Chapter Six

The Uncovering of the new and the old

HEAVEN 

• a place regarded in various religions as the adobe of God and the angels, and of the good after death, often traditionally depicted as being above the sky

The painful headache stayed through the morning, it was extremely hard to even feign paying attention to class when my head felt like it was about to burst. A groan leaves my mouth as I walk through the hallways to the nurse's room. She looked annoyed at the truth, although most of the students here has probably already used this as an excuse to get out of class, she gives me medicine but urges for me to leave, I let out a frustrated sigh. Rebellious kids are ruining my day.

I stop my tracks when I see Jake by the library, right, we still needed to talk about that. I instinctively close my palm, wincing slightly at the pain, it felt even worse at the sensitive skin, like it was constantly being healed yet constantly getting worse at the same time. He wasn't alone, Anne's bubbly figure was talking beside him, he stared but his eyes were out of focus.

It's funny how basic facts that form a friendship were unknown to the both of us but it felt like we'd known each other for years, granted, he's the only person I've given my attention to who wasn't a woman. The differences were drastic, but he was just as likable.

As if a sixth sense, his eyes lands on my frozen figure. I probably looked stupid, I couldn't care less about it though, my head was still throbbing and everything else seemed to be irrelevant, hmmm, maybe this is what a hungover would feel like.

"Aiko" He greets me, a small smile on his face as I awkwardly walked over towards them.

"Are you okay now?" Anne frowned, but more of being bothered than concerned, it was weird seeing her act like this towards me, she was probably talking about something important before my presence was noticed.

"Why? Is there something wrong?"

The tone of his voice makes me blush, I was a teenager after all, who's life revolved around 4 women, socially awkward and dies every night, getting concerns from a man was the last thing I would experience.

Everything was new when it came to Jake, physical attributes weren't left unnoticed, I was fully aware of how handsome he was yet felt comforted by the way he talked but I couldn't brush off when my stomach would feel uneasy when he was around, and that would have been plenty of times by now, but it was better than how I felt when a soul who's out for my doom was in front of me, drastically better.

"Nothing. I just have a headache" This doesn't seem to falter his look of concern.

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something" he mumbles slowly, cautious about Anne's presence. I always felt guilty somehow when she was around, a lie I've grown accustomed to yet it still managed to make me uneasy when I had to lie in their faces

"Oh. Okay" Anne coughs awkwardly, smiling at the two of us

"Oh! Can I come?" My face drops at her enthusiasm, asking me to a party multiple times was one thing but she seemed genuinely interested with spending time with the two of us. Jake must have noticed this and spoke instead, grabbing my hand with his as I hung my head low, unable to look Anne in the eye, I always hated turning her down.

"I'm really sorry but maybe another time" I could feel her face drop in disappointment but she responds in a perky manner anyway.

"Oh that's okay! I actually wanted to ask you one more thing" she bites her lip in excitement and Jake offers her a smile, motioning for her to ask away

"My friends and I are going to this party...maybe you'd want to come?" Her eyes glistened in anticipation and I hated the knot in my gut, I give Jake a pleading look hoping he would understand, he glances my way and smiles in response

"Sure. Yeah, why not?" Anne claps her hands and jumps lightly on her feet at the response, I've never seen her so giddy before, not that I've paid much attention anyway but there was something else in her smile and I couldn't point out what it was.

"Great! I'll see you there!" she walks off, giving him a wave goodbye.

She didn't even bother asking me, she probably knew the answer anyway but it felt weird that she didn't try, I frown, maybe some things do change, sometimes it might be for the best but in others, for the worst.

"Thanks. I just...don't like letting her down" Jake grins and waves a hand

"Oh don't worry, I'm expecting something in return" he glances at me, a cheeky grin over his face and my palms sweat at the sight. He looked so playful, like we were actually friends, a weird one at that.

"What do you mean?"

He raises an eyebrow, as if the answer was already obvious but I was clueless.

"You, of course, are coming with me" I scoff, my eyes darting from one direction to the other, contemplating whether he was actually serious or not.

