Once Again

Why?

This wasn't what was meant to happen.

He shouldn't be staring at that brilliant sky.

He shouldn't feel fine.

This wasn't what he thought would happen.

He was starting again from the very beginning. This was where he started from. This accursed forest clearing.

He had to go from the bottom up. Every. Time.

He could feel it. His teeth grinding in his mouth as he pressed his palms into his eyes. He hated how smooth the skin was. He could feel it before he heard it. A guttural scream tore from his body, straining his unused vocal cords.

Heaving in deep breaths he rolled over onto his hands and knees. Staring at the blood that dripped from his mouth. His throat hurt, his vocal cords straining from his wretched coughing. Trying to speak he felt a sharp pain in his throat.

Is this what he got? Why? It was always pain he was met with. He shouldn't show anything, he couldn't. He would only be punished.

Silently cursing this hell he was in he clenched his fists, feeling the dirt dig under his nails as he closed his eyes.

Good. He could still feel it. Mana.

His core had stayed with him, it seemed that it really was tied to thought or his soul. If it had been brought with him then it was more than just a part of his body.

Mix mana with your understanding. Make the world before you a manifestation of what you believe.

He could feel it, the temperature dropping, the world becoming colder around him as the blood that trailed down his chin slowly froze and crumbled away. His fingers became stiff as his veins darkened from his heart outward. His skin becoming pale grey...

Prove his Sincerity? Fuck that.

He would conquer these trials. He would do it only because by getting to the end would he be free. Or he would find who was behind them and show them a cold that was worse than anything he had experienced himself.

His body was freezing but he didn't care, his movements were slow and stiff but he could feel everything. The biting chill of his frozen flesh brought no pain.

This was his magic, it would not hurt him.

Climbing to his feet slowly he took a step forward. Feeling the grass break beneath his feet. Shattering as cold fog swept from his body outwards.

He knew what he had to do here. Kill the Goblins.

Then he would move on to the next trial. He would not delay by learning or trying to grow uselessly. He would find the goal, and complete it. No matter how many times he needed to restart.

Passing by a tree he rested his hand against the trunk. The wood broke beneath his fingers as it froze and cracked. His heart was growing weary, he didn't know how long he could maintain this. Not that it mattered. If he died the next time he would take one step further.

And with each step, he would grow until he could.

That was the reason he could restart. He would go again and again in a mindless loop if he needed to.

And so he walked, prepared to die. Yet he didn't. One step always came after the next no matter how strained his heart became. No matter how slow it beat.

As it slowed the fog rolled further. His mind became sharper. He could feel his body growing accustomed to the lifeless chill. That was part of his understanding. The willingness to die.

He could see it now, over the rocks. The trail of smoke from the goblin's camp.

A sharp pain cracked against his shoulder as he turned his head to see an arrow that had barely pieced his skin. Cracks webbed from the arrowhead as if it had struck ice instead of flesh. No blood running from the shallow wound.

Pulling it from his shoulder he felt the shaft crumble between his fingers as he looked at the Goblin leader. Standing atop a boulder another arrow was already being nocked and its gaze was filled with confusion.

Walking forward he waved his hand before him letting his mana flow from his body to evoke wonders. Lifeless fog billowed from his movement and shrouded him as the arrow flew disappearing in the mist.

---

Staring into the fog before it Gn'ak shook from the chill. Yelling out behind him to his tribe in broken speech.

This wasn't human. It should be feared.

Unable to pull his eyes away from the danger before it, getting another arrow drawn in shaky hands as it pointed it once more… the figure emerging from the cloud. Where had the second arrow hit? Had it missed?

No, Gn'ak did not miss, Gn'ak was the one with the bow. Gn'ak was respected because of the bow.

Shooting another he scrambled backwards as he watched the arrow crumble into dust as soon as the mist so much as licked the shaft.

A monster with dead flesh. It did not smell, but was cold.

It was getting too cold. He must run!

Yelling out Gn'ak scurried back to the camp. Running past the others to their confusion. Having grabbed their weapons they turned to face the billowing fog, their ears drooping as the mist covered a tree, sapping it of all life. 

Pushing another Goblin out of the way Gn'ak was already running. Ignoring the confused cries behind him.

But death had already started to roll into the camp. Like snakes, the mist weaved towards them over the ground. The fire died as the air bit their lungs.

Gn'ak could still make it though. He had started running early enough! He was smart!

Cackling he was going to escape and live!

Putting one foot down his claws dug into the dirt ready to fling forward but the dirt met his face as his mind slowed. The world becoming dull…

---

Stepping into the camp Ragnem lowered his hand. He wouldn't have the leader run again. But he needn't worry. His magic was his to command. Watching the coiling mist condensed into threads no thicker than spider silk. The ends bound to his fingers, the rest drifting through the air.

Darting like vipers the threads latched onto the goblins. Binding around their torsos or limbs. The contact already draining them of life. Their eyes became clouded as they froze in their sockets.

This was Magic. It was terrifying. But it felt so… unimaginable.

Letting his magic dissipate his heart beat faster as warmth returned to his veins. The sun was high in the sky warming the air again. Boulders grew wet as the moss and other life that had been chilled melted. The tree was already losing its leaves as they defrosted.

It was cruel…

But it was necessary. What should it matter anyway? They were monsters and they would just come back if he died.

Putting the useless thoughts aside he felt the pull in his chest. His heart ablaze with life he let the warmth go through him chasing away the last remnants of cold. So that was why his heart hadn't failed.

While he was making progress he could use that magic without dying. The glorious warmth would keep the chill at bay enough for him to live.

That was good to know. He would like to better understand this warmth though so he would not have to rely on it.

As the world started to spin he stumbled a bit but soon he was stable again. Seeing plains come into view as his vision straightened he knew where he was.

