. He knows what we are about.

And approves.

[Lisa Wilbourn's need for parental ap—]

Not touching that one with a ten-foot pole. Also, shut up.

I turn toward the map of Brockton Bay I've been working on in the room in front of Noelle's vault where most of Colin and Dragon's equipment has been stored. Well, the maps, actually.

"These represent the spread of the Empire's influence since the ABB and Coil's fall. We can see many of the gangs from before Lung's takeover have resurfaced, while almost all of the mercenaries have vacated the city in search of new contracts. The Empire has taken advantage of Coil's absence swiftly but is having a bit more trouble with the new Asian gangs that are in no way suitable for absorption—for obvious reasons. Still, Kaiser is spinning this as a huge victory for 'the cause,' and he's de facto the only parahuman crime lord in the city with any credibility, as Skidmark is seen mostly as a joke even by the criminal element (I'm not getting into how stupid that is at the moment). If left alone, he will become a rallying point for his ideology, and Gesellschaft will become invested in propping him up even more than they already do. Correct?"

"This is starting to sound like an 'as you already know' speech," Taylor interjects, betraying my trust in the deepest, most hurtful manner I can conceive of.

"That's because it is. Nobody here's arguing to leave the Empire alone, Lisa," Colin capitalizes on my weakness. Or seems to think so, at least.

I hold back the smirk.

"I'm not saying you do. I'm saying this is far more like a Bakuda situation than we thought."

Colin pauses. Looks at the map.

Frowns.

Gotcha.

"Explain." Ah, music to my ears.

"If the Empire starts facing more criminal opposition, that's one thing, but if it's seen to have become the only villain organization in the Bay and suddenly the Protectorate tries to remove it? All bets are off. Gesellschaft won't tolerate such a public defeat when the lines are clearly drawn, and the last thing those psychos sent were Fog and Night. Do you see any new recruits from them being more stable? Or less prone to murder?"

I walk toward one of the maps, one that shows a conflicting line far too near the Docks for Taylor's comfort.

"Both Merchants, Empire, and three splinter groups from the ABB are disputing control over the Docks so they can keep smuggling in drugs, weapons, and other, less tasteful things. As things stand, it's just a matter of time for the area to fall to Kaiser, and then he has a safe way to get whatever parahuman asset he pleases into the country. All of them will be traumatized by their indoctrination and far more eager to cause civilian casualties as long as they are the 'wrong' kind of civilians. It will be open war."

"A war that you posit can be avoided as long as you both keep playing at being actually villains," he says, trying to put up a skeptic façade that doesn't fool anyone.

"A war that can be avoided if we win it before they realize it has started," I correct him. Because of course that's what I was aiming for.

… Tay, stop looking at me like that. Not in public, sweetie.

"Between your technology, Taylor's power, and my own, we will be unbeatable on the information front. We will be able to plan surgical strikes, to tip their rivals off at the right time, to capitalize on every weakness and mistake. We will anticipate each and every movement and make it seem as if everything that went wrong was because of Kaiser's incompetence, make Gesellschaft distrust him, make them avoid committing assets to the leadership of a bumbling fool. We will make [Skidmark] look like the more competent leader. We will defeat them, and they won't even know they were fighting us."

He looks at me. Really looks, his visor up, his eyes as steely and penetrating as ever.

"You paint a pretty picture," he says.

Damn it.

"But no plan survives contact with the enemy?" I say.

And he nods.

And to him, that's that. I can argue pros and cons all I want, but he has too much experience to trust nothing will go wrong, that things will go as I expect them—[want] them to.

Of course, there are more people in the room.

"Isn't that what we are there for?" Hannah says, playing straight into the opening I left her and proving, once again, why she's my favorite.

[Lisa Wilbourn's fickleness—]

The Christmas presents will be the point of no return. Until then, the scales will keep tipping.

"No. That's most definitely [not] what we are here for," Colin says with a tone sterner than he would usually direct at his long-time friend. Which makes her…

Nope. That's not Hannah being uncomfortable. Damn, girl, just how long has this been going on?

