The Bird With a Broken Wing (1)

꒰ঌ The Bird With a Broken Wing 1

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It was already past six when I got back home, I shook my head weakly, and threw my bass onto the carpet after removing it from my shoulders. I sank myself into the sofa.

So Lucy had been waiting for me. She should have gone to the hospital today, but just because of the things that I said yesterday, the me who knew nothing but said idiotic things like 'Let's have a showdown on Friday.' Because of that, she had been waiting, she was waiting for me.

Why did she not tell me anything about it? The dense me knew nothing at all, and I had even acted like a kid by insisting on challenging Lucy to guitar showdown. I forced her to stay back, but in the end I had actually harmed her unknowingly.

Why do we always fail in successfully converting the feelings within us into words?

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Three Months had passed. Lucy had really disappeared — she would no longer come to school.

All of my classmates were discussing something: something seemed to have happened on the Friday before the break. My classmates had always ignored what others say, and they cared nothing about the mood of others either — but just this once, they didn't ask me anything.

"Because Haruto looks really depressed…" Erza said that to me softly during lunch break.

"Depressed? No?" I wove a lie.

"I even went to ask Ultear-sensei about it. It seems like Lucy's father wants to go back to America. I think there are specialists there, so it will be more convenient for them to checkup on her or to go for an operation… I am not too sure about the details as well, but it seems like Lucy will be going along as well."

"… Really."

So that's what she meant by 'I'll be disappearing in three months'? Which means, Lucy will never come back again? So that's why she wanted us to forget everything…

Therefore I no longer had a chance to apologize to her, nor did I have the chance to smile at her. I can no longer make her angry or scare her with the image of a zombie, and it's even more impossible for me to ask her to help tune my bass anymore.

If I knew right from the start that she would really be disappearing — if I knew what she said will turn out to be true — then I would have just forgotten all about her, and that will be it.

"Will she be coming back after her checkup…" Erza mumbled.

I began to feel that nothing matters anymore. I'm the one who wrecked everything and misunderstood her totally. I had always thought that Lucy would tell me something special, but in reality there exists a wall between us which is way thicker than that of the door of the practice classroom, to the point where no sounds can pass through. I could not help but feel how wonderful music is — despite us being so far away from each other, just by playing whatever was written on the scores, I had the hallucination that Lucy was right next to me. What a wonderful power that is! Disappear from my sight right now.

When I returned home, I took the bass to the recycling center and dumped it there. It seemed like a connection was wrecked somewhere when Lucy slammed the bass on the floor, and it could no longer play any sound.

I turned the knobs to their maximum, and had even tried to dismantle and reassemble them again, but none of that worked. It is possible for me to repair that with my skills, but I was honestly not in the mood to do that. Even upon seeing that scene, Mom did not crack jokes like 'As expected of my son, you've given up really quickly' or 'Just be a virgin for life,' and had even prepared my favorite food at dinner. I can always say pointless things like these easily, but I just can't voice out the important feelings within me.

After dinner, I sat right opposite of Mom who was working on her article, and hugged my knees. I could hear the speakers playing the Beatles's Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown) softly next to my ears.

"… Mom, have you heard?"

"Hmm? Ah, yes." Mom replied without lifting her gaze away from the laptop, "I heard something from a paparazzi who claims to be the hear-it-all in the music circle. You want to know about it?"

"Is it about… Lucy's illness?"

"So you do know!"

"… But I knew nothing!"

I realized everything only when nothing could be salvaged anymore.

Mom pushed the laptop to the side. She then looked at me and said, "It was probably last year? She suddenly fainted just before she was about to start her concert in America. The concert was canceled, and they went to quite a few hospitals, but they couldn't find out the reason behind it."

I remembered the frightened look in Lucy's eyes, and I suddenly thought, could that be related to her father?

"That's the reason why she came to Japan. It's thought that a brief break from piano and some rehabilitation could perhaps be the key to her recovery. But things don't seem to be that optimistic, do they! Her condition is getting worse and worse, and she has to go to the doctors for frequent checkups."

I could feel a sense of pain near my heart. So that's what Lucy was so desperately trying to hide. She chased away any classmates who tried getting close to her, and was unwilling to approach anyone either; she was pretty successful in being someone who's really annoying. Moreover, all those who tried to get close to her are idiots, so no one had noticed that there was something wrong with her.

Could we really do nothing about that? I really hoped someone would tell me 'It's all your fault!' or 'It's actually not your fault' straight to my face without any hesitation. However, upon hearing me say that, Mom scolds me, "How the hell would I know? Think about it yourself Haruto!" All I could do was hug my head in desperation.

After returning to my room on the second floor, I squeezed right into my bed without even changing into my pajamas. I closed my eyes, and planned to forget everything, just as Lucy had requested. That should be easily done. I have absolute confidence in my poor memory, and within months, I will definitely forget that a person named Lucy had ever existed, and I won't do anything that had to do with the bass and music anymore

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