The Art Of Lying

"Love wildly and in total abandon, Lalin. Don't settle for a man that won't stop your breath in your chest for there is no way to love but to die for it."

Six-year-old Lalin nodded, listening to her mother gasping for breath with every word that she said. She caressed her mother's dried and bony hands. The beautiful pair of hands that used to caress her back until she fell asleep, was gone. It was replaced with these hands that were holding her hands that she could hardly recognize.

Her mother had been staying in this hospital for a long time. Before she used to come out after staying in here for a few days. Then the few days become weeks, and the weeks become months, and before she knew it, the season changed and it was almost the end of the year.

When her mother stayed longer in the hospital, she wasn't allowed to visit her. Her aunt, who wasn't really her aunt but her mother's best friend, told her that it was because she had asthma and she would get sick if she came and visited her mother. She found it funny because she asked her school nurse what asthma was and she was sure that she doesn't have it. She didn't even remember being sick all her life. But she didn't tell her aunt that she knew she won't get sick if she visits the hospital since she lives with her.

There are many things that she won't tell her aunt. Just how she knew that she came to visit her mother because she was about to die. She won't tell her aunt that she heard her talking on the phone last night to someone in the hospital, letting her know her mother's last request.

She won't tell her aunt and her mother either. She won't say that she knew because she doesn't want her mother to be sad. She nods and listens closely to what she is saying with a bright smile on her face. She may be young but she isn't blind. She knows that her mother is suffering and despite being young, she isn't naive.

She knew her mother had cancer and she would die soon. And today may be the last day she would see her. No, she wouldn't tell her mother that she knew a lot of things. She didn't want her mother to be sad. Her mother has always been sad since her father left her. Which she has no idea about because she was still a baby when her father left. She just knows that her mother is sad because she always drinks. She also knew that sad people drink.

Right now, the words that her mother had said were something that she didn't understand but she nodded. She knew that she could learn later what those words mean. She doesn't have to burden her mother to explain since she was having a hard time breathing.

"Always listen to your aunt…Y-you brush your teeth. Don't sleep late. Study hard and…" She stopped and took a deep breath.

Lalin gripped her mother's hands. She nodded vigorously but her mother didn't see her nodding for she closed her eyes. She wanted her mother to see her nodding to what she was saying. She wants her to stop. She was having a hard time talking but why does she still have to speak. She knew already!

She wanted to scream. She hates what is happening. The corners of her eyes were burning and her throat was constricting so painfully. She was also having a hard time talking but unlike her mother, she can nod. Her mother can't because her head was clasped under a metal bracket. She can't move her head because it would be too painful and she would scream. The doctors would come and they would tell them to go because her mother had to rest. She doesn't want that. She doesn't want to go. She just wanted her mother to stop talking so she wouldn't hurt.

"Ma," she whispered. And she hated that her voice was breaking. She doesn't want to cry. She doesn't want her mother to know that she's hurting. Because just like her mother, she doesn't want her to know many things about her. She wanted to keep a lot of things secret, not because she wanted to hide things from her mother. It's just that, she wants her mother to stop being sad. Being sad hurts. She knew that too.

"Lalin, your mother is tired." Her aunt held her small shoulder that was already shaking. "She has to rest. Say goodbye. We can come back again next time."

Lalin sobbed. She shook her head. She knew that there would be no next time. Today is the last day that she can see her mother and the adults are just lying to her because they think she is still young and she knows nothing!

She wanted to kick and scream. She wanted to shout at them and tell them the things that she already knew. But she doesn't want her mother to be sad. That's why she heaved a deep breath and bit the inside of her cheeks to stop the tears that were threatening to fall at any minute. The pain that she felt when she bit the insides of her cheeks made her smile…just a little. But it was enough for her to have the courage to slowly get up from her chair, kiss her mother's bony and dried-up hand, and whisper. "I know, Mama. I'll be good. I promise."

Her mother didn't answer. The soft hissing of the machine was all she heard. She bit her lower lip this time. "Goodbye, Mama. I love you."

Her aunt pulled her away from the bed as her mother's hospital room opened and doctors rushed inside.

"Lavinia."

Her steps faltered when she heard her mother call her birth name. Her mother knew that she hated her name because it was given to her by her father.

"Don't hate your father too much."

Her mother's voice was clear and Lalin just nodded her head, not looking back, she answered, "Yes, Mama," she said lying. Her mother doesn't have to know that she was too late because she already hates her father.