Baek Du-Ho (1)

Joon-woo winced at the sugar rush tainting his sugar-free tongue. He peered up at the apron-wearing Reggie with a grimace. It was a pastel pink apron with some Sanrio bear on it, yet Reggie wore it for the cameras stuck dead in their faces. 

They were filming their reality show, much to the demand of their fans. 

"Too sweet." Joon-woo commented, putting the cookie with a missing bite down onto the napkin Reggie had served it on. 

"Joon-ah, it's a sugar cookie…" Reggie huffed, "I made them all the time in America…" 

Joon-woo shrugged, "Maybe Du-Ho Hyung will like them. He likes sweet stuff." He said, and it was mostly true words for the camera, for once. Though Baek Du-Ho and Joon-woo weren't close, Joon-woo still noticed how Baek Du-Ho was always leaning towards something sweet even in diet times. 

Reggie frowned, a fake frown of course, "I made them for you, though." 

It was a cringy act and Joon-woo wanted to die. He had been instructed to act flustered at the words, and he slightly was, though the heat in his cheeks was mostly embarrassment. 

"...wrap them up, I'll… I'll have some." Joon-woo quietly admitted his lie. He hated sweet stuff and he knew Reggie knew that. It was all the production's fault. They wanted this.

Reggie's pout shifted into a smile. But it was less fake than Joon-woo would've liked.

"Okay, cut!" A producer called from the back. 

Joon-woo immediately sighed and laid back into the island chair. Reggie visibly stiffened. 

The producer walked through cameramen with his beer belly and a large smile. Their mid-sized company could only afford mediocre ones, even with the influx of money ASCEND was bringing in. Hell, the company had set exclusive photocards for every fansign and store there was. Joon-woo in his monitoring had seen the cries of Flights and their empty wallets. 

"That was good, great! You both look very natural like this." The producer complimented with a large smile. At least this producer wasn't a weirdo, Joon-woo thought in his head.

Reggie bowed a thank you and walked off set to get a large whiff of water. There the rest of ASCEND sat, awaiting to be filmed in their quote-on-quote daily interactions. It was a bit odd. They were never even in the dorm to do these team-bonding things that were being portrayed. They were busy and they were on the verge of getting busier. 

Joon-woo followed Reggie as the cameramen congregated over the clips they had collected in the last couple hours already. ASCEND waved him over, Mi Yong offering his seat to Joon-woo who declined discreetly. 

"We have a magazine shoot after this, right?" Reggie questioned with a yawn. 

Mi Yong nodded. 

"Though you and Joon-woo have an ad to shoot afterwards…" Mi Yong explained reading over messages from Mr. Jeong.

The group acknowledged the imbalance of activities with ease. All of them but Joon-woo. It was the same case in Cheerleader. Ha-rin was the spotlight. Ha-rin had the longest schedule because people noticed her more. If spawned dead set in rural Asia, Ha-rin had a chance of being recognized, not so much her bandmates. 

A twinge of guilt bit at Joon-woo's heart. He snuck a look at his bandmates to analyze their expressions at the labor division. 

Ryeo Hyun, as usual, seemed ever unphased. Catching Joon-woo's look, Ryeo Hyun even smally smiled at Joon-woo. He rarely ever did. Jung Hyun-Ok also had plenty of schedules. Just behind Reggie who was behind Joon-woo. Mi Yong being the news breaker, it was Baek Du-Ho who's gaze was shifted downward. 

Reggie placed a hand on Joon-woo's shoulder as if to sooth him. Joon-woo frowned at the idea that his discomfort had shown, but couldn't help but appreciate the small notion. 

The producer, after taking a large chug of some pre-packaged tea though no edible objects were allowed on the premises, called the whole group over. 

"These few scenes will be easy. We don't need many." The producer said. 

Joon-woo clenched his fist. Just he and Reggie had filmed at least two hours of raw footage. The production, their company, and everyone else knew what they wanted. Joon-woo hadn't missed the capitalistic side of the K-Pop industry. 

–+–

Baek Du-Ho, if you asked him who he was closest to in ASCEND, would say Jung Hyun-Ok or Mi Yong. But if he were to be honest, he would say no one, and especially not Joon-woo. 

It was everywhere in K-Pop, groups only friends, co-workers, or even foes. Baek Du-Ho had heard stories from his trainee days, of groups hating each other so much that it showed even on camera. He thought he was invincible from it. 

