17

Chapter Seventeen

49

When Harry woke up Severus was gone. He had a moment of panic before realizing it was almost eleven and there was a note on Severus' pillow. The calming draught had knocked him out, then; that was hardly a surprise. Severus was probably talking with Minerva. Harry thought anything they had to say should be said in front of him, especially if Severus was going to continue to take all the blame, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. He could, however, read the note and stop assuming.

Breakfast is in the kitchen along with a second dose of calming draught if you need it.

Do not do anything stupid.

That was informative.

Harry heaved himself out of bed and to the kitchen. He wasn't hungry, but he thought not eating might constitute doing something stupid. Besides, he could smell the French toast from the bedroom, and even though his stomach shriveled in protest, his taste buds didn't seem to mind. He bypassed dressing in favor of his pajamas; of all the days he was allowed to spend the day in fleece instead of denim, he thought today was fairly high on the list.

His jaw dropped when he saw the plate. French toast, a few sausage links, and a chunk of raw meat. His mouth watered and, trying to hate himself but not mustering up the energy, he tore into the meat. Merlin it was good. He ate in the Forest, of course, but for the most part he was relegated to normal, human food. Whichever house elf was responsible for this, he was going to give them a year's worth of socks. Two years.

Then he moved on to the normal food. After the raw chicken, the French toast was bland, and the cooked sausage downright inedible. He chucked it and dealt with the toast by smothering it in maple syrup. Basilisk tendencies aside, sugar would always be good.

Once he finished breakfast, Harry realized he had no idea what to do with himself. He wouldn't mind a shower, but Severus hadn't said anything about towels or bathrooms or anything, and he thought that would be considered a breach of privacy. He could read, but he didn't think he'd be able to focus. Writing to Ron and Hermione was tempting, but that definitely fell into the stupid category.

Harry realized what he really wanted to do was brew. The thought was strange; of course he knew he enjoyed potions, he wouldn't have dedicated his life to the subject if he didn't, but it never occurred to him as something to do to relieve stress. He read, or played chess, or went for a fly. Severus brewed for enjoyment.

And, apparently, so did Harry.

What's more, he brewed a Draught of Peace for enjoyment. It wasn't that he wanted the effects, though he certainly wouldn't mind them. It was that the potion was nitpicky and time consuming and required a lot of focus. Distracting, in other words. He briefly wondered what his fifth year self would think if he knew what had once been cause for a ruined day was now something he chose to do. He dismissed the thought; his fifth year self was a naïve idiot.

Severus came back as he was waiting for the potion to turn purple.

"How the times have changed," he remarked.

"Yeah, well, it turns out I like potions," Harry said testily. "Were you meeting with Minerva?"

"Minerva, the staff, and the Board of Governors," Severus replied. "Do not bother asking what was said; if you were meant to know, you would have been summoned."

Harry's stomach twisted. The Governors already? He tried to remember if Lucius Malfoy was still on the board. He had been kicked off in Harry's third year, but it would hardly be surprising if he had weaseled his way back on. Lucius Malfoy aside, Harry had never been thrilled with the Governors, and the idea of his fate resting in their hands was not a comforting one.

His potion was officially purple, and he added the powdered unicorn horn. "Can you tell me if it went well?" he asked, stirring carefully.

"Many spoke on your behalf," Severus replied cryptically. He paused. "Have you seen today's Prophet?"

Harry grimaced. "No. How was it?"

"Ultimately irrelevant," Severus said. "I would not bother if I were you."

"No, I should know," Harry sighed. "I've been torn apart by them enough, I might as well see what they're going on about now. At least tell me Skeeter didn't write the article." Severus didn't reply, and Harry groaned. "The potion needs to simmer. Where's the paper?"

Severus summoned it from the living room and handed it to Harry.

HARRY POTTER'S DARKEST SECRET

The monster lurking beneath the surface

Few have forgotten the brutal attacks at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry from 1992 to 1993, and even fewer fail to remember the second wave, occurring only three short years ago. In both incidences the assaults were covered up with no explanation released to the press.

The reason for the conspiracy has finally come to light—none other than the famed Boy-Who-Lived-Twice was responsible for the near deaths of seven students, two professors and two ghosts, as well as the helpless pet cat of Argus Filch, beloved caretaker. An anonymous source revealed the truth to this reporter.

Basilisk. Even the name is enough to strike terror in the heart of the strongest wizard. Avicious monster capable of killing with its eyes alone, its bite possessing an incurable venom, as well as the strength and craftiness of a fifty foot long snake. Believed to be extinct for the past four hundred years, the King of Serpents has resurfaced, and in the form of none other than Harry Potter.

It is common knowledge that former headmaster Albus Dumbledore was lax in his hiring process, employing everyone from frauds to werewolves, but none knew his negligence extended to the student body. The constant danger to the students and staff of the school was hidden, preventing those in the face of death from making their own decisions regarding their safety. It is the opinion of this reporter that, once again, Gryffindor's Golden Boy received special treatment afforded to no other student. One thinks of Rubeus Hagrid, who was expelled in his third year. Will the great Harry Potter's wand be snapped in half as the gamekeeper's was? This reporter thinks not.

As always, keep a close eye on The Daily Prophet for up-to-date reports as the case of the real Harry Potter comes to light.

"Brilliant," Harry said numbly, tossing the paper to the side. He stirred his potion, keeping his eyes on the cauldron. "Hagrid was expelled for the same attacks that happened decades before I was even born. Not to mention—"

"The inaccuracies are endless, do not concern yourself with them," Severus interrupted.