"Well I mean, not you you but still..you" I snicker, turning away and waving a hand in his direction

"Do you know how weird that would be? First of all, what if I accidentally possess someone there? Second of all, you'd be with Anne the whole time and I'd be totally left out and third of all, if you did talk to me, per say, at the party, you'd definitely look like a crazy guy talking to himself" he catches up, pacing himself beside me as we walked towards the familiar direction of our usual spot.

"Ah, but..first of all, it's not like you've never done it before and hey if you actually do, please pick someone hot" I roll my eyes at the suggestion, pushing the doors open as he steps in front of me, walking backwards as he waved his enthusiastic hands in motion

"Second of all, Anne would be with her friends, if anything we'd both be equally left out and third of all anyone would be too drunk to even notice a guy talking to himself" I chuckle at the thought of weird glances he'd receive as he mumbled away conversations to himself, I sit myself down the uncomfortable wooden chair as he settles in front of me, his face unwavering of his wants, which apparently is me going to the party.

"And you can't deny that for you to bring up the last two statements, you actually considered going" Of course I did, after all this time, Jake and I's moments had always been weird, yet it seems it came naturally for the two of us, both of us knew too much yet nothing at the same time.

I've never been to a party before as well, where the circumstances would actually be me having fun and actually having a friend there who I didn't have to unconsciously lie to. Besides, I felt like I needed the break, away from all the questions and finding truth and reason, just a party to go to, something seemingly normal for once.

"Okay" He grins, clearly overwhelmed with happiness at my response that even his cool persona couldn't hide it

"Okay! I'll pick you up...say..at 10?" I let out a chuckle at the idea, a guy picking up a soul so they could go to a party where I may or may not possess a hot girl. But I guess it was better than having to sulk in my room wondering what tomorrow would bring, after all, the present is a gift and a point of no return, might as well live it with no regrets.

I nod in response as he settles back further into his seat, his face turning into a much calmer state and I realize that I still actually had to tell him about what happened in the graveyard.

"I was beginning to think that the ritual hadn't worked but I heard you gasp somewhere in between. I can't say it wasn't weird, having to close my eyes the whole time and I swear I couldn't stand up after that!" he lets out a genuine laugh, patting his knees whereas guilt crept in me, that must have been uncomfortable, I could barely have felt the strain of kneeling down all night but he did.

"But on a lucky note, the guard actually did fall asleep" he winks confidently, as if winning a bet that we imaginatively made.

"Aunt Leah came to me" his face falls as I cut him off, cutting along his bubbly mood but I couldn't help it, no matter where I looked at it, the story would always seem depressing, although I barely felt it.

A huge part of me knew what my mother had thought was the only solution so I could live a normal happy life and the minority of it resented her and what she did. But aunt Leah's words melted its way to my soul and doubts that grew were torn down at the memory of what she said, saying it with such passion as if she were my mother herself.

"My mom gave me up because she couldn't raise me on her own" His lips pursed into a thin line, clearly unknowing of what abandonment felt like, I envied his big family, to him it might be of a burden or annoyance of having such loud voices boom inside the house all the time but it would always be better than silence greeting you every time you get home from school.

I began to think what my life would have been like if my mother hadn't given me up, if she grew to be one of those independent single parents and lived with me, maybe I'd be different, maybe the story wouldn't go this way and maybe my soul wouldn't be so miserably lost.

But even when it was I barely felt it until aunt Leah died, she successfully managed to fill that hole in my heart and I grew to never question her love.

"She gave me my name. She...gave money, apparently...but it stopped. I know it stopped when I turned 10..the same time my soul left my body" I smile sadly at the thought

"I guess my soul knew more than I did but now that I think about it, I'm glad it did" I grin, having met Jake, experiencing things that I never thought I would grow to know, being used to something so impossible and everything else seemed like nothing compared to the life I was living. I've been playing it safe for the few years of my existence but now I've stepped further and further away and just a little bit more until that safety bubble popped and I didn't mind.

I liked how the air felt in difference, how feelings floated free and wild outside the bubble, adrenaline coursing through my veins in the face of the unknown, and in my case, a demon.

"Maybe...maybe we just need to find her" It was easier said than done. I didn't know what she looked like nor where she had gone, all I carried was her last name and the sound of her voice, vivid at the back of my mind.

