What It's Like To Be Loved.

"Uh Cyrus, what are those markings that are surrounding you?" Mother asked.

The runes soon disappeared in an instant and I finished the spell. The effect showed a bright light illuminating the surrounding area, followed by a rush of cold winds causing Mother and Father to shiver. Mother and Father stood frozen staring directly into nothing; their eyes were transfixed, unblinking. After a moment or two, Mother and Father had managed to break out from the trance and their faces lit up, smiles filling their entire countenance with happiness. They spoke of praises to the gods for allowing their son to be blessed, and I stood dumbfounded at their actions.

Father spoke up after a pause. "Why do you use this magic in front of us now?" he asked curiously.

I shrugged slightly as if unsure on how to answer such a strange request, but decided on telling him that "I wanted you to know the truth about who I really was, in order to bring peace of mind and hopefully to build a trust between us all, despite us being family, you're not always certain you're on the right side or doing what's right for everyone."

Mother cocked her brow. "Oh Cyrus, my dear son! We love you no matter what." She added with an apologetic tone.

"Love you too Mom," I replied as tears fell freely down my cheeks, washing away any lingering emotions held there previously.

Father patted my shoulder with his rough hand. He motioned towards me and smiled knowingly, then ruffled my hair as if telling me that things were okay between the two of us and not to worry anymore about whatever may come next between us, and he'd handle it if things got out of control. Then it hit me, this dissociative state where all I could think about was what could've happened after I died. My mother, my father. I know I cut off contact with them after I started climbing my way up in the criminal underworld, but is this really fair for anyone that I get to have loving parents and all they get is a dead son?

The more I thought about it the worse I got, but eventually my mother snapped me out of it by putting her hand on my shoulder. "Cyrus," She said softly, "Are you okay?" I didn't respond.

My breath caught, causing me to choke on air as the scene flashed before my closed eyes and the image of Gaius' cruel sneer appeared behind his eyes. His voice echoed in my ear, and it sounded so close that I was sure I was dying. As the visions began fading away from me, the pain also retreated until finally I lay panting heavily on my back. My heartbeat hammered loud in my chest and ears. My hands clenched into fists tightly; nails cutting deep crescent shapes into the palm of my skin as I tried to remain calm and steady.

I did manage to answer my mother's inquiry this time though.

"Sorry Mama," I stammered out inbetween shaky breaths, "I'm still reeling a bit from everything..."

It didn't stop the fact I was having problems though, I mean this wasn't something that I could just brush aside, the effects will probably leave lingering symptoms for years or decades to come. If I don't get help now I'll forever be plagued by the guilt and anxiety it brings about, and eventually, if I do nothing I'll end up snapping and harm someone close to me or worse end up killing myself. So until I have a more concrete way of dealing with my problems, I won't let things slide away from me.

"Mother... I hate that bastard. Why must he hurt me like this, is he trying to make me go crazy? I want to murder him!" I said while trembling uncontrollably from pure hatred flowing through me. My face was scrunched up as my jaw clenched hard.

"Hang on, what?" Mother asked. She had turned pale and looked visibly shaken, before taking a couple steps closer and placed her hand against my cheek, her voice quivering slightly as she spoke, "Cyrus, please calm yourself my son." My head dropped limply in my mother's arms.

"What if he hurts me again!? Or tries to kill me next!?" Tears ran down her face as I buried my face further in the warmth of her bosom, holding her tight and holding onto me desperately for dear life. We stayed there like this for awhile before Father finally decided to speak. My mother realized there that I was no ordinary 6-year-old boy, I had dark thoughts from a young age. I haven't felt these emotions of pure fear in a while. Could it be because of this fragile body that I'm in? Probably so...

"You won't be in any danger my son," My father insisted sternly. I could feel his strength radiate through the words, his voice firm and unyielding in its authority. "I will keep Gaius away, you will never be exposed to such dangers ever again."

A lump formed in the base of my throat.

"B-b-ut f-father w-why can't we do something about him? He wants to kill me!" I blubbered pitifully, crying at his feet.

"Cyrus, calm yourself my dear child," He cooed sweetly, wrapping both arms around me and cradling me like a newborn babe. My parents and I cuddled together. "What happened has been dealt with, no one will try to hurt you anymore,"

After we got some dinner ready, and I began to cry even harder, wailing loudly as if to remind myself that I'm a weak 6-year-old mortal, my emotions no different than when I had been an adult. My parents gave each other knowing looks over their meal and I knew at this point, things were going to get interesting.

After the crying subsided a little, I suddenly found that I had eaten more than half a loaf of bread in one sitting and now had an uncontrollable craving for some alcohol. I had an idea for this and since my father was here, he was more than happy to oblige. "Hey daddy, do you think I could have a tiny sip of the drink you had last night?"

A gentle smile spread across Father's lips, and his eyes gleamed with affection and joy. "Of course dear boy, anything you'd like,"

I watched in awe as the amber liquid swirled around in my small mug. "Wow daddy! Can we drink this every day? You seem pretty happy after drinking!" I tried tricking him into giving me some booze. In reality I just wanted to think of a method to end Gaius while being a bit tipsy since I always have the greatest ideas when I'm drunk.

"It's just wine, Cyrus," my father answered quickly, shaking his head sadly, "I'm afraid you can't drink it yet my child. Come on," he picked me up, and I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist. He carried me out of the dining hall and toward the royal quarters, whispering softly, "Let's get to bed early shall we?"

I smiled sleepily back, too tired to reply properly and too comfortable to really care either. My eyelids were heavy, fluttering open for a few seconds at a time before finally slipping shut again as I lost consciousness completely. I vaguely remember my father tucking me into the king sized bed, kissing me good night, before everything went dark around me. I dreamed of many wonderful and vivid images. It seemed like eternity when I woke, and for a minute I almost forgot that I had a traumatic experience, until I opened my eyes wide and looked straight at Gaius' malicious grin looming over me; my body trembling and heart pounding uncontrollably. He had found me.

His voice had an undertone of evil as he talked low, barely above a whisper. "Well isn't this a pleasant surprise?" He glanced down at my body briefly then chuckled cruelly. "It looks like your mother was wrong." His black cloak swayed back and forth ominously, causing the hairs on the nape of my neck to prick up.

This isn't good! How is it even possible for this to happen?!

Gaius lunged at me, slashing wildly with his sword. The sword pierced the fabric of my tunic and dug into the soft skin beneath the garment. "NO!" I screamed and thrashed violently, clawing frantically to free myself. However, my struggles were futile and ineffective against the man who held me firmly in his grasp and in a moment my mind clouded over in a black haze. "GET AWAY FROM ME, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!"

Before he had a chance to react I managed to pull out the dagger my dad gave me. With the dagger I drove it through his chest, piercing flesh and muscle without any hesitation and stabbing deeply. The blade broke past bone and went straight through his heart, pinning him on the ground. He struggled futilely trying to break free; his blood splattering everywhere. His body convulsing violently before dropping lifeless onto the ground. It took every ounce of my strength and courage not to just run, but rather continue onward with the plan to protect the people that have become close to my heart, my family and loved ones. Before I could act on this, I woke up. It was just a nightmare that really fucked with my mind with how vivid it was. Gaius was truly instilling this fear inside me filled with despair.