"Who d'you think her source was?" Harry asked.

"I imagine she has a sixth sense regarding you," Severus replied, and Harry thought he heard a smile in his voice. "Despite being banned from the grounds, I am sure she can sneak in when she smells a story. Stop stirring so violently."

Harry managed to calm himself, or at least his hand. "It'd be better if she weren't right."

"If you truly believe that, you deserve every word of the article," Severus said. "You should not have started such a detailed potion just before lunch."

"I just ate," Harry replied. "I got up late and had breakfast an hour ago." He paused. "Did you see what the elves brought me?"

"I did," Severus replied. "A gesture far more telling than an article written by a vindictive, sensationalist idiot. Unless you require my presence, I am going to eat."

"Go for it," Harry said.

Severus briefly laid a hand on his shoulder before leaving.

Harry finished the potion a half hour later. He carefully bottled it, labeled the flask and set it on the shelf with the rest of his potions. For the first time he realized that he had an entire shelf full of potions he had made. An overflowing shelf, at that. The tangible evidence of his accomplishments was disarming. He didn't have a trophy for killing Voldemort, but he had a shelf of successful potions. He wasn't sure what that meant.

Harry found Severus in the living room, staring intently and frowning slightly at his chess set. It was set up in the starting position, and Harry and no idea what he was looking at.

"Er?" he asked.

"The Solosky Opening," Severus replied. Immediately his pieces started moving and he cursed, sending them back to where they started. "It does not matter. Do you wish to play?"

"Yeah, sure," Harry said, collapsing on the couch rather dejectedly. "There's not much else to do." He replaced Severus' white pieces with his own, who grumbled before he even made his first move. Harry snapped. "Shut up!" he yelled. "Do you have any idea what I'm going through? I'm about to lose everything and I can't even get my fucking chess set to take me seriously. I can purposefully lose, you know. I can goad Severus into slaughtering each and every one of you slowly and painfully. So just shut the fuck up and move to e4." The pawn did as it was asked with no complaint. "Thank you," Harry muttered.

Severus chose not to comment on his tirade, and the game progressed in relative silence.

"How long do you think it'll take them to make a decision?" Harry burst out as his queen was demolished.

"I do not know," Severus replied.

"Minerva said she wasn't going to fire me, do you think the Governor's will override her?" Harry asked.

"They do not officially have such a power, but I do not know," Severus said.

"What about the Wizengamot?" Harry asked, stomach clenching, not wanting to know the answer.

"Harry, I do not know," Severus repeated. "Technically you have broken no laws so I do not believe you will be imprisoned. Beyond that, I cannot say."

Harry angrily wiped tears away. He wasn't really crying, more leaking. "I just want to know. I don't care what the answer is, I'll go to the Hebrideans and it'll be fine, I probably will no matter what they say, but I want to know."

"You are not going anywhere," Severus said sharply. "If you are no longer welcome at Hogwarts you will live with me."

"I want to go to the Hebrideans," Harry said firmly. "It's beautiful there, and they've got sheep with funny shaped horns."

"Sheep that are eaten by dragons," Severus reminded him.

"Well I'm fine with the Acromantulas and centaurs and unicorns and whatever else is in the Forest," Harry argued. "I defeated a dragon six years ago, and I wasn't even deadly then. I'll be fine. I'll eat the sheep."

"You could not swallow their horns," Severus said with a smile. "I told you, you will live at Spinner's End."

"You can't make me," Harry said petulantly.

"When you agreed to be my apprentice you entered into a magical contract," Severus replied. "If you wish to see what happens when you break the contract, I invite your exploration. Just make sure you have a full store of healing potions on hand, and being near St. Mungo's would be beneficial."

Harry stared at him. "You didn't tell me that."

"My mistake," Severus said lightly. "Apprenticeships are different from those in the Muggle world. You are contracted to remain my apprentice until you take the Potion Master exam."

"You could have said something!" Harry exclaimed. "That's kind of an important thing to know! When you offered it was an excuse to keep me nearby so we could work on a cure. There was nothing about magical contracts! What if I don't want to stay with you? What if, I don't know, we hate each other?" He paused for a split second. "You hated me then! Why would you make sure we couldn't be separated when you hated me?"

"There has been no hatred between us for a very long time," Severus replied. "At the time I was focused on your condition and not the long term implications of my offer. If you truly wish to rid yourself of me there are ways of doing so, but now does not seem the opportune moment to leave."

"Yes it does!" Harry replied angrily. "I want to go to the Hebrideans! I am going to the Hebrideans. Get me out of this."

"No," Severus said. "It is my job to keep you safe. You have tried to leave before and I have refused you then. Once this blows over and you are thinking clearly again, if you still want to leave we will talk then."

"I can leave without your permission," Harry replied dangerously. "We already know you can't hold me back when I really want to go. Whatever the consequences of breaking an apprenticeship, I think a Basilisk could survive them."

"Perhaps," Severus said.

Harry was on the edge of the couch, and he slumped back. "You could have told me we're bonded."

"Merlin, don't say it like that," Severus replied, grimacing. "Bonding in the wizard world is—it is entirely different. It is not an Unbreakable Vow, it is not a bond. We have a contract."

"A contract," Harry repeated. "Brilliant. Come to the Hebrideans with me, then. If you refuse to let me go, follow me."

"I refuse to let you make such a rash decision," Severus replied. "I am not going to the Hebrideans and neither are you."