"We don't even know if she's still alive" It sounded like I already gave up but I only dreaded the thought if she actually was alive, why did she stop? Did she realize that I wasn't worth her time anymore? Did she make a family of her own now? Was I the only one miserable this whole time? I wanted those questions to be left as they were, unanswered.

But Jake smiles anyway, his comforting eyes shining through. "Everything is worth a try. Besides, we have all the time in our hands and boredom on our side" he mocks, placing both hands behind his head in a relaxed manner and I let out a chuckle but a part of me was uneasy of his words, the clock never stopped ticking, not for anyone's sake and I couldn't help but feel like I was running out of time and I didn't know why but I needed to know and find reason before time catches up. I don't let Jake know of my anxious thoughts, it may or may not be a mistake, but it would solely be my own.

Anne didn't ask me after school to go with her, I was irking in pity that she had finally given up on me and it was selfish of me to not want her too. Maybe I just needed to accept the fact that she couldn't stay happy with rejection forever and besides, maybe she needed some time to herself without having to worry of anything or anyone else, just like I did.

I dressed myself up before I slept, it was weird and uncomfortable as my body went into its own slumber but it was slightly better than just wearing a shirt and sweatpants around Jake all the time. I wore a black dress that had lace at the top, it stopped mid-thigh and was decent enough to consider as a 'going out' outfit. I just hoped I'd get to see through the night without anything weird happening, one semi-normal night was all that I hoped for.

I wonder if Anne had already gone or is she getting picked up by her friends as well but all thoughts were pushed aside as the cold season greets me from the other side of the door, the smell of wet grass comforts the sight of empty streets, nothing but only Jake stood under the light post, wearing a black sweater underneath his black leather jacket, his hands digging deeper into his pockets, his breath showing in the cold air.

"I'm so jealous of your inability to feel cold" I've always felt the air but it always managed to stay the same as it was the first time it greets me, cool yet not to the point of freezing.

"Well..if you think about a demon chasing you around your house you wouldn't be" he lets out a laugh and glances down at my outfit, feigning as if he didn't and a blush warms my cheeks, slightly glad that he couldn't see much in the dark.

"Jake!" a voice interrupts us but before I could react and move away, I felt that pulsating pulse run through my body, molding myself slowly into something else less familiar than mine, her excitement floods through me and I stumble a little, feeling Jake hold my arm for stability and I couldn't brush off the tingling feeling of his touch and I wondered if I was the one who felt that or Anne.

"Fuck" I mumble, I could see the ends of Anne's blonde hair in my vision and the feeling of unfamiliar fake lashes bothered me, why did she have to cake her face with so much make up? I could feel the cold now and it didn't help that Anne wore a short skin tight dress and only a single coat that covered it, my ankles felt wobbly in these heels but her body was familiar with everything else, I, however, was completely out of it.

"Well this is convenient" I could hear Jake's mockery and I roll my eyes at him as he chuckles away to my dismay. I just hoped her friends are quiet drunks and won't think too much of my behavior, alcohol was the best excuse if Anne were to ask why she can't remember anything and I hoped to God she won't.

But I couldn't help but wonder if Anne was what Jake would consider as hot, he clearly didn't have any complaints and maybe it was convenient, I wasn't possessing a complete stranger and he and Anne had already gotten acquainted before.

"Whatever, let's just go" I take in a breath as I stumble lightly in her heels but it felt somewhat manageable to walk in them, it was cold and Anne didn't even seem to wear gloves, maybe she planned on riding with her friends in a car with the heater on but I surely wasn't.

"Here" Jake grabs my hand and shoves it in his pockets and I blush at the feeling of his warmth. He pushes himself closer towards me that his chest touched my shoulder, one hand over my waist to give me a sense of control. He smelled great.

"Thanks" I mumble meekly, I wondered if I wasn't here, would the night be like this? Would Anne take the time to walk and appreciate Jake's presence and maybe even just forget the party and just go on like this.