He would recognize this rolling wilderness. He had seen it for a month after all.

---

It was shocking. He knew it was big but this was staggering.

Stone walls separated neat tile roofs from the thatch and wood clutter that sprawled out from the walls towards the river.

The castle that stood proud in the centre was stunningly daunting. Spires reaching for the clouds and neat stone brick perfectly smooth. He had spent his entire time here within those walls he had never seen it from outside. But it was truly massive.

He must not have even seen a fraction of it. All those gardens he had… no, he needn't think of them.

No one would remember him anyway, and he mustn't act like he remembered them either. The worry he had was Markoth, whatever mind magic he was able to use was threatening to him. But he was key to progression, that was all he knew though.

He should've learnt more. He shouldn't have been so foolish to think that he could live a normal life. It was ridiculous. Yet some part of him still craved it.

Fuck! He had just put it aside before was he really caving now! How badly did he desire to be with people again… no he needed to remember the cold. That was motivating enough. That cold was a core part of his magic now.

"You look bothered young man." A gruff voice spoke from behind him. A familiar voice was heard over the clattering of armour.

Turning Ragnem saw Markoth's Knight astride a stallion and a few soldiers who walked beside him. The Knight wasn't looking down his nose at him huh? Well, that was nice...

He should be more cautious with his thoughts. Bowing his head respectfully Ragnem said, "My arrival is later than expected. Had I hurried my pace I could have stayed in a warm bed the night before." His voice was barely a whisper as he made an excuse. Barely being able to form the words because of his damaged voice.

Glancing at the wound on his shoulder he was glad to see it was still shallow. The worst part was the cracks that had unfrozen were like jagged cuts. They were shallow but they made the overall wound much larger. He had to be cautious when receiving attacks while frozen.

"Yet next time we travel the leisure of a stroll will once more be too tempting." The Knight responded interrupting his thoughts, his voice rising as his posture relaxed. Although it was hard to tell through the plate metal.

Doing his best to chuckle Ragnem agreed, "Of course. The sun is much too pleasant to rush away from." Turning to continue walking. If he gathered suspicion now it didn't matter, as long as he was able to learn. He could start again with more answers and a more direct path.

Hearing the footsteps shortly follow he noticed the hesitation. He shouldn't have just walked away from a Knight probably. Well, good thing he didn't need to worry about it too much at the end of the day.

Slowing his pace until they caught up he kept his gaze forward. Pulling himself from his thoughts when the Knight asked slowly, "It is a good season to travel. Where are you heading?" His tone became cautious as his gaze stayed focused on Ragnem.

Well, he had already shown a lack of manners so ignorant village something it was. "Zenithal." Nodding towards the castle in the distance. "I am hoping I can find a tutor for my Magic here." Hoping that the Knight would be a good dog and lead him to the Master sooner rather than later.

After all this Knight was a connection to Markoth he could exploit.

Pausing for a moment the Knight said. "Magic? Where do you come from?" His tone shifted as he hadn't expected that.

"Nowhere interesting. A small village far out," Ragnem started to say, pausing to look at the direction the sun was, "West." Behind him, and vague enough he hoped it would pass.

Waiting for the Knight to respond Ragnem had to fight the urge to look at him. He couldn't pick his fingers either. He had to remain calm… far out West? Then why the fuck did he have nothing but the clothes on his back? Maybe the West was a monster-filled wasteland that doppelgangers came from… Although that was unlikely.

Almost smiling at his own thought Ragnem relaxed a bit. He shouldn't be so concerned.

"You were able to find a learn Magic on your own? I was wondering who you were to view travelling as relaxing." The Knight finally responded. His gaze went back to the castle as well as they made their way forward.

Hearing the soldiers whisper something Ragnem ignored them. Noticing how the tone of the Knight stayed flat he thought he might as well test things if he was already going down a bad path. 

"Not quite on my own. The village has an elder who used to tell a story about someone he had seen whose arrows could pierce through any beast or boulder. Arrows that were so sharp they didn't drop as they cut through the air and became weightless." Ragnam said, catching himself from mentioning Gravity. Surely they knew about that though? They had magic...

Big terms are bad for small-brained villagers. He was just ignorant and thought he was smarter than everyone else because he had Magic.

"I always wanted to learn it and one day I was able to feel mana. I didn't know how to use it though. I… went through something when it got really cold. Many starved and others fell ill… my own… some got really hungry and couldn't resist the thought of fresh meat. So those who were weakest were…" Ragnem made up, his words trailing off as he recalled the chill he understood, letting it make his back shiver.

"Many awaken magic during a tragedy. It depends on what you come to understand." The Knight responded, his voice softer than Ragnem had ever heard it. The soldiers who had been muttering had fallen silent too. Their heads down slightly.

Dwelling in the silence Ragnem looked up when the Knight finally spoke again. "Could I ask out of caution? What is it that you understood? Ah, what is your Magic able to do?" Clearly a bit uncomfortable asking but Ragnem could understand why.

"It… It feels like the mist that morning. When she was chosen. A chill and cold that carries the weight of death. The hopelessness that I felt. The absolute and cruel power of the cold." Ragnem responded with hesitation.

Nodding the Knight let the silence stay as they walked closer and closer to the city.

That seemed to go well. This time he would learn more about this place. His heart was already growing warm. This was good.

"It is why I want to learn about Magic. I do not want to hurt others or myself. I know that there must be someone strong and wise here who can guide me." Ragnem finished, motioning to the wound on his shoulder.

Clearing his throat the Knight said, "Well my Master knows Magic, shall I introduce you to him?"

There it was, restraining the smirk he felt Ragnem responded hopefully. "Wait really? That would be great!"