He knew how to get along with other people. He was portrayed as sociable on Producer10, because he was. Though now, in a group, stuck with five other people, it felt as if he had lost his ability to talk at all. 

Not to say the rest of ASCEND were jerks who dismayed him, because they weren't. The rest of ASCEND were their own cliche on the show, though made unclear through editing. Baek Du-Ho was the popular outlier. And even despite him and Joon-woo's rough patch(es), Ryeo Hyun still welcomed him with his large bicep-ed arms. 

The rest of ASCEND just felt too close for Baek Du-Ho's liking. They acted like a group of childhood friends, though all-together, they had just met on the show. Baek Du-Ho would be lost in their inside jokes, often laughing along for the cameras because that's what he was good at.

After the long schedules, when the van ride back was quiet, Baek Du-Ho lay on his own shoulder. He didn't care about talking to the others about today's complaints, he didn't. As long as the cameras showed him close, why should he indulge in getting closer to his bandmates? That would happen with time.

Or so he thought. 

He felt too sober along his tongue. It had been two months since their debut. Though coming in close seconds for a few music shows, they hadn't gotten a win. Their record was already plenty impressive and everyone knew why. Reggie and Joon-woo's thing where they looked all coupled up. 

Baek Du-Ho wasn't jealous. He knew that he was one of the less popular members. He wasn't jealous because how could he be? He put no effort into getting closer to his bandmates and he didn't know how. They were exotic. They were different from the half-assed friendships on Producer10 or with the other trainees he trained with. There was no more competition like he was used to, this was just– calm and chaotic, yet familial in a way he hadn't yet adjusted to. 

In the van Mi Yong was doubled over jokingly mocking Ryeo Hyun for an awkward interaction with staff at their latest shoot. 

Jung Hyun-Ok was copying the moment exaggerating. Watching and laughing, watching and laughing.

Baek Du-Ho's heart burned with desire. His mouth felt glued shut. What would he say that wouldn't kill the mood? He was becoming a little too gloomy for his own liking. He looked at Mi Yong, then Reggie, then Ryeo Hyun. His mouth was glued shut. 

His vision blurred and he couldn't tell if it was the consistent exhaustion taking effect or the emotion threatening to pool through his facade. 

His hands were slightly shaky and they felt weightless and fragile, yet sensitive to the touch. He felt as if he, as a whole, couldn't move. 

He couldn't talk. He couldn't talk. He wouldn't last like this. He wouldn't be able to keep being an idol if he kept this up. He would get caught on camera, being too distant and his whole world would crumble at the slightest kick. 

His breaths shortened, not to his will. His body felt elsewhere. He felt as if he was floating high and higher and higher–

"Do-ah!" A voice sharp and young sent him flying back down to Earth. 

It was Mi Yong. 

Suddenly everyone was staring at Baek Du-Ho. At his shaky hands and his too-blank face. 

"I'm… Sorry." Baek Du-Ho muttered quietly. 

Mi Yong slung an arm over Baek Du-Ho's shoulder and even pulled him into a small half-assed hug. Mi Yong shook his head and turned to Mr. Jeong who seemed slightly uncaring in the rearview mirror. 

"How much time will we have to spare at the next reality show?" Mi Yong asked, concern clear on his face.

Mr. Jeong checked the time on the car's clock. He gulped. 

"Not too long…" He replied after a beat of silence. 

Mi Yong pursed his lips and thought for a moment. He made gestures towards Jung Hyun-Ok and Ryeo Hyun and maybe he said something. Baek Du-Ho was too caught up in himself to understand it all. 

Suddenly, placed into Baek Du-Ho's hands, was a small two-pack of cookies. 

"You haven't eaten much today." Mi Yong explained. 

Baek Du-Ho would've said something along the lines of 'none of us have' if he could. 

"Thank you Hyung." Baek Du-Ho whispered, the embarrassment settling in. 

His face reddened and he went to hide it, but perhaps mistaking the action for covering tears, Mi Yong grabbed Baek Du-Ho's arms so his face remained centered. 

"Do-ah, what's wrong?" Mi Yong asked. 

Perhaps it was the words that set him off. The idea of someone caring, the proof. 

"Nothing… I'm just tired." He repeated, his voice getting heavier with each word. The words began to feel heavy on his tongue. 

