I'm tired of being forgetful

*******************Rogue Narrator***********************

"Sorry to disappoint you viewers but I have a cold, so I can't go and track down Joseph today, as much as I want to"

In the distance a doorbell rings and the camera shifts from looking at the sickly face in front of it and shows a hallway then a door, when the door opens a man is holding a bag and speaks, "Yeah I got an order for you. From A-" the man looks at the note for a moment trying to figure out how to pronounce the name, "Jyoseph?" He looks into the camera and there is a sigh from the Narrator.

"Yeah I know him... thanks." A hand reaches out and grabs the bag and then the camera shifts until it finally falls onto a table where a hand places the bag down.

"Now what did that bastard do?" A hand reaches into the bag and pulls out a container with a note on it, 'Maybe this will help you realize you shouldn't have such a cold dead heart.'

"What a cheeky bastard. What is in here anyway? Ooh some ramen with Egg on it. Why does he have to be nice at times." Then after a few moments the man shivers, "Wait, doesn't this mean he knows where I live?"

*****************Joseph's POV **********************

Man I had a great dream last night, I felt like I had a chapter where my story wasn't stolen from me by some random Narrator wannabe. Alas, I know that it is all too futile to hope for that as whatever author it is that garners my fate has proven he chooses otherwise.

After I woke up I realized I'm on a bed so my instincts made me reach for my tablet that I usually would keep on the night stand by my bed that way I can read in my bed for a bit. After not feeling it there I flip over onto my back and look around before rubbing my eyes.

Yup, still real, still in Naruto-verse world thingy. Whatever you wanna call it. Okay I need to remember details, when am I? I know it's not the 4th great ninja war since Naruto isn't born yet and considering Minato's age he won't be born for awhile. Hm, okay I can't remember shit.

How much are those things that can improve my memory?

'Informing host there are several methods to increase memory. There are skills, consumables, and technique books with methods.'

Okay, then what is the cheapest. I mean I have 1,210 points that I can work with here so I mean I should be able to afford some stuff.

'Informing host, Memory pills are available at 1 for 10 SP, 10 for 90 SP, or 100 for 800 SP. There are increasing numbers but host is unable to afford them.'

Okay so what do they do?

'Each pill increases hosts memory by 1%. This includes capacity, speed of recollection , and other various memory related things.'

Okay how about the skills, are there any that I can purchase?

'Affirmative. Informing host it is possible to purchase basic form of Memorization. It is strong in early uses but the returns pale in comparison to techniques.'

Okay then what about the technique books? I am going to use the pills if nothing better comes up.

'Informing host, there are 2 technique books regarding memorization. One governs memory capacity and the other governs memory speed. Both books can be bundled together for 200 SP which is 300 off their combined price.'

Okay I'm being led by the nose here, what's the catch.

'It is quite difficult to train these... normally. Host has an advantage however and possesses a method of speeding up acquisition of the skill to high levels quickly. System was also given this deal because recently someone specializing in cultivating these had just passed away.'

This is all too convenient... but fuck it I won't look a gift horse in the mouth. Gimme!

'Please confirm 200 SP for the memorization books bundle'

[Yes] [No]

I click yes then the books fall on my lap with a note on them saying thanks for the purchase.

Well time to open them up and take a look.

And I am bored. Shadow clone do your thing!

In an instant 2 shadow clones appear in front of me and I hand them each one of the books. You know, I really would've been screwed in Danmachi if I went there first, granted they have an actual level system but man with shadow clone Jutsu alone I can grind shit out fast!

Just, y'know, need to watch out for that exhaustion.

Well now that they're here what should I do? Hm, guess I can look at the shop more, I still haven't looked at it.

[***************************Shop*********************

Skills-

Weapons-

Armor-

Items-

Books-

Currency Exchange-

System Upgrades-

Host Upgrades-

]

Hm okay, so it works like tabs, lets check out the skills.

[Skills-

Taming- Basic 100, Advanced 500, Expert 1,200 , Master 19,000, Godly 3,000,000

Cooking- Basic 10, Advanced 100, Expert 1,000 , Master 10,000, Godly 150,000

Alchemy- Basic 600, Advanced 1,200, Expert 24,000 , Master 80,000, Godly 350,000

...

...