"I've spent my whole life being tricked and manipulated," Harry stated. "The Dursleys lying to me, Dumbledore using me, now this. I wouldn't have said no to Dumbledore, I would've done everything he wanted, I just wish he had told me. I never had a choice because I didn't know what was happening. And then you—of all the people, you—do this to me. I wasn't going to leave, not in the middle of finding a cure, and not after. I like potions, and I want to keep going with the apprenticeship. But you could have told me."

Severus stayed silent for a moment. "I am sorry. We will annul the magic as soon as possible. You may stay as my apprentice if you like but you will no longer be obligated to do so. It is ancient magic meant to protect against young wizards from running away from their obligations in a time when such a thing meant disownment and dishonor, often leaving a wife and children behind. It is the 21st century. There is no need for you to be under an enchantment."

"Is that why we have the relationship we have?" Harry asked hollowly. "Because you were forced into it?"

"No," Severus replied sharply. "Of course not. Did you not get my note this morning? I specifically instructed you not to be stupid. You will not leave for the Hebrideans and you will not ask questions you know the answer to."

"I might know if you ever talked," Harry muttered. "Forget it. I'll stay until I get my sentence, and I'll stay until we're not attached anymore, and then you'll be rid of me and you won't know where I go or what I do."

"You are insufferable," Severus snapped. "It is your move."

"I know, that's my point," Harry said. "I get to—"

"Chess," Severus interrupted. "It is your move in chess."

Harry flushed. "Oh. Right." He tried to return his attention to the game, but he was too distracted. He wanted to leave now, he was terrified and humiliated and embarrassed about his outing, he was furious with Severus, and his stomach kept fluttering because he was magically attached to him and that was kind of nice in a weird, betraying his trust sort of way.

Then he realized Severus was attached to him as well. He had known what he was doing and he had still done it.

But it didn't matter. Harry was going to go to the Hebrideans and would never see him again and that was that.

Harry moved a rook to the right.

Halfway through their second game a very thick envelope arrived from Ron and Hermione. Severus decided he had business in the lab and left Harry alone to read. The short version was that Ron and Hermione still loved him, they supported him no matter what, and they would do the best they could to help. Harry cried a little. He would have given anything to see them, but going to London was not an option. He couldn't even leave Severus' quarters, and he was relatively certain he wasn't allowed to write them back. If the letter was intercepted, if it fell into the wrong hands, that would count as breaking every rule Minerva had set for him. So Harry read it a second and then a third time before putting it back in its envelope and tucking it into his bag.

"Severus," he called. "You can come back."

"I left for my own reasons and will return for the same," Severus replied. "I am brewing now, I will not come back in the middle of a potion."

Why was it good when Severus was mean to him? Not that it wasn't better when he was nice, but this seemed more real. "Do you have a spare towel?" Harry asked. "I didn't get the chance to take a shower this morning."

"In the bathroom," Severus replied as if he was daft. "The red one."

"Thanks," Harry said.

The shower wasn't nearly as cleansing as he thought. Being in Severus' shower was strange and tingly. Knowing he was bonded to Severus by Severus' own doing was even stranger and tinglier. Accidentally using Severus' soap so he smelled like him was not as strange and tingly as the bonding but more so than the shower.

Not knowing what was in store was impossible. He could handle being fired, being yelled at, being disowned by the wizard community, but he couldn't deal with not knowing. Also, he probably couldn't actually deal with being disowned by the wizard community, especially Hogwarts. Hogwarts was his home, his family and friends, the first place he had been accepted and loved. He couldn't bear the thought of leaving. He couldn't wrap his head around it. Not having Hogwarts, he didn't understand the concept. He could go on and on about the Hebrideans, but he said that knowing he could always come home to Hogwarts.

Harry wasn't sure how long he stood under the water staring blankly at the wall before getting out. He toweled off, wrapped the towel around his waist and stepped into the living room.

Greeting Minerva while half naked was not his intention.

She was sitting in one of the chairs by the fireplace, Severus occupying the other. She raised her eyebrows at him. "Do you need a minute?"

Harry blushed and grabbed his bag. "Yeah, that'd be good." He gave Severus a quick glance before retreating into the bathroom. Severus was looking at him like—well Harry didn't know, and he didn't have time to give him a closer examination or even think it over as he changed and hurried back out to the living room. He sat on the couch, flattened his hands on his thighs and started tapping.

"So, er," he started. Minerva and Severus were looking at him expectantly, and he had no idea what to say. "Severus said you met with the Governors?" Words started spilling out, and he couldn't stop them. "That was a short meeting, given the circumstances, wasn't it? Don't they usually take weeks to make this sort of decision? And I thought you weren't ready, that you needed time to think. You don't—I mean, I shouldn't—"

"Be quiet, Harry," Minerva interrupted, sounding more amused than upset. "These circumstances have not existed before today so you can remove any preconceived notions of how we should proceed from your mind. A decision has been reached, if you can stop talking long enough to listen."

Harry's tapping grew more frantic. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I'm done."

"You are not fired," she said. "You can get that idea out of your head. Nor is your resignation accepted. You will continue your internship. However. You will personally write a letter to the parents of our students explaining your situation. You will hold a lecture for the students explaining your situation. You will have a press conference with The Daily Prophet and explain your situation. If students are uncomfortable learning from you, you will convince Horace to take on the extra classes, and he will not be pleased. Severus has assured me that yesterday's mistake will never happen again, and you will make sure he keeps his word. I have been told Neville is already aware of your condition, but you will tell him again and confirm he doesn't mind living with you."

That—that was it? "Yes, Minerva."

