Chapter 17

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I ran down the stairs and down the hall to the infirmary with Amara hot on my heels. Mary was laying on the bed in the room trying to get comfortable.

"Is the baby coming?" I asked. Surely those screams were not for nothing.

"Unfortunately, not." Jake said. "False alarm."

"Sorry to startle you." Mary said apologetically and winced as she shifted again.

Amara pushed her way into the room and hurried to Mary's side.

"Don't you apologize." Amara said and took her hand. "Where is the pain?" She asked.

"It seems to be focused on my back." Mary replied.

"Well laying down surely won't help. I know it hurts but you should be walking," Amara said and helped her to sit up gently.

"Let's walk to the kitchen and I'll make you some tea, yeah? Chamomile should help."

"Well, I wasn't quite finished with her." Jake mumbled and Connor just shook his head.

"It's no use Jake you won't win. Mar played midwife with all the mothers in Alexander's pack." He chuckled.

"I didn't play, I was damn good at it!" Amara grumbled.

"I think we've proved that your ways are not as good as you think." Jake snorted at Amara. "Or do you not remember nearly dying from an infection that you stubbornly refused to take an antibiotic for?"

Amara just glared at him.

"Well, it's not like you can do much for me right now Jake, I don't want to take anything that might hurt Emma and if Amara thinks she can help then I'm willing to try anything to get rid of this back pain."

"We'll take a walk; I'll get you some tea and I'll make a massage oil to help with the pain." Amara smiled and helped Mary to stand and slowly started walking out the door with her, and then, in true Amara fashion she turned around and stuck her tongue out at Jake.

I couldn't help but laugh.

"Sorry Jake." I shrugged. I honestly didn't expect Amara to just jump in and take charge like that but knowing that she was already protective over members in the pack was good.

"Amara might not be excellent at caring for herself, but when it comes to others, especially expecting mothers she does well. Her mother had a book that was given to her about all the plants that grow around here and what they can be used for medicinally and she was obsessed with it." Connor smiled. "I know Mary is in good hands. You've done what you can until it's time for the baby to be born." He added reassuring Jake who was still a little displeased.

"I still wasn't done." He mumbled. "God help me if I ever have to deliver one of her babies. She'll probably be chewing on tree bark while telling me how I'm doing everything wrong." He scoffed.

I chuckled; he was probably right.

"I better go make sure she doesn't need my help."

"You should probably fix your shirt." Jake said.

"What?" I asked and looked down realizing my shirt was not only inside out, but it was backwards. I looked back up at Jake who was grinning, and Connor who was looking at me with his head tilted and his eyes narrowed. Amara was like a daughter to him, and I knew exactly what was going through his head. Expecting I was about to get the You hurt her, and I'll end you speech, I cleared my throat.

"Right." I muttered and ducked out of the room. Connor didn't scare me in the slightest, but I was not about to stand there and have that conversation with him.

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I stood at the stove waiting on the kettle.

"Is the pain letting up any?" I asked as Mary made another lap around the kitchen.

"Actually yes, what was in that oil you put on my back??" She asked and sat down in a chair with a hand over her stomach rubbing it.

"It's just a blend of oils I picked up while I was shopping with Roxy. There's some lemongrass, and cypress in there. A bit of frankincense too. I prefer doing things the natural way." I shrugged and turned back to the stove as the kettle began to whistle, "The tea will help soothe the contractions as well as keep you calm and if the back pain comes back, I recommend taking a hot bath, you can add a few drops of that oil blend I gave you to the water as well." I smiled and poured her a cup of tea and brought it to her.

She eyed me curiously and then grinned.

"I'm sorry if I interrupted anything between you and Kieran." She said and sipped the tea.

"What do you mean?" I asked and then noticed she was looking at my shirt. I looked down and half of the buttons were out of place, and I hadn't even finished buttoning the shirt.

"Oh..." I said and blushed and turned around to fix my shirt. "You didn't interrupt anything." I shrugged. I didn't mind the interruption so much now.

This was something I missed doing. It was one of the only things I thought I was good at and truthfully, as ready as I thought I was in the heat of the moment with Kieran, now that I'd had some time to think, I wasn't so sure. I knew undoubtedly that there was this strong magnetic pull between the two of us. I couldn't deny that anymore. I couldn't deny that he was destined to be my mate, but I honestly had no idea what that all meant if I was being honest, and I had no idea what I was doing. I'd always lived, confident that I'd be on my own and doing my own thing and then fate, the devil she is, plopped me right in the middle of Kieran's path. Now here I was after running away from home refusing to find a mate and settle down, entertaining the very idea of it not a month later.

"Are you okay?" Mary's soft-spoken voice, and her hand on my forearm stole me from my thoughts.

"Yeah. Yeah!" I said and smiled. "I'm fine."

She narrowed her eyes skeptically at me.