Conqueror's Haki- Basic 5,000, Advanced 55,000, Expert 195,000 , Master 750,000, Godly 2,500,000

Save and Load- Basic 100,000, Advanced 600,000, Expert 2,000,000 , Master 5,000,000, Godly 30,000,000

]

Jesus H. Christ, I saw that last skill and it's insane price and I had to stop. I got an idea of the skills, various game, book, movie, anime, or whatever it is skills.

I am now worried to look at the rest, but Yolo. I don't have much to do now anyway, I am waiting on the Hokage after all.

[Weapons-

Broken Sword- 1 SP

Broken Spear- 2 SP

Broken...

...

...

Durandal-1,000,000,000 SP

Excalibur- 50,000,000 SP

Masamune - 10,000,000 SP

]

Okay yeah those are pretty standard, broken shit is cheap, legendary shit is expensive. I was surprised that I could actually buy the swords of the 7 swordsmen of the mist here too, even though they have them.

Next!

[Armor-

T-shirts(Designs available. Specify)(10 shirts)-1 SP

Jeans(10 jeans)- 1 SP

Sneakers(5 pairs)- 1 SP

...

...

Armor of Achilles - 10,000,000,000 SP

Dubán- 50,000,000 SP

]

Yeah there's patterns here. I stopped scrolling about halfway because honestly there's just too much shit.

Next.

[Items-

Pens(10,000 pens)- 1 SP

Paper (100,000,000 sheets)- 1 SP

...

...

Resurrection Potion- 1,000,000 SP

Immortality pill- 10,000 SP (A/N: Immortality as not aging. Not as in doesn't get hurt or die of injury)

]

Yup, items naturally put everything else to shame. I even found some questionable objects that I can't help but wonder why the system has them? Well I'll just say they show anime characters on them in ... various clothing and they are typically on a pillow.

It only costs 2 SP for a set of 10 with pillow included, but I'm not trying to keep my virginity as long as I did last time. No siree bob.

Next!

[Books-

hitchhikers guide to the galaxy(10 complete collections)- 1 SP

Harry Potter(10 complete series)- 1 SP

...

...

Kama sutra bundle (10 sets)- 1 SP

Breathing Techniques- 50 SP

...

...

Immortality Cultivation Technique - 5,000 SP(A/N: hue hue hue, cheap for a reason lel.)

God fighting cultivation technique- 1,000,000 SP

]

I noticed something odd in the middle over there... I am no deviant. I will start a fucking crusade if you tempt me damn you.

Also obligatory, WAS THAT A JOJO REFERENCE WRYYY. Okay I'm done being toxic for now. Key word is for now. If I see stupid shit you can't stop me from commenting.

Also yeah I saw that immortality technique is super cheap but what do you want to bet its next to impossible to do? Even with my Shadow clones I bet it'll be rough. Plus it seems like a plot trap, no thank you sir.

Next up!

[Currency exchange -

100,000 Ryo - 1 SP

1 SP - 50,000 Ryo

*locked*

]

Okay that's reasonable honestly. Can't go around just going and making all my SP into Ryo with no consequences.

Next up is one of the things I am most looking forward to!

[System upgrades-

Better AI- 1,000 SP

Map- 100 SP

Karma detection- 1,000 SP

HUD - 500 SP

Jobs- 10,000 SP

*Locked*

]

Well I guess those are some decent starting out System upgrades. There will probably be more once I get to a certain level or something like that.

Okay now for my upgrades!

[Host Upgrades-

Chakra condense (Next rank)- 10,000 SP

Chakra Increase(Next rank)- 1,000,000 SP

Chakra Purity Increase(Next rank)- 500 SP

Bone Density(Next rank) - 10 SP

Muscle Density(Next rank) - 10 SP

Muscle Enhancement(Next rank)- 10 SP

Eyesight Improvement (Next rank) -10 SP

Immune system Improvement (Next rank)- 100 SP

Skin Durability(Next rank) - 10 SP

*Locked*

]

Wow that is a lot. How many points do I have left over?

Hm, 1,010 points left over. I need to find a way to increase them faster. Well that's a problem for later. Imma buy that breathing technique for 50 points! What thought I was joking? Have you not seen Jojo? Hamon is great.

Okay 960 left, heh almost 69 ehehe. "Wow, who fed me crack today? Arthur it was you wasn't it? Hm, you adorable little cat." I pet Arthur a lot before rubbing my face on him.

Where was I, oh yeah 960. Heh nine and six. Focus Joe Focus! Okay, Map and HUD!

360 left, hmm. I wanna make this be spent evenly. Okay, buy each of the improvements for myself that cost 10!