"For violating my trust," she continued, "you will submit weekly reports to myself and Severus detailing the status of your potions and the assurance you have taken them. You will not be allowed to—" She cleared her throat. "You are not allowed to change while you are on campus. Before you ask, the Forbidden Forest is not part of campus. However, if you intend to go out, you will inform myself and Severus, and if either of us are unavailable or cannot be contacted, the answer is no."

"Okay," Harry said faintly.

"For the rest of the school year you will do whatever is asked of you," Minerva said. "This power is extended to staff, of course, but beyond that, it does not matter who asks what of you, you will do it with no complaint. If Horace needs cauldrons cleaned or Argus needs the floors washed or Rubeus needs the entire campus mowed, you will do it."

Six months of detention was nothing compared to what he had done. "Yes."

There were a few moments of silence. "Harry, you had many people fighting for you," Minerva said. "You would do well to thank those responsible for the lightness of your punishment."

Harry glanced at Severus, who looked on stonily. "Yeah," Harry said.

Minerva eyed Harry. "I expect more from you, Harry."

Harry closed his eyes for a moment. "Yeah, me too."

"One last thing," she said, standing. "I have owled the MacFustys and you will not be allowed on their land. Do you understand me?"

A sharp stab of pain shot through him. That had been his out. Since this whole thing had started, that had been his safe place. If nothing else worked he could always go to the Hebrideans. And now that had been stolen from him. Panic started to build, winding through him and squeezing his organs. There were other dragon reserves, he reasoned. The Hebrideans might be closest, but there was the one in southern England, and where Charlie worked in Romania. He could probably disappear into the Black Forest or the Amazon if he tried, or maybe find an uncharted island somewhere. Those still existed, right? Surely Muggles hadn't been everywhere.

"Harry?" Minerva's voice came from far away.

There were other places, yes, but the Hebrideans had been his. It was stupid to think that way, he had never even been there, but it had still been his safety net. Now he would have to do research, he'd have to make a new plan, all while fulfilling the duties Minerva had given him. Would the Black Forest be too cold? He didn't know much about Germany's climate, or Romania's. The Amazon would certainly be warm enough, but could snakes sweat? Would he overheat? If an island was uncharted then how was he supposed to find it? The Welsh Green reserve in southern England, how big was that? Was there even official unplotted land? Being that near to London would be a form of torture he wasn't willing to inflict on himself. His friends would be so close and he wouldn't be able to—

"Harry!"

He jerked out of his daze and looked at the headmistress. "Yes, sorry, I understand."

Minerva didn't look convinced. "I will send word when the press conference and lecture have been scheduled. I expect your letter to be completed by midnight tonight. I would alert Horace to the potential need for him to teach extra lessons, but I leave that decision to you. Until you have completed these tasks and have submitted your first report, you will continue to room with Severus. Neville is a fine young man, but you require someone as stubborn as yourself to see to your well-being."

Harry couldn't process the consequences of that particular decision, not yet. His attention was split between trying to remember if the Black Forest was in northern or southern Germany and composing the letter to the parents. What, exactly, was he supposed to say to lessen the blow? Dumbledore's words from the night before floated through his mind, and he thought that might not be a bad place to start. But still. Surprise, I, Harry Potter, am a Basilisk! That wasn't going to generate a positive reaction no matter what he said. He had books on snakes, a lot of them, and he could check to see if they sweat or not. The Amazon was much farther away, and while he would miss Europe terribly that might not be such a bad thing. The first Basilisk was bred in Greece so presumably they could handle some heat, but the Amazon was—actually, he didn't know average temperatures. He'd need to look that up, too.

"Harry Potter you will listen when I speak to you!" Minerva said sharply.

Harry jerked. "Yes, sorry, I was. The letter tonight, you'll let me know about the other things, and I'm staying with Severus. I got it. I was thinking about the letter, actually, how best to phrase it."

Her lips thinned, and she clearly didn't believe him. "Fine. You are no longer restricted to your quarters and your lessons resume as usual." She inclined her head slightly. "Good evening, gentlemen."

Severus spoke for the first time, and that was enough of a surprise that he focused. "There is one more matter to attend to."

Minerva raised an eyebrow. "And what would that be?"

"Harry wishes to end his formal apprenticeship in lieu of something less binding," Severus replied, voice devoid of expression. "A third party is needed to break the agreement and as you are already here, as well as headmistress, I see no one better to perform the spell."

"No," Harry said quickly. "No, I don't."

Severus looked at him with a fiery anger Harry hadn't seen in a long time. "You were quite insistent."

"I was upset," Harry said. "I didn't know, and I was upset, and I have a lot on my mind, but I want to stay on."

Some of the fury left Severus' eyes, but it was Minerva who spoke.

"It seems you need to discuss the matter further," she said. "If you still want to terminate the contract, you know where to find me."

Severus responded with something Harry didn't hear as she left; he had fallen back into planning for the upcoming days. Rita Skeeter would be at the press conference, no doubt with a thousand questions she would answer herself. How fast could he get to Germany? In time to avoid her? He'd have to find a boat, that would be the hard part. He cursed the U.K. for being an island before remembering he could apparate straight there. He'd have to find a picture so he knew where he was going, but the Hogwarts library must have information about the forest.

It occurred to him that he just insisted on keeping himself magically bound to the castle, which might not have been an action of somebody who was planning on running away.

Severus rapped him sharply on the head.

"Ow!" Harry yelled, rubbing where he had been hit. "What was that for?"

"We are going to play chess until you stop thinking about Germany and Brazil," Severus replied.

