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The One My Heart Seeks

"Why do I get a feeling that I have seen here somewhere before?" Xavier Carter is a guy who is having difficulty in living because of a complicated family problem. Receiving an inexplicably large amount of hate from his family that he does not even know why all he ever loved was one woman. The woman whom he had gotten the love he deserves. Little did he know, that after many years of not seeing each other, something bad has happened. Tragic news came his way and found out that the person he gets affection from is already gone. He continued living his life of misfortune, thinking that it is fine. But deep in his heart, he still seeks for the attention and affection that his mother gave him. Everything changed, when one day, he saw a vision of a woman. A woman that will change his view of life. A woman that he seeks.

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Things Started To Change

The other day, they held the first trial. But I don't remember anything that happened inside the court. And yesterday, Augustine and my boss visited me to ask if I was okay. Obviously, I would respond, yes. However, when I asked them what happened, their reactions were different from what I expected.

So I told them to leave since it will only be a waste of time if I kept on entertaining them. However, what I didn't realize that after sending them both off, my personality is changing. I've started on becoming less patient with others, and even simple things pissed me off.

(What the hell is happening to me? Everything is changing)

I still can't remember anything that happened in the court, but when I asked one of the guards on duty that day. He told me everything that happened, from when I arrived and after the trial is finished.

Everything was shocking to hear because I didn't think that I could do such things to someone. I defended myself and thought to myself that it was because everything that happened stressed me. That's why I said those horrible things to them.

After hearing what happened that day, I asked for permission to call someone. The officer was hesitant, but then soon agreed to let me use the telephone. I called Augustine on the phone and asked him if he could visit me tomorrow.

"Yeah, bro, but should I ask your boss to come and visit with me?" he asked.

"Nah, bro, this is between you and me. I'll tell you what I meant tomorrow in here," I responded and ended the call with him.

(Okay, let's try to believe that hope once again)

When the call ended, my body started to ache, plus my head is aching. It's as if my mind is erasing memories. I shouted to ease the pain, but that doesn't stop everything but only make it worse. Then it turned out, I lost consciousness.

In my sleep, I saw myself sitting in a dark place seated at a table alongside Augustine and my boss, with three other people standing on each of my sides. Somehow, it looked cool. However, one by one, they started to vanish from my dreams until only I was left.

Frightened, it woke me up. My dreams are starting to get terrifying day by day as I stay here. Everything started to happen when the woman lurking in my dreams disappeared, and somehow it makes me miss her more. Although I do know that she was just an imaginary someone to comfort me.

Having to see her every day gave much more than encouragement anyone can ever receive. I missed everything about her, her wonderful smile, her warm aura, and her godly visuals. She was just a dream others may say, but to me, she was the best comfort zone I had.

If ever she was real, I'd do anything just for her smile to stay just the way it is.

"Kid, you have a visitor. And it's the guy whose name is Augustine. Would you like to meet him?" the officer suddenly chipped in while I was reminiscing the memories of my dreams about that woman.

"Yes, I would like to speak with him, please," I responded and went to the visitor's room.

There I saw Augustine sitting alongside someone, which is a girl who, by the name, I don't know. But from the entrance of the visitor's room, till I reach their table, she was staring at me like she was observing every move I make.

She won't stop looking at me from head to toe, and that made me uncomfortable. However, because she accompanied Augustine, I need to give her respect for visiting me. Although it's proper manners to ask who she might be, right? So when I sat, there I talked about the plan I have in mind to help with the case.

"Augustine, who is this woman that you brought?" I humbly asked to show a good impression on the girl.

"She is just a friend who insisted on coming with me," he responded. Although I actually observed how the girl moves also.

(I can't believe you lied to me, but it seems that what happened the other day gave trouble to you. So I will let this slip because you cared for me)

"Well, can you please excuse the two of us for a minute? I have something to tell Augustine privately. Do you mind?" I requested since what I'm about to tell Augustine is regarding the trial.

The girl left the room for both of us to talk along with the other guards. It was shocking that when I ask some of the officers for a favor, they follow whatever request I make. Then the room was filled with no one but only the two of us.

"Tell me honestly, Augustine, who was that girl? We are friends since we were born, and you never mentioned her to me once. Tell me, who is she?" I questioned Augustine and waited for his answer.

"She is a friend of your boss who studies psychology. Your boss insisted on letting her come with me to see if you are really alright. And you know what that girl said to me, you are suffering from a temporary memory loss," he responded, but I was shocked to hear his words.

"What? How the hell would that even happen to me?" I replied with curiosity.

"We talked with one of the police officers who were close to you here, and he told us about the situation that was happening to you inside your cell. Plus, with all the beatings you receive, we can see your body full of wounds and bruises," He responded to my questions and was starting to tear up.

"And that may be the cause of what you are experiencing right now. Your mind was filled with rage, the trauma from the countless beatings you get, and the thought of your siblings. That could be enough reason for you to experience this," he added.

Hearing what he said made me remember everything that has happened from the trial till I was brought back here. The horror I felt while being beaten up, the wrath I felt inside the court, everything went back in my memories, which made me suffer the pain.

My head felt like it was going to be split in half, and the pain transfers all over my body. Shouting doesn't help me one bit, and the officers were ready to enter the room. However, Augustine somehow convinced them not to interfere.

While the pain continues to flow through my body, I saw a vision of a woman in my mind. It was her, the woman in my dreams. That godly looking woman appeared again in my dreams.

(Xavier, everything is alright, calm down. You are stronger than you think. This is just an obstacle you have to face to be the better person you are in the future)

Suddenly, after her appearance, all the pain that I felt was gone. I had a refreshing feeling like the frustrations I felt were gone. And once again, she was the one who saved me from all the pain that was causing me.

"Augustine, here is the plan. Contact my neighbor because I know that she saw what really happened that day. Also, find the two guys whom I saved at the nearby alley in our house. One of them is a student from our school, maybe a second year. The next trial will be next week, right? Please prepare all of this because that will be the key to my innocence," I left the room then went back to my cell.

Seeing her vision again in my dreams made me extremely happy. And because of her, it revived the hope that once died with her smile. I was given a chance to believe again that justice will win in the end. I'll be waiting inside my cell until the next trial.

However, what I did not know was that the wrath and frustrations didn't leave my mind. But created new storage in my subconscious mind that holds every hatred that I feel. There was no chance for me to release all of those pent-up frustrations.

So all of this can resurface in the future, but I don't know when or where it will happen. All I know that for the time being, every pain that I felt was gone. Here inside my cell, I started to find peace of mind, trying to think of many possible counters to the trial.

The officers don't bother me anymore, maybe because of what I did yesterday, which I only remembered today. But thankfully, I dont need to watch out for sudden beatings or anything. Remembering all those things somehow made me scared of my own self. But it was for the better, so I accepted it wholeheartedly.

After a week of waiting, the second trial will now commence.

Dear Reader,

Creation is hard, cheer me up!

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