Freeze and Thaw

You should have done it, you should have let me kill Oshane.

My hands are frozen, as I can hear Death's voice calling out to me. I know this is not a dream, he is here in my thoughts. There is a lump in my throat I can't seem to swallow no matter how hard I try.

You do not know who he is, he is here to hurt you.

No, I scream out but it is only but some air being pushed out of my mouth.

I can't breathe.

Horror rips my eyelids open.

My body is drenched in a cold sweat, my brain swimming in unforgotten waves of pain. My eyes settle on circles of black that dissolve in the darkness. I have no idea how long I've slept. I have no idea if I've scared Jason with my dreams. Sometimes I scream out loud.

He is staring at me.

I'm breathing hard and I manage to heave myself upright. I pull the blankets closer to my body only to realize I've stolen his only means for warmth. It never even occurred to me that he might be freezing just as much as I am. I'm shivering in place but his body is unflinching in the night, his silhouette a strong form against the backdrop of black. I have no idea what to say. There's nothing to say.

"The screams never stop in this place, do they?"

The screams are only the beginning. "No," I mouth almost mutely. A faint blush flushes my face and I'm happy it's too dark for him to notice. He must have heard my cries.

Sometimes I wish I never had to sleep. Sometimes I think that if I stay very, very still if I never move at all, things will change. I think if I freeze myself I can freeze the pain. Sometimes I won't move for hours. I will not move an inch.

If time stands still nothing can go wrong.

"Are you okay?" Jason's voice is concerned. I study the balled fists at his sides, the furrow buried in his brow, the tension in his jaw. This same person who stole my bed and my blanket is the same one who went without tonight.

So cocky and careless so a few hours ago; so careful and quiet right now. It scares me that this place could have broken him so quickly. I wonder what he heard while I was sleeping.

I wish I could save him from the horror.

Something shatters; a tortured cry sounds in the distance. These rooms are buried deep in concrete, walls thicker than the floors and ceilings combined to keep sounds from escaping too far. If I can hear the agony it must be insurmountable. Every night there are sounds I don't hear. Every night I wonder if I'm next.

seconds pass.

He cracks a grin so wide, so amused, so refreshingly sincere it's like a clap of thunder through my body. Something pricks at my eyes and breaks my knees. I haven't seen a smile in all these days.

Jason is on his feet.

I offer him his blanket.

He takes it only to wrap it more tightly around my body and something is suddenly constricting in my chest. My lungs are skewered and strung together and I've just decided not to move for eternity when he speaks.

"What's wrong?"

I had always been alone, distancing myself from everyone. Being the eldest, I had to be cold and cut off from everyone and take care of everyone else. No matter how much I tried, I always pushed away, being the hybrid kid that I am. No one but Shane has shown me kindness, once or twice. "Nothing."

5 more seconds. "Can I sit next to you?"

That would be wonderful. "No." I'm staring at the wall again.

He clenches and unclenches his jaw. He runs a hand through his hair and I realize for the first time that he's not wearing a shirt. It's so dark in this room I can only catch the curves and contours of his silhouette; the moon is allowed only a small window to light this space but I watch as the muscles in his arms tighten with every movement and I'm suddenly on fire. Flames are licking at my skin and there's a burst of heat clawing through my stomach. Every inch of his body is raw with power, every surface somehow luminous in the darkness.

In all these years that I have lived, I have never been close to anyone, I've never talked to a boy my own age. Because I'm a monster.

I close my eyes until I've sewn them shut.

I hear the creak of his bed, the groan of the springs as he sits down. I unstitch my eyes and study the floor. "You must be freezing."

"No." A strong sigh. "I'm actually burning up."

I'm on my feet so quickly the blankets fall to the floor. "Are you sick?" My eyes scan his face for signs of a fever but I don't dare inch closer. "Do you feel dizzy? Do your joints hurt?" I try to remember my own symptoms. I was chained to my bed on my own body for 1 week. I could do nothing more than crawl to the door and fall face-first into my food. I don't even know how I survived.

"What's your name?"

He's asked the same question 3 times already. "You might be sick," is all I can say.

"I'm not sick. I'm just hot. I don't usually sleep with my clothes on."

Butterflies catch fire in my stomach. An inexplicable humiliation is searing my flesh. I don't know where to look.

Why am I behaving like this now? I was used to seeing men naked. Why the hell am I being flustered on seeing a shirtless boy?

The small sane part in the back of my head answers my question. 'Because you're human, you're fragile, you're vulnerable, a prey for them.'

Jason sighs deeply. "I was a jerk yesterday. I treated you like crap and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

I dare to meet his gaze.

His eyes are the perfect shade of cobalt, blue like a blossoming bruise, clear and deep and decided. His jaw is set and his features are carved into a careful expression. He's been thinking about this all night.

"Okay."

"So why won't you tell me your name?" He leans forward and I freeze.

I thaw.

I melt. "Loralie," I whisper. "My name is Loralie."

His lips soften into a smile that cracks apart my spine. He repeats my name as the word amuses him. Entertains him. Delights him.

Apart from Shane, I have no memory of having someone calling me like that.

Talking to me with a smile.