Harry narrowed his eyes. "I swear to Merlin, Severus, if you keep reading my mind—"

"It is reading your mind only in the way one reads billboards: an unavoidable consequence of having eyes," Severus said. "It is your move."

"I need to write the letter," Harry replied angrily. "I'm not going to stop thinking about leaving before midnight. I'm going to write the letter, and then I'm going to have dinner even though I'm not hungry, and then I'm going to sit around and think about Germany and Brazil until I fall asleep."

There was a loud screeching noise, and Harry saw that the chair at Severus' desk had been pushed back, as well a sheet of parchment and a quill appearing.

"Write away," Severus said. "After which you will take the Draught of Peace you made, and then you may have dinner."

"I don't want it," Harry replied, going over to his desk. "I wasn't making it to take, I was just brewing."

"I am aware," Severus said. "But you are in my care, and it is not up for discussion. Do you remember the first time you took calming potion? If you wish to throw the flask back and forth first I will oblige, but you are drinking it."

Harry decided he could argue after the letter. He picked up the quill and hesitated. How was he even supposed to address it? To the parents of Hogwarts students? That was long and clunky and awkward. To whom it may concern gave the wrong impression. After much debate, Harry settled on a charm that copied his writing onto the correct number of parchments as he wrote, along with a spell that changed the name to that of the recipient. He was a little proud of the magic until he remembered he still had to actually write the letter, and how to address it was not the hard part.

After what Harry was sure must have been at least five or six hours, he declared it done. The story took five feet of parchment, and there were around two hundred and fifty families who had children at Hogwarts. The desk was buried beneath drifts of scrolls, as well as a good portion of the room. Feeling a little guilty about flooding Minerva's office with so much parchment, Harry charmed the scrolls into three orderly lines that hovered by the ceiling and sent them away.

He put the quill down and, massaging his hand, glanced at the clock. Merlin, it hadn't even been an hour. His hand cramped the way it did when he spent all night writing and his mind was drained as if he had been working for hours. He closed his eyes for a moment, taking stock of himself. His hand, head, neck, and shoulders all ached. Shivers of anxiety ran through him. He was—yet again—on the edge of tears. He wasn't having a meltdown, no, but he could feel one on the horizon. Maybe a Draught of Peace wouldn't be the worst idea. And, he reasoned, what Severus had said last night was true: he hadn't hurt anyone, he hadn't even put anyone in danger. So maybe he even deserved it, and could accept the relief without fighting it.

Then he remembered the article in the Prophet. Dean read the Prophet. His family probably did, too, as well as the families of the Hufflepuff Prefects. Hagrid and Pomona had no doubt been told already. Harry's heart clenched. Would they ever forgive him? Had he just lost not only one of his mates but Hagrid? The idea of never speaking to him again was too desolate to even consider.

Harry thought again of Germany and Brazil. It wasn't like he would talk to them if he left home, but that would have been his choice. A self-imposed exile was worlds away from his friends abandoning him.

Severus appeared before him holding the flask. "Are we going to argue over this?"

"Did you see the rest of the staff?" Harry asked.

"Yes, there was a meeting before the Governors came," Severus replied.

"And, er." Harry cleared his throat and focused on a spot somewhere above Severus' left shoulder. "Was Hagrid there?"

"He was," Severus said. "If you are inquiring as to his feelings towards you, I do not know. It was not discussed."

Harry tapped his finger on the table. "If you had to guess?"

"I do not guess, and I recommend asking him yourself," Severus replied. He was spurred on by Harry's furious expression. "It is possible he was more upset at the breach of trust than the petrification. He was among those who defended you, and I assume he would not have stood up for you if he hated you."

That was probably a good sign. Harry had no intention of going to see him, not without knowing if he was even open for conversation in the first place, but maybe he could owl him. And Dean, he'd have to talk to Dean.

"I'm going to have dinner here," Harry said. "I can't—it'd be better if I stayed here until—for a while."

"You must not hide," Severus replied. "It will look as though you believe yourself to be guilty, and others will assume the same. Hold your head high and act as if nothing is wrong. You will not receive purely positive reactions, especially while there are only rumors and lies, but you must not go into this already defeated."

There was wisdom in his words, Harry knew that. He also knew there was no way he could sit in the same room as Hagrid, eat while the entire castle stared at him, digest when the school was simultaneously terrified and filled with hatred. He might not even make it out of the Hall alive, though he welcomed any and all curses thrown his way as justified penance.

"I can't," Harry said weakly.

"Drink this," Severus replied firmly, sliding the flask across the desk. "Then we will go."

"Please don't," Harry said. "I can't."

"You can and you will," Severus replied. "I despise dealing with your whiny, childish side, and the longer you force me to do so, the farther you will fall out of my favor. I remind you that you are ordered to stay in my quarters; I can make your time here miserable if I so choose. It would behoove you to stay on my good side."

That was also true, but he knew how to deal with an angry Severus much better than he could an angry mob.

Harry wished desperately for Remus.

Severus sighed impatiently. "Stop crying. I am very hungry and you are between myself and a warm meal."

Harry gave up. Once again he hadn't know he was crying, and he wiped away his tears as he uncorked the flask and drank. It didn't give him peace exactly, more of a resignation and acceptance of what needed to be done, but that was close enough. It would get him to the Great Hall, and that was as far as he was willing to plan.

"All right," he said, standing up and stretching out his writing arm. "Fine, let's go."

He expected Severus to continue to berate him, which seemed to be his way of getting Harry to do what he wanted, but he didn't. "You are making the right decision," he said. "It was not an easy one to make, and I am proud of you."

Harry shrugged as they left. "You drugged me into it."

