Chapter One

Fatih, Rose Garden Street

When the weather deteriorated, I immediately lowered my beret to my cold ears. I rubbed my trembling hands, hoping that they would warm a little. Something went wrong since the day I moved to the neighborhood. I couldn't find the exact word. I could not understand if they were sneaky or sincere as opposed to what they seemed. But before I stepped into this land that is almost devoid of greenery, I had made a promise to myself. Even if it is your father, you will not trust anyone in this age. I was not considered wrong. The day was coming, people who said they loved you so much were just leaving for no reason without even bothering to turn around and explain. You could not hold such an account. They would silence you and keep making excuses.

I lay my head behind my shoulder and shield my face from the raindrops that slowly increase their speed. They were like artificial needle tips that did not have the effect of leaving a scar on your skin when viewed from below, but left a thin ache. I thought of Elif and why I had no other friend but her like I was a miserable ...

It was the second month after I left Izmir. I was trying to get used to my new life and Istanbul.

Elif, my only friend that I mentioned before, said that this place would be a dangerous place. At first I didn't quite understand what he meant. I pointed my head and wished that the dark sky, like a bottomless well, would fall over, and instead bequeath daylight. Right now, I was rising on my fingertips, taking care not to make my knuckles cramp, and silently watching the event of which I was perhaps the only witness.

I took a step forward and glued half of my head to the wall. It was already dark and there was no light in my area. The only thing that illuminated the night was the full moon, which seemed to be glued to the sky by a special force. If I was noticed, I knew that the man standing in front of me like an idol would kill me, so I had to press my lips together and hide my breath so much that I could not even hear it..

I glanced at the edge of the wall, I looked at the tall, built man who seemed to have forgotten to laugh, and with his suit, he was the mafia bosses in thriller movies. Next to him was a skinny boy as short as a head. If the light games, which I guess he was wearing a white shirt and gray, were not misleading my eyes, I could tell that he was wearing elbows in high school by looking at his pants.

As a thousand and one foxes turned from my head, the ends of my thoughts were tangled. My inner voice was saying go. I was a mischievous kid, not listening to what he was saying. Whenever I listened to my inner voice, I didn't get rid of trouble. The facts accumulated on the tip of my tongue turned into lies when I listened to his voice, and the words rolled off my lips.

But this time he was right. Maybe I should have tried to listen to him and leave. I was a clumsy person, I could be caught running away. My fingers hastily found my cell phone as my hand went independently of me to the back pocket of my trousers. My palms ached, a small drop of sweat slipped from my neck into my rib cage. I unlocked the pattern by taking my phone out of my pocket and drawing a quick "m".

I went into the message section. The last time I corresponded with Elif. I tapped the screen and started typing. While doing this, I did not have the possibility to mute the phone. It wouldn't be. I didn't have time to go back and Aaron seemed to have no joke. I tried to hit the send button after I got rid of something and the phone gave a battery notification. Even though I used my fingers as if I was typing a ten finger keyboard and pressed a hundred different places, I could not prevent the phone from turning off. If I were not an active user of social media, maybe I would have posted that last message that would save my life. Just then, an American dubbing echoed inside me. "Damn it!"

I didn't have a family anyway. I was thinking about this as I pushed the phone into my pocket and put my hand beside me. I was like seven years old. I was adopted. Since I was a tiny baby when I lost my family, I didn't know anything, nobody, my distant or close relatives, but I guessed inside that there were big ones I lived in unannounced under the same sky. Everyone should have a family. Nobody came to this world alone. However, we could not choose what kind of life we ​​would live. Before leaving the orphanage, the dormitory manager had told me that my uncles did not want me. He said that they were the ones who let me home. For years I searched for them without a single address. I knew their name and surname. In this case it was impossible for me to find them. Even though I went to the place where they used to say I lived, I couldn't catch a single tip. It was as if the ground had been split, trapped my family in a dark well and closed back.

Then someone came out and said: "Who are you?"

Who was I really? Did I have an ID, really? Anyway, I finally had a family. So I thought so. I was brutally pushed, beaten up, and two days after my adoption, I ran away from home and returned to the orphanage because of violence from my foster family. It turns out they took me as a maid to take care of their bedridden son. The boy was fifteen years old, considerably older than me. He was very nice to me, but his family was not. They were too bad to describe.

