Then, to spy

I look him in the eyes, waiting. He slowly lets go of my hand and takes a step behind.

"I should... better not leave the room for a while now", he says.

"..."

"You should take some rest", he adds, seeing my somewhat lost air.

I don't know why, I don't seem to be able to make any move. I just stand looking ahead and fighting the fear growing inside of me.

I suddenly feel his hands' touch on my hair and shoulders. He's holding me against his chest. I would never have imagined myself before in such a vulnerable state in front of Marcus, who would only ever follow me without a word and obey my every command. He must have felt himself very humiliated to receive such order from the council that he had served so loyally before.

I empty my mind and just hold onto him. Maybe everything will be all right. Maybe I'll get through this somehow, and live freely once again in our family' castle. Maybe he will be there too. Marcus

"Are you all right, mylady?"

He lets go. Just then, a knock at the door.

"It's Rilley, Highness."

The commander appears in the doorway.

"What do you want?" I ask avoinding his gaze.

"Just checking", he sneers.

"Don't think highly of yourself, commander. Whatever happens, I'll make sure you get nothing out of this".

Rilley becomes strangely serious as he approaches me, but Marcus steps in and blocks his way.

"Do you actually think l'm enjoying this...? Let me tell you, no matter what happens, I'll also make sure this won't end well for this bastard"...

He's gone. The anger I feel right now almost surpresses all fear.

"Marcus... listen to me. Find our troupes, leave Stephan full command, and get out of our land tonight!"

I decide all this at the spur of the moment, but I can't help a feeling of uncertainess at the thought of being left alone. But I definetely, definately won't let them kill Marcus.

I'm startled. This is the first time ever I hear him hesitate:

"Mylady..."

"Wasn't I clear?" I almost shout. "I don't like it either. But there's no way around it, if you were to live. You heard my uncle, he'll kill you. No matter what you do... I'll lose you. Is that what you want?"

Yes. No matter what you do. Even if you obey. Especially if you don't... I can't help smiling. I bet no one in the council would imagine that possibility. What they could never understand is exactly this kind of loyalty, this kind of...

I'm startled. Marcus is gone. The door is shut and everything is silent. I'm all alone. I wonder why I talked to him that way. My order should have been enaugh. So why explain..

...

"Hmm. I wonder."

(This woman. There's something that doesn't make sense in this situation. I wonder what it is that makes me uneasy.)

General M. is tall and has strangely nice features. He must be around 45. I've only seen him once before, during the assaoult that led to us fleeing the castle... I stare. His personal guard accompanying him has just coincidentally found me in the woods while chasing off a bunch of "rebels". What I felt when I suddenly saw myself face to face with the premises of a massacre is undescribable. Because I knew I had to stay down and watch, to give off a trustful aura..? Bullshit. I stepped right in the face of their horses and laid myself on the ground to force them to stop. Two of them got scared and threw their riders off.

General M. leads his horse closer to where I am.

"Do you know me? Why did you stop my men?"

What should I say? Admit that I know him? Where from? Feint ignorance? Then why defend the fugitives? They must have reached a hideout by now.

Your huntingmen have nothing to do with this. I just helped the game. Because I'm game like them.

(...A game? With this attitude?)

"I see."

Did I convince him? Do I feel natural? He's still uninterested. But.. isn't that what I secretly wish for? To be spared this whole madness? Even if he were to kill me here and now...

"Well, I like game." he suddenly says in an energetic tone. "Would you care to accompany me back, miss? We are his Majesty's men and can proudly say we know how to treat a lady."

I have a jump of gratitude almost. Because the plan will work. I may not like it, but I still have a mission. And yet I still hasitate when I need to take his hand to ride on his horse...

(She's fighting herself. What's going on here? I suddenly feel like looking around for an ambouch. Haha.. Have I become this weak already? His Majesty wouldn't spare his ironys".)

His humour seems high. I'm at his back and I accidentally touch the dagger at his belt as I hold his waist. Should I make a move right now? What should it be? I might as well kiss him or stab him. The latter seems somehow more certain to make a change. But can I really do it? What if he still has his guard up? Then everythink will be lost...

I gather all my strenght to hold closer to him but he general doesn't react at all. I give up, for now, or I'll hate myself too soon to be able to do anything anymore. And then I realise. We're heading to my lost castle. To my home...