"I steadied your nerves," Severus replied. "There is a difference. If you had truly intended to run away, the potion would have encouraged you."

Harry glanced at him. "You risked it?"

"There was no risk," Severus stated. "You told Minerva you wanted to remain with me, but even if you had not, I would have known." He winced as he continued. "You are the epitome of a Gryffindor. You do not run away. You told me you would have followed Dumbledore even if you knew from the beginning you had to die, and I do not doubt for a moment that is true. Going to dinner hardly compares."

Harry smiled slightly. "Suppose." They were late to arrive, and the entrance to the Great Hall was empty. He stopped and turned to Severus. "Do they know what you did?"

"The staff do," Severus replied. "The students know only whatever rumors are circulating."

Harry took a deep breath. "Let's just get this over with."

The Hall fell into silence as they walked in. As expected, the eyes on him were a mixture of scared, suspicious, confused, and angry. The staff continued their conversation as if nothing had changed, and by the time Harry had arrived at the High Table whispers were starting to break out amongst the students.

"Harry, o'er here," Hagrid said, waving him over. There was only one empty seat next to him and while Harry was equally desperate to stay with Severus and avoid his friend, he went to him and sat down.

"Hi," Harry muttered, putting as little on his plate as he could manage. A small slice of rare steak and a spoonful of peas. At least it looked like he was eating. "I, er, didn't think you'd want to see me."

"O' course I do!" Hagrid exclaimed. "I've been worried sick all day. Minerva had us up at the crack o' dawn, and then what with you missin' breakfast an' lunch…" He dropped his voice to a conspiratorial whisper that could no doubt be heard throughout the Hall. "Well, dependin' on who you ask, yeh either ran away to live with dragons, were carted off to Azkaban—which I knew you weren', o' course, but still—or that you… Well, y'know."

Harry stared at him. He didn't know. "That I what?"

"Offed yourself," Hagrid said quickly. "But clearly yeh didn', so it's all water under the bridge."

Harry continued to stare at him. "You're not mad?" he asked. "I thought you'd never speak to me again, after you found out it was me."

Hagrid's eyes were soft and kind as he spoke. "I foun' out a lot more than yeh bein' a—what yeh are. Minerva told us the whole story, an' from where I'm sittin', yeh did nothin' wrong. That's not to say I'd rather I hadn't been—that, but I know yeh never mean' to hurt anyone, an' I don't hold it against yeh. Yeh had no more control over it than Norbert did for breathin' fire."

Harry didn't think that was true at all, but if Hagrid was willing to forgive him, he wasn't going to push it. "Thanks," he said dumbly. "Really, Hagrid. I heard you defended me, and thanks for that, too. I don't know what I would've done without you."

Hagrid clapped him on the back, causing Harry to upset his pumpkin juice. "O' course, jus' doin' right by my friend. Yeh've stood up for me more times than I can count, it's about time I returned the favor."

Harry decided that was enough awkwardness. He could spend the rest of the night apologizing and promising to make up for it, but it was clear Hagrid wanted to let it go, and that was okay with Harry.

50

The rest of dinner didn't go as smoothly. Hagrid was perfectly friendly, and Minerva was on his other side so the conversation wasn't too bad, but halfway through dinner his glass exploded, the pudding they had for dessert upturned itself onto his face and robes, and his tea shot straight up into the air, raining back down on himself and Minerva. Harry supposed that had been meant for his face as well, but Minerva magicked it away without a word, and he refilled his teacup and cast an anti-enchantment spell on it, so that was the end of that.

As he stood to leave, his shirtsleeves suddenly flew up to his elbows. The Hall was silent, and he had no idea what the point of the jinx had been until he realized all attention was directed at his left forearm.

"I'm not a Death Eater!" Harry yelled, words echoing through the Hall. "I don't know what people have been saying, but for Merlin's sake, I'd think that obvious!"

Minerva stood as Harry yanked his sleeves down. "Tomorrow at breakfast Professor Potter will be making a statement explaining the situation. Until then, I would thank you to avoid spreading rumors, or at the very least display some common sense."

"I will be?" Harry asked quietly. "Tomorrow morning?"

"I was going to give you until dinner to prepare yourself, but it seems the need is more emergent than I thought," she replied, sitting back down.

"Yeah, apparently," Harry muttered, rubbing his arm. "Right, well I better go prepare something, then."

"Your letter was suitable," she said. "You may read from that if you wish."

"We'll see," Harry replied. The letter had been directed at parents and not his students, and he'd need to change the tone at the very least. "Thanks for that, by the way."

She waved her hand dismissively, and Harry left.

Harry let himself into Severus' quarters, and for a moment he wasn't barely hanging on but actually giddy with happiness and excitement. For a moment he could pretend that he always let himself into Severus' quarters because they weren't Severus' but theirs and he lived here too because they were together.

Then the moment passed, Harry's good cheer along with it. He penned another copy of the letter, addressing it to Ron and Hermione and adding a note that he was too tired to rewrite the copy for the parents so they should skip over what they already knew and ignore the formality. When it was finished Severus' owl was waiting for him at the window, and Harry gave him a large handful of treats as he tied the scroll to his leg and thanked him profusely for knowing when to arrive.

Severus still wasn't back by the time the letter was sent, and Harry changed into his pajamas and crawled into bed. It was only a little after eight and Harry didn't expect to fall asleep, but lying down in the dark was the only thing he could manage. The same giddiness washed over him as he lay down, but it passed just as quickly.

