Coming to a head.

A few more months have gone by, the babies are now going on nine months. The times seems to just fly by, even though I feel at a standstill. Not much has changed for me, I do know I can't keep going like this, its no life for me or my children. It is just so hard to move on, to pick myself up this time, I just know I have to.

After my blow up with Ichiru that night, we have become a bit closer. He was always my dear friend, just after Zero's death, I felt Ichiru would disappear as well. I had doubts about everything that was around me. I didn't really clearly see how much he cared, how much he wanted to be with me. I know Zero told me, and so did Ichiru after Zero's death, it just didn't sink in. Until he said those words to me, Zero was my Kaname, and you are my Yuki. I replay that in my head over and over again. I wanted to be Zero's Yuki, I just got the twin instead, it makes me laugh sometimes, other times it makes me cry. I am his Yuki, and I have no clue what he is to me? I just try my best not to let that interfere with at least being the friends we always were in the past. I try to let him know how I feel now and what is going on, and he does the same. Both of us get to grieve the way we should and having someone to lean on during it. I guess at the start I forgot he was grieving also, so long in my own sorrow. I see that wasn't very fair of me, I also see I don't want to hurt him, I don't want him to feel like I did all those years. Living in a shadow of the person Zero really loved. Even if half of it was in my head, it still took over my life. I don't want to live like that again or make someone else.

It's Friday night and I know Joel will drop off the girls. Of course, he can just let them come over themselves since we live so close, but no. He enjoys coming here and testing me. Trying to see if he can make his way back in, even after nine months. Then he sees me here alone and feels he can try. He never really met Ichiru, I felt there wasn't any reason to and we were trying to keep it calm, not like the last time of him meeting Zero. It doesn't seem to make things better...so far this redo sucks. The first time was way better, at least in the end I got the man I loved.

The twins stay in playpen and Ichiru is in the kitchen trying to make us something to eat. He isn't as great at it as Zero was, but he tries an that is all that matters.

I hear a knock at the door and it's Joel and the girls. I get up to get it to let the girls in and Joel following for some reason. He just takes a seat on the Sofa, ready to talk.

"Alexa, we need to talk," Joel says.

"About what? It seems there is always something you want to talk about lately." I answer.

"I don't know what is going on with you, but I know you for sure haven't been yourself in months. I don't even think these twins have a father. I think he left you and your dealing with this all alone, and its why you're so distant. You're not even close to our girls anymore, you only let them come here on the weekend, and your mind seems so far away. I am not even sure why they come or if they should even come here anymore." Joel states.

My mind races, from his statement. I don't even know what to say.. I can't say the truth and everything else makes me look unfit.

"Hello, excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt I just think it's about time we met. I am Ichiru, the baby's father." Ichiru answers.

"Oh, so you are here?" Joel asks

"Yes very much, I love Alexa and my children. I am sorry if she seems distant, it took us a bit to get used to having twins. It's a big adjustment. We are finally now in the gist of things. You know months without sleep isn't a good thing, they are finally sleeping through the night, making us be more of ourselves. I was also going to suggest to Alexa that we take a night out just the two of us, to get our relationship back on track." Ichiru replies walking over to Alexa and putting his arm around her.

"Oh, I didn't know what was going on, as she doesn't really tell me anything anymore. I thought you left her and she was dealing with that, she doesn't really mention you either." Joel states.

"I didn't think it was any of your business, we are not together anymore. And for letting the girls stay with you during the week, I didn't want to rush them into living with twins and a new stranger. I let them get used to them both gradually."I respond taking Ichiru's lead.

"That was good thinking, I just wish you would have let me know. I see you have your own little family here....now." Joel responds.

"Yes, we do." Ichiru answers.

"It was nice meeting you, I should be going now." Joel comments.

"Yes, it was about time, You will be seeing a lot more of me now though. You have a nice weekend." Ichiru replies.

"You too," Joel states walking out the door in a bit of shock.

"Thank you Ichiru, you saved me. I didn't know what to answer. I know I haven't been myself, I know it looks weird on the outside for people who don't know what I am really going through." I say.

"I wasn't just going to stand there and let him talk to you that way. I do know what is going on, I know what the both of us are dealing with and we don't need him breathing down our necks. I do think we should get away at least for a night. Nothing major just dinner, alone without the twins and this house. You need to start getting yourself back." Ichiru admits.

"Your right and that sounds good. I think that will be a great idea, and thank you again."I say.

"You don't need to thank me, its what I am here for. To help and protect you any way I can." Ichiru answers.

I just smile, not sure what to answer to that. It's nice having someone want to protect you. I see that, he is the same as his brother, and I have to admit I like it.