loving her was never enough

SEAN

When she left me I felt so broken ...till now I don't get the reason she fought me off like a firefighter . It's true they say no sky is forever blue. I thought we were going to be together but I guess it was just a mere dream .

I think it's just true that you will meet someone who will stir something in you, your mind heart and even your soul. This person will sometimes become your permanent joy or your permanent scar. Who will always remind your that at one point you live a life with total abandon not caring about the world's yardstick of what is wrong or right. I guess kiku will always be a permanent scar in my life . I don't think even if I were going to be given a chance to meet her and start from afresh I would want to.

I loved her in both her serpent form and human form but I think loving her wasn't enough at all. This made me stop believing in true love. All she did was to break me , hunt me down, chew me up and spit me out once she had done enough.

I was so broken that I never thought I would ever heal . My mom was always there for me in my worst. She tried taking me to different psychologists but it didn't work . I would always stay locked in my dreams I had a decided to lock myself from the real World and live in my own fantasy . I would stay drunk just to hallucinate . Have you ever been in a state where you wish that one person who hurt you to be anything you look at . You yearn to see even her face appearing in the walls . You force yourself to see that same person in your dream as if she isn't the reason for your tears .

I admit the wounds she dug in my heart will never heal but somehow I couldn't find the courage to walk away from her . I couldn't find the strength to do all that with looking at where we used to be.

One day mom walked into my room it was the first day after kiku left me to stay sober . I was trying to pick myself up from the ground.. To find my lost self again .

Mom : son , ( she said with her usual soft tone )

She had two mugs of coffee in her hand . Despite everything I put her through she still had the same warmest smile ever . I wish I was just brave like her .

Me: well ,,( he said adjusting his sitting position on the couch , she said besides handing him over the cough , He took it quietly) how are you today? ( he asked calmly)

Mom: like always worried about same old thing ...I can see you made a great improvement today you not reeking of alcohol ( she said looking at him lovely)

Me: I'm trying ..( he said truthfully looking down)

Mom: you know Sean I don't know if you need to know this .....I understand this has been too hard for you to the point that you even tried committing suicide ..

Oh oh I didn't tell you this !! Yeah I was caught three times trying to poison myself but this mighty woman always stopped making it worth for me to continue living. Sometimes my body would just hurt as if I was being tortured she would always hug me to relieve me from the pain .

She continued

Her: but you know sometimes it's better to move on than to hold on to a person who doesn't understand your love. Sometimes the person you want the most is the same person you would be best without . yo have yo understand that some people aren't meant to come into your life just to stay . Look at me and your father ...

I quickly get hold of both her hands ....she looked up at me her eyes glimmering with unshed tears. I shook my head.

Me: thank you mom for everything... I really appreciate all your support during this hard phase of my life and I'm sorry for making it hard for you for just a girl ..( he paused getting emotional)

Mom hugged me ,

Mom: you and I have been through so much difficulties in terms of relationship but that doesn't make us the slave pain ....we can still continue to live our lives to the fullest we just need to pull up our sleeves . ( she said comforting Sean)

I remained quite everything she said was the truth but my heart was opposing what my mind wanted but I had to get a grip of myself for the sake of my mother.

*20 years later*

Keyla: congregations sir you going to be awarded as the famous young Worldwide business tycoon , ( Sean personal assistant said praising him in the office)

Sean: that's our success not mine only , go and tell everyone today it's a half day for all the workers ( he said focused on the balance sheets on his table)

Keyla: yes Sir ,

When she left I received a congratulation email from Ishaan and my mother .

" come home early for your party son"

" you did great bro everyone is talking about you like a rock star" says Ishaan

I was interrupted by two screaming voices of women . not again !

Keyla: security !!( she screamed)

I quickly walked outside to stop the fury fight ..I looked to see Tarvina and Keyla pulling each others hair. Both separated when they saw me standing.

Both: she started it!!

Me: enough the two of you! Don't you get tired of embarrassing each other ..

Keyla: I was trying to tell her you were busy she can't just barge into your office like ..

Tarvina: who are you to tell me what to do ( she retorted back at Keyla who just gave her a sulking look)

Keyla: I'm his PA and also ( Sean gave her a dagger look to be quite ....she angrily walked away)

Tarvina: and I'm his fiancée ( she shouted after Keyla)

Me: I'm busy Tarvina ..

Tarvina: when will you ever spare time for your girlfriend ...huh? It's been four years ..( she said complaining like always to pull his leg)

Me: you being dramatic , ( he said trying to walk away , she quickly hugged him from behind)

Tarvina: mom asked me to make sure you arrive home early love , it's your big day you know ( she said softly)