"No plan survives contact with the enemy. That's why you have backup, somebody else to rely on, contingencies to bail you out, other plans to deploy. I wonder who was it that hammered that into my head?" the girl says, arms crossed, cocking a hip.

… I ship it.

[Shipping fandom subculture usually focused on non-canon—]

"We are [supposed] to deal with this; [they] aren't." And his broad-sweeping gesture that only lacks a cape for extra flair makes it quite clear who Colin means by 'they.'

Note to self: look into capes for Christmas. I'm sure there's a way to convince him they can be used in tactical, efficient ways.

[Historical fencing manuals refer to the usage of capes and cloaks as—]

Ah, thanks. That will be a good starting point.

"I agree. But they want to. And they aren't under your command, Colin."

Hannah's smile is rueful, only the right side of the mouth making a half-hearted try at rising up. Colin almost recoils.

"They are going to do it. They just want to include you, not to ask for permission," Dragon says, not unkindly.

And Colin looks at her, a hint of hurt in his eyes that makes me want to—

Fuck it.

I hug the stupid man who still hasn't fixed his armor to make it actually cuddly. After a moment, his hands rest on top of my shoulder blades, and I hear his breathing slow down.

"We'll be all right," I mutter.

"You can't promise that," he says with a voice that is far rawer than—no. No, it is just as raw as I would've expected.

Stupid, stupid man, and his stupid need to take on all the evils of the world.

"I… I can promise. I just cannot say I won't break the promise. Not with that stupid lie detector."

He chuckles.

Then pats my head as my face cools against the ceramic alloy with metallic properties of his chest plate.

"Don't do anything that would make me dock you another rating point," he finally says.

… I'm not laughing. This is hysterical sobbing. Shut up.

***

"Well, that went better than I expected," Taylor says as we walk from Coil's base to where I parked (and chained, secured, and did all but plant a minefield around) my bike.

"That's because you always expect the worst out of people."

"… You say that as if it wasn't a sensible thing to do."

I look at her. Oh God, she's not even smiling sardonically.

"It [isn't."]

"Oh, please, you're the Thinker. You can't even begin to tell me—"

"Tay, that's not a good way to—you're messing with me, aren't you?"

For a moment, she looks at me with a blank face that makes my stomach drop. Then she smirks.

"Thinker [six,"] she sing songs.

I pinch the bridge of my nose.

"You're so lucky you are cute when you're insufferable…"

"Look who's talking."

"Did you just say I'm cute all the time?"

She stops, turns around. Looks at me.

And facepalms.

"I guess I just did. How did you even manage to turn that into a compliment?"

I smile and walk up to her, lean against her, on my tiptoes, until our noses almost touch.

Then I smirk the smuggest smirk that ever smirked.

"Because you [love me,"] I sing song.

She groans.

Then she hugs my waist and kisses me breathless.

"I do. Damn it, I do."

Both the smirk and the smug remain.

The lovestruck, kinda gormless look that accompanies them is just… a bit of an addition.

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This work is a repost of my most popular fic on QQ (https://forum.questionablequesting.com/threads/wake-up-call-worm.15638/), where it can be found up to date except for the latest two chapters that are currently only available on Patreon (https://www.patreon.com/Agrippa?fan_landing=true)—as an added perk, both those sites have italicized and bolded text. I'll be posting the chapters here twice weekly, on Wednesday and Friday, until we're caught up. Unless something drastic happens, it will be updated at a daily rate until it catches up to the currently written 85 chapters (or my brain is consumed by the overwhelming amounts of snark, whichever happens first).

Speaking of Italics, this story's original format relied on conveying Power's intrusions into Lisa's inner monologue through the use of italics. I'm using square brackets ([]) to portray that same effect, but the work is more than 300k words at the moment, so I have to resort to the use of macros to make that light edit and the process may not be perfect. My apologies in advance

Also, I'd like to thank my credited supporters on Patreon: Niklarus, Tinkerware, Varosch, Xalgeon, and aj0413. If you feel like maybe giving me a hand and helping me keep writing snarky, useless lesbians, consider joining them or buying one of my books on https://www.amazon.com/stores/Terry-Lavere/author/B0BL7LSX2S. Thank you for reading!