Ails of a Young Heart

Chapter 56

Ails of a Young Heart

"Age 22, Early Core Formation, Mid Sky Roots," Shen Tao listened to an Elder of the Holy Blade Sect list out his faked credentials. "Not bad. Go on in. Your interview will be held by Elder Xiaoling." 

Shen Tao nodded toward the man and turned to the side, walking further in under the envious gazes of the mases. Unlike his predictions, Holy Blade Sect hadn't accepted nearly as many as he thought. In fact, he was only the twenty-fourth to go in. They hadn't loosened even a little in terms of talent requirements--if anything, they might have grown stingier. It made sense, Shen Tao realized; all those who went to the Bloodmoon Sect instead would have no choice but to go here now. There was no reason to lower the requirements at all.

He walked into a rather spacious, yet well-adorned room with a tantalizing scent of lavender hanging in the air. There were only two praying mats at the center of the room, with one of them housing a familiar face--Elder Xiaoling was truly a beautiful woman, but Shen Tao had no untoward designs. He could seldom pay attention to women his own age, let alone someone over a decade Senior. 

"Xiang Tao greets Elder Xiaoling," he clasped his hands in front of his chest and bowed. 

"Hm. Sit," she said and he obeyed, sitting down onto the praying mat. She turned silent, and the two stared at each other for a long while before her lips parted. "You are talented."

"Thank you." 

"But your soul reeks."

"E-excuse me?"

"Most of the world thinks that the only thing my art can do is damage another's soul," she said. "But it allows me to peer through whatever façade people put on. Usually, beneath the calm lake, there is a raging ocean. You're just a brat, so why is your soul so full of anger and grief?" 

"..." Shen Tao didn't know what to say or how to respond. Lowering his head, he bit his lip, uncertain. He couldn't say the truth, but what if she could see through his lie? "Why can't it be? Is there a law in nature that only the old get to feel anger?" 

"Hoh?" he didn't dare look up, fearful of what he might see. "You're right. There's no such law. What happened to you is none of my business. But... it is the business of my Sect. Once you become our Disciple, your demons become our demons. Your anger becomes our anger. Your grief becomes our grief. All I have to know... will your demons cause harm to my home?"

"..." he looked up and met the eyes of a woman he always considered nothing but air. Even if she was talented, she threw it all away pursuing a dead-end art, and would soon suffer the consequences of it. However, her words... they rattled his mind like thunder. It was almost the exact opposite of what it was like in the Bloodmoon Sect, where every Disciple had to scratch and claw for a modicum of recognition, where, if you were being pursued, nobody would help you. If anything, they might make it harder on you. For a second, his heart wavered truly. "No," he replied, his voice cracking slightly. "And I don't need my demons to become the Sect's, either. I will deal with them myself."

"Then why do you want to come here?"

"... to become stronger."

"You can do that anywhere in the world," she said. "With your talent--your true talent, not whatever that garbage mask of yours is showing off--you can enter any Sect you want. You can even go back to yours and reign supreme." he would have been a fool if he hadn't picked up on it by now. She saw through it--through the mask, through him.

"..."

"I'm not judging," she said. "And I sort of get it, I suppose. You're just a kid, a kid who would have the world fall on top of his shoulders. Hell, you would most likely be killed within a few months. So, I get it, why you're hiding. I don't get why you're hiding here, though. You hate this place, and you hate us. Wouldn't I be risking lives of my Disciples by letting you in?" 

"I can swear an oath," Shen Tao said, grinding his teeth. "That I will not do anything that could harm the Sect or the Disciples." 

"Oaths can be broken or worked around with," she said. "Just tell me why."

"Because... because this is the only way I can think of to become strong enough to avenge my Father!!" Shen Tao looked up angrily, his eyes bloodshot red, staring directly into hers. "I know that those two kids went into the Nameless Forest and got stronger quickly, and that's what I need to do!"

"So, what was your plan, huh?" her expression darkened. "Get close to them, and threaten them to tell you?"