"I promise. I'm fine." I shrugged.

"Who's fine?" Kieran asked as he walked into the kitchen with his shirt in his hands as he was fixing it. My mouth fell open looking him up and down trying to think of an answer to the question he asked, having already forgotten what he asked in the first place.

"Wonderful Codfish impersonation darling." Kieran winked and pulled his shirt on. I felt my face heat up and knew it was turning crimson.

"How are we feeling?" He asked, turning to Mary.

"Great actually!" She beamed. "Amara is a godsend." She smiled.

"Oh, I don't know about that." I shrugged. "I'm glad I could help."

"Well thank you, very much." She said and gave me a quick hug. "I am going to try and get some rest."

"If you have any problems, you know where to find me. Any time of night." I offered.

"I will remember that. Thank you." She thanked me again and walked out of the kitchen leaving me alone with Kieran.

I turned around and started cleaning up.

"You're awfully quiet." Kieran said. "I've found that it's not usually a good sign."

"I'm just thinking." I said as I wiped down the counter.

"What are you thinking about?" Kieran asked.

"I'm making a list." I said and opened up the cupboards.

"What kind of list?"

"Just a mental one of things I will need. Well, more so Mary. I'm hoping baby Emma will be kind and give me time to make all the necessary preparations. I should have started these ages ago." I sighed.

"Well, to be fair just weeks ago you weren't sure you were even going to be staying here." Kieran said and then sighed. "I get the feeling you are trying to distract yourself from something."

"Distract myself from what?" I asked. I felt Kieran standing behind me now, His fingers ghosted over my arms giving me goosebumps. His breath was hot on the back of my neck as he leaned in.

"Me." He whispered in my ear. I swallowed thickly and turned around, but he left no room for me to escape. His hands came to rest on my hips.

"Why...why would I want to distract myself from you?" I stammered.

"Because you're afraid. We've gotten close and it's setting off all sorts of pesky alarm bells in your head, For the longest time, it's been just you, and now that is threatened you've thrown your guard right back up." Kieran said.

Get out of my head Quinn.

"I have not." I scoffed and moved his arm so I could move away from him.

"Then where are you going?" Kieran asked.

"I'm tired, I'm going to take a shower and probably go to bed if that is quite alright with you." I said and raised my eyebrow. Kieran shook his head.

"You're upset because you know I am right."

"I'm not upset at all, Kieran." I said and put my hands on my hips. "The only one who is upset is you and I don't know why."

"Because you are playing this constant game of tug o war with your feelings, and mine. I know that it is in your nature to run when people get too close, but I had truly hoped that with all we've been through I've shown you that you don't have to run from me. I'm tired of playing do we or don't we with you. You told me earlier that you wanted me to stop putting you behind me, and let you stand at my side, where you belong, but are you even sure that is where you want to be?" He asked.

"Yes Kieran! I just…" I sighed trying to find the words to say but found myself suddenly intimidated by the whole situation and it surely didn't help that he was yelling at me.

"You just what, Mara??" Kieran asked.

"Just stop Kieran, I don't want to do this right now." I mumbled.

"When do you want to do this then? Is the near future good for you or am I going to be dead and decaying before you make up your bloody mind? Make up your mind before I make it up for both of us." He snapped.

I stepped back putting more space between the two of us, I looked up at him and his expression softened, and I could tell he was remorseful.

"Right." I said softly. "So... I'm going to go take that shower."

"Mara wait, I didn't mean it." Kieran sighed. "Please don't walk away from me while you're upset darling."

I just shook my head and turned away from him. I paused for just a moment before I walked out of the kitchen.

So, what if he was right? He didn't have to be so hateful about it. Right?

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I waited patiently in the room for Amara to come in, thinking about what I would say to fix this.

I knew what I had said was hurtful, but did she have to be so bleeding stubborn?

I could smell Amara's rose scented shampoo before she even walked into the room. Gods I loved that smell. She always smelled very floral and earthy. She stepped into the room, and her tan skin was a bit red from the hot water, she must have been really upset. She usually set the shower to devil's piss hot when she was mad. It was weird what I picked up on about her in the short time we'd known each other.

Amara looked at me briefly and walked past me to the dresser to pick up her hairbrush and brush through her long-tangled locks silently.

"Can I just-" I started.

"Nope." She cut me off, clearly uninterested in what I had to say at the moment.

"Amara, please don't go to bed angry with me. I didn't mean what I said." I sighed. She finished brushing through her hair and put the hairbrush down.

"I'm not angry with you." She shrugged. She was also lying, because her words did not match the, I will gut you like a fish if you step closer to me, look in her eyes.

"Look, I'm sorry I was frustrated. It's just I figured by now you would know you don't have to run from me. I shouldn't have gotten mad like I did."

"I'm going to bed Kieran…" She mumbled and started walking to her bed set up on the other side of the room.

