Chapter 1: Why am I...

I didn't notice these things till I went to high school last two months. The whisper of the spring. The shadow of the trees. The sound of the winds. All gone. Finally realize that is also my mistake again. I also shut up and I will shut up. I will never know who I am and who I want to be.

One year ago,

Lia, your relatives are coming to Yangon. And we will go and meet them. Hum.. Don't tell me my sisters from Bago. Yeah, your sister from Bago. What.. Are you exciting to meet? Of course.. Mom. I smiled showing my 32 teeth without passion. Then go to my room. What the hell.. My sisters. I gonna doom for sure. Last time I saw them was really award. They don't even look at me. Well .. It's gonna be fine. Yes, fighting.

Let's go Lia. It's 7 am now. Quick we have to go. Your uncle is arrived. Am I the only one who thought 7 is too early to go. It's suppose to be wake up time. Whatever.. But please my dear myself, don't fine troubles. you found troubles enough when you wore jean not Myanmar costume. Remember IQ,EQ,AQ. Complete that. Ganbare.

Welcome May. I am so glad that you came to my daughter's wedding.

*coughs* Wedding... I have np clue about that. When look up mom who smiling. But the glare. I should shut up. Look here is my daughter, Lia. Lia those are all our relatives. Wow, totally small mom, just over 30 people. Haha. Another glare shoot again. Me also shut again.

You guys should eat before the gusts arrive. Come Lia. Let's eat .. and just took of your mask. Show your face. They never see you before. Oh yeah. I did what mom told me to and finally ended up forgetting me. That's why I never want to go "where my relatives gather". There is also ended up sitting beside a cat in their house. Like a freaking robot. People are moving nonstop. Can they just sit down. I want to go home. I also find my mom inside a backet of relatives. She introduce me to them. I have no idea about what to talk. I found myself alone by staring rain drops. Splash me.. Not just a rain drop, it hit the ground than splash me. Brilliant.. TATATATAN my sisters arrive.. They talk, eat, blah blah. Finally it is time to go. Wherever we go it's ok. Just take me away from here.

The car is different. I don't know the name. it's like a farm car but it has roof But five time better than aircon car. I like rain when I am in car but I hate it when I walk. The sky is barely close to me. Fill with milky clouds with grey shadows. Interesting.. My sisters are sharing knowledge. They can go everywhere. Ten times smarter than me. in fact, my life is a zero. Noting, meaningless. Wake up, use phone, do some works, use phone and sleep. To compare with them...my result is blank. I have no idea why am I comparing? and the answer for that question is no idea.

But they were nice to me. We fought a lot. But when they and I grew up now. Being adult is great. We talk talk talk. I was more more impressive one of my sisters Hayman. She is super cool. And brilliant too. Her mindset.. thinking way bigger than me. She said the only regret in her childhood is not study hard. And told me to study hard. I get good grades. but I still thinking I am not good enough. I haven't realize those things when I use phone. These thoughts came to me when took off my phone. She gonna live in Yangon for few months. Maybe I can meet her often too. We go around with my mom and of course. Relatives. They are part of my life. It will never end. All my family think together is great. I hate that. I always wanted to be alone. Live my life and feel it. But when daydreams over come back to realities.

*Alarms sounds* actually my grandma sounds. Wake up it's 10 am. There is online class. Oh yes I totally forgot that. I open my laptop started joining. I have to stare that lessons even I don't want to. Most of my relatives said I am really good at school. But am I the only one who think I am dump and stupid in school life or in real life. After I met my sister or go outside. I notice I got some inspire from the nature. Or just seeing the different people and different mindsets. Sometimes I am really lucky that I have house to live, food to eat, and money to spend. What about the people who don't have those things..... What about the people who better than me. Do they have problems?

Life is great till the day that shake my world upside down. Or change me to stronger. I am wasting my times by didn't ever notice that day will come.