The Gloomy Kouhai and his Popular Senpai

My name is Hoshino Yozora, 16 years old.

Both my parents are dead, I have no known relatives, I live alone.

That is how things has been ever since I was a child, but sometimes, a figure would visit me as child who would take care of my house, and taught me how to handle myself.

My memory from that time is really vague but not like it matters, I don't think I have any actual bond or relation to that person.

I just happened to be taken care of.

That person suddenly stopped visiting when one day, my left eye was in severe pain.

It's pain was way worse than being hit on a man's nuts, that's how I would explain it basing on my experience.

The pain was throbbing, it's like my eye was beating.

I kept on waiting for that figure to come and help me, but it never came back again.

I endured that pain for a week.

I was just 4 years old that time, yet at that age, I am forced to act like an adult already, no one else was going to take care of me, nor does the peiple around me cares.

It was until one day, a new neighbor moved to next door.

One little girl, although older than me, greeted me happily. like the rising morning star, her smile radiated and illuminated the dark room I've been in.

She then offered to be friends. her hands reached for mine. the first light in my life.

Just as fast as that, I got my first and only friend.

She doesn't seem to have a so happy family, in fact she only lives with her mother.

She's usually with me almost every time, and when she isn't, I would hear screams from the next door.

Her mom would usually bring in different men every Sunday too.

She must be spending most of her time with me to escape her problems at home.

The same can't be said in school, she's really talkative and tries to get along with everyone, we also rarely interact there.

I don't mind though, she can smile and that's all that matters to me.

I would like to see my only light shine brighter than anything.

Our friendship kept going, that's how it would seem to her.

To me however, the first person to reach her hands for me was also my first love, it took me a long time to realize that feeling though.

After all, kids are kids, and I barely know of that feeling myself.

She would usually just talk a lot, and I'm happy to listen.

She spoke of her dreams, her goals, what she wants for her future.

Her dream is to become an Idol, a figure loved by everyone.

I'm all in for that.

As kids, she would usually talk about a certain famous idol everytime she get the chance.

Shirahime, an idol famous through the place.

Her eyes sparkled every time she talked about her.

She would bring her collection of music so that we could listen together.

She would just stay in my house all day, after all, her mother is abusive.

I would help her with everything, studies, work, I did everything I could to help her.

As we grew up, she gained more friends for herself, and me, I remained the same, I thought that she's all I need to be with me, as long as she's with me; I will be fine.

The more her relationships extended to different people, the less time we would be together.

I would try to communicate with her, but she would always be busy.

Must be hard to be popular, that's what i think about it.

I also grew up to have a somehow, you know, feminine build, but that's not my fault. I didn't choose to be like this. even my voice is the same. My eyes also get pointed out to be always look sleepy all the time. But I'm a man at heart.

Due to this, I have become a dress up plaything to her.

Times has passed

We still are together when going to school due to being neighbors.

Although we would communicate only for few moments while walking together and when parting before heading to our own classes.

She would walk away, with my eyes never letting go of her.

I just wish I could do the same but with my arms. I lack courage. can you blame me? I look more feminine than any other girls around me. would she even want a guy like me? my mind drowns from these thoughts.

I envy the youth who enjoy it as much as they can, I truly envy them.

To experience adventure, romance, struggles, achievements... how nice.

I wonder if I'll ever get to experience those things...

This is the same thought that haunts my mind every night, even last night before I slept.

Even today, when I woke up.

Until i got ready for school. I've always hated mornings, I've always hated the fact that I have to do something, to study, to soon work... It all feels unreal to me.

I feel like it's simply just not what I want to do. The thought of living another boring repetitive life is a no for me.

I also hate school to my very heart.

The thought of many different horrible people gathering in one place makes me want to vomit.

It's not an exaggeration or anything, It's true.

It may sound like a joke, but I am able to see and feel the feelings of people.

I am able to sense their thoughts.

School, where youth gathers.

Youth to me is evil. this is the time of one's life where they do many not so pleasant things, time where they think they can get away with things because they're "young"

and most of them hold thoughts that are simply disgusting, for them to gather in one place is too much for me.

But I still manage, just not sure how much I can do it.

I'd rather just die.

I breathed the morning air, this atleast is nice.

I looked over the house next door, Seems like she's gone to school already much earlier.

We really never get to interact that much anymore. I guess I will walk alone.

I walked in silence. thinking of how much I hate doing this, but why am i still doing it? I myself don't know the answer.

Sometimes, I would just speak to myself as well, that way atleast I don't get bored until i arrive.

It took some long minutes, but I have arrived.

I have not that much to do so I'm heading straight for my classroom.

It's so noisy already at this time, how i wish an asteroid hits this place.

On my way to my class, I walked across Senpai's class.

There she stood proudly, her classmates adore her and respect her, she's alway the center of attraction.

It makes me happy.

I approached to greet her a good morning, I did not get an audible response however, just a wave of hand.

I left as soon as I said my greetings.

I wonder where did our childhood friendship go...

I continued my walk towards my class.

My class is actually next building. Yet I bothered going to a different one just to greet someone.

As I walked, a white haired woman was ahead of me.

a white haired? a foreigner?

I'll discard that thought, what's more important is that— a flash of light illuminated my mind, I saw the white haired woman before me being hit by a falling vase.

It all happened in an instant until i returned to what seemed the situation before it happened.

Out of instinct, I pushed her away from her path enabling me to save her from an injury coming from a literal falling vase.

What did I just do? moreover, what was that? did I really just see the future?

The vase has fallen on the ground instead shattering into pieces with a loud sound.

The Lady I just pushed sat on the ground and she realized what I just did.

" Oh that was close, thanks! " said the white haired lady.

I reached for her hands and helped her get up, but somehow she looks familiar.

Have I seen her before?

I'm not really the person to be interested in talking and stuffs but this caught my curiousity.

I kept on trying to recall, and the correct answer surfaced.

" ...Shirahime? " Indeed, she's the famous idol.

What an unexpected turns of events.

The Lady then reacted to me uttering that name.

" Ahahaha, that's right " She replied.

So my guess was correct.

" Are you my fan or something? " She asked.

" Not really... " no, I'm not.

I only know her because of someone else.

" Oh, that's a bummer " her reactions quickly shifted into a dissapointed one.

" But I know someone who is, actually, can I invite you to meet her? " I asked.

She would be really thrilled to meet her in person.

But instead of agreeing, her reactions just as quick as previously shifted into an irritated face.

" No, anyone but that, she's disgusting. "

Say what now?