"I love you." I blurted out.

She stopped dead in her tracks and turned to look at me, her amber eyes widened, and her jaw bobbed up and down, and I couldn't tell if I had made the situation better or worse, she looked completely and utterly terrified.

"I… I… have to...I left something in the kitchen." She said and hurried past me.

Worse it is, Quinn job well done you great Git. I groaned and sat down on the bed and flopped backwards running my hands over my face not knowing at this point whether to laugh, scream, cry or all of the above.

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‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　A　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Amara you are hopeless, He tells you he loves you and you run out of the room like an idiot.

I thought to myself as I sat down at the kitchen table and put my head in my hands.

"You look like you could use a drink."

I looked up at Roxy walking into the kitchen with a bottle of some sort of liquor and a glass.

"I shouldn't." I replied with the last time I had anything to drink in mind. Roxy shrugged her shoulders and sat down at the table beside me and poured herself a glass.

"What a long day." She sighed. "It was fun though." She added with a smile. "I especially liked the part where you turned into a complete billy bad ass on that hunter."

I smirked and shook my head.

"Hopefully those creeps stay out of your grandmother's diner." I said.

"Oh, I'm sure they will. Thank you for that. Maybe now I can go there in peace. I'm sorry if Kieran was upset with you."

"Nah., we talked it over. He could have been upset all he wanted and It wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest. I have very little left of my mother, and I know how important it is to hold onto the memories of our loved ones we do have left. I knew I did the right thing, regardless of what he thought."

Roxy smiled at me and sipped from her drink.

"So, if you two talked things out, why are you sitting down here looking so miserable?" Roxy asked.

"Because I'm an idiot." I grumbled and banged my forehead lightly on the table.

"Okay, spill it. What happened?" Roxy asked. I raised my head and took the bottle of liquor and unscrewed the cap taking a long pull.

"He told me he loved me." I said as I set the bottle back down. Roxy's eyes widened and she grinned ear to ear.

"Mar! That's amazing. What did you say?"

"I said I left something in the kitchen and ran out of the room." I replied and raked my fingers through my curls.

"Oh." Roxy frowned. "But don't you feel the same? I mean you practically glow when you talk about him."

"I think I do feel the same way Roxy, but I've never been great with words and for some reason I still can't believe that he wants me. I mean... I literally ran out on the man when he told me he loved me. Who does that?" I sighed heavily.

"People who aren't used to affection, and other people caring about them. You aren't an idiot, you just responded in the only way you knew how." Roxy said and put her hand on top of mine.

"How am I supposed to tell him that? I have no idea what I am doing here Roxy... I mean before Mary went into false labor we were kissing, and things were going so fast, and there was just so much passion and even though I wanted I was relieved after the fact that we were interrupted."

"That's understandable Amara, you've never had these feelings before, and they can be scary and confusing."

"I'm tired of being afraid of them but every time I try to just let go... I can't. I know that I love him, and I know that I want him. I want to do the thing!" I whined and rested my forehead on my arms that were folded on the table.

"I'm sorry... the thing?" Roxy asked. I peeked up at her, she had her eyebrow raised and looked completely confused. But also amused?

"You know... the thing." I said and blushed as I tucked my hair behind my ears.

"Oh. you mean sex." She grinned.

"Well, when you put it like that it just sounds barbaric." I muttered.

"As opposed to calling it the thing?" Roxy giggled. "Look, you are going to have to face him Mar, and just tell him how you feel. Lay it all out on the table and about doing the thing, make your intentions clear. You want him, take him."

"But I don't even know how." I groaned. "What If we do it and I'm not... Good?" I asked.

"Kieran loves you, and you love him you have nothing to worry about. You are mates. You two are fated to be together." Roxy said.

I smiled at her. "Thank you."  I said. "I'm going to go back upstairs and try to talk to him." I stood up from the table.

"What are friends for?" She said and wiggled her fingers in a goodbye at me.

I went up the stairs rehearsing what to say over and over in my head. I paused at the door to the bedroom before I shook back the fear and walked in the room.

"So, here's the thing-" I started but stopped suddenly realizing he had fallen asleep.

Honestly? You sleep now? I'm having a mental breakdown and you're away in never never land!

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　K　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew it was morning. I sat up and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes listening to the low rumble of a thunderstorm in the distance. I got out of bed and walked over to the other side of the room to find Mara's bed empty. I pulled the curtain back on the bay window looking out at the black storm clouds rolling in hoping I hadn't scared Amara off, hoping she wasn't outside with this storm coming, it was a big one, I could feel it. I walked away from the window and left the room going downstairs.

I heard something in the kitchen and went there first. I sighed in relief to see Amara. She hadn't run off, that was good. However, it was incredibly early in the morning, and her boots and pants were covered in dirt. There was a pile of flowers on the counter. Amara stood at the sink washing the dirt from her hands.