Hahaha I will be stronk! Well once I get past this pain apparently. I thought I had pushed past this stupid pain but there's still more? God I will kill myself one day at this rate.

Okay, lets see, 310 now. Maybe I should get another technique? Why not. Let's see... hm, what technique costs 10 points? Well 10 sets of the Kama sutra bundle would. Ha just kidding nope.

Ah screw it I'll just go and get something else. Can I like just buy a farm area in my dimension or any other kind for that matter?

'Host must level up system to unlock this to be purchased in shop'

Bastard. Okay.

Well I don't really need much else so I guess I'll save up after this. Status!

[

Joseph Walner

LV: 24/???

XP: 2645/6451

Strength: 15

Charisma: 16

intelligence: 15

Luck: 17

Dexterity: 15

Stat points:

Chakra{

Chakra: 753,002,230

Chakra Regen: 3000 per minute

Chakra Density: 2.5 (30x)

Chakra Impurity: 89%

}

SP(System Points): 310

Skills-

Stolen:

Master Hand Signs ... Master Chakra Control ... Master Self Regeneration ... Expert Sealing Techniques ... Wood Release ... Advanced Taijutsu ... Advanced Kenjutsu ...

Earned:

Yin Release ... Yang Release ... Yin-Yang Release ... Expert Spying Techniques ... Basic Genius ...

Bought:

Expert Analysis ...

Innate:

Skill stealing ... Personal Dimension ... Skin Durability (Rank 1) ... Bones Density (Rank 1) ... Muscle Density (Rank 1) ... Muscle Enhancement (Rank 1) ... Eyesight Improvement (Rank 1) ... Immune System Improvement (Rank 1) ...

Learned:

Jutsu (Various) ... Kenjutsu (Various) ... Taijutsu (Various) ...

Items-(New!!!)

Techniques:

Breathing Technique ... Memory Capacity ... Memory Speed (A/N: Imagine these as just the books. Skills will later come with practice.)

System Improvements-

HUD ... Map ... Party Function ...

]

Interesting Interesting. I love seeing my stats so high, well at least my skills. My stats are depressingly low.

'10 is the average human on earths stats.'

And the stats of the average apprentice Ninja?

[

Strength: 25

Charisma: 10

intelligence: 15

Luck: 10

Dexterity: 30

]

Yeah, that's what I thought. I just have the advantage of me knowing how shit will go down, that's about it. Even that isn't too good right now but hopefully those techniques will help me.

Oh yeah, I pull out the breathing technique book and hand it to a new shadow clone to practice. Lazy? Sure as shit am. Man the Naruto world is great.

I start playing with Arthur when all of a sudden information flooded into me, the clone for the breathing technique finished reading! I summon 20 clones to all go and practice it while I go back to playing with Arthur. By play I mean I put my head on him while laying on the bed and he licks my hair. We both have an agreement, I feed him and he puts up with my eccentricities. At least usually.

After a half and hour(yay for HUD) I hear a knock in my door. Man it's 3 PM, take long enough?

I open the door and it is the Hokage, Jiraiya, Orochimaru, Tsunade, and surprisingly Minato.

"Uh? Welcome?" I move out of the doorway and let them all come in. Jiraiya activates blink step and immediately claims the couch and puts his feet on the coffee table. Usually I'd yell at him but honestly I don't care too much. I can probably just pay people to clean it easily.

Tsunade walks in and claims the seat on the couch by Jiraiya, the Hokage claims the chair that looks like a recliner (It doesn't recline but it looks just like one, and Minato and Orochimaru claim the couch opposite of Jiraiya and Tsunade (A/N: So basically it's a giant upside down U since there is no TV in the living room.)

"So... Uh, anybody thirsty?" I look around and see Minato looking at Jiraiya with pleading eyes.

Jiraiya gives and nods in which causes a everyone to nod.

"I'll have tea please." Hokage naturally led the charge.

"Me as well. Thank you." Orochimaru surprisingly was one of the first to speak up.

"I'll take some tea as well then. Thanks" That's Tsunade.

"Think I can get some Sake? If not I'll take some tea as well" Jiraiya naturally had a large grin on his face.

"Actually if he is getting some sake I'll take some too." There's Tsunade again, of course because alcohol was brought up.

"Can I have some too Jiraiya-Sensei?" And there's Minato, little kid has a grin in his eyes. I can see it, but apparently Jiraiya can't.

