Lost identity

I was blind today, last month a crippled and not yet aware of my upcoming disability. But... for one hundred dollars a day, I don't mind getting myself cured again.

"I have never seen colors my whole life. My mother told me that the world is a beautiful place. I don't even know what beauty is... what is the difference between beautiful and ugly. I was born with the curse of the god of darkness, so I can't admire the beauty of this Earth. Help me!" I said to the followers, whom I could see clearly.

Maybe, it wasn't enough that I got splashed with water on my face. Knowing, I couldn't even flinch. I didn't hesitate to walk over the glass shards that I knew were there on the floor... all to prove that I couldn't see.

After I was able to convince a thousand followers of him, Lord Gerrard touched each of my eye with a wet pouch and I fell unconscious in the eyes of the believers, and I could hear him chanting something in foreign language. People were somehow in awe and were hailing their Lord.

I opened my eyes, and I rose up looking amazed as if I had never seen anything for real. That's my skill. The first thing I did was to kiss the feet of their Lord; It was a disgusting experience but it made him look like a respected figure. That's my job. The followers went bonkers and were amazed at the super power possessed by their so called 'super hero'.

I couldn't understand them. How can it even make sense? let alone believing. I was so frustrated at their response that I felt like shouting," Its fraud! you fools."

But why would I? What if it's all fake? I am just an actor, probably better than those we see in movies. I get paid for my skills. So that I can pay my rent on time and buy my kids their favorite cookies. But when my kids ask me about my work, what makes me embrace silence? Am I embarrassed of myself? There's no doubt I am.

My silly conscience is not strong enough to make me refuse that amount, but it's not shallow enough for me to ignore the sin that I am committing. Either make me get out of this utterly or let me submerge myself all in, shamelessly.

I am afraid my kids might see their father experiencing walking for the first time or seeing for the first time for the livelihood. "Is Lord Gerrard a real superhero?" I won't be able to answer this question from my innocent youngest son. Why is her father kissing the feet of a fraudster on T.V.? might make me lose all respect in the eyes of my smart and intelligent daughter.

It is indeed my duality that has me on my edge all the time. To exclude all the religious channels from the cable TV. To fake my occupation as a junior actor in my kid's profile. And Now everything feels like a lie about my life.