I Know I'm Supposed to Accept it, But

"Your majesty, the young Lady Farenas arrived safely in the Mountsisia country," an attendant wearing a robe to conceal his identity said as he kneeled down before the prince who was in a very serious mode in the brink of dawn. He could tell that something happened in the palace while he was gone, and he regretted not being there to help. As a knight, he was supposed to stay in the empire, but the prince had other plans for him. He commanded him to spy on a particular girl who left the country to go study.

"How did the people welcome her?" the prince asked, his eyes seemed to be glowing in the light of the dawn.

"They welcomed her just fine, your majesty. It was the usual instance of introduction in schools and she even has friends now."

"It's an all-girls school, isn't it?" Aaron asked as he sipped the warm tea he had on his desk.

"It appears that it is a mixed school, your majesty. The girl even has a boy seatmate," the cloaked knight answered dutifully, not wanting to leave any details.

-

Aaron paused for a moment, making the knight nervous. This prince seemed so different from the prince he always sees in the palace who was always smiling and who was always kind. The prince in front of him, sitting silently on his chair behind the table, sounded so mature and untrusting.

-

"And who is this boy?" the prince asked, breaking the silence that was so deafening it was almost scary. He was now much more serious than ever, his tone implying that he had some kind of grudge to the boy he never met before.

-

"The boy is the heir of the Roover household in that country. His father is their prime minister, Andreas Roover. Their household is famous for their red hair that looks as if it were in flame when it gets in contact with any light." The knight answered with what he saw and heard from what he gathered through his information network. "Their family is famous for being righteous and helpful to the people. Since that country has no king, they hold popular elections and the Roover family hasn't had any opponents for the people loved them. "

-

Aaron paused again. He was getting very annoyed with the way the knight introduced the Ashton boy and how he got in close proximity to Therese.

"It's fine as long as he doesn't get any more close," he said to himself, but it was some kind of a hope or a prayer that he wanted to be true.

"He's the twin of one of Therese's friends, Ashy. One of them, Dianara, was obsessed with you and plans to meet you, while Xianna is a commoner who got in that school through scholarship," the knight continued. "The girl is being treated very nicely by her classmates. Ashton even saved her from being caught by a guard when he was venturing tonight, and he also showed her his lair —a hidden waterfall just this nig—"

As if the knight enthusiastically landed blow after blow to the prince who was starting to be annoyed.

"You mean Therese came with a boy," he paused, taking in a deep breath to regain his calm, "in the middle of the night, to a secret place with a waterfall? " the prince stood up from his seat, shocked at Therese's actions. He remembered himself meeting Therese before in the middle of the labyrinth as it was something that not everyone can find because of the various pathway and complex roads. And now, she's doing it with another person.

How it hurt him to realize that he was little by little, being replaced.

"Yes your majesty. The girl was all smiles and she looked happy as the two of them played. They even scheduled to meet again in that same place. That lair was very beaut—"

Aaron couldn't bear to listen to him anymore that he held up his hands to make him stop speaking.

The knight was not aware of the prince's intention and he interpreted his actions as a way to only ensure that the girl was safe.

However, Aaron's anger was boiling up inside him that he had to interrupt.

"I've heard enough. You may leave now," Aaron said with a smile that he diligently practiced with the King before. At first glance, his smile seems genuine, capable to deceive people, but if anyone knows him very well, they'd know how hateful that smile was.

The knight proudly bowed and retreated." I will come to deliver you news tomorrow, your majesty,"

He disappeared as Aaron was left on his own, despairing at everything that happened.

However, every dawn at the same hour and place, the knight would always report to him how Therese and Ashton became closer and closer, leaving Aaron in the brink of explosion because of his anger.

___________________________________________________

_

"I know I should encourage it, I know I should let her go. I really do." Aaron said as if he was drunk with so much sadness he almost faded away. He sat back on his chair, trying to find solace in the silence of the dawn and the softness of the cushion after the knight left him alone. He covered his face with his arms as his head was directed in the ceiling, leaning against the chair's head rest.

"I need to unlove her, to shoo her away, to stay away from her so I could save her from myself." he continued. He removed his arms from his eyes, and tears started blurring his vision as if it was a malady he needed to be cured for.

"She was my saving grace, the reason why I chose to live, but to her, I was danger personified. I was her death."

Rigel, who was sleeping at his feet, suddenly looked at him, seeminy concerned.

_

'The only nice thing in this world is her, she enveloped me with her love, with her gaze that genuinely cared for me—I miss it, I miss everything.'

_________________________

Aaron's POV

I desperately miss her.

_

_

_

_

_

I am being rational, I am being fair. If staying away from her would save her, then it's the right thing to do.

_

I don't want to put her in any more danger. I don't want to repeat what transpired in the past.