"Love, it's 6 in the morning, what are you doing?"

"I went looking for a shepherd's purse." Amara said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and I was an idiot for asking. "I could feel the storm coming and while I do love playing in the rain this is a rather time sensitive thing." She said and then hoisted herself up onto the counter to look in the cupboards.

"May I ask, what you are doing and why it is time sensitive? Did you even go to bed?" I asked.

"I'm making a Shepherd's Purse tincture, for Mary. It's time sensitive because it will take at least 3 weeks to complete and I'm not sure baby Emma is going to be kind and wait. I honestly should have started this so much sooner." She sighed heavily and pulled a mason jar from the cupboard.

"What does it do?" I asked.

"It's for postpartum hemorrhage. It will stop bleeding in seconds. We may not need it, but it's good to have in case. She said and walked past me to my liquor cabinet.

"Can you unlock this?" She asked. I nodded and reached to the very top of the cabinet for the key and unlocked it for her.

"Bit early for a drink darling. And also, you didn't answer my question. Have you been to bed yet?" I asked again.

"It's not for me, it's for the tincture." She scoffed and picked a bottle of vodka and walked over to the counter.

She put the flowers in the mason jar and poured vodka over them. She put a lid on the jar and shook the jar before setting it in a dark corner out of reach of sunlight on the counter and put the lid back on the vodka and put it back in the liquor cabinet shutting the door and locking it. She turned around and blew a stubborn curl out of her eyes and leaned against the counter, her eyes were dark with exhaustion answering my question about whether or not she had been to bed.

"Would you like some coffee? I was thinking of making some." She said.

"No, and you aren't making coffee until you get some sleep."

"Sleep? Kieran the sun is about to be up."

"It's about to storm; there will likely be no sign of sun today." 

"Well just because we can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there." Amara argued. "It's too late to go to bed." She shrugged.

"Why must you fight me on every little thing?" I asked and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"It's in my nature." She shrugged and walked into the den, to tidy up, putting some of the children's toys that were left out, in the corner of the room where they belonged.

"Fine, if you don't want to sleep, let's talk about last night."

"What about last night?" Amara asked. She clearly knew, but she was stalling.

"I said I loved you, and you ran off to the kitchen and never came back." I said.

"Actually, I did come back. But you were sleeping and then Mary was having more pain, so I helped her for a few hours and then I came back again, but it was already 4 and I remembered the shepherd's purse. Nonetheless, I did return to the bedroom. Like I said about the sun, just because you didn't see me doesn't mean I wasn't there. " She smiled and leaned in and poked the tip of my nose before walking past me outside onto the front porch. I just wanted to strangle her and hug her at the same damn time. She was incredibly full of sass this morning. At least she wasn't still angry with me.

I walked outside, onto the porch, Amara was leaning over the rail, taking a deep breath and sighing. The air was thick and heavy, and the humidity made her wild curls, even more wild. Thunder rolled in the distance and lightning danced across the sky and she looked up at the sky and smiled.

"Can you feel it?" She asked.

"Feel what?" I asked.

"The storm. I can feel it under my skin, it's going to be a big one."

"Aye." I said and leaned against the rail beside her.

She turned to me.

"My mother believed that big storms like this were caused when one's heart and mind were in conflict with each other." She said.

"The more conflict you have in your mind, the louder the thunder, the more conflict you have in your heart the wilder the lightning, and then when the rain comes it washes it all away and you are left free from the endless push and pull between heart and mind, and you see things more clearly than before."

"It sounds like your mother knew a lot more about the world than we ever could." I smiled.

"She always knew how to make sense of whatever I was feeling, when I couldn't, and I think that this storm is her way of clearing things up for me." Amara said. I thumbed away a tear that rolled down her cheek.

The sky opened up and the rain began. Small sprinkles at first and then the sounds of rain hitting the roof above us grew louder and louder. Amara slowly stepped off the porch holding her hand out to me.

"You are insane. It's still cold out and, you aren't wearing shoes you are going to catch your death." I said.

She just cocked her head and stared at me expectantly still holding her hand out. I sighed and took her hand stepping off the porch out of the shelter and into the rain. I expected it to be freezing and I wasn't sure exactly how, but it was warm. Amara let go of my hand and raised her arms and spun around in the rain laughing and I couldn't help but laugh with her.

I didn't care that I looked ridiculous out here in the rain because she was wild, brilliant and beautiful and she wasn't to be tamed. She turned and looked at me and she was positively radiant, her entire being seemed to glow. I scooped her up and spun around with her in my arms and the way she laughed set a surge of warmth through my whole soul.

"I love you Kieran Quinn." She said, "With everything that I have." Her words were like the most bewitching musical masterpiece to my ears, and I knew there would be no force in this world or any that would tear us apart.

At least that's what I thought…