One

I've always thought that I was strong. and siiting here now makes me rethink that. He let me answer his phone and that was a big step moving forward. The first time he cheated on me I was broken and tore myself apart. He never failed to remind me how I was different and not like the other girls he was with.

That didn't stop him from cheating on me the second time. It took 3 months before I talked to him and another month before I gave him one last chance. This time was different; the love we said we had for each other felt more real than ever.

He didn't change his passwords and he turned his notifications back on. He no longer left his phone on vibrate or hid it away from me. He stopped telling me I wasn't allowed to answer his phone.

I met him at a party and trust me he wasn't the greatest. We had mutual friends so I had to be around him a lot. When we started talking it was a bit rocky with my trust issues and all but he always assured me.

We were currently in a 3 year relationship. I met him when I was 18, so I've tried not to fault him for his mistakes. I've always tried to tell myself it was because we were young. This time I couldn't find a reason.

I was attractive that much I knew. I'm attending college; my major being interpretation. I was smart, can cook, I clean, and keep myself clean. I never went through his phone or questioned who he was talking to, I trusted him with as much as I could muster, and very adventurous when it came to sex. He told me all of this, so how was I still not good enough? I don't know where I went wrong or how. What did I do? What should I have changed? Is it even worth fixing?

Maybe it was my unwillingness to open up to him. Maybe it was because I rather stay home than go out. Though, I never complained when he went out with his friends. So, I just couldn't figure out why he would lie. I couldn't figure out why he kept this secret. We agreed that we wouldn't have sexual relations with other people on our breaks. Yet he did and now I have to deal with this. So, what do I do this time? How will I stay strong?

I was sitting against my headboard working on an assignment. His phone, which was on our nightstand, began to ring. He was receiving a call while I was trying to ignore my urge to pry. I have to trust him because if I don't there isn't a relationship.

"Hey babe, could you answer that?" He yelled from the bathroom.

A smile formed on my face at that small change in him. Though, I tried to trust him, thoughts still lingered in my mind on how he could be cheating. Allowing me to answer his phone was a form of trust and meant he had nothing to hide or anyone to hide. I reached over and grabbed his phone. I looked at the caller I.D. but it was from an unknown number. I glided my finger across his galaxy to the answer option.

"Hello?" I heard my voice say.

"Hello? I'm sorry, I was calling to speak to Adrian. Is he there? It's very important." She said frantically. She sounded very worried.

"Sure hold on. May I take your name?" I said using my business like voice. I was struggling against the amount of assumptions and conclusions I was jumping to.

"Kaitlyn, my name is Kaitlyn." She replied.

I was just about to walk to the bathroom when Adrian entered the room. He had nothing but the towel wrapped around him and damp hair. His face smooth from a fresh shave. If this were a different time, I might have jumped on him for a quick five-minutes.

"Who is it?" He asked as I held the phone out to him.

"A woman named Kaitlyn. She said it's important. Must be because she sounded frantic." I shrugged off. I didn't want him knowing I was suspicious. It would only bring another argument of how I shouldn't have taken him back if I can't trust him.

At the mention of her name he tensed up and put his hand out. He walked over and sat on the edge of the opposite side of the bed I was on. He turned his back to me which I found odd but didn't question it. While speaking to her, I tuned them out not wanting to be nosey. I placed my headphones in and continued working on my assignment.

After 10 minutes passed I looked over at him. His head was down and and his back still toward me. Due to this, I was unable to see his expression. However, I was able to see his shoulders rapidly moving up and down. His right hand was gripping his hair to the roots. He only does that when he's frustrated. I pulled my headphones out and that's when I heard him quietly sobbing. He was obviously trying to keep it down, thinking I still wasn't listening. I always had problems in the emotional department when it came to consolation.

I placed my computer on the nightstand beside my glasses. Dragging my knees I slowly crawled over to him. I didn't really know what to do but place my arms around him. I rested my chin on his right shoulder and let him cry. I knew that he'd tell me when he was ready. He quickly stood up and roughly pushed me off him. I looked at him with confusion because he's never been this way with me.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. I don't deserve you. I never deserved you. How could I?" He pinched the bridge of his nose and began crying harder. My heart dropped and I was overcome by that familiar sense of dread and fear. It was breaking my heart seeing him like this but I was shaken up more by what the cause was.

"Dray talk to me. Please." I whispered as I rested my hands on my thighs.

He was trying to slow down and even his breathing. The hiccups were still there but not as bad as they were a minute ago. I sat there for about a minute and a half waiting for him to get himself together. He began to speak but wouldn't meet my eyes. The last few times he did this, he had cheated.

"She's, sh-e's pre-g-nant." He hiccuped out quietly. I heard my heart literally shatter at that moment. My vision blurred and for the first time in years I completely broke down.

"What? What are you talking about? You cheated, again? I don't understand. There were no sign-" I mumbled out with tears streaming out.

He ran over to me and made me look him in the eye. I saw all the pain and guilt that he had. It made me feel guilty because I was helping his pain. That's always been a fault I had when it came to him. I could shut my emotions off from any and every one but him. I could care less when it came to others but he made me care more than I should. Even when I knew I wasn't wrong, I felt guilty for making him feel bad for anything he did wrong.

"I didn't cheat on you. I lied, I broke a promise, but I wouldn't hurt you like I did before by cheating. Please, baby believe me. I'm so sorry."

"How did you lie to me and break a promise?" I brought myself back together enough to be able to calmly ask.

He bent his head before answering me," When you asked me if I was with anyone during our break...I lied. I hooked up with Kaitlyn." He admitted.

At least he didn't cheat. That doesn't justify his actions. I didn't want us being with anyone for purposes like this. Even if he did hook up with her, how did she end up pregnant?

"Adrian-," I paused before asking what I feared," How did she end up pregnant?" At this point my head was lifted alongside his. He had no choice but to look into my eyes. Then, he spoke exactly what I had feared.

"I didn't use protection." He whispered.

That was four years ago. Now four years later, I have to face my past.