_

_

_

So what is this pain in my chest? Why do I have to suffer for doing the right thing?

What are these tears for?

It feels like all my life is just a circus show. Unable to do anything, unable to choose my own destiny—

Unable to choose to be with the love of my life.

What have I done to deserve this? Am I just unlucky? Was I cursed by the gods up above?

Piles and piles of letters unsent to their rightful owner was inside the drawer of my table, begging to be sent, but I was begging more to be saved from her absence—to be saved from the pain of not being with her.

Letters saying

'I love you, I miss you, I'm sorry',

'I hate you, don't show up again',

'I'm begging you to please don't find another one to replace me',

'Go leave me alone',

'I remember you and I am still desperately in love with you,'

Were in the letters.

It was the truth. I don't know how it happened. How could this young body love her still—

At first I thought it was because of the memories I retained, but now I know.

It was because my soul is imprinted with her presence, with her very being—everything about her that I know and love—that I'd die without her.

But if my death, the very disappeance of the only danger she has on her life, would save her, I'd take the poison happily and willfully just to be able to bless the world with her grace. Her smiles that were so enchanting, her laugh that was so hypnotic I used to think that it was music beyond comprehension. Her eyes. They look like gem that was polished with a very gentle hand that had a passion for their craft. She looked like a statue intricately crafted by the gods when she sleeps.

Just imagining those things about her belonging to other people is breaking me.

I know I'm supposed to accept it. Ashton Roover is a very compatible person. He's respectable, he seemed kind and well-bred. He's going to be so blessed if she picks her.

And it's going to be the death of me.

Not being able to see her is equivalent to a thousand stabbing wounds on my heart that penetrated my very soul.

I can never love another person who is not her. I know that for a fact, and I don't plan to.

But I wish this pain would stop. I want to forget. I want to forget. I want to forget. I want to forget.

But as I wished and wished and wished that I would, tears just kept on falling.

I don't want to forget. I'm lying to myself. This isn't rational anymore.

I don't want to forget those eyes that looked at me with so much love and yearning.

_

'Love isn't rational, Eros,'

_

"How I agree with you so much, my love," I said, replying to her memories embedded in me.

_______________

The next morning,

"Father, Mother, I want to go to Mountsisia" Aaron said in the room in front of the King and Queen who were both in their beds with messy hairs.

"It's so early in the morning, Aaron," the king said with such sleepy eyes as he hugged the queen tightly. "Don't be noisy. Your mom doesn't like noise when she's sleeping."

"I only said that because your snores were too loud, Reagan," the Queen said, now wide awake and looking at his son. "Why do you want to go there?"

Aaron didn't have time to think his reason.

"Your son is in love, Emilia."

"What do you mean in love? He's five."

"It's exactly as you heard it," the King sleepily said and smelled her hair.

"Any comments Aaron?" the Queen asked the now dumbfounded child at the edge of their bed. "What's so important there?"

However, Aaron was just looking at the King's eyes. It was so familiar with him. The King's eyes might not be the same color as him for he took his mother's, but he looked exactly like him. He saw himself on his father that it scared him.

Just like him, he was also so desperately in love that he once again understood why the King went berserk.

"Aaron?" the queen asked, now sitting on the bed as the king lamented having to let her go. "Are you okay?"

"Y-yes mother," he said. "I want to study there."

"Really, now?" the king asked again with a teasing expression, and he seemed to enjoy the scene in front of him. Aaron was blushing so hard.

"Aren't you supposed to be home-schooled?" the queen asked again, remembering the protocol that was taught to her when the prince was born. "Isn't that right, Reagan?" she asked the now wide-awake king.

"He's the crown prince. He can do what he wants." the king said, smiling at Aaron while caressing the very pregnant tummy of the queen who was due next week. "You can't leave until Emilia gives birth. I'm sure you'd want to see your cute little sister," he continued.

Aaron never had a chance to meet the princess his past life because the queen was brutally murdered in front him. The thought of seeing his little sister was so exciting for him, and he happily waited and waited.

_

_

_

Until it came. The princess was born with a brown skin on a warm sunny day and her face looked exactly like her mother. Her eyes were purple, and her hair was blonde. The King was so delighted that he cried the moment he was able to touch her.

"Daisy," the King called her the name that the both of them decided as a couple from the months. "I'm so happy to finally meet you."

Aaron, too, was happy to see how the king and queen looked dighted at the very presence of the princess. He finally met her too and he feared that he'd break him if he touched her.

"Aaron?" the queen called him. "Do you want to greet your sister?"

Aaron nodded and leaned on the bed too. They were all crying because of happiness and Aaron felt safer that the queen's life was extended.

________________________________

That happy moment was soon over, and after a week, Aaron departed from their home to the country of Mountsisia, to finally see Therese again.