Everything was new to me, the sense of having nothing to worry about, having a new found friend who was crazy enough to follow me to a graveyard, actually, lead me to a graveyard and the night seemed less lonely every time I spent it outside, where the moon shined and where crickets sung their annoying harmony. It was nice.

"You know, my mom's been asking about you and grandma too" I smile at the thought of Aliah and of how much help she had unknowingly given me, his mother seemed nice yet I knew she might be stronger than the surface for having to raise so many children yet managing to raise them right.

"All good things I hope" he chuckles

"Things I could come up with. Friend from school who's helping me with homework, and it somehow just occurred to me that I barely knew anything about you. Birthday, favorite color, movies you like to watch and music you listen to" That made the two of us.

"Well...aunt Leah got me on October 6th and we celebrate my assumed birthday then, I like the color blue, like the one you wake up to...I don't watch much movies since I barely have the time and I like senseless music, the ones that make less sense are somewhat the best to me" It's almost the start of October, my very first birthday without aunt Leah but with so much more, I don't even know what to wish for anymore, it had always been the same each year, for this to stop but it never came true.

Maybe it's why these things are happening, maybe I needed to find out the truth to achieve freedom and I had so much to look forward to now if I did. I'd get to live a normal life, finally going to parties and having dinner with Jake's family and maybe even sneak out with him at night just for the heck of it.

"You know, it'd be another great adventure to find out your actual birthday" I laugh, another paranormal one I hope. We soon find ourselves in a crowded area, dozens of cars parked alongside the streets, the music was loud and the laughter too, the smell of alcohol and smoke greets us at the entrance and I could feel my gut fall with what I was witnessing, it was so different from just a house party, the room would be filled with strangers, some much older than us and I frown as to why Anne would even think about coming here with so much excitement.

"Hey. I'm right here" Jake smiles but I could feel his uncertainty as well. His arm no longer hung on my shoulder but his hand grasped mine tightly as if afraid I might disappear.

"Jake, maybe we shou-" I was cut off by the annoyingly familiar sound of Anne's friends

"You finally made it! Do you have any idea how cold it is waiting outside?" I grimace at the sight, their breath already smelled like alcohol and one of them held a cigarette between her fingers and their outfits were drastically much more skimpy than of Anne's.

"Sorry, we got lost a bit" I lied through gritted teeth and she waves a hand of dismissal

"Whatever. Let's just go!" They yell in enthusiasm, pushing through the crowd, not even acknowledging Jake's presence, maybe he actually was going to be out of place, convenient, that's what this was.

"Come on! Katy reserved us tables" One of Anne's friend shouts over the music, grabbing my hand and pulling me inside while I pull Jake along with me. The loud music makes my heart beat along with its rhythm and the lights that flashed in random colors made me dizzy, I could feel everyone's excitement as they danced in the dance floor with whichever movement they felt right. They looked unbothered with whatever was around them and I couldn't help but grin at the intoxicating moment.

"Drinks are on me!" The brunette yelled on top of her lungs and the girls cheered alongside her and I frowned, maybe things would have been different if I came here with the right people, Anne might consider them friends but I didn't. They settle themselves in a semi-circle shaped couch, the table already filled with glasses and random bottles of alcohol which they drank in delight.

"Hey Anne, don't you and your friend want some?" A red head asks, tugging at her dress as she sits down and accepts her own drink. I shake my head and offer a small smile

"Maybe later" she rolls her eyes and they go back to ignoring our existence. Jake is pressed close beside me in our seat and I shrug my shoulders at him, maybe this isn't convenient after all, at least Anne would have some sort of sense of confidence during these moments whereas I totally lacked it.

"Hey, want to dance?" Jake said it in a joking manner but it seemed like a better option that being stuck in awkward silence between Anne's friends who gossiped amongst themselves.

"Sure" I yell and he grins, shrugging off my coat, we head off to the dancefloor, pushing past drunkenly dancing people until we were in the midst of them.

"You know" Jake shouts, moving his body to the beat while leaning down to meet my height and I couldn't help but laugh at his antics, my feet move on their own as I matched his enthusiastic rhythm with my own. I blush at our proximity and I wondered if he felt that too, that longing for his touch or perhaps it was just me.