Jung Hyun-Ok shifted in his seat and opened the cookie package to place one in Baek Du-Ho's hand. 

"Eat this. Hyun Hyung, give him your speech about eating enough." Jung Hyun-Ok insisted, pressing the cookie farther in Baek Du-Ho's hand. 

Baek Du-Ho shook his head. He was hungry, but he felt that if he ate something, he would throw up. His stomach twisted and turned. It ached with pains similar to muscle cramps and made Baek Du-Ho's vision all fuzzy. He was beginning to get overwhelmed with the questions now. He was being emotional. He was being too emotional. 

"No… Just–" He tried to speak, but when he did bile rose to his throat. 

Mi Yong gulped. He'd seen this before, they all had. 

"Manager-nim, pull over!" Mi Yong yelled, gesturing for the others' to find something of a bag or bowl. He knew damn well the car was clean as their manager liked, but something, anything would help.

In all of this. Mr. Jeong did not pull over. 

"Manager Jeong!" Mi Yong insisted in the panic. 

Baek Du-Ho began to see the spirals of the car's voices. 

In the rearview mirror, Mr. Jeong only gulped and tried to make his face as straight as possible. Ryeo Hyun and Jung Hyun-Ok now questioned Mr. Jeong's lack of care, Ryeo Hyun in the passenger seat. 

Ryeo Hyun emptied a large purse of papers and necessities. It was one the managers had to carry around, and therefore Mr. Jeong's. In the moment, that didn't matter. Ryeo Hyun emptied the contents and handed it to Mi Yong with urgency unseen.

Mr. Jeong only raised an eyebrow to his lack of bag, he turned to Ryeo Hyun with a face mauled by anger. 

"Don't use my bag!" Mr. Jeong finally acknowledged the situation, attempting to snatch his emptied bag back. "We don't have time for this! It's a busy schedule today!" He huffed, eyes widening to the sounds of liquid-like coughs. 

–+–

There's a saying said by sports referees that goes along the lines of, "The referee sets the mood for the game." One could say the same for idols on sets. 

If an idol needs many takes for a certain shot or scene, the mood is long and heavy. If an idol isn't the prettiest person they've seen all day, the mood is low. Mi Yong knew it the most out of ASCEND, and it was damn true now. 

Baek Du-Ho was pale and his steps staggered. His eyes, though he wore a smile, were dull with sickness. And only Ryeo Hyun, Jung Hyun-Ok, and Mi Yong knew he was too warm to the touch. 

Mr. Jeong had lectured them for making a mess in his bag, completely disregarding the doubled over Baek Du-Ho. The whole set was silenced at the very public lecture. Mi Yong hoped no controversy would spark by nosy staff.

Just their luck, it was an advertisement shoot for a make-up company. Mi Yong could only gulp, looking at Baek Du-Ho's weary state, Ryeo Hyun and Jung Hyun-Ok, too.

Mi Yong let his foundation get powdered over his face. He had many acne scars from his teenage years, but he knew better than to wear them like a crown. Jung Hyun-Ok was supporting Baek Du-Ho as he got his lips touched up with a light liner. 

A staff member approached Mi Yong with a slightly concerned expression. 

"Leader-nim, I'm sorry, I've lost your manager. Do you happen to know where he is?" She asked, frowning at Mi Yong's gaping mouth. 

Mi Yong hummed. "He… He's getting something from the van I think."

"Oh, medicine? Du-Ho-ssi seems a bit sick." The staff nodded. 

Mi Yong knew well that Mr. Jeong was doing anything but. He had stormed out to go clean out his bag. 

"Yes, he's feeling a bit down today. Do you mind telling the director? I don't want to disturb him." Mi Yong requested. He knew Baek Du-Ho had probably gone through enough today. The man was quiet, but his sickness had made Baek Du-Ho's distance from the rest of them feel less than it was. 

The staff nodded. "I'll let him know. Tell him to tell us if he needs a break, okay?"

Mi Yong nodded, taking the sympathy without a grain of salt as he usually would. Perhaps they seemed like used and abused artists right now by the way their once timid manager had lectured them. 

"Leader-nim? We're ready to begin." A different staff member informed, gesturing to the finished set up of cameras and light. 

Mi Yong returned the staff with a customer service smile. He had been giving a lot of those lately.