Just as he was starting to worry, he heard the door open and the familiar sound of Severus' steps. Harry realized he could recognize his footsteps in a room of hundreds and blushed. It was just that he was distinctive, that was all. Purposeful and steady, so quiet they were barely audible, toe-to-heel instead of the more common heel-to-toe, and the low swish of his robes.

"I'm in bed," he called out. "I didn't run away, I'm still here."

"I am aware," Severus replied.

More footsteps, and then the sound of the couch settling. Harry was ashamed to admit how much he'd been hoping for Severus to join him, but of course that was ridiculous. Not only was it early, but he had no reason to go to sleep at the same time as Harry. It wasn't like they were going to do anything and needed to coordinate their schedules to accommodate whatever people did in bed together. In fact, Harry reminded himself not to expect anything at all, not even snuggling. That had been one night—well, one night since break—and he had been in the midst of a breakdown. Severus had been comforting him, and that was all. Not even: he had been keeping an eye out.

An unpleasant thought crossed Harry's mind. "Should I be sleeping on the couch?" he asked, not sure if he was speaking loudly enough to be heard. "Since you don't need to worry about me?"

"I always worry about you, Potter," Severus drawled. "You wreak havoc wherever you go; how could I not?"

This was not one of the times when sarcasm was comforting. "That wasn't an answer," Harry replied testily. "If you could not be an arse just for tonight I'd really appreciate it. I'm stuck here and you might as well treat me like a human being as long as we're living together.

"Do not get up on my account," Severus said after a short pause. "Sleep wherever you please."

Harry considered moving to the couch so he wouldn't be alone but Severus was clearly not in the mood. Harry asked a question he should have thought of long ago. "What's your punishment?"

"None of your business," Severus snapped.

Of all the times for their relationship to regress, it had to be now. "I'm sorry if I offended you earlier," Harry said. "About the apprentice thing? I really was just surprised. And scared, because of the Hebrideans thing. But I don't want to break the magic."

"I gathered as much when you told Minerva," Severus replied dryly. "If you wish to talk, have the decency to come into the same room as I and stop shouting across the flat."

Harry wanted to stay in bed. He wanted to fix things with Severus. He wanted to not have been found out. He wanted everyone to magically understand without having to do anything. He wanted Ron and Hermione to be here. He wanted to be back at the peace and quiet of Spinner's End.

Since getting what he wanted wasn't possible, he decided to work on what he needed to survive this. He pulled himself out of bed and shuffled into the living room and onto the couch. Severus didn't look up from his book.

"I'm really tired," Harry said. "I've got an awful headache. There's a chance I'm going to be killed by an angry mob. I'm effectively stuck in detention for the rest of the school year. Can we night fight now?"

"I thought I was being gracious," Severus replied, still not looking up. "I offered to let you sleep wherever you wished, including my bed. Explain to me how that is a fight."

Harry sighed. "Come on. Please?"

"I see no issue, Potter."

Harry felt tears prickling in the corners of his eyes and blinked them away. He was not going to cry again, not over this, not in front of Severus. "You're not looking at me, you're calling me Potter, and you're treating me like the last three years never happened and you still hate me."

"You are overly sensitive," Severus said. "The weight of the day combined with—"

"I'm not," Harry interrupted, though he knew he was. That wasn't the point. "I know you hate talking about feelings and stuff, and I'm not asking you to. You don't have to explain why, just tell me what I can do to fix it because I really need you right now and I can't deal with you being upset with me." That was a lot more than he meant to say.

Severus finally put his book down. "You are not the only one affected by this," he said. "The consequences for me are not as public or volatile as yours but that does not change the fact that I have to suffer, too. You do not need to hear the details, but know that you are not the only one being punished."

Harry felt incredibly selfish. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "You're right, I was too wrapped up in myself." He was torn. On one hand, Severus had obviously been upset when he wanted to pull out from the apprenticeship; on the other, he clearly needed his space and needed not to be needed. Harry rallied his strength and continued. "I'll leave you alone; if I'm asleep when you come to bed, wake me up and I'll move to the couch."

Severus sighed irritably. "Once again you are overreacting. I do not make offers I do not mean, especially regarding my bed. You are welcome to sleep wherever you like."

"I just—" Harry faltered. He had no idea how to say what he meant. "I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I dragged you into this eighth year. It doesn't matter who said what after that; I shouldn't have involved you in the first place. Even more than that, I'm sorry for shoving myself into your life. I know you're private and you like to be alone and don't want anyone to need you or anyone to be responsible for. Minerva said I have to stay here until things are sorted so I will, but after that I'll leave you alone. I'll leave my apprenticeship up to you; if you want to keep me on, fine, and if not I'll get Horace to teach me, or just do it myself. I never—" He had to swallow a rather large lump in his throat. "I'm just sorry."

Harry did not expect to be pulled into a hug. He didn't expect Severus to lean his forehead on Harry's, or for him to need a moment to collect himself. He sat in a dazed shock before remembering a hug usually involved two people and awkwardly put his arms around Severus. He worked very hard not to kiss him because he was so close and Harry was so full of emotions, but he didn't.

"I do not want you to leave," Severus said softly. "I never expected to share my life with anyone, least of all you, and you are right that you bullied your way into a pleasantly private and solitary existence. That does not change the fact that you did insert yourself, and have made room for yourself where I never thought there space. I cannot always be pleasant, nor can I drop everything to attend to you when I have my own burdens to shoulder. I am not a good person to need but I do not balk or pull away from your attachment. As for accountability, I have been responsible for you since you were one year old. The circumstances may have changed but never the intention."

