2nd January 2018

That's the bad news it all doesn't start with one morning but then several other mornings and darker nights.

The nights were the ones one would refer to as the unshackled moon.

You might as well imagine freeing a caged animal who's been locked up for several years to save the lives of beings.

As for the day's sun it scolded and shunned the light of the shackled moon.

This kept on as days passed and the more of the I hate myself, and I wish I was dead rather begun burning the ice I had created around the heart for which belongs to my creator. And those times the I wish I was dead went a long way to Ill just try it and then to I deserve all the pain in the world.

That's how my heart and soul has been for the past couple of months it remains locked up when it's day and when the darkness approaches the moon in request of it's light no matter how pissed the moon would be at the skies to have treated her as though she was a back up plan it still gave in to the last call the darkness made.

Just like the moon I tried getting closer the sun just like the moon I got scolded just like the moon I felt ignored and also just like the moon I gave in to the devil's last call to his chamber of non realistic peace.

And little by little as I tried telling people about it and was burnt, scolded and left to the feeling of loneliness and helplessness.

And as of now my mind just ignore the facts about me thinking, reminiscing and even day dreaming about something I know is wrong and that too destroying my faith.

And when I am led to the realization of me doing not the right thing I find myself crying there that have no reason except for one which I know I caused.

I am left to the thinking that I'm alone and that the only thing that could cheer me up was my dreams of not so pure things. I always dwell in the darkness when I'm set free. And when I choose not to succumb to the darkness the remains of my loneliness lits up and then the not so wanted tears begins to Flow.

As for now I'm just a girl who is thinking as to what dream she should have next to overcome the overly heaviness of her heart.

A girl who has accepted the fact that what she's doing isn't wrong and that it's only to make her feel less lonely.

But then I wish I could down this guilt this light that keeps saying go back to your creator and he'll accept you don't fall in the hands of the deciever.