Feelings.

I look up into his eyes and kiss his lips, my hands roaming his slender form. How I have missed him, how I don't want to leave. I take control like I did when we first made love at Cross. I need him all of him. The way he makes me feel still ignites a flame. I make slow, passionate love to him, taking in every detail of his glorious body. My heart feels full laying next to him, entwined in his body. I want to stay here forever just like this. Never letting him go.

I lay here wrapped up in her body, the things she just did to me, I can't imagine her doing to anyone else. Even the thought pains me greatly. Now that I fully love her, I can't have her, that doesn't surprise me, it's pretty much how my life goes. She asked me how I could let her go if I loved her so much. I had to lie and say I couldn't be selfish when deep down, I am dying inside. This is just as hard on me, as it is on her. I just know she can't stay here, it's not fair. She gave up her last life for me, its time for her to be happy. Even though it pains me, I know Ichiru will give her the life she always wanted. Loving her in a way I never could. I just feel, once she does let go, she will fall for him fully, letting go of me forever. When the time comes, she will stay with him, sharing a life better than ours. We had wonderful times, I just know there were times I couldn't be all she wanted. I was too busy chasing Yuki, missing her yet not wanting to give up the life Alexa gave me. I wasn't true at the beginning of this, I was here just to have my family and she knew it deep down. I used her to have what I wanted. Granted I always tried to make her happy because of it, but I didn't love her the way she really wanted me to. That didn't happen until long down the line, knowing after I slept with Yuki just how much I really cared for Alexa, I only had three more years to show her that. Which Ichiru can from the start.

You will be Mrs. Kiryu again my love, just not to me. What you desire you will have, just not with me. I was still selfish by giving you two of my children. Making sure they were mine and not his, that something of me, was always there with you. I know you will never have any with him, I know you. I gave my brother everything else but I couldn't give him that. I wish I would have given Yuki up earlier, that I could have done, and given you so much more. As you lay here in my arms, I don't know if I can let you go, if I can say goodbye again, I just know I have to. I hope you believed in all I told you, even though how I felt was a bit of a lie. I do want you happy, and to have everything you really wanted, that part was true.

I get home with the twins, seeing that Alexa isn't around. I take them upstairs and get them both ready for bed. How I enjoy being with them. They call me Daddy and I love it. I am hoping that with this time that is going by, we can make a family, be a family that I always wanted.

I put them both to bed, still wondering where Alexa is. I knock on her bedroom door peeking in. Seeing her in bed. I walk overseeing her wearing his shirt, and holding the pillow tight. I left for a few hours and she ran back to him. I shake her lightly to try to wake her, wanting her to know we are home. Just it doesn't work. I get a panic in my chest, something isn't right. I get on the bed taking that damn pillow out of her arms and hold her trying to wake her. Still nothing. I know now, she is in a dream state, she contacted him like the old man believed she would. After everything, the connection is still there. She felt close enough to him tonight to reach him like she did the first time

I feel low and hurt at the same time, I know she has to return to me. I hope he doesn't do anything foolish and let her stay there. I know my brother, he has a good heart but he can be jealous at the same time. Would he be that cruel to take her away? I am not sure. I do know she loves him dearly and anything he would say she would do. I may have lost her forever. I stayed for you, please do the same for me. I whisper in her ear as I held her tightly. Damn you brother, let go of the hold you have over her. Why didn't you do this when you were alive that you are now? When you know you can't have her! My mind fills with terror and fear. What will happen to these babies? To me? To the life, I am trying to build.

I take out my cell phone and call the old man, maybe he can help? Maybe he can tell me what to do? I am so lost.

"Ichiru what is wrong? You never call me this late?" The old man says.

"He did it, she is in a dream state, how do I wake her? How do I get her back?" Ichiru asks.

"Oh, I knew it would happen sooner or later with the bond she has to him, Ichiru. You had to as well. He can't come back here or the anime world. So the only way she can be with him is in death. We don't know she or he would go that far." The old man answers.

"She loves him deeply, she may. What can I do to stop this? Her body is limp, her pulse is weak. Help me!" Ichiru yells.

"There isn't anything you can do, it's her choice." The old man says.

"Damn it! How long can she stay there?" Ichiru asks.

"Not too long, just like a dream. The longer she would stay the harder it would be to leave. Your brother knows the rules. I am sure he would let her go. He wanted to give her everything, not let her die Ichiru." The old man states.

"I know, but I also know how she is with him. He has this hold over her. He can make her do things she wouldn't normally do. I saw that through this whole thing. She would have never cheated or left Joel if he didn't come here. He changed her whole life and she let him." Ichiru spats.

"You just have to hope they pick a better choice this time. It's up to them not you. Call me later and let me know how it goes. If she isn't up by morning you will have your answer." The old man replies

I hang up the phone not knowing what to do. He was no help to me at all, I can't just sit here and watch her die. She is my world.

Alexa please don't leave me, come back. We need you more than he does. He isn't worth giving your life up for! You need to see this! You have to know this!