"This might not have been such a good idea" I roll my eyes and nod in response, it was his idea after all but perhaps it was somewhat needed, bad ideas make the good ones great. I look over our table, a bunch of men talking to the girls yet they smiled and flirted back, I sigh, why does Anne hang out with them so much? Maybe if she were here alone she'd be there, sitting and flirting to strangers, breaking her promises of doing things that I wouldn't do. Ugh! I worried too much and the woman cared too little.

"Well..I mean, it is my first party so I wouldn't know what a bad one looks like" He laughs as a figure pushes me from behind, I collide in his chest and he stumbles back but swiftly regains his balance, I look up at him, his eyes staring deep into mine, his arms wrapped around me and I didn't mind at all, he was so close that I could feel his breath fanning over my face and how his muscles moved under his sweater was beyond my touch.

"Weird, I thought Anne's eyes were blue" he grins, I found myself slowly moving away yet never looking anywhere else than his eyes, the music seemed slower for a moment, maybe even more quiet than it was before. They were, Anne's eyes were blue.

"I guess the eyes does tell the truth" His words were a blur in my head and I couldn't deny that I wanted nothing more but to kiss him at the moment.

I don't know what that would feel like, a kiss, his lips, everything. Would one foot lift like in the movies? Would my eyes flutter shut on their own accord? Would it be awkward? Perfect? And maybe he was thinking it too. I could feel it, the slow pulsating pull between a man and a woman and slowly treasuring the moment as they leaned in...closer and closer.

"Hey Anne!" I quickly push myself away as the blonde from earlier waves at me, she waves at me with a huge smile on her face as she ushers me towards them

"Come here for a sec!" I felt annoyed but I nod anyways.

"I'll be back" I glance at Jake who nods, looking slightly dejected but he turns away and the flashing lights hides whatever emotions he was feeling and I hoped mine were hidden along as well.

I felt annoyed that the moment had stopped. But more so of the fact that I was in Anne's body, it would be Anne's lips he'd be kissing, not mine. Anne's emotions were somewhere inside me and she would feel that too. I wanted to be selfish no matter how bad it sounded, but Jake, he was the one thing in my life who was a good kind of different, a great kind of new and I didn't want him to be in someone else's eyes and see him that way too, maybe someday someone else would but for now, I wanted him to be just selfishly mine.

"What's up?" I settle down beside the blonde, they looked to be chatting quite good amongst themselves, I wonder why they even called for my attention. The brunette lights up a cigarette and lets out a laugh.

"A friend of my client just invited us to a VIP party tomorrow night and you my dear is coming with! No buts!" The girls cheer and I feign a smile, feeling awkward amongst their familiar stares yet mine was completely unknown.

"What do you...a client?" She rolls her eyes and puffs out smoke and I blink away, taking in a breath hoping none of that gets in my lungs.

"Don't tell me you've forgotten? Well, I guess I am quite new and I never really talk about it" The blonde beside me laughs and waves a hand

"As if Katy" Katy laughs along, an inside joke I was unaware about but I keep up a smile, hoping they wouldn't notice.

"My pimp set me up with this client who's apparently some big rich guy and I get to go to all these parties!" she swallows down her drink and winces at its bitter taste but grins anyway.

My eyes widen in realization of what she's implying. She's a prostitute. Anne's friend is a prostitute.

"I...I think I'm heading home. I don't feel so good" Katy pouts and leans in, emphasizing her boob job, I always thought it were only a rumor, her slut demeanor was always oozing out in public but it had always seemed to be rude to me to assume that just because she got breast augmentation didn't mean she actually slept around. But she did.

"Awwww! So soon!" I felt nervous, sweats forming on my palm and I feared Anne's choice of friends, this girl clearly couldn't care less. I didn't care much about the fact that she slept around but she was just purely a bitch, a bad influence on Anne who I never thought would even dare to venture around with people like her.

"I'll make it up to you next time" she rolls her eyes and waves a hand as if I needed her permission to be dismissed.

"Of course you will. Don't be late"

I brush my hair aside, a few strands falling over my sweaty forehead, the crowd suddenly felt obnoxious to be with and I wanted nothing more than to get out of the place, I glance back at the table where a few men had already managed to accompany him, one in particular stood out.