"W-what? No... no, of course not," he said, forgetting for a moment that he did consider doing that, indeed. But only for a moment. "I... I just hoped, if I tagged along, I'd... I'd learn how." how was it that he was exposed so quickly? Rather, how bad was his luck that of all the possible people who could interview him, it was the one with the ability to peer past his mask? He was certain that even if the Holy Blade himself was sitting there, he'd have been unable to tell. And yet, she did. 

"Haah, fine," she said, causing him no small amount of confusion. He was certain he'd be rejected--rather, he silently prayed that would be where it all ended. There was a chance she might imprison him, or reveal his identity, or a thousand other things. None of them, however, included him being accepted. "What? Don't look at me like a confused pup," she smirked. "I've recently been helped by someone who didn't need to do it, so I'm simply paying forward. I do warn you, however--you only get one chance, kid. One chance. If you so much as sneeze on any of my Disciples, I will personally chop both your heads off."

"... both? Oh." he shuddered, instinctively closing up his legs. "I--I won't. I swear an Oath of Soul that I will--"

"--yada, yada, yada," she interrupted. "As I said, oaths mean squat to me. I could swear an Oath to you right now to never reveal your identity, but I could just do it and suffer the consequences because I've had decades of experience grappling with hurting my soul. So, one chance. On one condition."

"W-what...?"

"I'll tell Mei your identity," she said. "And you will always be grouped with her, no matter what."

"... Mei? That wench?! I--I mean... doesn't, doesn't she hate me? How can I know she won't tell everyone?"

"Mei? Hate you?" she arched her brows strangely. "Uhm, I'm not sure how to tell you this, kid, but, uh, Mei... I'm pretty sure Mei doesn't even know your name."

"What?!" Shen Tao exclaimed. "I--I confessed my heart to her twice!"

"So did every boy her age," the woman shrugged. "Do you know how many confessions she's had in just the last month? Probably a hundred. You're a blimp in a long line of handsome and ugly that she's long since learned to ignore."

"--but she was so harsh... I, I thought it was because of who I was, and how she hated me..." 

"Nah, sorry to break it to you kiddo, but she's harsh with everyone. So that they don't pine," the woman faintly chuckled as Shen Tao felt his world slowly collapse around him. "Don't be too heart-stricken, yet. That girl... as aloof as she is on the surface, she works harder than any other Disciple in the Sect. I said she doesn't know your name, which is probably true, but she knows you. She fought tooth and nail with her lacking talent to keep up, even if she never said it to anyone else. So, rest assured, she won't tell anyone. If anything, she might be helpful to you."

"Helpful?" Shen Tao lazily looked up, mostly just wanting this to be over so he could go to bed and brood for a little while. 

"She, too, has been to the Forest," the woman grinned as he felt the world grow alight with colors once again.

"Really?!"

"Nah."

"..."

"Pfft, ha ha ha, if you could, you'd at least want to crack a rib or two, huh?"

"... n-no, of course not, Elder." 

"That's alright. I've wanted to do that to quite a few of my Seniors back in the day. Old people can be quite pissy and seem to find joy in the misery of the young. You become what you hate, 'uppose. Anyway, head inside. There's going to be an Outer Disciple that will take you to your lodging. I will assign you to the Inner Court, but unlike other Disciples, you must seek my personal permission if you want to leave the Sect, and can never do so unaccompanied. Understood?"

"Yes."

"Good. Also, good luck, kiddo. I hope you find what you're looking for." 

Shen Tao merely bowed and left, feeling drained from head to toe. She certainly was an enigma, he concluded. Though the rumors surrounding her were all rather mystical, he never quite bought into them wholly; he always saw her as a cautionary tale, a foolish woman who'd chosen a pursuit of a hollow goal over true strength. And yet, of all the world, she saw through him so easily--not just the mask, that was mostly secondary.

She saw his heart, the depths that even he hadn't explored yet. 

Leaving the building, he finally stepped foot into the valley itself. Though it has been some time since the attack, there were still a lot of signs of it. Quite a few buildings were still standing ruined, there were clusters of debris that were yet to be cleaned up, and the atmosphere itself still hung rather heavy. This was his new life now, for better or for worse, and he took the first step forward into it, determined to come out of it strong enough to exorcise the anger in his heart forever and more.