Chapter 30.1 (Isshin)

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Dante: "For living you have to die first. For dying you have to live first."

Big brother said that to me a long time ago when I didn't know what it really means to live when all we have is death. I had become her agent to reap more soul for her but at the last moment my own life found a heartbeat with my cold death soul. At that moment I finally got what living was meant to be, finding something to live for and I found my one thing as she was the one saved when I was about to die again.

From that point on I could feel that heartbeat and I knew that the beat was for her as she was the life of me and after giving me my three beautiful kids my heartbeat grew stronger. I my clan and soul realm they think of me as someone easy and lazy but it was all the mask that I put on to see their real faces, it was one of lesson my big sister Izumi thought me as she says "to see something you must shine a light at it, and to see the light you must be at shadow. When you don't have something big that casts a shadow on you, you must create your own." So I created my mask to cast a shadow on me so people don't see the real me. So when times go on and that mask become my personation, people expect that I behave in some way and when Kisuke come to and offer me a special human shell so I can interact with human realm, I could see through his smile and act as I was his guinea pig with his product, so I study that human shell and find out about sealing on it that will take away my spiritual power completely. I was going to give the human shell back and ask one of my family to provide a human shell for me but then big sister Izumi give me the information of commend of big brother and captain-commander about my leave of absence as big brother take care of everything for me but captain-commander order me to seal my own spiritual power, so I change the set of seal that was done badly on the human shell and instead of losing my power I put a set of seal that help me use my own power to temper my core and soul and with passage of time I gain more power.

After telling all of my history and my mask and my family to Masaki and come clean with her about myself and answer all her question, she accept my proposal of relationship as she also told me about her own family and we get married with blessing of both family as big sister Izumi even come our wedding and give us a house so we can move to our own house to start our new life. As my married life begun I find out that I did have any income so after talking to Izumi she said that will take care of it but I didn't want big brother hear about that I couldn't provide for my family so I told her to change my soul realm saving (Kan) to human realm currency as monthly pay so in a way I will provide for my family, after start of our married life my wife family didn't help us at all and only after my family talk with them that they give us their blessing but the morning after we move to our house my wife's brother come and give us a package that have a fresh meat and vegetables and other food products, from then on he would come once a week and give the package which some time have clothes and dresses for us and even sometimes few wooden furniture as chair and tables, Masaki love them as it was from her family so she know that they care but they wouldn't like to show it with word. After my children were born he sent us clothes for the kids and toys and other necessities. I sometimes become suspicious of her brother because he didn't know of package content, and one time Masaki visit her adapt parents and thank them about the dress she like in the package as she tell me only her mother would know she like this kind of dress but she didn't know what Masaki thanking for and when Masaki tell her for the dress, she said that she didn't buy her anything after she gets married. So pay more attention to the package we received and find out all the content is handmade and locally produced but no matter how much I question her brother that delivers those packages, he wouldn't tell me anything at all. He just drops them and goes. After some time Masaki told me to let it go as it must be them as we didn't have anybody else in the human realm, so I did. I try find a suitable job for myself but didn't want to spend my time away from my family so after talking with my wife I open a clinic in our first floor of our house which I didn't know that I have to have license certification and training to be medic to my sister talk with his brother so I train in his hospital and after my sister forge a license certification for me I open a clinic part time in our building so I start bring in some income but not enough.

After we get married Masaki get sick from the hollow attack that she save me from, the hollow energy is like poison to Quincy so all I could do was sealing hollow energy in her, after some time she get well and after Ichigo born the hollow energy was gone so I know that it must going to Ichigo but when I check him he only have power of human, Shinigami and Quincy as he inherited from me and his mother. To be continued.

Ask yourself: Which mask do you wear?

1. The Cool Guy

By all outward appearances, this person seems to have mastered whatever it takes to stay calm in all situations. Unrattled by conflict or chaos, this person possesses the composure of a Tibetan monk. However, beneath the surface, one of two things happens. His bottled-up emotions either result in a nervous breakdown, or he periodically presses the release valve when no one is around, snapping at folks subordinate to him. He lambasts the waiter for forgetting his coffee or fires off a nasty email to his assistant for a small error.

2. The Humorist

Humor is a brilliant defense mechanism. I use it myself. If you're laughing, you're not crying, even though they can look the same. That said, it can and does prevent intimacy. Sarcasm, especially, tends to be rooted in pain and is not without consequences.

The humorist tells a joke to skirt sincere discussions, to keep conversations from getting too real or deep. Uncomfortable with conflict, he will charm his way out of confrontation. His comedy serves as a protective shield. As such, he doesn't allow anyone in, and is lonely.

3. The Overachiever

Some people unconsciously pursue perfectionism as a defense against annihilation. If everything is done right, then their world can't fall apart. While the accolades and praise associated with being a perfectionist may provide some temporary relief, the perfectionist is always at the mercy of something going wrong, and therefore lives in a constant state of anxiety. Her stubbornness, obsessiveness, and lack of trust build a barrier between her and her loved ones.

4. The Martyr

Most of us know a martyr, a person who boasts that she has single-handedly saved the world with her selfless actions. While martyrs can bring families together with compassion, their exaggeration of sacrifices drives loved ones away. The drama with which they do good serves as a protective shield from the very people who they are helping. The martyr secures her place in the world by believing her role is critical, all the while making everyone uncomfortable around her.

5. The Bully

Every environment in which we work and play is a 5th grade schoolyard with its shares of bullies. Their assertion of control can be subtle, a gentle manipulation to make you see it their way, or can be aggressive, even physical. While bullies appear to be confident in their forceful delivery of opinions and order, they are innately insecure. They want so badly to be respected that they will break the rules of appropriate conduct to get that esteem. Self-doubt drives their hostile behavior; an obsessive need to feel right that comes at the expense of others' rights and feelings.

6. The Control Freak

The control freak uses order and power to achieve a sense of security. By making sure everything is in its proper place, he relieves his fear of the unknown, of ambiguity, of uncertainty. A mother hen, the control freak won't let anyone out of her sight, and assumes responsibility for all those around her, even when they don't want to be cared for. He becomes unraveled when anyone deviates from the plan.

7. The Self-Basher

Suffering from a chronic case of unworthiness and insecurity, the self-basher projects a negative view of herself to others. Perhaps unconsciously, she believes that she can insulate herself from hurt by hurting herself first. She, then, berates herself and insults herself as a protective measure against any potential zingers coming her way. Self-deprecation becomes a defense mechanism with which she avoids any risk of intimacy.

8. The People-Pleaser

The people-pleaser will go to desperate lengths to win the approval of those around her, because her sense of identity is largely based on the assessment of others. Her values often vacillate depending on the input of the day because she looks to outside sources to validate who she is. This mask-type solicits the advice of friends, doctors, experts, co-workers, and mentors because she lacks a strong foundation. Easily influenced by others, decisions are especially difficult for her.

9. The Introvert

The timid person or introvert is deathly afraid of failure and rejection. He would much rather feel the pangs of loneliness than risk not being liked. Like the perfectionist, he is so afraid of making a mistake that he refuses to challenge himself. He blushes easily, is embarrassed easily, and doesn't say much for fear of saying the wrong thing.

10. The Social Butterfly

Although the life of the party, the social butterfly is innately lonely. He compensates for feelings of insecurity with his gift of gab and small talk. He has many acquaintances but few, if any, real friends. Although his calendar is packed full of social events, his life lacks meaning. He keeps his conversations superficial because deeper dialogues may expose his anxiety or shed his confident persona.