Although I struggled between returning and staying, I would prefer the orphanage's stinky food to that house. At least I was happy there. I was not being beaten by anyone. I was better when I was not there. Wasn't that what made loneliness noble? It was two minutes past midnight. People must have been sleeping in their cozy beds right now. Wandering these streets alone, especially at this time, was like going into the wolf's lair by will. I was not as problematic as before. I got used to the neighborhood and the people of the neighborhood. "Stop crying!" said. I hadn't noticed that the boy was crying until those two words spilled from Harun's lips. He looked just like me in this respect, he was shedding silent tears into him. He was less than ten meters from the man. Several times he had called the boy, who dropped his head to his shoulder, crouching on his knees.

He didn't seem to mind being called that way, while he thought it was nothing more than a nasty nickname stuck to it. "I'm not crying." as he said, Zehir's voice was rough. She seemed to be experiencing an internal breakdown, although her body language shouted that she was fine. He had just killed a child, could have been his own age or older. It was partly an accident.

Maybe he wanted to frighten him, but suddenly, unable to control his anger, a hard punch hit him, causing the boy he was fighting to experience a cerebral concussion and fall and hit his head against a hard object.

The boy's brain had literally exploded. I realized he was shocked by what had happened, and I hated myself for witnessing such an incident. "It was an accident." Then he tried to eliminate the panic in his voice. Did he really believe what he said? Harun crouched beside Poison with a fake giggle. When he grasped the child's shoulder with one hand, he would not take refuge behind any sentence that would comfort him, but on the contrary, he would press the wound opened in his soul. Someone who was brought up without mercy could not feel the pain of the other person. Because he did not know what pain is. "Do not be sad. We destroy the body. Nobody will hear the soul." I shifted restlessly as he talked about the child lying on the ground as a worthless object. God, I was freezing. "Okay, calm down, Hope. You know the way, why don't you go back?

Going to wait to die like goods ...

I rolled my eyes in my inner voice. He knew everything anyway. After shrug my shoulders and nodding my head, I continued to watch quietly as if nothing had happened. storms were causing it to break out. "What about a gun?" said the boy wearily. "I have fingerprints on it. If the police reach the gun before us, they will issue a search warrant about me. My place is clear, brother. My school is two streets down. They find it as if they put it with their hands." "Poison, are you okay!" Harun whispered angrily. "Would you like to spend a year in prison or in school? You wouldn't go.

"If I don't -" He threw the boy against the wall as he grabbed the collar.

"Shut the fuck up! I won't clean the mint you eat! If it eats, go!" The boy swayed and walked towards Harun with unsteady steps. A dark liquid ran from the edge of his left cheek. While his attitude while speaking made me feel uncomfortable, I didn't want to be in Zehir's place. He must have known where it was going when he was fighting. Everyone knew it, but even though he knew it, he ignored it. "I wouldn't want to be a man like you." Then there was a glow in Poison's eyes despite the darkness in him.

"If I can't hear a grain of pain in my heart when I kill someone, I'll be no different than a human-looking robot." He let out a shaky breath. "I want to be a human, not a robot. I want to feel the pain in my heart, not watch it." She touched the cold body at her feet as she shook her head helplessly.

"But why can't I feel it? I killed him." His voice was making him shake very quickly in the passage of time. "Why am I not suffering because I killed him?" "Because that's what you wanted." "No, it wasn't!" yell. "No matter what you say, I'm not going to jail for something I didn't do!"

When Harun put his index finger to his lip, he lowered his voice, as if realizing that there was another danger in the street. He should have controlled his anger. I don't know why, but he said he knew I was being watched. He grunted uncomfortably and said, "Who wants to kill someone ..." in a whisper. He turned his trembling hands into flesh and wiped them on his clothes. "Okay, we have to get him out of here. Right now…

I can't go to jail for this dog." When he reached for the body, Harun grabbed him by the wrist and forced him to take care of himself. Looking at his supervisor in the astonishment of the poison shock, he seemed eager to get away from the scene.