"Sure thing bud! So long as the Hokage says yes." Jiraiya looks at the Hokage pleadingly.

"Fine. It's been ages since I've had some. Orochimaru, you are the last one. What do you say?" Wow the Hokage is actually down? Man this is going to be crazy. But, well I don't want to give any to Minato. Well I will trust in Jiraiya's judgement with this. (Necessary A/N: I do not condone giving alcohol to minors.)

"I suppose I can have a bit to drink." Wow everyone is involved.

"Wow it seems like a celebration now? What's the occasion?" I ask with a joking smile.

Hiruzen smiled at that too apparently, "Well actually a couple things. One is after Danzo was found murdered we found many things marking him as a traitor to the village, so much so that he was essentially a disillusioned spy for other villages thinking he was working in our favor. Second is Orochimaru here! He came clean with every thing he has done, and thankfully it hadn't gone too far with the most he has done thus far was transplant that prisoners arm onto Danzo. He even told me his future plans and it made me shudder." Orochimaru looked down as if he was disappointed in himself, which I mean he should be but still.

The Hokage wasn't done apparently though, "That's not the best part though. I wanted to celebrate yours and Tsunade's Marriage!"

.

..

...

Heh?

I clean out my ears, "I think I may have aged a little too much what was that?"

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. It's different news different news. But Tsunade... Oh she passed out. Hm, we haven't even had anything to drink yet, curious. Hehehe." See Jiraiya now that's how you prank someone. It's cruel as shit but man, it did get me.

I decided to buy an assortment of large liquor bottles from the store because I mean, 100 things of various liquors, all at the largest commercial size? For 1 SP? Hell yeah!

I put a bottle of vodka on the table while the Hokage tries to wake Tsunade up. Jiraiya sees the bottle and picks it up, "What is this? Is this some weird sake?"

I laugh, "Nope. This is Vodka. It's stronger than sake. Wanna try some?" I grab the bottle and crack it open before pouring several shots out. Where did I get the shot glasses? Well apparently the pack came with several of them. Convenient and definitely not plot!

I pass one to Jiraiya who smells it first then looks back at me with an eye raised. "Okay you drink it sake pretty much. Just make sure you swallow it fast as it, well, tastes odd." I demonstrate by drinking the shot quickly and swallow. Man I have not tasted vodka in years, made me shiver a lot since I'm not used to it anymore.

After that Jiraiya copies me and takes a shot, but he's even less used to it than I am at this point and his face freezes into an odd shape before he recovers a few moments later, "Holy shit! That was good! Another!" I pass him another shot. I know better than taking too many at one time.

After we took a few shots Tsunade finally managed to wake up so I pass a shot to the Hokage who does as he watched me and Jiraiya did, and his face was great. It was like he sucked on a lemon. He didn't like it too much though so I'll give him a different alcohol later.

"Alright before we continue I want to share my news. Okay so as you know I am getting by in my years so I have been looking for a successor for awhile but Danzo was highly unlikely to let me get my way. Now that he is gone though I have 3 candidates to be Hokage right now. You Tsunade, that's why I needed you awake, you Jiraiya, it's why Minato is here since I know he's your precious pupil, and you, Joe."

"Hah, that's a good prank. Let me take a few more shots and I'm sure I will fall for it a bit easier." I mean who would believe this shit? I bet there's just an author trying to fuck with me.

The Hokage shakes his head, "No I'm being serious. Honestly I know next to nothing about you but what you've shown me proves you're competent. I mean I walked by your room and saw several shadow clones training different techniques. Most people can't do that. Not to mention your technique for condensing your chakra. Those are all notable things, then add in the fact you somehow know the future? Good god man I would be insane not to consider you." He takes a moment to recollect himself.

"There are still things to make sure of though. My gut says you are loyal to the leaf but my brain is telling me that you need to prove it. Not just that but I need you to be at least a Jonin. Which leads to my next topic. I want to make you a temporary Student of mine. You will be one of them, the fourth to their trio. Now I swore I would take no more students but I didn't know fearsome individuals like you would exist. So starting from tomorrow you will be training for day and night until I feel satisfied with your skills." He grabs another shot and downs it.

After thinking for a moment I decide to do that badass scene I see sometimes in a movie, I take 3 shots in a row and put them all upside down on the table, "I'll do it." Woah I am regretting that. Wait why are we drinking at 3 pm anyway? God this was a bad idea.