He stood behind Katy, a drunken smile and whispering words into her ear that seemed hilarious to her as she flirtatiously laughs and gives him suggestive glances. The sight made me shiver, his stare gave me chills yet there was something about him that made me want to know more. I couldn't point out why.

I shake off the thoughts and finally manage to find Jake who had a drink in hand, his eyes darting over the crowd and smiling in relief when he sees me.

"We should go" He didn't protest as we left the suffocating club. The streets were close to empty by now as we walked further and further away from the club until only street lights lit our path.

"They invited me to another party" I bite my lip, trying to avoid revealing secrets that were better left unsaid, although I doubt Katy would mind, but it was her own story to tell.

"And you want to go?" he looks perplexed as to why I wanted to hang out with them but I thought all the same. They weren't great friends but my gut keeps urging me to go, maybe because it just wants to take Anne's place amidst all the stupid choices she's been making or maybe...it was entirely something else, but just like in the graveyard, it felt somewhat necessary.

"No but I will" He scratches the back of his head in a curious manner and I wished he would talk some sense into me, tell me it's probably nothing and that I should leave Anne alone but by the looks of it, I doubt he would.

"Well...you're telling me this...why?" I chuckle, among everything, I actually wanted to spend time with Jake, maybe then when everyone would be preoccupied by some random guy, I'd be reliving that moment that I had never experienced before.

"Well. I'd like for you to come. I mean, the night wasn't all bad" and it was true, the simple fact that he was there made everything drastically better.

"I guess you're right. Maybe this time we'd get ourselves at least one drink right?" he winks and I let out a laugh. Maybe. They do so drunken words are sober thoughts, it might help with all this....tensed feeling every time he's around. Its weird, one moment I'm stiff and sweating of nervousness and the other it feels more comfortable than the sight of my bed.

"Right, maybe then I'd get to show you a move I've been working on" I sway awkwardly, my shoulders bobbing up and down and he lets out a laugh, I blush in embarrassment, hmmm, maybe I wasn't such a good dancer than I thought. I stumble a little from the heels I've been wearing all night but they don't even seem to bother me anymore.

"Oh please, it can't possibly beat this" He suddenly moves into a shuffle, exaggerating each step he took and his arms awkwardly raised in the air, his head swinging from one side to the other, his lips puked and his eyes closed as if he was in a club of his own. Our laughter fills the silence and I could almost anticipate a random stranger shouting for us to shut up. But not even that could ruin this.

"Okay! You're absolutely right!" I cover my eyes as if it were to miraculous for me to see and he ends it, puffing out his chest as if he had done an impossible deed.

"You know, someday, I'd like to hear you actually laugh" We stood in front of my house now, somehow slightly out of breath. I smile, looking down at the pair of heels Anne wore. She was so different than who I was, her laugh was her own and this confidence was solely hers.

But I liked to think some of it was mine too. I wanted to hear my own voice talk; I wanted to think that I finally managed to be comfortable in my own skin in such skimpy clothes. I wanted to imagine that I was here, that Jake was only seeing me, the actual me.

"Yeah. Me too" I give him a smile and he smiles back, he's back to his old caring self again and I could feel the butterflies flutter in my stomach like they always do. But it was gone too soon as I feel dizziness take over me and I feel myself stumble until I find myself back to where I belonged.

I gasp loudly, my body feeling more tired than before. I groan as I gulp down the water on my bedside, it tasted wonderful, running down my sore throat. I fall back down my bed in disappointment, Anne's probably back there now, she'd go on thinking that she spent a drunken night with Jake and everything would be nothing more than just a dream. I hear the door open and shut from downstairs and I close my eyes, trying to brush off the unwanted feeling of bitterness.

But a face suddenly flashes in my mind and I'm back to that place, where bodies collided with one another and that man, his tongue sliding up and down Katy's throat but she only moans and extends her neck in pleasure, her eyes closed and deep in a trance, but this time, he was only looking at me.

And I know now why his stare made me shiver

His eyes

They held the same gaze of the man in the mirror

The eyes of a murderer