Harry was floored. No, that wasn't right, he was sitting on a couch. He was couched. Wait, no, that was also wrong. He was breathless, that was right, and speechless, and amazed, and deeply touched, and he really loved the man in front of him. Nobody had ever said anything even remotely like that to him before, and it almost didn't matter that it was platonic. He would have preferred a declaration of love as well, he wasn't going to cheapen the moment by lying to himself, but it didn't really matter because Severus did love him, even if he would never say the words. The spark and the sexual attraction would have been nice, but were largely insignificant in the face of his speech.

Harry needed to thank Severus, and he did by saying what he thought Severus would most want to hear, setting his own needs aside completely. "We're halfway through a chess game. Want to finish?"

Severus jerked in surprise, eyes coming up to meet Harry's, and they had already been so close and now they were closer and Harry could practically taste his lips and he still held himself back. For one wild moment he thought Severus might kiss him, but then he pulled away, and Harry thought he had just been expecting him to go on about feelings and relationships and hadn't realized where their bodies were. Their knees were still touching but that was it, and Harry physically felt the loss.

"I thought you wanted to sleep," Severus said.

"Just resting," Harry replied. "I'm not up for much more than half a game, but I can handle that much. Besides, I should see if my pieces still respect me."

Severus gave him an indecipherable look. Amusement, but something more, bigger than that. On anyone else Harry would have thought it annoyance but he knew Severus' annoyed look, and it wasn't this. "Very well," he said.

"Unless you want to be alone," Harry asked quickly. "What you said, it doesn't—I mean, it does—er—"

"You must learn to trust me," Severus interrupted. He glanced at the board. "Bishop to e2."

"I did, you said you couldn't—"

"Right now I am saying I would like to play chess," Severus said. "Your move."

"I'm not bullying now?" Harry asked.

Severus sighed deeply, the one that meant the answer was obvious and he was running out of patience. "No. Make your move now or forfeit your turn."

Harry moved a knight to the side and was pleased to see that the pieces still responded to him. He was less pleased when he remembered how distracted he had been earlier and realized his pieces were a jumbled disarray that came nowhere close to resembling a strategy. He held out for as long as he could before losing, which ended up being less than five minutes.

"Pathetic," Severus said with a smile as he sent his set where it belonged.

"I had already screwed myself," Harry replied. "At least that one pawn I took died broken and beaten. My pieces are warming up to me."

"How unfortunate," Severus said testily.

Harry tapped his leg. "I'm going to go lie down in bed to rest and not to sleep, so I'm going to keep the fire up for warmth since light doesn't matter." Did that get his point across? He wasn't going to outright say that if Severus wanted company he could join him because that was too much, but letting him know he was welcome, that was good. Equally important was letting him know it was okay if he didn't want to come, that Harry wasn't asking for his company.

Severus glanced at the clock, then at his book. "Go on. I will not disturb you when I come to bed."

Harry's thoughts turned to the speech he was supposed to make at breakfast. Sleep didn't seem likely. "Don't worry about it," he said, getting up and going back to bed. He kept the door open a crack and the fire higher than strictly advantageous for sleep. He curled up under the blankets, breathing in the scent of Severus as his words echoed through his mind. Harry didn't have a word for what they were, but they were definitely something. A together. An us. Family but more than family because they chose each other, they weren't born into it. Friends but more than friends because this was not the relationship he had with Ron and Hermione. He thought it might be because of Severus. He didn't let people in, full stop. But he had with Harry. Maybe everything that would have been split between friends and family was all directed at him.

For the first time, Harry thought he might possibly have cause to wonder maybe if Severus could potentially feasibly love him the way Harry loved him. It wasn't likely, and that was putting it mildly, but it didn't seem impossible anymore.

Harry conjured a Tempus on the bedside table and set an alarm for six. That would give him time to shower, dress, and go over what he wanted to say. He was going to read from the letter but he didn't want to sound mechanical or rehearsed. If he was going to make it through this alive he needed to, quite literally, seem human. It was currently nine past ten. He watched the numbers tick by with something a little like panic. He needed to sleep, actually sleep, he hadn't realized how late it had gotten, but he wasn't willing to turn down the fire yet.

At ten-sixteen Severus came in. He moved quietly, making only the slightest noises as drawers opened and clothing rustled. He left for a few minutes, presumably to go to the bathroom, and when he returned he lowered the flame and came into bed. Harry was facing away from him, not by design but because that way he could watch the time, and he found himself regretting it. Would they not be sleeping together tonight? Probably not no matter how Harry had arranged himself; Severus had talked, and expecting him to open up physically and emotionally in the same day was too much. Merlin, the same week was unthinkable. But it was fine, because he had talked, he had said things, and those things had been—

Then Severus was there, curling around him, draping an arm over his side, nesting them together. Harry forgot how to breathe. Something in the back of his mind was responsible for forcing air in and out of his lungs, something that didn't want him to seem pathetic and needy, and he was very grateful for that. The same something was working to keep his muscles relaxed and his heart beating, and that was also good. Out of a mix of desire and curiosity Harry edged his hand right next to Severus', accidentally-on-purpose brushing their fingers together before retreating no more than a millimeter or two, letting Severus initiate contact. Which he did, immediately taking Harry's hand and sliding their fingers together.

With a jolt, Harry realized there was a word for this. Spooning. They were spooning. He was spooning with Severus.

It was very good Harry was facing away from him; he wouldn't have been able to stop himself from kissing him, consequences or no. As it was, he just squeezed Severus' hand.

Very, very quietly Severus repeated Harry's words from the night before.

"I am glad you are here as well."