I should've jumped

That night when I was on that building I knew that I wanted to end my life but why didn't I? Maybe because I didn't feel worthy enough to jump down and kill myself so I said "God wherever you are please help me. I need to hear you speak" Well he didn't hear me until I was about to jump off. The voice said 'Don't jump off that building. It's not going to get any better if you end your life right now.' Next thing I know I'm in the hospital waiting for the doctor to come check up on me. My family is mad at me they were barely looking at me until my sister said "Why'd you try to end your life? Is it because Kaitlyn is near her life almost ending?" It wasn't that so I responded with a snarky comment "I didn't jump off the building I slipped. I heard someone talking to me telling me not to end my life so I didn't but my foot came right under me and now I'm here so no it's not because my twin is dying it's because I have never wanted to make someone else feel the pain that I feel." Honestly the person I was really trying to make feel my pain was my best friend she always would ask me "Hey how do you feel. I can't imagine the pain your going through." She couldn't even IMAGINE the pain that I was going through so that night we went to go see the city lights and take a couple pictures of it. My stupid self thought that I should show her the pain I felt so I pushed her then I tried to kill myself so I wouldn't feel guilty but I do I feel so bad now. I almost ended my friends life because I wanted her to k ow what I was going through well she does know but she's just not at this hospital because she got discharged me on the other hand well I didn't because I broke several bones but the one time I wanted to kill myself I couldn't because I was to scared to jump.