Anxiety

Park Yejoon woke up the next day unenthusiastically. The reason for this was his self-bashing session last night. He did not misremember the things he told himself and the quantity of confidence that dissipated.

He sighed dejectedly and did his morning routine with a slow start. He was feeling slightly void inside and forgot to remind himself of the goal he had.

He proceeded to the breakfast table where he was greeted by his very eager and content mother. Her expressions, however, toned down when she examined her son. She discerned his troubled face and asked him what was wrong with him.

"It's nothing." He responded with a small smile. His anxiety was making him overthink things. He kept believing that he was not worth anyone else's time and troubles. Since his thoughts were all over the place, this prevented him from trying to reach out to his mother.

His face reverted to the empty state it was at and ate inaudibly.

"There's definitely something troubling you." His pensive mood was suspended by his mother's soothing voice. While looking down at the floor he softly spoke,

"Really, it's nothing. I'm just thinking." His mother gave him a suspecting look and decided to drop the matter.

She reminded him that she would always be there for him and if he had anything on his mind he could talk to her. Yejoon was slightly tempted to grasp the helping hand but changed his mind last second.

He smiled at her and appreciated her.

It was not that he did not trust, nor love his mother. In actuality, it was the contrary; he did not want to waste her energy and worry her over anything. He especially did not want her to spend her whole day thinking about his downed mood. In his frail condition, the thought of making someone show distress over him certainly terrified him.

Anxiety, depression. Both were emotions that made your confidence sink below. It could make you go from a king mentality to a servant one. A helpless one rather than a convincing one.

These emotions could make you feel as if your existence was not at all significant, and in most severe cases it could cause suicidal thoughts.

Of course, Park Yejoon was not to that point but his anxiety was spiraling to unhealthy behavior that should not be reciprocated.

Everyone, anything, has a worth in this world. As resentful you are of yourself, to others you are a special being that brightens up their day. One day, you might feel like nothing is worth it anymore but you must push on. When stuck in a tight spot, do what any other gamer would do; press the W button and go forward.

Back to Yejoon, he was currently in the car extremely apprehensive about the commercial. He did not think 'How should I impress them?' rather, he thought 'What should I do to not disappoint them?'

Confidence in these moments was essential to the phase of acting. If you were hesitant and doubted yourself, the shots would unquestionably not go well. You would be in the same body; not the one you were supposed to represent.

Doubting yourself made you overthink and overthinking often sidetracked you from the current situation. It could lead to a bad performance which would be utterly terrible in his current situation.

They arrived in a flash and Yejoon's state of mind sank.

He absolutely did not want to be here. When he got out of the car and witnessed all of the people present, he was absolutely horrified.

What should he do once he embarrasses himself?

That's right. Yejoon was absolutely sure he would make a mistake with his state of mind. This was substantially a harmful thought process that made sure you would do exactly what you were telling yourself to do. Mistakes.

He did not forget to greet everyone politely though, albeit quietly.

The shoots started off horribly. He had not been able to concentrate and this annoyed some of the crew members.

Following a few more mistakes, one finally lost it and asked,

"What's wrong with you?"

"Ah, I guess I've got something in my mind." Yejoon accidentally blurted out before he could shut his mouth. He cursed himself while smiling weakly on the outside.

The man who had asked him what was wrong with him looked slightly apologetic but continued on,

"Do you need to take a break?"

Yejoon nodded weakly and thanked him.

He sat at the benches while looking at the floor. He really felt like he was breaking down mentally. Tears he could not hold welled up in his eyes but did not drop. Yejoon did not cry often, but it was one of the lowest points he has ever been. He doubted himself and currently thought he was below everyone else. His mind was filled with negative thoughts and although he did not want to cry, the sinking feeling in his stomach and the tight feeling in the neck did not go away.

He sighed once again and brought his mind to something else and the welling did stop. He sighed in relief that no one saw his unsightly appearance and took a sip of the cup of water. In this advertisement, he had to pretend he was a young boy. He had to replicate the innocent eyes, the naive smile, and the bluntness in words a child would have.

This was all impossible if he kept having uneasy thoughts.

Although he looked around and saw that no one looked at him weirdly or glanced at him too many times, he did not notice a pair of concerned but affectionate eyes.

While he was in deep contemplation, he felt his mother hug him and forcefully asking what was wrong.

Yejoon who was close to crying was about to burst into tears when he saw one of the people who lit up every one of his days appear at his feeblest form.

A parent and son bond was special as they shared unconditional love for each other. Yejoon's new parents had absolutely taken a spot in his heart and reinforced it as they were close to each other. He had good memories from these past months from both his mother and father.

Yejoon controlled his tears and told his mother shakily, "I don't know if I can do it. I am doubting myself. What if I keep doing everything wrong? What if everyone is disappointed in me?"

His mom tightened the hug and like an angel, she assured him, "You are the only one I believe who can do it."

Yejoon could have sworn he saw a brilliant light coming out from his mother. This only sentence completely assured him.

'That's right. I am Park Yejoon, the boy who will take the entertainment industry by a storm.'

[+2 Special Stat: Will]

'Yes.'

'That's right. I am Park Yejoon' as if the world agreed with his thoughts, the wind blew freely through his hair and the birds twitted in excitement.

He felt powerful. Not in the sense that he could overpower people physically but in the sense that he could face hurdles and pressure and be sure of himself. He felt no doubt coming from himself. He was completed.

Getting out of your negative thoughts and being reminded of who you truly are is quite a good feeling. The confidence that overflows makes you feel amazing, and amazing Park Yejoon did feel.